“Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit,” says askaninjask.
“What language is that even in?” asks RODAN.
“Latin...” says askaninjask.
“I’m hungry again. Let’s get some food.”
“Alright, I’m down.”
They check the pantry. On the floor of the pantry, waiting for them, are two disgusting foods, clearly rotted to the core.
“You bought Haggis?” says RODAN. “That’s fucking disgusting. And wait - Vegemite?”
For yes, there was a jar of Vegemite on the floor, next to the Haggis.
“Alright, I’ll throw them out. Eugh, there’s cheese-powder on the side of the can. I guess I should be more careful after I eat Cheetos...”
Dear Pidge,
You are Vegemite.
You are a food-paste from Australia, and you’re pretty gross. You’re odd-looking, strange-tasting, and completely outclassed by other spreads. It’s difficult to understand why anyone would ever willingly put you on their bread, but apparently Australians enjoy you.
Every night, you may PM Altair and askaninjask “Night X - Inspect <user>”. You spread yourself on their toast, causing them to recoil in fear, giving you a full copy of their role PM.
Since all of the other snack foods are too afraid to touch you, you are unkillable through night 2.
Upon your death, the inspection results you have stored will be let loose and they will return to the faction that ordered them. The inspections that you yourself ordered will be released in the update containing your death. Also, if you die before getting inspection results on everyone, then your partner, Haggis, will be removed from the game, having lost.
You are neutral in this conflict. You win if the Disgusting Foreign Foods win.
“I think some of the Vegemite leaked onto your Goldfish. It smells gross,” says RODAN.
“Alright, I guess I’m throwing that away too,” replies askaninjask.
Dear vonFiedler,
You are Goldfish.
Not a real goldfish, that would be gross. You are the cheesy snack often given to young children, “the snack that smiles back”.
Every night, you may PM Altair and askaninjask “Night X - Persuade <user1> to vote <user2>”. You will take your horde of goldfish and threaten <user1> to vote <user2>. Should they not vote for <user2>, they will be godkilled.
You are aligned with the Cheesy Snacks. You win if you eliminate the Chips, Pretzels, and Meat.
“Wait,” says askaninjask, realizing something. “My pantry is almost empty!”
“Let’s clean it out RIGHT NOW,” says RODAN. “Oh my god, I have never been more excited in my life.”
They take out the last two snacks on the shelves. One of them was a rack of ribs, frozen and sealed inside of a zip-lock bag. The other was a package of Ritz Cheese crackers.
“Let’s eat the Ritz Cheese crackers first,” says askaninjask. “I love those.”
They open the package. RODAN takes out the first one.
“Wait, I think I see something in my cracker,” says RODAN. “It’s like, a face.”
“Let me see that...” says askaninjask. “Wait a second, that looks like--”
“No, it can’t be...”
“That looks like Jesus! That Ritz Cheese cracker looks like Jesus! It’s been dented here, that’s the beard, and here those holes are the eyes! If you look on the other side, there’s a cross too!”
“This is a sign from the Lord. We cannot eat these Ritz Cheese crackers.”
So instead, they agree to eat the rack of ribs.
Dear zorbees/Yeti,
You are Ribs.
You are the juicy, delicious meat left on pigs’ ribs. You’re often covered with a red or brown gooey glaze that doesn’t come off your fingers. It’s the herpes of meat juices.
Every night, you may PM Altair and askaninjask “Night X - Inspect <user>”. You will get some of your glaze onto them, and in their attempts to get the glaze off, they will let loose a copy of their entire role PM.
You are aligned with the Meat. You win if you eliminate the Pretzels, Pop-Tarts, Cookies, and Cheesy Snacks.
askaninjask and RODAN agree to encase the Ritz Cheese crackers in a glass seal, forever preserving its freshness. They sold the Jesus cracker on eBay for over 10,000 US dollars.
Dear GoldenKnight,
You are Ritz Cheese Crackers.
Even though you are just cheese powder (?) stuffed between two Ritz crackers, you are surprisingly good, and Altair’s favorite snack. Your cheese powder was tasty enough to get you onto the Cheesy Snacks, and there you will stay.
Every night, you may PM Altair and askaninjask ‘Night X - Silence <user>”. You will stuff some cheese powder into <user>’s mouth, rendering him unable to talk for the next day. If he decides to talk anyways, the Red 40 and Yellow 7 will seep into his brain, killing him.
You are aligned with the Cheesy Snacks. You win if you eliminate the Chips, Pretzels, and Meat.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CHEESY SNACKS, (LIGHTWOLF, GTS/THEANGRYSCIENTIST, VONFIEDLER, GOLDENKNIGHT, AND IMPERFECTLUCK) WINNERS OF SNACK FOOD SUPREMACY.