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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread
- Thread starter Gabe
- Start date
Quoting you again because I've been laughing at you the entire time too friend :]
Congrats, you got my obvious reference.
I can say the same thing to you for your last sentence. I only started being an obnoxious prick when you tried saying I was gay. In fact, I believe your shit "two girls flirting" story was immature as well no?
So, instead of shitting up this thread more, how about you stop being a prick as well? Okay thanks man appreciate it.
Cumquat
Banned deucer.
I'm sorry how is talking to someone online whom you've never seen or heard at all indicative of love. You literally know her through typed words, you could fall in love with a computer with that kind of logic. What does 'dating' entail when they're a faceless entity in another continent?
And I thought it could only get better after the ''metaphysics'' of the last page
And I thought it could only get better after the ''metaphysics'' of the last page
Crux
Banned deucer.
yo mikedecishere and all the other goons posting on the last two pages of this thread, unfortunately (not really that was sarcastic, i feel i should point this out given your limited understanding of reality, or anything really) you don't get to decide which relationships are legitimate and which ones aren't because people tend to have different conceptions of what relationships should be and the kinds of relationships that are meaningful for them. i could call you out for being a heteronormative (since you probably dont understand that preferencing physical and sexual contact in a relationship is offensive and heteronormative i'll spell out that asexuals and other people who don't value those sexual or physical expressions exist. also, valuing relationships by this metric is heteronormative and offensive if only because it preferences male conceptions of female worth and a hegemonic, masculine framing of love) idiot who misunderstands the function of relationships and the function of human interaction and essentialises those things to expressions that haven't existed for at least 50 years given the changing context of those relationships (ie the existence of technology), but given that you clearly gain some meaning from that i would be wrong to do so. if people gain meaning from long-distance of erelationships then who the fuck are you to tell them that those relationships are less valuable or less meaningful, especially if they have really strong experiences of that meaning. it is patronising and paternalistic and they would be justified in telling you to fuck off, as cumquat has :)
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Understandable, but I believe you're missing my point.
I have nothing against long distance relationships, nor do I value sex as the high point of a relationship (in fact, my last two relationships have been sexless, and I held nothing against either girl for it). My point was that it is physically impossible for a person to completely understand someone more over a computer than in person. That is the reason that I personally don't believe in e-dating. If someone feels like they can and it works out, then good for them, but I highly doubt that someone who is e-dating can tell me things like "how does she eat?", "how does she walk?", "does she do any cute quirks in certain situations?", etc (obviously superficial examples, but they still help you understand someone as a whole).
If they want to have that relationship, then kudos, I wouldn't stop it. I have friends who have done e-dating, and they are happy. Just not for me.
Edit: Just for clarification, my trolling of their specific "relationship" was self defense trolling.
Edit2: Also, did you really think that I didn't know that people who identify themselves as Asexual exist? Cmon Crux, give me some credit.
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Crux
Banned deucer.
but again, you're still privileging what you value in that relationship and asserting it as something that is "missing" from erelationships. just because you value things like how someone (not necessarily a female) eats or walks or has cute quirks doesn't mean that those things are essential or even important in a relationship. if you want to preference those particular (some would argue shallow) traits, good on you. noone has any right to tell you otherwise. just like you have no right to tell others that certain traits are important or that they can't gain a sufficient understanding of a person over the computer. there is literally no difference between talking to someone over the telephone and typing to them online, the degree of removal is exactly the same and i would say the level of intimacy is more than sufficient for individuals who like that. you are just preferencing your personal understanding of relationships over the experiences of others and you need to at least be cognizant of that. you can definitely understand someone totally over the computer, i would say that my relationship with jumpluff would be an example of this. people can make these decision for themselves and it is reasonably offensive that you think that you can assert otherwise. we're ok if you agree with all that :)))
Edit: I did give you credit by assuming that you didn't know they existed because you were being queerphobic otherwise.
Edit: I did give you credit by assuming that you didn't know they existed because you were being queerphobic otherwise.
Like I said, my examples were incredibly superficial, but they were the only things I could think of off the top of my head at 4 in the morning.
Fair enough. I agree with everything you said except for the bolded statement. There have been many times where it's hard to decipher emotions with text (tone of voice is a very good indicator on emotion, though it can be faked to an extent, which I'm sure will be a counterargument of yours). I would much rather receive a phone call from my long distance girlfriend than a series of text messages, but again, this is a preference of mine.
Though like I said, if it works for someone, then it works and good for them, just not my thing.
P.S. I hate you Oglemi
I'm not sure about finding a date through gaming, forums, or online communities (the connection to "real life" is a bit too vague), but I think e-dating channels intended for dating are going to revolutionize the way people love. I'd say down the road, it might be half or more of couples who found each other through dating sites or dating apps. (Or for the Indians, the equally wonderful apps for parents looking for prospects or parents of prospects for their sons/daughters, :D)<--heck, the rest of us might catch on too!
I think it's wonderful! People finding people, that much easier, that much happier. Two of my guy cousins who are shy as all hell but are fantastic guys with prospects have recently found girlfriends through a dating app. I met one of them, she was a real sweetie-- and soo beautiful! I also had an uncle who met a wonderful woman through online apps, and a couple of friends who also met great partners online.
I get what mike means that it's easier to lie about yourself on the internet.
But I also understand cumquat's comment about people being able to be "themselves" online-- and I think it's especially true for dating channels meant for that purpose where people are genuinely looking for what they say they're looking for.
While I personally have met a girl irl and got married the "traditional way", I would have not have been at all embarrassed to have met and loved online. Heck, I even regret a bit I'll be one (of possibly only a few??) in my generation who's NEVER dated online and never will. :/
I think overall, the internet has done a lot for people's love, and will do even more-- in helping people be more honest with themselves.
I think it's wonderful! People finding people, that much easier, that much happier. Two of my guy cousins who are shy as all hell but are fantastic guys with prospects have recently found girlfriends through a dating app. I met one of them, she was a real sweetie-- and soo beautiful! I also had an uncle who met a wonderful woman through online apps, and a couple of friends who also met great partners online.
I get what mike means that it's easier to lie about yourself on the internet.
But I also understand cumquat's comment about people being able to be "themselves" online-- and I think it's especially true for dating channels meant for that purpose where people are genuinely looking for what they say they're looking for.
While I personally have met a girl irl and got married the "traditional way", I would have not have been at all embarrassed to have met and loved online. Heck, I even regret a bit I'll be one (of possibly only a few??) in my generation who's NEVER dated online and never will. :/
I think overall, the internet has done a lot for people's love, and will do even more-- in helping people be more honest with themselves.
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just cuz you couldnt get your shit together doesnt mean the deer avatar buddy cant. maybe hes more mature than you used to be???????
also: can confirm e-relationships can work and if they do they can be an amazing thing
source: experience
Internet relationships are all I've ever had, soooo I thought I'd weigh in because w/e. I've been in a literal long distance Internet relationship where person couldn't contact really for two year, I had my first kiss, sex etc through seperate Internet relationships. Without it id really have had none of that by now since nobody has really been openly interested in me irl so like they can work, and despite that I've been in five including right now I'm still a believer in love and things working out so yea. Anyway I'm not ashamed and even tho it's online you really can get to know someone that way. Over like the last five years from my experiences but from what I know it's easier when you've been friends for a while so. Either way good luck cumquat with finding your love online (as in getting to that stage) because I believe that it can work and if it doesn't it's one more experience you have c:
Actually idk if that made sense but hopefully owells i am a pro online dater person anyways
Actually idk if that made sense but hopefully owells i am a pro online dater person anyways
That's interesting ( Assuming you're being for real) In-real life Relationships is all i've ever had :/. Wanna trade ? I wanna see what it's like to have an Internet Relationship. I just wanna see how long i'll last before having a nose-bleed, or making the sacrifices and effort to meet that Internet Lover and spend some quality time...Na mean?
I actually didn't meet My Girlfriend until 3 months after we had started talking. So i was kinda in a long/short-distance Relationship in the beginning, and she only lived 5 blocks away from me, so imagine that? She was literally 5 minutes away from me and i wasn't able to spend ANY time with her at first. But the way her life-style was, it was pretty rough. Her Parents didn't give her many privileges to go out and what not. But we somehow worked it out, during those 3 months, it was all about "OoVoO, texting and Facebook". Me and Her hadn't kissed or hugged, we hadn't went on a date or none of that. But the truth is, the talking stage is a VERY important part in any Relationship. Just by talking and talking, it doesn't hurt in the beginning, of course, i was going crazy eager and anxious to see her after the 2nd month, but as long as you and her have the mutual interest and build up from that. It always tends to work out. Whether is long term or unfortunately short term...But everybody is different man...As long as you both are working for it just as hard, is all that matters...
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So you mean the exact same kind of white knighting that guys do in real life? It isn't exactly exclusive to the internet in case you didn't notice. Also, how is liking a girl on the internet something that you are supposed to grow out of? If you like a girl on the internet, then you like a girl on the internet. It is not an inherently better or worse thing then liking a girl outside the internet. Trying to assign these arbitrary "values" to a relationship outside the internet that somehow make it more "legitimate" is an idiotic mindset bred by ignorant shit's who feel the need to assert that their way is the true and correct way, and any other is abnormal, and thus worse.
Also, just because a relationship over the internet blew up in your face doesn't suddenly mean that every relationship over the internet is meant to fail. The fact that you isolated yourself from people IRL is really more your fault for letting that happen then the fact that your relationship was over the internet. Relationships in RL can also lead to being isolated depending on the person who you are dating. The fact that you had no social skills is also not related to having an internet relationship. Hell, I could say that because my first relationship when I was 14-15 blew up so horribly that all relationships for teens that age are destined to fail, and insult anybody who says they can work. I don't because I know that they can work, and my experiences were an example of it going wrong.
Actually, if your friends truely care about you, they will give you reality checks because they see that you are fucking up, and want to help you stop. Hell, this is what I usually stress to my friends: they can be as blunt and honest as they want wiht me. I want this because I want to improve myself and not make an utter ass of myself.
I figured I'd weigh in on the whole e-relationship vs physical relationship thing from the perspective of someone who's had no romantic relationships in either (aka i'll be talking exclusively relationships in the sense of friendship).
To start, it is certainly true that it can be easier to lie through the internet. When someone's posting on a forum or messaging someone, there are far fewer social implications for their actions. As such, interactions through the internet tend to be a lot more direct and open - and this combined with the fact that emotion and facial cues don't exist in online conversations means that lying is much easier to do.
At the same time, I would argue that the Internet is infinitely more honest than real world relationships. The concept of no social implications is just as applicable to revealing secrets about yourself and being truly honest with who you are. The magic of the backspace key allows us to choose and refine our words and messages until they convey precisely the message we want them to. Some of the people I've been the most open with have been on the Internet - people who I probably will never meet. Two of my best friends live on the other side of the world, and the shit I've helped them get through and they've helped me get through is shit that we never could have talked about had we all gone to the same school and had a "normal" physical relationship.
For example, I'm still not completely out in real life. Some of my best friends know, and some of my family knows, and I'm working on the rest, but depending on how you look at it I am "deceiving" a good amount of people. This is a kind of deception I've never felt a need to indulge in for strictly online relationships. As early as I was conscious and somewhat sure of my sexuality, I told people, I found a community of supportive and awesome individuals around the world, and I learned lessons that I never could have in the "real world".
At the end of the day, discrediting online relationships just because there's a couple of people who deceive others for their own entertainment/insecurity/social experiments is equivalent to discrediting all physical relationships because your girlfriend in 9th grade lied about being a virgin. In a world where it's perfectly reasonable for all members of a relationship to have their own job and their own life and their own location, it's rather backwards to champion relationships dependent on location when the internet is such a helpful tool for bringing people together.
To start, it is certainly true that it can be easier to lie through the internet. When someone's posting on a forum or messaging someone, there are far fewer social implications for their actions. As such, interactions through the internet tend to be a lot more direct and open - and this combined with the fact that emotion and facial cues don't exist in online conversations means that lying is much easier to do.
At the same time, I would argue that the Internet is infinitely more honest than real world relationships. The concept of no social implications is just as applicable to revealing secrets about yourself and being truly honest with who you are. The magic of the backspace key allows us to choose and refine our words and messages until they convey precisely the message we want them to. Some of the people I've been the most open with have been on the Internet - people who I probably will never meet. Two of my best friends live on the other side of the world, and the shit I've helped them get through and they've helped me get through is shit that we never could have talked about had we all gone to the same school and had a "normal" physical relationship.
For example, I'm still not completely out in real life. Some of my best friends know, and some of my family knows, and I'm working on the rest, but depending on how you look at it I am "deceiving" a good amount of people. This is a kind of deception I've never felt a need to indulge in for strictly online relationships. As early as I was conscious and somewhat sure of my sexuality, I told people, I found a community of supportive and awesome individuals around the world, and I learned lessons that I never could have in the "real world".
At the end of the day, discrediting online relationships just because there's a couple of people who deceive others for their own entertainment/insecurity/social experiments is equivalent to discrediting all physical relationships because your girlfriend in 9th grade lied about being a virgin. In a world where it's perfectly reasonable for all members of a relationship to have their own job and their own life and their own location, it's rather backwards to champion relationships dependent on location when the internet is such a helpful tool for bringing people together.
I'm not really sure where to post this to be honest, but this seems like the probably best place to post this. If there is a better place, let me know and I'll move there.
Okay, I've spent most of tonight talking someone out of suicide. I think. I'm unfortunately talking to them via the internet, and have no way to just go to there house like I want to, so I can't prove anything, but I think they areokay alive, unharmed, apparently not, making this all the more pertinent. And, I can't prove they have tried anything definitively, so I can't just call the police or something like that. That's be nice. At the very least, I am going to keep them talkign until someone else wakes up at their house. (Quick note: this person is not yet 18, and is living at home, attending high school. I am 18, attending the same high school)
Okay, all that aside, obviously, this person needs help. I know that full well, and also that I am not the person to provide that help. I mean, I can be there for them, but I'm not professional, and that is what is needed here. My problem is this: There is no one I can talk to at school about this, because our "counselors", one is incompetent, and won't do anything, (past experience in several other situations tells me this), and the other I don't know, but my gut feeling is she won't do anything either. And I already know the other people of import at school with refer things to the counselors, so that route isn't going to help me any. This person is seeing a therapist of some sort, who I guess I could try and contact, but he is probably going to go to parents, which is bad, as well.
Now, this person has been suicidal in the past, after some rather traumatizing events. When their parents found out this person was suicidal, they sent them, somewhere, some kind of mental health facility. While there, this person was raped, quite brutally. When they tell me about this place, they act, essentially like a scared five year old. Pleading not to go back, general terror, etc. It's bad. Really bad. To the point, this person told me, point blank that they would rather die than go back to that place, or someplace like that. Given the mental association, I guess I don't blame them, given that they didn't get the appropriate help in dealing with that incident.
I'm not comfortable with going to this person's parents about this issue because, well, the above paragraph. I want to get this person help, not increase their chances of killing themselves if they find out they are being sent back. In an ideal world I would prefer not to destroy my relationship with this person, as well, but given the situation, I've accepted that as likely impossible.
So I guess I'm stuck. What do I do, when my school isn't going to do piss, and the other two routes I see lead to parents, which, I can only assume, based on previous evidence, is an even more destructive route than the current one? What other routes are open to me, or any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate. I'm completely lost as to what to do here.
Okay, I've spent most of tonight talking someone out of suicide. I think. I'm unfortunately talking to them via the internet, and have no way to just go to there house like I want to, so I can't prove anything, but I think they are
Okay, all that aside, obviously, this person needs help. I know that full well, and also that I am not the person to provide that help. I mean, I can be there for them, but I'm not professional, and that is what is needed here. My problem is this: There is no one I can talk to at school about this, because our "counselors", one is incompetent, and won't do anything, (past experience in several other situations tells me this), and the other I don't know, but my gut feeling is she won't do anything either. And I already know the other people of import at school with refer things to the counselors, so that route isn't going to help me any. This person is seeing a therapist of some sort, who I guess I could try and contact, but he is probably going to go to parents, which is bad, as well.
Now, this person has been suicidal in the past, after some rather traumatizing events. When their parents found out this person was suicidal, they sent them, somewhere, some kind of mental health facility. While there, this person was raped, quite brutally. When they tell me about this place, they act, essentially like a scared five year old. Pleading not to go back, general terror, etc. It's bad. Really bad. To the point, this person told me, point blank that they would rather die than go back to that place, or someplace like that. Given the mental association, I guess I don't blame them, given that they didn't get the appropriate help in dealing with that incident.
I'm not comfortable with going to this person's parents about this issue because, well, the above paragraph. I want to get this person help, not increase their chances of killing themselves if they find out they are being sent back. In an ideal world I would prefer not to destroy my relationship with this person, as well, but given the situation, I've accepted that as likely impossible.
So I guess I'm stuck. What do I do, when my school isn't going to do piss, and the other two routes I see lead to parents, which, I can only assume, based on previous evidence, is an even more destructive route than the current one? What other routes are open to me, or any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate. I'm completely lost as to what to do here.
Definitely put them in touch with any of your locality's 24 hour anonymous suicide helplines. If you suspect there's any possibility of them taking their life, call the police immediately.
I can't stress this enough.
I've been in situations like this twice in my life, except both times it was with people I'd never met in real life. One of them I think I helped weather the storm, so to speak, and he's perfectly healthy and happy (relatively speaking today). The other, I never heard from again.
I think it's important (besides referring them to professionals/hotlines that actually know what to say) to remember that people who are suicidal are not behaving rationally. The most important thing is to be there for them and to convince them to seek professional help. You should not have that kind of a burden, and as much as you care a knowledgable professional on a hotline who's been trained in situations like yours can help a lot more.
Best of luck, and stay strong.
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Just because the whole e-relationship thing didn't work out for you, it doesn't mean that it won't work out for other people. Cumquat might be in a different state of mind and in a different circumstance to what you might've been a few years ago. I know you must regret the way that you were a few years ago, I absolutely hate the person I was a few years ago as well, but it's unfair to assume that what didn't work for you and what you regret about yourself will also be what other people regret doing right now.
On interweb relationships: I've never been in a 'real' one. Maybe I've deluded myself into believing I was in like, high school, but it wasn't very serious, looking back. I do, however, believe that love can be found in weird places. Even across the WWW. Things happen. Immaturity happens. Life goes on.
But what if life already exists? /me pats self on back for excellent segway
Specifically, dating single moms who already have children. I am uncertain if, considering her past relationships, (which were with two different men, and each was vaguely described as 'bad') she would be looking for a serious relationship now. Heck, the one I'm 'dating' right now didn't even intend to give me her number - her brother did it as a joke, and she just went along with it. She says she became interested soon after for no particular reason, however, and cites her latest child (to whom she gave birth not a week after I received her number) needing shots as a reason for being unable to go out on a date. However...I worry she may not want a relationship, seeing as she just stood me up not too long ago. She may just be trying to let me down gently, but...well...give me the slightest hint of affection, and I grapple on like a leech. I'm not overly proud of this. In any case, I'm wondering what you guys might think. Would being a single mom be a deterrent to being in a relationship, from her perspective? Might she just be avoiding attachment for a one-night stand? I honestly don't know.
tl;dr I like mums but mums may not liek me halp
But what if life already exists? /me pats self on back for excellent segway
Specifically, dating single moms who already have children. I am uncertain if, considering her past relationships, (which were with two different men, and each was vaguely described as 'bad') she would be looking for a serious relationship now. Heck, the one I'm 'dating' right now didn't even intend to give me her number - her brother did it as a joke, and she just went along with it. She says she became interested soon after for no particular reason, however, and cites her latest child (to whom she gave birth not a week after I received her number) needing shots as a reason for being unable to go out on a date. However...I worry she may not want a relationship, seeing as she just stood me up not too long ago. She may just be trying to let me down gently, but...well...give me the slightest hint of affection, and I grapple on like a leech. I'm not overly proud of this. In any case, I'm wondering what you guys might think. Would being a single mom be a deterrent to being in a relationship, from her perspective? Might she just be avoiding attachment for a one-night stand? I honestly don't know.
tl;dr I like mums but mums may not liek me halp