The Djinni (Genie) will grant you three wishes

[Aura Guardian]

However, it will misinterpret them all to make you miserable.

ITT, we post our three wishes, then say how the previous poster's wishes will all go horribly wrong.

Example:
Wish: I wish to live forever.
How It Will Go Wrong: Curse of the Isla de Meurta, you will be mistaken for dead and buried alive (dooming you to suffocate forever), etc.

Hilariously wrong or very painfully wrong whenever possible.

So, my wishes:

Two billion dollars
An endless supply of food
Unlimited power

EDIT: Make sure there is a way for you wish to go wrong; no "no hassles" or other failsafes.

 

[julios]

Drown yourself in a money pool due to your overweight due to your endless supply of food and no one will be there because your lust for power will leave you lonely

 

[AuraSphere]

Drown yourself in a money pool due to your overweight due to your endless supply of food and no one will be there because your lust for power will leave you lonely

Forgot to post your three wishes.
Ahem, mine.
1. Every day it snowed.
2. I had an infinite supply of beans.

3. Owned a pet skunk

 

[v]

1) I wish for green lantern powers but none of the responsibility or hassle
how it will go wrong: i literally wished for a hassle-free thing, so there's no way this will go wrong
2) I wish for silver surfer power but none of the responsibility or hassle
3) I wish for a battle between guns and monster trucks that will both definitively determine a winner, as well as allow me to safely and easily display my NEWFOUND MIGHT to the general public with no innocents harmed
this one is p hard to fuck up because i said "safely" and "easily"

i guess you guys just blow at wishes?

 

[julios]

Forgot to post your three wishes.
Ahem, mine.
1. Every day it snowed.
2. I had an infinite supply of beans.
3. I owned a pet skunk.

We all know what could go wrong with all of those.

Die burnt inside your home because you couldn't escape due to the abnormal quanity of snow outside your home after you turn on a fire to cook beans for your skunk while the gases from your farts are still present inside and you explode?

Okay, 3 wishes
I want a statue of my face on Mars
a literal ton of wool
replace everyone with clones of me

 

[Aura Guardian]

1) I wish for green lantern powers but none of the responsibility or hassle
how it will go wrong: i literally wished for a hassle-free thing, so there's no way this will go wrong

They will wear off as soon as you fly high enough that the fall will kill you.

2) I wish for silver surfer power but none of the responsibility or hassle

See above

3) I wish for a battle between guns and monster trucks that will both definitively determine a winner, as well as allow me to safely and easily display my NEWFOUND MIGHT to the general public with no innocents harmed
this one is p hard to fuck up because i said "safely" and "easily"

i guess you guys just blow at wishes?

Afterwards, you will display your might by flying high and then falling to your death.

New wishes:

To be a lion for a day
To be able to breathe fire
Glow whatever color I want

 

[PK Gaming]

1) I wish for green lantern powers but none of the responsibility or hassle
how it will go wrong: i literally wished for a hassle-free thing, so there's no way this will go wrong

The green lantern powers turn out to be hazardous and you go insane.

2) I wish for silver surfer power but none of the responsibility or hassle

Galactus teams up with 5 other baddies end up fucking you up. And since you're insane you can't fight back.

3) I wish for a battle between guns and monster trucks that will both definitively determine a winner, as well as allow me to safely and easily display my NEWFOUND MIGHT to the general public with no innocents harmed
this one is p hard to fuck up because i said "safely" and "easily"

Damn


1) I wish for a wish-o-meter, a handheld machine that can warn you about any wish. The machine is flawless and has no drawbacks.
2) I wish for the ability to bypass the "can't wish for more wishes rule."
3) I wish I had unlimited wishes.

 

[v]

falling is a hassle and i wished for no hassles

edit: i said no hassles there's absolutely no way for the wish to wrong by definition
edit2: ALSO green lanterns dont go insane except for when hal got possessed by parallax in the 80s, and kyle recently in the Sinestro Corps War, and even then that was not because they were gls

 

[Aura Guardian]

You never specified for how long you'd have those powers. Or the no hassles.

 

[v]

IN BRIGHTEST DAY IN BLACKEST NIGHT NO EVIL SHALL ESCAPE MY SIGHT
LET THOSE WHO WORSHIP EVIL'S MIGHT BEWARE MY POWER
GREEN LANTERN'S LIGHT

also gl's powers come from a ring that comes with a power battery, and i wished for the whole package......SO.................

 

[v]

ok sorry im done

 

[Aura Guardian]

In order to keep this on track, I'll let that go. I've edited the OP though, so no more foolproof shenanigans, please.

 

[BurningMan]

1) I wish for a wish-o-meter, a handheld machine that can warn you about any wish. The machine is flawless and has no drawbacks.

...and also no batteries included and since it needs Genie Special batteries you now also need to wish for them and then you die from electrocution, because genies are terrible with electrics.

 

[julios]

my wishes
I want a statue of my face on Mars
a literal ton of wool
replace everyone with clones of me

I want this to go wrong!

 

[toshimelonhead]

"It can grant you three wishes, even if one of them is for an iPhone."
"I don't care. I need an iPhone4."

No, I do not want to wish for an iPhone4.
Or sell a kidney for an iPad2

 

[Aura Guardian]

Julios: The wool smothers you, your face in agony is made a statue on Mars about the size of my fist, and your clones go insane and destroy themselves and the cloning machine because there's no one else.

Reposting wishes without the problems given:

To be a lion for a day
To be able to breathe fire
Glow whatever color I want

2) I wish for the ability to bypass the "can't wish for more wishes rule."
3) I wish I had unlimited more wishes.

Also toshimelonhead's wishes

EDIT: Tortferngatr, re-read my post. Lion for a day, breath fire, glow whatever color I want.

 

[Tortferngatr]

As a lion-You are killed and eaten by a manticore.
Your fire breath sets your head on fire.
You decide to glow pink. It's a one-time only deal everywhere except your privates, which remain glowing.

PKGaming's inquiries can be answered in one statement.

You know they're only going to get corrupted.

I wish for a forum to get back to normal.
I wish to be the most powerful genie in the world.
I wish for the skill to beat "I want to be the guy" on impossible 100% of the time.

 

[Nilf]

 

[Paradoxus]

Oh hellll yea, this will be easy.

1. The ability to turn my skin into unbreakable concrete that I can freely breath.

2. Super strength

3. Constant peace of mind (meaning no insanity)

EDIT: oh god Nilf that is hilarious

 

[Brambane]

Wish 1) A pony.
Wish 2) A can of pepsi.
Wish 3) A bag of chips.

I'm a simple man with simple wishes.

 

[Jaxx]

Wish 1) A pony.
Wish 2) A can of pepsi.
Wish 3) A bag of chips.

I'm a simple man with simple wishes.

That's easy:

Devil pony,
Poisoned pepsi,
salt but................ NO VINEGAR!!

 

[Xav]

Easy, the power to grant my own wishes. However, unlike Jafar without becoming a genie and having to grant wishes to others.

 

[Jupiter Djinn]

In the spirit of the original poster's intentions:

1) I wish people would quit asking us to grant them wishes.
2) I wish people would quit trying to find ways around the mystical law of three wishes.
3) I wish that I had 25 posts.

Leggo.

 

[RODAN]

you get your wishes but are hit by a truck

1) im allowed to use failsafes
2) be superman with no hassle
3) everyone be named joe so i can remember their names

 

[macle]

no (BAN ME PLEASE)s