THE_IRON_...KENYAN?
Banned deucer.
I was friendzoned,,,,
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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread
- Thread starter Gabe
- Start date
I originally was going to make some lengthy reply. You know the feeling you get when you're all like "OH MAN! I'M GOING TO TELL THEM!" but in reality you're just upset and want to fee better than the other person? Yeah, that's how I felt. Then I went to sleep and when I woke up I realized I was pushing an argument on the internet. I think it would be rude not to reply, but I'll keep this short.
Yeti :
My manhood was questionable at best to begin with, I don't defend it. I don't know why you think being a girl is so relevant. Yes, it is upsetting to see this topic derail, and this made me focus on you. I have no idea where the catholic church gets half its ideas, and I could probably be considered something of a freelancer in terms of denomination.
Yeti :
My manhood was questionable at best to begin with, I don't defend it. I don't know why you think being a girl is so relevant. Yes, it is upsetting to see this topic derail, and this made me focus on you. I have no idea where the catholic church gets half its ideas, and I could probably be considered something of a freelancer in terms of denomination.
I have a friend who's in high school right now (senior), and she knows a guy who has..... huh. I have no idea what it was called, but he has trouble detecting social context which makes for things like not leaving people alone when he should, butting into conversations he's not part off, taking stuff the wrong way, slightly off speech inflections, and occasionally being a little stalkerish. Well, that last one is being problematic since he appears to be interested in her and her friend, but instead of properly talking to them or admiring from afar he's just sort of present nearby... a lot. This actually makes them afraid of him, since it's hard to tell what he's even thinking or what he might do if any sort of proper encounter did occur. They don't want to be mean to him, but he's also really creeping them out.
my parents are both inept at detecting social cues and they have each other so I figure there is hope for any aspergers etc. I know quite a few aspergers people who maintain relationships as most of my parent's friends are aspergers types as well and they're married and shit. They 'can't' bring up children properly, but that is a separate issue entirely.
Anyway, in past posts in this thread I've expressed a general distaste for close romantic relationships, and I still kind of hate a lot of things about committing to a person and about spending so much time with one person as tends to happen in long-term relationships (this is my experience of being in long-term relationships), but as I get older I find serious stable relationships to be more and more attractive. I think some of it has to do with a biological clock, but also as my life gets busier, the idea of being with someone consistently seems more desirable. At the same time, most people my age (and I include myself) aren't really looking for that. After all, I'm probably never going to be hotter than I am now, why not get all the good sex with other hot people I can? It's a bit of an internal conflict I guess.
Anyway, in past posts in this thread I've expressed a general distaste for close romantic relationships, and I still kind of hate a lot of things about committing to a person and about spending so much time with one person as tends to happen in long-term relationships (this is my experience of being in long-term relationships), but as I get older I find serious stable relationships to be more and more attractive. I think some of it has to do with a biological clock, but also as my life gets busier, the idea of being with someone consistently seems more desirable. At the same time, most people my age (and I include myself) aren't really looking for that. After all, I'm probably never going to be hotter than I am now, why not get all the good sex with other hot people I can? It's a bit of an internal conflict I guess.
As cliche and perhaps as simple as it sounds, he might just be shy and not sure how to approach them? The guy almost sounds like a textbook definition of Aspergers, and to be honest he's probably not dangerous/a stalker. Hell, most of those symptoms described me when I was a little younger(I also do have Aspergers, albeit I've mellowed out on those symptoms). One person actually asked me why I walk around so much, and I told her "Well, I don't really know. I just like walking around to be honest" and they seemed alright with that. I'm sure if you bring it up somehow, you'll probably get an answer from him.
*I apologize if nothing makes sense in this post, I'm pretty tired right now.
A teacher has pulled them aside before to give them a "go easy on him, he has a condition" talk. From what I remember from being around him while I was still at that school, he had difficulty holding conversations and reacting calmly to what people said. It wasn't uncommon for him to be at odds with someone on the bus, or simply upset because he felt unliked. I myself was still the "too shy to approach people" type back then and so never really took the initiative to speak to him.
I mean... it just completely depends on the individual and the disorder. Asperger's has high variability along the autistic spectrum.
I want to caution that Asperger's syndrome is not a mental illness and should not be conflated with them, although having both I am well aware of the effects they have on the people around me.
I think an Asperger's-NT relationship requires accommodation and understanding from both sides. As with my mental illness, I find direct communication the most helpful thing to sort out potential misunderstandings that might provoke fights or sadness. Some people don't like being asked constant questions, and some people find it hard to ask questions. But in the end it's easier for me to ask 'How are you feeling?' than work off my own subtext, which is probably true for everyone, because nobody is a mind-reader. Inconsistency makes things hard, especially if the Asperger's person has had social difficulties in the past and is alienated/detached/lacks experience with reading others. Many social cues I learned took a lot of effort to understand fully from observing the behaviour of those around me.
Some people with Asperger's have difficulties controlling emotional expression as well and may have outbursts of extremely strong emotion, so careful communication before that escalates can help to ameliorate that pressure.
Some people just aren't compatible, be it for enjoyment or lack of enjoyment of social activities, high need for emotional feedback, different methods of expressing love, etc. I guess you just have to understand how your partner chooses to express affection and try to resolve it if you aren't feeling fulfilled. It really, really depends how far along the 'spectrum' you are—I find myself the more overtly emotional, verbally affectionate, and sensitive person in my friendships too. Others might not understand certain aspects of a relationship at all, until it's explained or eventually clicks or they see it's causing their partner distress and seek to correct it; in my pretty vast experience, most people with Asperger's do not remotely lack empathy or sympathy, just struggle to express it in a conventional and understandable method (and may be alienated by certain NT things).
Offline I'm very quiet and withdrawn and when I'm distressed I initially run away from the situation because I often find it overwhelming, which wouldn't work well with individuals who are prone to aggression or direct conflict.
If the NT person is turned off by Asperger's syndrome then the relationship is probably sunk. Asperger's is typically diagnosed off a combination of neurological comorbidities and personality aspects/habits. If those things are so unbearable to you, if you are that intolerant, what are you doing dating a person with Asperger's? They might be able to overcome some of their social difficulties or learn to 'pass', but they're not going to change who they are at heart. Everyone has flaws and strong points. There are many things that are seen as classic autistic 'symptoms' that I see as potential strong points.
What I'm trying to express is that everyone is unique, including people with Asperger's. But typical difficulties arise around emotional intimacy (different methods of expressing, many people with Asperger's don't like being touched randomly etc., indirect communication (which may lead to harmful misunderstandings or not be noticed at all), awkward social situations, the Aspie being unable to tolerate habits of the NT that may be aggravating to them (something that is often missed from the perspective of the NT is that the NT's habits may lead to high stress for the person with Asperger's that they may find extremely difficult to express, for example a very spontaneous and scatterbrained person dating a person with Asperger's who needs extremely structured and routine schedules, or a person with Asperger's who has poor executive functioning due to dyspraxia or something with an extremely organised and easily irritated person... on the other hand, both of these couples may be able to complement each other's weaknesses and strengths) and vice versa, etc. If the person with Asperger's has something like social anxiety or OCD, that can lead to conflict in spending time together or cohabiting too.
Also, to be honest people with autism can be easily led into abusive situations.
I mostly only know people with Asperger's offline at the moment.
I think an Asperger's-NT relationship requires accommodation and understanding from both sides. As with my mental illness, I find direct communication the most helpful thing to sort out potential misunderstandings that might provoke fights or sadness. Some people don't like being asked constant questions, and some people find it hard to ask questions. But in the end it's easier for me to ask 'How are you feeling?' than work off my own subtext, which is probably true for everyone, because nobody is a mind-reader. Inconsistency makes things hard, especially if the Asperger's person has had social difficulties in the past and is alienated/detached/lacks experience with reading others. Many social cues I learned took a lot of effort to understand fully from observing the behaviour of those around me.
Some people with Asperger's have difficulties controlling emotional expression as well and may have outbursts of extremely strong emotion, so careful communication before that escalates can help to ameliorate that pressure.
Some people just aren't compatible, be it for enjoyment or lack of enjoyment of social activities, high need for emotional feedback, different methods of expressing love, etc. I guess you just have to understand how your partner chooses to express affection and try to resolve it if you aren't feeling fulfilled. It really, really depends how far along the 'spectrum' you are—I find myself the more overtly emotional, verbally affectionate, and sensitive person in my friendships too. Others might not understand certain aspects of a relationship at all, until it's explained or eventually clicks or they see it's causing their partner distress and seek to correct it; in my pretty vast experience, most people with Asperger's do not remotely lack empathy or sympathy, just struggle to express it in a conventional and understandable method (and may be alienated by certain NT things).
Offline I'm very quiet and withdrawn and when I'm distressed I initially run away from the situation because I often find it overwhelming, which wouldn't work well with individuals who are prone to aggression or direct conflict.
If the NT person is turned off by Asperger's syndrome then the relationship is probably sunk. Asperger's is typically diagnosed off a combination of neurological comorbidities and personality aspects/habits. If those things are so unbearable to you, if you are that intolerant, what are you doing dating a person with Asperger's? They might be able to overcome some of their social difficulties or learn to 'pass', but they're not going to change who they are at heart. Everyone has flaws and strong points. There are many things that are seen as classic autistic 'symptoms' that I see as potential strong points.
What I'm trying to express is that everyone is unique, including people with Asperger's. But typical difficulties arise around emotional intimacy (different methods of expressing, many people with Asperger's don't like being touched randomly etc., indirect communication (which may lead to harmful misunderstandings or not be noticed at all), awkward social situations, the Aspie being unable to tolerate habits of the NT that may be aggravating to them (something that is often missed from the perspective of the NT is that the NT's habits may lead to high stress for the person with Asperger's that they may find extremely difficult to express, for example a very spontaneous and scatterbrained person dating a person with Asperger's who needs extremely structured and routine schedules, or a person with Asperger's who has poor executive functioning due to dyspraxia or something with an extremely organised and easily irritated person... on the other hand, both of these couples may be able to complement each other's weaknesses and strengths) and vice versa, etc. If the person with Asperger's has something like social anxiety or OCD, that can lead to conflict in spending time together or cohabiting too.
Also, to be honest people with autism can be easily led into abusive situations.
I mostly only know people with Asperger's offline at the moment.
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I'm pretty sure I've been diagnosed with Asberger's too and definitely tourrettes or however it is spelled. I tend to go through a lot of what is in the hidden tag in Jumpluff's post. I have trouble going up to someone to say hi or ask for a number and sometimes just cannot do it. I am extremely quiet and reserved and find it difficult to strike and keep a conversation. In a group of people i usually hang out in the circle just listening and maybe pullinv aside one person to crack a joke. Because of this I think people find me somewhat weird. I often am at a loss of words in conversations on don't exactly express my thoughts well enough. Unlike what was in Jumpluff's post, I my emotions don't come out enough and people might not be able to tell how I feel. I have maybe one person outside of my family that I spend time with and sometimes it bugs me, but sometimes I'm happy it is that way. I guess I have a bit of an aversion to making friends. It is kinda weird, I probably find it easier talking to strangers in short conversations or something.
I'm 22 years old now, never had a girlfriend. It had bugged me for a while, then I slowly stopped worrying about it and am making myself happier. Sure, I think I would like the comanionship but I also don't know if I would just be weirded out being that close to someone. I am usually uncomfortable with physical contact in most cases but can be ok when I'm expecting it. I also don't really know where to go to meet friends. My interests are quite limited but the problem is I don't leave the house. I am starting back up at school though and should be finding work so maybe something happens there. If not, I won't cry because life moves on.
I'm 22 years old now, never had a girlfriend. It had bugged me for a while, then I slowly stopped worrying about it and am making myself happier. Sure, I think I would like the comanionship but I also don't know if I would just be weirded out being that close to someone. I am usually uncomfortable with physical contact in most cases but can be ok when I'm expecting it. I also don't really know where to go to meet friends. My interests are quite limited but the problem is I don't leave the house. I am starting back up at school though and should be finding work so maybe something happens there. If not, I won't cry because life moves on.
Yep, like I said, there's a lot of variability.
I don't know if I conveyed this properly but it can be really hard to express emotions, either correctly or at all. Which I think in some people leads to those outbursts because of lack of any other way of expressing the emotion, like excessive pressure.
Good to hear you're going back to school and looking for a job. I think occupying one's time with productive stuff or interests is the best thing you can do with most situations and will hopefully lift your mood quite a lot. And you never know if you might meet someone, NT or not, who you can bond with :)
I'm also starting to physically attend university this year and get out of the house more, I think being in this type of environment will help me a lot. For awhile staying at home is fun and suits you relatively fine but after years and years of it, it gets lonely.
tape
i woke up in a new bugatti
who whouldve thunk, im in a unicorn polyamory relationship now this had been bothering me i feel better
i like'd your post but i still feel i have to say it; im happy for you jumpluff :3
edit: i just want to clarify (maybe to myself lol) that this means i can bang girls. falling in love with one is out of the question anyway.
i like'd your post but i still feel i have to say it; im happy for you jumpluff :3
edit: i just want to clarify (maybe to myself lol) that this means i can bang girls. falling in love with one is out of the question anyway.
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Aaaah, I know that feeling. Though I cannot say I have had exactly the same in the past (as I don't have aspergers), it is still something you can learn. Probably the best place to socialize is school/college/work, because there are plenty of people around. You will probably find a few people with similiar interests, as long as you are open about yours. It's funny how your comment actually has made me seriously ponder about how I try to start to conversation, and for a while, I had no clue. xD Usually a simple question suffices to start a conversation, like "I wish weekend would start already, aren't you looking forward to it too?". People like it a lot when you are interested in them, and it gives you material to continue the talk. If your are unsure when to say things like that, try doing it when someone is not busy with something else or is dozing off a bit.
When it comes down to girlfriends, it's a bit more complicated. Every girl is different, so I cannot give you a magical tip that will guarantee you a girlfriend. There is however, one thing I can assure you: Girls don't go for the bad guys. No matter what people tell you, they really don't, unless the girl in question is incredibly stupid (which you should evade at all cost). As you get more used to socializing with people, you will probably also make a few female friends. Sooner or later, you will like someone, not because they are exceptionally pretty, but because you feel comfortable with them, and feel...well, attracted to them. Once you are at this point it might be difficult to discover if she is seriously interested or just wants to be a friend. If that's the case, just be blunt and ask her out. It can be anything you both enjoy, as long as you make clear that you want it with just you two. If she's interested, she'll probably agree. If she's not, then there's nothing lost, because you probably won't lose a friendship just because you asked her out one time. You will find someone you like one day, I'm sure of that. I have the romance skills of a potato, and managed to get a girlfriend by just talking a lot and watching a movie together. Even though she is my first, I can say without a doubt that I am more happy than I have ever been, and would love to continue this for the rest of my life. Anyway, I'm rambling a bit. Be straightforward, be gentle, and
Of course, the reason why you would do all of this is because it gives you people to talk with, and to spend time with. You don't have to have a lot of social contact. Just having a listening ear at times can be wonderful.
That's good to hear. :) Some times alone can never hurt (especially when you've got books and games to complete...), but those moments are the most fun when you have a bit of variety. Even holidays get boring if you stay inside all the time.
I have a serious problem of falling for people that I shouldn't. It's always short-lived and unsatisfactory. Anyways, I typically avoid the dating scene but I'm bored and need to try some new things. However, the 21 to 30 single women cohort sucks. They are either "curvy," have a kid or two, religious zealots, etc... Anyways, those are just some of my frustrations. Where do you meet single, sane women? Bars? Clubs? Library? I'm not a shy person and I'm quite social-able.. I'm just having a rough time starting.
VKCA
(Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)
The internet! seriously nigga okcupid is pretty legit (well at least reddit assures me), find some other quirky person and propose that you get naked and watch the original sw trilogy. Conversely, bars aren't necessarily the greatest place to find long lasting love, but hey, just cos it starts as a one night stand doesn't mean it has to stay that way.
oh also a friend posted this to facebook, if any of you are still confused about why you're a massive retard for thinking you're in the friendzone or whatever: http://imgur.com/a/RmAjE
teaser:
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So I have a sort of relationships related thing, and I wanted to know if this happens to anyone else.
I can't fall asleep unless I've talked to someone just prior, and had a "good night" exchange. My bed is a hand-me-down from my parents after they got a new one, so there's room for two. At some point during highschool I realized how little room I take up in that bed, and started feeling really alone. Since then I've always needed someone to talk to before going to sleep. This is always over the phone or by social networking, because my house is weird and awkward and I don't feel like a "good night" from anyone here would really count. If I DON'T have this pre slumber conversation, I feel a little restless and the room feels dead silent. Also the only people this has ever worked with are close female friends.
I can't fall asleep unless I've talked to someone just prior, and had a "good night" exchange. My bed is a hand-me-down from my parents after they got a new one, so there's room for two. At some point during highschool I realized how little room I take up in that bed, and started feeling really alone. Since then I've always needed someone to talk to before going to sleep. This is always over the phone or by social networking, because my house is weird and awkward and I don't feel like a "good night" from anyone here would really count. If I DON'T have this pre slumber conversation, I feel a little restless and the room feels dead silent. Also the only people this has ever worked with are close female friends.
You need to get laid
good to see this thread is less shit. back to /b/ everyone.
anywho, @asperger's question, i'd say it depends. some aspects of the disorder manifest differently in different people, so of course nobody deals with it in quite the same way; some people with it can still talk to people, albeit awkwardly, some with prompting, with others they actually have selective mutism - they can't or won't talk at all in certain circumstances. being able to talk to someone is crucial to getting to know them and potentially having a relationship, obviously, whether that be romantic or just a friendly relationship. it gets harder when someone with asperger's can't respond to the social cues of someone who is neurotypical, and it takes a fair amount of training to be able to notice them [and they may be misinterpreted regardless]. people with asperger's also tend to lack empathy, or the ability to understand what others feel - a crucial part of virtually any kind of meaningful relationship. it's not wrong to want someone who is empathetic, and it's no fault of either party if they find this aspect unattractive or undesirable, as a lot of the people with asperger's simply can't help their trouble with this. yet another roadblock could be that a lot of people with this take things very literally; humour is a very important factor for a lot of people, and it's difficult for many people with asperger's to pick up on humour or make good jokes, further intrenching them in the "disconnect" that comes from their being considered weird and/or different. attracting friends or possible mates while being ostracised is not an easy task, to be sure.
i even managed to get a ~*~significant other*~* ooh how scary. i go by what i've always believed; a significant other is ideally someone that you befriended a fairly long time before you went into a relationship with them, as they weren't trying to impress you as much as they would if you had always been courting. you could see their bad sides and their good sides, as well as know what they're like when it's more "casual". that said, [i know, so obvious], but i did actually meet him through the internet. i think that the internet's an excellent tool for people who have something like asperger's especially. it means that they can open up more easily and more legitimately due to their social anxieties playing less of a role [though still a role - personally, if i make a post where i pour out a deep-seated belief, i tend to avoid the board for a while, still haven't gone back to the political problems board for this reason... emotions embarrass me]. furthermore, the internet makes it easier to weed out people that have similar interests to you; whether it's a dating site where they write a few paragraphs about themselves, a site that they're on that clearly makes a shared interest, whatever, it means that there's less confusion and more direct understanding. it's not that people with asperger's can't ever possibly move beyond that, of course - i had to steel my courage a bit before talking on the phone for the first time, but now it's absolutely natural for me, and i think that slower progression is great for people who have trouble with social anxiety, allowing them to not be so overwhelmed, particularly if it's their "first time" [as it often is] and they need to test the waters and get a feel for everything first. i also find that /generally/ people with asperger's would probably go with people who've gone through similar things [he and i are creepily similar, to the point where we have the same name and i've found like maybe two things we've disagreed on, and we discuss politics/philosophy all the time, so i'd say that he probably has some autistic tendencies here and there - he couldn't really look me in the eye on the first date, either, awkward penguins are awkward], but finding people that're similar to you desirable in a relationship isn't exactly unique in this regard.
but YEAH internet's cool for aspies. word up.
as for tourette's i can't really comment since i don't recall having seen it with my own eyes [and thus have no real experience with it myself, though coprolalia is something i've done in the past, as i generally do that when i've just thought of something embarrassing - generally for me it's a swear, "i love you," or literal french - or a combination thereof], but that seems to me that psychological elements are made up from the symptoms in this, and not the other way around. i think that this is a little less complicated than autism in the sense that what they do is more considered weird or annoying and the isolation from that is what creates any anxiety, not because the disorder itself affects them. of course people keeping their distance from you is problematic, but that's not remotely exclusive or unique to tourette's - anyone who's treated like shit for being different will probably experience similar things. forgive me if i'm wrong, i've only seen one piece of media on tourette's, and haven't really seen anyone with major tics like slapping the ground until their hands bleed or something - but it doesn't seem like an all-encompassing disorder to where it directly affects a lot of your life and personality unless it's so horrendously bad [and frequent] as my previous example.
anywho, @asperger's question, i'd say it depends. some aspects of the disorder manifest differently in different people, so of course nobody deals with it in quite the same way; some people with it can still talk to people, albeit awkwardly, some with prompting, with others they actually have selective mutism - they can't or won't talk at all in certain circumstances. being able to talk to someone is crucial to getting to know them and potentially having a relationship, obviously, whether that be romantic or just a friendly relationship. it gets harder when someone with asperger's can't respond to the social cues of someone who is neurotypical, and it takes a fair amount of training to be able to notice them [and they may be misinterpreted regardless]. people with asperger's also tend to lack empathy, or the ability to understand what others feel - a crucial part of virtually any kind of meaningful relationship. it's not wrong to want someone who is empathetic, and it's no fault of either party if they find this aspect unattractive or undesirable, as a lot of the people with asperger's simply can't help their trouble with this. yet another roadblock could be that a lot of people with this take things very literally; humour is a very important factor for a lot of people, and it's difficult for many people with asperger's to pick up on humour or make good jokes, further intrenching them in the "disconnect" that comes from their being considered weird and/or different. attracting friends or possible mates while being ostracised is not an easy task, to be sure.
i won't/don't say i have asperger's syndrome since i have no actual medical diagnosis and it bugs me when people just run around saying they have stuff without an actual person trained in the medical field evaluating them, i do fit most of the criteria that i've read among various sites to a "t" - right down to the clumsiness, which is why i can barely ride a bike and i was always absolute shit in gym when i was younger, always felt bad for the people on my team [i tried hard, though, so i consistently got b's - i'm also decent at badminton!]
when i was younger, talking to strangers was a fucking nightmare, and if i did talk, i couldn't possibly meet their eyes. it took my mum practically screaming at me to "stop being a coward" several times + my own decision of "fuck this" to slowly try to get better, and i can now meet the cashier's eyes when i talk to them, talk to the wal-mart employees to ask for help [after some meditation of course], and could manage to do my project on puerto rico in front of spanish class [though apparently i sounded like i was about to cry and i couldn't actually look at the audience more than like, once, had to look at the powerpoint], but it's still very hard and stressful and will probably always be an issue for me - couldn't even look my teacher in the eye when i was doing the spanish oral final a few weeks ago, talked to the door. i'm also rather sensitive to loud noises and am quite flinchy - mum randomly knocking on my door might get me to yelp a little bit in surprise. flinchy might be because i was spanked a lot as a kid, though. i've also never totally understood how to act in social situations; i was more reserved and quiet and everyone thought i was antisocial weird, then i started getting more "fun" and rustling up conversations and everyone thought i was annoying and weird. yes, i would barge into conversations - i figured that if they were loud enough that people halfway across the classroom could hear them, they're not trying to keep it a secret, particularly if they just asked a question, i knew the answer, "DID I ASK YOU?"
well not directly but you didn't ask anyone directly and i still knew the answer, so
???
though i have gotten away with this a few times; recently these two girls were talking with the teacher, wondering what vaccinations actually are, talking fairly loudly again, and i flew over there was like
"I HAVE KNOWLEDGE IN THIS FIELD~"
[trying to be goofy]
then i told them and they were like ooooooh ok makes sense
looking back on it i wouldn't have done it again but it's hard to remember all of the "rules" when you're in the spur of the moment, you know?
i actually do have friends, though, believe it or not. people do actually kinda want to talk to me, which i find slightly remarkable, though it's more in class [though i can't take people home since it takes about an hour and a half to get from my house to the school, so...] it's not too bad, but it is a bitch to get people to talk to you.
i have one, was in my science class, his name is mackenzie. he's a smart guy, funny, probably a little violent, people-pleaser, though quite sweet if i do say so myself. i can tell that he's intimidated by me, though, and i bet i scare off a lot of prospective friends in this way - by intellectually outshining them. i'm not gonna toot my own horn - especially since i am physically and socially retarded, but i'm quite knowledgeable if not intelligent. he's a smart and well-read guy, also, but i can spout of trivia, practical knowledge, philosophy and general wisdom with ease due to paying lots of attention in school as well as wikipedia and youtube videos with thought-provoking material > entertainment being my best friends, and i remember when i mentioned, jokingly, "you can't discriminate based on age, that's against the charter~"
and my teacher was like "i like this kid, knowing little things like that"
"yeah, alex is... really smart," said he in this slightly neutral, slightly bitter tone, in which i believe i could detect jealousy.
and he always calls himself dumb while i have to remind him "no, you're not dumb, you just don't understand the math, here, let me show you again..."
and i'm not even trying to show off, i just say things when it's applicable to say them. i don't want to hold back when i feel that my input is valuable, particularly when it could be useful for them to know what i know for later, but at the same time i don't want to make people feel bad... but then, i can't understand what would make people feel dumb anyway.
but, at the same time, i don't think i carry every little thing - for example, as you might've noticed, i don't really lack empathy at all - at least, i don't think so. i can understand what people feel very easily [though why is a different matter], and i try to speak kindly if i don't know the person well [or if i'm angry, and getting me legitimately angry is honestly difficult], and i would honestly consider myself a nice person overall - it's just, sometimes i say things with no intention of hurting people, and i hurt them, and i feel like shit after. if there's someone crying around me, i just might cry, and i almost certainly will if i'm the one who made them cry. it's pretty shit to always feel awful hurting someone and to hate hurting people in general but then not being able to avoid it at times. it's like trying to gently pick up a little ant without squishing it - sometimes you're just too strong that you crush it without even meaning to, so i generally appreciate someone who takes things literally [as in, i meant what i said, not implying anything - "you have a big mouth" literally means that your mouth is big] or can tell when i'm joking [i think i make this pretty clear; making a dumb face and using a silly accent for "ur dum" should make this very obvious, but apparently it's not to my mother...]
when i was younger, talking to strangers was a fucking nightmare, and if i did talk, i couldn't possibly meet their eyes. it took my mum practically screaming at me to "stop being a coward" several times + my own decision of "fuck this" to slowly try to get better, and i can now meet the cashier's eyes when i talk to them, talk to the wal-mart employees to ask for help [after some meditation of course], and could manage to do my project on puerto rico in front of spanish class [though apparently i sounded like i was about to cry and i couldn't actually look at the audience more than like, once, had to look at the powerpoint], but it's still very hard and stressful and will probably always be an issue for me - couldn't even look my teacher in the eye when i was doing the spanish oral final a few weeks ago, talked to the door. i'm also rather sensitive to loud noises and am quite flinchy - mum randomly knocking on my door might get me to yelp a little bit in surprise. flinchy might be because i was spanked a lot as a kid, though. i've also never totally understood how to act in social situations; i was more reserved and quiet and everyone thought i was antisocial weird, then i started getting more "fun" and rustling up conversations and everyone thought i was annoying and weird. yes, i would barge into conversations - i figured that if they were loud enough that people halfway across the classroom could hear them, they're not trying to keep it a secret, particularly if they just asked a question, i knew the answer, "DID I ASK YOU?"
well not directly but you didn't ask anyone directly and i still knew the answer, so
???
though i have gotten away with this a few times; recently these two girls were talking with the teacher, wondering what vaccinations actually are, talking fairly loudly again, and i flew over there was like
"I HAVE KNOWLEDGE IN THIS FIELD~"
[trying to be goofy]
then i told them and they were like ooooooh ok makes sense
looking back on it i wouldn't have done it again but it's hard to remember all of the "rules" when you're in the spur of the moment, you know?
i actually do have friends, though, believe it or not. people do actually kinda want to talk to me, which i find slightly remarkable, though it's more in class [though i can't take people home since it takes about an hour and a half to get from my house to the school, so...] it's not too bad, but it is a bitch to get people to talk to you.
i have one, was in my science class, his name is mackenzie. he's a smart guy, funny, probably a little violent, people-pleaser, though quite sweet if i do say so myself. i can tell that he's intimidated by me, though, and i bet i scare off a lot of prospective friends in this way - by intellectually outshining them. i'm not gonna toot my own horn - especially since i am physically and socially retarded, but i'm quite knowledgeable if not intelligent. he's a smart and well-read guy, also, but i can spout of trivia, practical knowledge, philosophy and general wisdom with ease due to paying lots of attention in school as well as wikipedia and youtube videos with thought-provoking material > entertainment being my best friends, and i remember when i mentioned, jokingly, "you can't discriminate based on age, that's against the charter~"
and my teacher was like "i like this kid, knowing little things like that"
"yeah, alex is... really smart," said he in this slightly neutral, slightly bitter tone, in which i believe i could detect jealousy.
and he always calls himself dumb while i have to remind him "no, you're not dumb, you just don't understand the math, here, let me show you again..."
and i'm not even trying to show off, i just say things when it's applicable to say them. i don't want to hold back when i feel that my input is valuable, particularly when it could be useful for them to know what i know for later, but at the same time i don't want to make people feel bad... but then, i can't understand what would make people feel dumb anyway.
but, at the same time, i don't think i carry every little thing - for example, as you might've noticed, i don't really lack empathy at all - at least, i don't think so. i can understand what people feel very easily [though why is a different matter], and i try to speak kindly if i don't know the person well [or if i'm angry, and getting me legitimately angry is honestly difficult], and i would honestly consider myself a nice person overall - it's just, sometimes i say things with no intention of hurting people, and i hurt them, and i feel like shit after. if there's someone crying around me, i just might cry, and i almost certainly will if i'm the one who made them cry. it's pretty shit to always feel awful hurting someone and to hate hurting people in general but then not being able to avoid it at times. it's like trying to gently pick up a little ant without squishing it - sometimes you're just too strong that you crush it without even meaning to, so i generally appreciate someone who takes things literally [as in, i meant what i said, not implying anything - "you have a big mouth" literally means that your mouth is big] or can tell when i'm joking [i think i make this pretty clear; making a dumb face and using a silly accent for "ur dum" should make this very obvious, but apparently it's not to my mother...]
i even managed to get a ~*~significant other*~* ooh how scary. i go by what i've always believed; a significant other is ideally someone that you befriended a fairly long time before you went into a relationship with them, as they weren't trying to impress you as much as they would if you had always been courting. you could see their bad sides and their good sides, as well as know what they're like when it's more "casual". that said, [i know, so obvious], but i did actually meet him through the internet. i think that the internet's an excellent tool for people who have something like asperger's especially. it means that they can open up more easily and more legitimately due to their social anxieties playing less of a role [though still a role - personally, if i make a post where i pour out a deep-seated belief, i tend to avoid the board for a while, still haven't gone back to the political problems board for this reason... emotions embarrass me]. furthermore, the internet makes it easier to weed out people that have similar interests to you; whether it's a dating site where they write a few paragraphs about themselves, a site that they're on that clearly makes a shared interest, whatever, it means that there's less confusion and more direct understanding. it's not that people with asperger's can't ever possibly move beyond that, of course - i had to steel my courage a bit before talking on the phone for the first time, but now it's absolutely natural for me, and i think that slower progression is great for people who have trouble with social anxiety, allowing them to not be so overwhelmed, particularly if it's their "first time" [as it often is] and they need to test the waters and get a feel for everything first. i also find that /generally/ people with asperger's would probably go with people who've gone through similar things [he and i are creepily similar, to the point where we have the same name and i've found like maybe two things we've disagreed on, and we discuss politics/philosophy all the time, so i'd say that he probably has some autistic tendencies here and there - he couldn't really look me in the eye on the first date, either, awkward penguins are awkward], but finding people that're similar to you desirable in a relationship isn't exactly unique in this regard.
but YEAH internet's cool for aspies. word up.
as for tourette's i can't really comment since i don't recall having seen it with my own eyes [and thus have no real experience with it myself, though coprolalia is something i've done in the past, as i generally do that when i've just thought of something embarrassing - generally for me it's a swear, "i love you," or literal french - or a combination thereof], but that seems to me that psychological elements are made up from the symptoms in this, and not the other way around. i think that this is a little less complicated than autism in the sense that what they do is more considered weird or annoying and the isolation from that is what creates any anxiety, not because the disorder itself affects them. of course people keeping their distance from you is problematic, but that's not remotely exclusive or unique to tourette's - anyone who's treated like shit for being different will probably experience similar things. forgive me if i'm wrong, i've only seen one piece of media on tourette's, and haven't really seen anyone with major tics like slapping the ground until their hands bleed or something - but it doesn't seem like an all-encompassing disorder to where it directly affects a lot of your life and personality unless it's so horrendously bad [and frequent] as my previous example.
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VKCA
(Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)
thought that said "though coprophilia is something i've done in the past" and I was like damn man tha's quite the thing to just drop in the middle of a post.
hahaha, coprofilia is not coprolalia , although they share the same first half , witch in greek it literally means shit , the second half of coprolalia , lalia means speaking while the philia means love ,
and pls don't start a conversation about the second one , it just brings some really nasty memories that i am trying to kill for a very long time .
Any non-high schoolers have any experience dating older women? I'm talking like five or so years older in the twenties. If so, was it awkward for you at first? Did age ever get brought up during your relationship? Obviously I'm asking because I'm hesitant to go any further with the girl in question. While I like her, I feel like she's more experienced than me in pretty much everything and that makes me uncomfortable. Again, I'm asking for replies from experienced and informed posters only. I don't need some advice from a kid in middle school telling me age is just a number.
My closest friend is dating someone 3 years his senior and it's working out pretty chill for them. They come from very different places so it isn't strictly a case of her always knowing more than him (which honestly is a pretty subjective thing to say). Can't comment about the awesome rumors of cougar sex though, since they're pretty silent about their private lives.
My roommate and close friend in my freshman year of college dated a graduate student at least 5 years older than him for at least two years. As a neutral but present outsider and a confidant for my friend, here's what I can say about age here:
She had more experience in, as you said, "pretty much everything". She was in a significantly different place job wise and relationship experience wise. This in theory could have created a large, untraversable gap, but in the early stages of dating they managed to connect on some of the things that my roommate was more experienced in. For example, he had traveled a lot before coming to school and thus had a better outlook on that that most people who are even years older. In the first stages of courting this was principally what they talked about. Once they went on a date, they found a lot of other common ground to work with and that went on to foster a nice, healthy relationship.
As the relationship continued to grow age was a running joke between the two of them, a slightly sensitive topic but never really something which provoked more than a wry chuckle. I can attest to a healthy sex life from being kicked out of the room one too many times. And the experience gap got bridged really quickly; after they had gotten the ball rolling, the inertia of the thing led to my roommate coming to a similar level of maturity as her simply by exposure to her personality and to her experiences. He took a real interest in her work and didn't let a lack of past experience stop him from forging something new and continuing to surprise her. While she was always worried about being his first girlfriend, that never really amounted to anything. While I won't lie and say that it was impossible for the age difference to have been a factor in the eventual end of the relationship, I will say that if it was, it was just one out of a rich cluster of circumstances, behaviors, and other causes that I don't fully understand.
You said the age gap makes you feel uncomfortable or awkward. I'd say that at first, that's perfectly natural. But if you're posting here instead of just moving on that means I'd say that means there are other things you like about this girl. I'd say that those things can carry you where you'd need to go. You're your own person, and even if she's more experienced you still have a unique personality and set of experience to contribute. If she's interested, it's because she sees something of this in you.
She had more experience in, as you said, "pretty much everything". She was in a significantly different place job wise and relationship experience wise. This in theory could have created a large, untraversable gap, but in the early stages of dating they managed to connect on some of the things that my roommate was more experienced in. For example, he had traveled a lot before coming to school and thus had a better outlook on that that most people who are even years older. In the first stages of courting this was principally what they talked about. Once they went on a date, they found a lot of other common ground to work with and that went on to foster a nice, healthy relationship.
As the relationship continued to grow age was a running joke between the two of them, a slightly sensitive topic but never really something which provoked more than a wry chuckle. I can attest to a healthy sex life from being kicked out of the room one too many times. And the experience gap got bridged really quickly; after they had gotten the ball rolling, the inertia of the thing led to my roommate coming to a similar level of maturity as her simply by exposure to her personality and to her experiences. He took a real interest in her work and didn't let a lack of past experience stop him from forging something new and continuing to surprise her. While she was always worried about being his first girlfriend, that never really amounted to anything. While I won't lie and say that it was impossible for the age difference to have been a factor in the eventual end of the relationship, I will say that if it was, it was just one out of a rich cluster of circumstances, behaviors, and other causes that I don't fully understand.
You said the age gap makes you feel uncomfortable or awkward. I'd say that at first, that's perfectly natural. But if you're posting here instead of just moving on that means I'd say that means there are other things you like about this girl. I'd say that those things can carry you where you'd need to go. You're your own person, and even if she's more experienced you still have a unique personality and set of experience to contribute. If she's interested, it's because she sees something of this in you.
I'm 23. For the past year and a half, on and off, I've been sleeping with a 32 year old, and its an experience I recommend to everyone. Its useful to know what sex is supposed to be like before you start sleeping with other people. And I like her well enough. Its only as awkward as you make it.
This may be a bit reversed, but my last relationship was with a man 13 years older than me. I had similar concerns about experience and interest. The best I can suggest is to focus on what you guys have in common, there will always be differences but I found that dating an older man gave me a lot of wonderful experience of what sex and relationships are like once the college girlfriend-of-the-month stage was over. The dynamic is different, more mature.
tape
i woke up in a new bugatti
for an unusually bitter post from me;
lately i feel like im gonna let my depression ruin my relationship. i dont know if im willing to lose him or its that i think that way because of my mental wellbeing.
i never thought one could have a partner and still feel this lonely
lately i feel like im gonna let my depression ruin my relationship. i dont know if im willing to lose him or its that i think that way because of my mental wellbeing.
i never thought one could have a partner and still feel this lonely