Serious LGBTQ

[THE_IRON_...KENYAN?]

When a pansexual says hes in a stable relationship, it means hes fucking something on the farm

 

[atomicllamas]

It's LGBTTIQQ2SA you monster.

This is why GSM is easier, lol.

 

[coolbiz]

I am Christian and have no problem with non hetero people at all as long as they don't over do their gayness.
For example one time I was at Universal Studios and some men dressed like females had crazy hair like girls and all. It just made everything in that area awkward and it was just overdone especially how one of the boys had on short shorts and you could see the bottom of the cheek and we were all like O.O
Moral of the story is be like a NPH gay, I think NPH is awesome and is my favorite white actor actually. Just because you like the same sex doesn't mean you have to be the opposite. Don't hate me to much for this post, its late :x

 

[Hot N Cold]

;)

indeed

 

[ryan]

I am Christian and have no problem with non hetero people at all as long as they don't over do their gayness.
For example one time I was at Universal Studios and some men dressed like females had crazy hair like girls and all. It just made everything in that area awkward and it was just overdone especially how one of the boys had on short shorts and you could see the bottom of the cheek and we were all like O.O
Moral of the story is be like a NPH gay, I think NPH is awesome and is my favorite white actor actually. Just because you like the same sex doesn't mean you have to be the opposite. Don't hate me to much for this post, its late :x

lol
I don't understand why people get bothered by this. idk, maybe it's just because I've always been really open to things that don't fall under social norms, but I love drag queens. Also, I'd venture to say that most gays are "NPH gay" in that they look/act/talk/whatever other stereotypes there are about gays these days (like I don't really keep track anymore so idk) in a masculine/not-feminine way. I don't act very stereotypical until I've had a few drinks. :u

 

[michael]

I don't act very stereotypical until I've had a few drinks. :u

so you mean all the time???

 

[ryan]

basically

 

[elcheeso]

Also it's pretty bullshit to say that non-heteros have to act in a hetero way (basically what the suggestion is here) before they're socially acceptable. The problem isn't people acting outside of gender norms, the problem is having a problem with that to begin with. No, people don't HAVE to act that way... but there's no reason to feel uncomfortable and/or bothered by people going outside the societal norms of their gender. I can't see any way other people can be hurt by this, so why be upset by it or make a value judgment on these people based on it?

 

[atomicllamas]

I am Christian and have no problem with non hetero people at all as long as they don't over do their gayness.

Yeah, I have no problem with non-homos, as long as they don't overdo their straightness. Be more like Ryan Seacrest or something, he is awesome and my favorite white, terrible television show host.

But actually, wut? That post was terrible, it didn't use enough stereotypes, and wasn't nearly as condescending as it could have been. oO

 

[coolbiz]

Also it's pretty bullshit to say that non-heteros have to act in a hetero way (basically what the suggestion is here) before they're socially acceptable. The problem isn't people acting outside of gender norms, the problem is having a problem with that to begin with. No, people don't HAVE to act that way... but there's no reason to feel uncomfortable and/or bothered by people going outside the societal norms of their gender. I can't see any way other people can be hurt by this, so why be upset by it or make a value judgment on these people based on it?

Not saying they have to, just dont over do it to the point where you say, its awkward. I completely understand if homo people want to get FABULOUS and what not.
@atomicllamas Not sure exactly what your saying pretty sure your mocking me, but being straight is the norm and in no way am I saying being gay isn't normal but being straight was always more part of the norm.
I love seeing people be different and this is a different, different to me and I should accept the gay culture difference the same right? Thanks you guys for helping me to see it differently. I guess this was kinda what this thread was about to help but understand the LGBTQ community right? Btw like I said that post was late and I more clear minded in the morning.

 

[Ninahaza]

lol i am pretty sure a few of my family members and friends think i'm AT LEAST bisexual, including my gay/bi friends. I mean, this is my current facebook profile picture ffs so i don't blame them honestly.

i am with Omegadonut here and there is an interesting story here as well but i'll spare you.

anyways, yeah, given the way i act sometimes i can easily see why some people would think i am bisexual. i still sometimes will try to fight against that view of me but i've grown tired of the debates and arguments rather quickly so now i just play along. The majority do see that most of the things i do i do them in a playful manner and are just jokes. Its even better but more gay when its an inside joke.

I like to think i am just very comfortable with my sexuality and even more comfortable with my friends. I cant say this with 100% certainty, but i like to think were i to be bi and in a position were i had to come out, it would be much easier for me than most. I'm not the type that is quick to cut people out of my life, but if someone were to be toxic to me, affecting me in a negative way both physically and emotionally especially for something i have little to no control over such as being gay or bi, well then damn thats just too bad. Take me out to dinner whenever you are ready to accept me for who i truly am and make up. We'll have a gay old time i'm sure.

Then again i can take a lot in general and have very little shits to give in this area especially. the care is almost non existent. Perhaps that's another reason why i can be so gay at times. In the end though, as i said, i cant say with 100% certainty. I honestly probably have no idea the tremendous amount of feeling inside someone when they are attempting to come out. cant be easy

 

[WhiteDMist]

I guess I'll use this thread to ask a question or two myself: do you consider being "out" to every single person you meet the only "out of the closet" per se? I'm personally only out to friends, my sister, and a couple of cousins. Yet it's still hard for me to feel "out" despite everyone but the adults in my family knowing (though even if they suspect they don't ease up on me getting married :rolleyes:). Probably I'll feel better when I come out to my mom one day, but still I dislike my feeling that even being "out" to most people doesn't really count unless your closest family knows.

For me, I plan on coming out to my mom (and by extension the rest of my family) when I move into my own place, but even then I can't predict if I will do so (though I'd be much more likely to). So what about your coming out stories (or closet stories if you are like me or even more hidden)? This isn't therapy, but I feel like venting frustrations to people who don't know you in person can be very helpful (a weigth off you shoulders if you will).

 

[Ute]

Coming out stories?
It's only recently that I've really become aware of the specifics of my sexuality, but so people that know I'm not heterosexual think I'm just an average gay guy (Which is still an acceptable way of describing me). I may have to do a second coming out at some point in the future, but only if people start to pry too much into my sex life (or rather lack thereof) or to any potential partners I may have. Anyway, actual coming out story...
It was nearly two years ago, and I had been questioning my sexuality for quite a while. I was never really interested in girls, and after some silent pondering (I highly recommend silent pondering of life, the universe, and everything by the way; it really helps put things into perspective) I concluded that I wouldn't have any issue with dating men but still wasn't sure if it meant I was gay, bi, or pansexual. As a couple months went by I started to develop a very intense crush on my boss's son (he was also a neighbor and fellow member of the school Band, Jazz Band, Chorus, Madrical Choir, and participated in school plays with me; that's what the cool people did in that school) and started paying even less attention to girls (as potential partners, I still gave them plenty as friends) and worked out that I didn't like girls at all (again, as potential partners). Shortly after I figured out that I only liked boys, I told a friend that the next day I would tell my boss's son how I felt about him and prepared for the worst...
That night a student at my school committed suicide (I didn't know him personally, but my crush's brothers took it very badly). Since this was a small school in a small town it was met with sorrow from everybody, a jazz band concert that would have taken place that night was cancelled and the school play currently being rehearsed was deemed inappropriate because of it.
Despite this I decided to follow through with letting my boss's son know how I felt about him anyway. After his brothers and our other three neighbors entered the building after walking to school I told him that I loved him. He interpreted it as in a comradely fashion so I had to clarify, to which responded with a simple but polite "Sorry, but I don't go that way." As the day went on I told a few other people that I was gay, received plenty of hugs, did my best to help comfort those taking the student's suicide badly. None of the teachers did any teaching that day, but some discussed the value of life with their class and others were taking it even worse than his peers were. In the scheduled play rehearsal that afternoon our director told us that the play would be replaced with several short light hearted one act plays, I ended up playing a gay background character in an excerpt from Jeffrey.
In the next few weeks an acquaintance of mine who I'd come out to told me that he was Bisexual. I got around to coming out to my mother as well, to which she responded with a safe sex speech and asked if she could to my dad and sisters about it. When our play performance came around I somehow managed to get perfect timing on my lines and the audience adored my snarkiness; the only part the audience liked more was the final segment: The Hardy Boys Learn Where Babies Come From.
The next month, my dad was transferred and I moved out of state to an awful school. The teachers barely cared about their students, gambling took place in the stairwells, and at one point there a suicide was briefly mentioned on the morning announcements and I never heard anything about the girl before or afterwards. That same year this school ended up winning awards for being the best in the state. I homeschooled the rest of Highschool.
Now I'm off to college, a good friend from the first highschool will be my roommate, and I'm fairly certain that a guy I met at orientation wants to be my boyfriend (if not, he's still a great guy and I'd love to be just friends with him).

As for you Mist, I'd say that coming out helps relieve stress and would highly recommend it even though my experience wasn't exactly at the happiest of times. I'd call myself openly gay (I like boys but not girls, so while I'm not particularly interested in either sexually Gay still works) even though I don't feel obligated to out myself to all my friends and acquaintances and none of my family outside of my parents and siblings know. I wish you the best of luck with coming out to your mother and even if things don't go well, always remember those who love you for who you are.

 

[Every1XplodeNOW]

I guess I'll use this thread to ask a question or two myself: do you consider being "out" to every single person you meet the only "out of the closet" per se? I'm personally only out to friends, my sister, and a couple of cousins. Yet it's still hard for me to feel "out" despite everyone but the adults in my family knowing (though even if they suspect they don't ease up on me getting married :rolleyes:). Probably I'll feel better when I come out to my mom one day, but still I dislike my feeling that even being "out" to most people doesn't really count unless your closest family knows.

For me, I plan on coming out to my mom (and by extension the rest of my family) when I move into my own place, but even then I can't predict if I will do so (though I'd be much more likely to). So what about your coming out stories (or closet stories if you are like me or even more hidden)? This isn't therapy, but I feel like venting frustrations to people who don't know you in person can be very helpful (a weigth off you shoulders if you will).

In my opinion, you're out when you tell someone, rather that be one person, everyone, a friend, or a parent. I think you may be feeling this way because you haven't told the most important people to you and they the are people that matter the most, but they are usually the hardest to tell. Best advice I can give is to not worry about too much. You've already told a lot of people and that's an accomplishment, so feel happy about that and you'll will know when it's time to tell your family.

 

[ryan]

do you consider being "out" to every single person you meet the only "out of the closet" per se?

I don't really know about this. I mean, I like to think that I'm pretty much an open book, but unless people ask me specifically, I usually don't disclose much personal information about myself. I guess that in some way I'm "out" to every single person that I meet in a "I don't hide it," sort of way, but I'm not "out" to every single person that I meet in a "hi, my name is Ryan, and I'm gay," sort of way. This has pretty much been the way I have lived my life since I first came out when I was 14.

I think this question really depends upon the person. Some people aren't comfortable with telling people that they're gay until they have gotten to know them really well, and I think that's perfectly fine. Other people are totally open with everybody they meet, and that's fine as well. I don't know that there's one strict definition of "out of the closet," because things aren't always so black-and-white.

So what about your coming out stories (or closet stories if you are like me or even more hidden)?

My coming out story is kind of funny, and as I begin to tell it, I realize that I haven't been asked about it in ages. I was a freshman in high school and at the ripe age of 14 when I came out, and I lived in a town of about 13,000 people and attended a school with about 600. Basically as soon as I would let myself believe that I could be gay, I realized immediately that I was. Reading that, it kind of sounds weird. Basically what I mean is that I sort of always had a suspicion that I was different from other people in some way, but because of the stigma around homosexuality, I never really let the thought that "different" could mean "gay." Once I opened myself up to that idea, it just sort of clicked for me. A lot of unresolved feelings started to make sense, and within a couple of days, I felt confident that this was who I was. I "came out" by changing my preference on MySpace (lol) from "straight" to "gay" on a Friday night, and by the time I went to school on Monday, everybody was talking about it.

I had a lot of mixed reactions. At that point—and for the following three and a half years—I was the only openly gay male in my school. There were some "bi" girls, but most of them now consider themselves to be straight. A lot of people were asking me that first day if it was true, and I obviously told them that it was. Some people were really excited for me, and others were very ambivalent about things. The ambivalence was honestly what I was seeking. I wasn't a different person that day than what I was the preceding 14 years, and I wanted people to realize that. Then there were a lot of negative reactions. I don't want to go too far into detail, but a lot of bullying came out of it. One person in particular made it his life's goal to make my life a living Hell, and for a good portion of my high school career, he succeeded.

Looking back, there used to be a lot of regret with the way I handled things. Most of the important people in my life found out through word of mouth and affirmed things with me when they felt comfortable to do so. I probably should have been straight-forward about it with my family and close friends, but I wasn't. Still, I don't really regret the way I handled things. It might not have been perfect, but it was the only way that my 14-year-old self could have felt comfortable coming out. And I'm really proud of myself for being so honest and true with myself and everybody around me at such a young age.

To anyone else who hasn't come out yet, I'd have to say that it was the best feeling in the world to open up and be true to myself. It really hurts to suppress your feelings, and the sooner you can get rid of that burden, the better. On the other hand, you also have to make sure you're ready for what is to come of it. Not everybody is going to be excited to hear the news, and you have to be sure you're mentally capable of handling that. I don't want to discourage people from being true to themselves, but I also don't want to delude anyone into thinking that it's all rainbows and sunshine on the other side. Also, remember that if people aren't willing to love and accept you for who you are once you've come out, they probably never had your best interest at heart to begin with. Never try to change yourself to fit somebody else's idea of who you should be.

 

[TheMagicalCake]

I'm pretty sure everyone thinks i'm gay... does that count?

 

[Chou Toshio]

What do you guys think about the future for LGBTQ and serrogate mothers / in-vitro? I'm sure it's already practiced (I have a gay friend who recently had his own son through a serrogate he paid--- which I think is great), but do you think this would become even more widely available and widely seen?

I guess what I'm thinking is, I have no issue with one of my children being born gay, but I'd still very much like to have grandchildren of my own genetic material. Just because you're sexual orientation is different, I can't imagine having a child of your own genes being any less meaningful to you than if you were heterosexual. I guess what I'm saying is if I had a gay child, I would encourage them to find a lover that will make them happy-- but I would urge them (and their partner) to find a way to have at least one child by their own genes; hopefully finding a sibling to be a proper sperm (in case of me having a lesbian daughter) or egg (in case of me having a gay son) donor on either my child's side or the partner's side to fill-in genetically as it were. "Wanting to see your grandchild's face" is a pretty common desire, so I hope no one'll judge me for this natural selfishness.

Am I weird to think this? I don't think it's strange at all for people to want to have their own progeny (by their own genes), gay, straight, or otherwise.

 

[jumpluff]

Re. coming out stories: I am sort of apathetically in the closet irl, but I came out to two people before, a high school friend who had already come out to me and my brother. One night a few years ago I just imed my brother on impulse to come out to him and told him I had something to tell him and he just asked me if I was queer and I was like wtf

When he got a gf he also asked me for the seal of approval (dyke seal of approval, not sister seal of approval) lmao

@Chou Toshio: I think such a thing has significant demand. I personally have no wish to have a child, which is a common sentiment, and would adopt if I had one for many reasons. The desire to have one's own biological children is also super common (as much as I vehemently disagree with it, I can understand it, I guess) though and certainly not limited to straight people, especially since adoption is often even more difficult for queer people. I think this attitude is kind of a shame, but from experience as someone who has always voiced opposition to having one's own biological children, most people share it.

 

[atomicllamas]

I mean, I like to think that I'm pretty much an open book, but unless people ask me specifically, I usually don't disclose much personal information about myself. I guess that in some way I'm "out" to every single person that I meet in a "I don't hide it," sort of way, but I'm not "out" to every single person that I meet in a "hi, my name is Ryan, and I'm gay," sort of way. This has pretty much been the way I have lived my life since I first came out when I was 14.

Yeah, so much this, if anyone asks me, or even if it just comes up naturally I will mention it but I think it is weird to just talk about personal details without their being some kind of prompt for it. Also coming out at 14, :o, you had a lot more balls than I did in high school, I waited till I was 17 just cause I didn't want to deal with all the high school bullshit that would inevitably arise from it.

Some people were really excited for me, and others were very ambivalent about things. The ambivalence was honestly what I was seeking. I wasn't a different person that day than what I was the preceding 14 years, and I wanted people to realize that.

Treeko, I'm pretty sure you are reading my mind, I came out to some of my closest friends and most were ambivalent (which rocked), but one was over exited and started telling other people without asking me, as a result I didn't come out to my family either, it got to them by word of mouth. But now I'm at the point in my life where it would be nice if people I met just knew without me telling them, lol, its probably just because I am lazy though.

 

[ryan]

Haha, yeah, I lot of people tell me that I was brave when I tell my coming out story. To me, it's just being true to myself, and I wish more people felt comfortable enough with who they are to come out as soon as they are sure of their sexuality. But I do understand why people don't and certainly don't hold it against them. It's less of a feeling that more people being openly gay would make things easier for everyone (though I do think this is the case, it's not my motive for feeling this way) and more of a feeling that I want other people to be able to live their lives freely without the burden and hassle of hiding who they really are. Unfortunately, this isn't a feasible option for everybody. In some places, people are persecuted for their sexuality, and in others, people just don't have enough of a reliable support system in their lives (be it family, friends, or anyone else to fall back on).

I try to be an open book about everything in my life, barring some things that either I don't want to relive or others that are simply things people don't need to know about me. It's made me a happier person and a more honest one in general.

And I understand the feeling of wishing people you met knew off the bat that you were gay without having to come out and tell them. It probably is just being lazy, but it can seriously be a pain for new people to play 20 Questions with you when you tell them. It would be a lot easier if people could either just inherently know or not assume that everybody is straight until proven otherwise, but considering the small amount of LGBTQQRJI@EJF people there are out there, things obviously don't work that way.

Also, I don't think you're being selfish with those feelings, Chou. Much like Jumpluff, I can't really connect with them, but I understand your perspective on the matter. I lucked out with two straight older brothers who both have kids of their own, so having my own isn't something my parents particularly care about. I don't want kids anyway, biological or otherwise, but I hope that adoption and in-vitro laws let up a bit. A child raised by two mothers or two fathers isn't going to end up much different from one who has a mother and a father (I really feel this to be true; however, I know that some people don't, and I don't really feel like getting into a debate about this though because neither side ends up coming to an agreement), and the differences that do end up occurring, from my experiences, are all positive ones, such as a greater open-mindedness towards things that aren't societal norms and a greater respect for other people regardless of their differences. This is obviously not true in all cases, but I have yet to see any evidence that a child raised in a gay household ends up any worse on average than one raised in a straight one.

And now I've been up for ages and have made two long, rambly posts. :u

 

[Princess Bubblegum]

There isn't any such thing as gay genes Chou... if anything the research I ave seen suggestions orientation comes from hormone balances while in the womb.

 

[Ute]

What do you guys think about the future for LGBTQ and serrogate mothers / in-vitro? I'm sure it's already practiced (I have a gay friend who recently had his own son through a serrogate he paid--- which I think is great), but do you think this would become even more widely available and widely seen?

I really encourage adoption, mostly to help a child with a troubled past have a better life. I'd also encourage trying to adopt an older child, though they are more likely to have poor behavior. They're much less likely to get adopted than infants and toddlers and often don't end up with a good family, if they get one at all and really need whatever help they can get to have successful and happy life. It's a lot like Animal Shelters, the puppies and kittens get adopted quickly while the older animals rarely get a chance.
Of course I do understand that it is much easier to bond with an infant (regardless of who the biological parents are) and surrogacy is a good way to get one. To any couple that can't/doesn't want to procreate (a very understandable stance, they may want to avoid passing down any serious disorders or recognize that few things are as terrifying as a fetus) but would like children I would encourage them to try to improve the life of an older child rather than taking in an infant.

 

[WhiteDMist]

Long Treecko posts, failed to evolve to Grovyle.

And now I've been up for ages and have made two long, rambly posts. :u

Yeah, nothing is really that black-and-white. I'm basically as "out" as you are in terms of friends and random people, but I mostly shy away from family since they are all blabbermouths. My mom (and family) is Chinese and she still has a small town perspective about most things (like my 21 yr old sister staying out late, drinking, when we choose to sleep, etc.) and my sister had an argument about sexual preferences with her while I was away at college (she's not gay, so I assume it was just theoretically testing the waters for me if you will) and I don't think my mother took it well. Maybe its just the culture that is still ingrained within her (and my aunts/her sisters) but the idea of coming out while still living with her is way too much (I share a room with her, damn Chinese families in NYC being crowded in with each other). I'm not as afraid of her reaction as I am of her constant nagging (I already put up with WAY too much, no more fuel to the fire) and yelling. Oh, and her questions of when I'll attract a girl and have babies :eek:.

The odd thing is, I almost never have to come out by saying "I'm gay" to someone. The first peple I came out to were my high school librarians in senior year. The method? I gave one a copy of "Rainbow Boys" and the other a copy of "Geography Club" and just let it go from there. In college, I simply didn't bother to hide it so no real interesting stories there. The only other interesting story would be how my sister found out. In freshman year, my dormmates convinced me to finally make a Facebook account. I still didn't hide anything on the profile, and eventually I added my sister/accepted her friend request/idr. I guess she just looked through my profile one day and found out, so one day she simply popped the question. In retrospect, that really wasn't interesting either. :p

@Chou Toshio I am a bit mixed about this. I DO want to have my own children by blood, but I also want to adopt (so many parentless children in the world, why is it so hard to adopt?). I'll probably do both one day, but then I also know that many LGBTQ people don't EVER want children. Maybe it is a bit of my mom talking when I want to have a blood related child, but I'm a sentimental guy as well.

 

[Nyktos]

There isn't any such thing as gay genes Chou... if anything the research I ave seen suggestions orientation comes from hormone balances while in the womb.

The jury is still out on that. I'm no biologist but from what I understand sexuality is likely influenced by a number of different factors, some of which may be genetic.

 

[ryan]

The odd thing is, I almost never have to come out by saying "I'm gay" to someone. The first peple I came out to were my high school librarians in senior year. The method? I gave one a copy of "Rainbow Boys" and the other a copy of "Geography Club" and just let it go from there.

God that book was shit.