Changing how others view you

[Paynes]

As I have just started the second year of college I notice many people talking behind the first year student's backs saying stuff like "He's so ghetto" or "She's so trashy" etc... In my experience if a few people call you ghetto/trashy in the first week, that sticks for the rest of your time in college/school. It won't matter if you come into school the next week wearing a Gucci shirt, Diesel jeans and Air Jordans you are still marked as ghetto/trashy.

Aside from what you wear are you redeemable from your past actions? School is hard, kids are mean. Its unlikely someone's going to forget that time you called acted ratchet or that phase you went through when you wore doo-rags and super baggy pants to look like a rap star. But again the question remains are you redeemable from past mistakes or are you forever going to be looked on as that 'kid who once [insert ghetto/trashy act]' ?

Now we can easily see that this is the fault of those snide and insecure people who cake on makeup and slander people behind their backs but is there any way someone can redeem themselves and rise out of ghetto/trashiness and become 'cool/classy' ?

Thanks to Skitty for reminding me of the actions of a person as well as the clothes they wear

 

[Skitty]

I think that being ghetto/trashy comes more from the way you act and carry yourself than from what you wear. There's some girls in my school who don't dress good but they never act rude, obnoxious or anything else that's considered "ghetto", and they're never picked on for being ghetto or trashy.

 

[Paynes]

I think that being ghetto/trashy comes more from the way you act and carry yourself than from what you wear. There's some girls in my school who don't dress good but they never act rude, obnoxious or anything else that's considered "ghetto", and they're never picked on for being ghetto or trashy.

yes definitely that's a point I completely missed out so I may as well edit the OP

 

[v]

maybe they dont want to be "cool/classy" because then they'd be an elitist dickhead like you and your friends. not everyone is interested in the same social circles as you, and I know I would hesitate to associate myself with anyone who would dismiss someone else as "ghetto" or "trashy" purely based on their second-hand impressions. that's high school shit.

your idea of redemption also presupposes that the people in question are interested in your approval and that the approval of you and your friends is worth changing they way they act or dress. I'll tell you right now your approval is worthless, these kids know it, and you should have a little more self-awareness before passing judgment. you probably aren't "cool" or "classy" yourself or you wouldnt be pontificating about others on a pokemon forum. those kids probably havent given you a second thought while you are dedicating time and energy to insulting them or pitying them. what does that say about you?

 

[Cresselia~~]

If you are talking about behavior/ dress sense, rather than academic problems in actual ghettos...
well, why can't people choose the way they dress?
Maybe they feel comfortable in those clothes, and those sort of behavior?
I don't think they need to be redeemed.

 

[Paynes]

maybe they dont want to be "cool/classy" because then they'd be an elitist dickhead like you and your friends. not everyone is interested in the same social circles as you, and I know I would hesitate to associate myself with anyone who would dismiss someone else as "ghetto" or "trashy" purely based on their second-hand impressions. that's high school shit.

your idea of redemption also presupposes that the people in question are interested in your approval and that the approval of you and your friends is worth changing they way they act or dress. I'll tell you right now your approval is worthless, these kids know it, and you should have a little more self-awareness before passing judgment. you probably aren't "cool" or "classy" yourself or you wouldnt be pontificating about others on a pokemon forum. those kids probably havent given you a second thought while you are dedicating time and energy to insulting them or pitying them. what does that say about you?

I agree with you 100% but I feel I may have misrepresented myself. I wasn't talking from the point of view of people who label others as trash/ghetto I was talking from the point of view of a complete 3rd party who is observing the school/college environment. I myself despise those who put others down for any trivial reason such as the clothes they wear or who they are friends with. I have to apologise for not being clear on which side I stand, this is my first post in Congregation of the Masses so I hope you can forgive my lack of understanding on the proper ways to stimulate a meaningful discussion.

 

[Demoness]

Wait, so you say that the people who label others as "trashy" or "ghetto" are insecure and snide, yet you seem to further label these "trashy" and "ghetto" people by asking if they can be "redeemed". Your question just seems to reek of a sense of thinking that these "trashy" / "ghetto" people need to turn a new leaf and establish themselves as "cool" / "classy" people, which makes me think that you believe yourself to be above these people considered trashy / ghetto. In addition, you make the blunder of assuming that these "trashy" / "ghetto" people would want to be "redeemed" to become "cool" and "classy" when, as v said, it is more likely that they really don't give two shits about what you think, and would even consider what you consider "cool" and "classy" to not be so. This just feels like a thinly veiled way of asking whether or not those who you consider below you should change to fit what you want them to.

^ above:
The issue is is that you are using the word redeemed, which implies that the current situation is wrong in some way and that by changing it, the person will become better in some way. What is also troubling is this part:

But again the question remains are you redeemable from past mistakes or are you forever going to be looked on as that 'kid who once [insert ghetto/trashy act]' ?

"past mistakes"? Your OP is pretty much laden with wording that implies that you find something wrong with how these "trashy" / "ghetto" people act. I actually find it kinda hard to believe that you aren't pitying these people just because of this little snippet.

P.S. fuck all the times I had to quote the words trashy, ghetto, classy, cool, and redeemed.

 

[Paynes]

Your question just seems to reek of a sense of thinking that these "trashy" / "ghetto" people need to turn a new leaf and establish themselves as "cool" / "classy" people, which makes me think that you believe yourself to be above these people considered trashy / ghetto.

Not at all, again my poor wording has failed me, I personally do not class myself as the cool person or the classy person. If anything I'm that quiet guy who sits in the library reading at lunch.

In addition, you make the blunder of assuming that these "trashy" / "ghetto" people would want to be "redeemed" to become "cool" and "classy" when, as v said, it is more likely that they really don't give two shits about what you think, and would even consider what you consider "cool" and "classy" to not be so.

What I meant to get across was that I wanted to know if someone can do certain things to change the way they look in other people's eyes, the someone here being the person who is being labelled and the people here being the people labelling. Again I think it is horrendous that people would even think to label someone as something just because of the way they act or the way they dress/look etc...

"past mistakes"? Your OP is pretty much laden with wording that implies that you find something wrong with how these "trashy" / "ghetto" people act. I actually find it kinda hard to believe that you aren't pitying these people just because of this little snippet.

Its all about point of view, I'm talking from the point of view of a 3rd party who is observing the so called 'cool' people labelling the so called 'non-cool' people. I feel I owe yet another apology for my poor wording and inability to get what I mean across to you :[

 

[Aldaron]

lol why are you guys flipping out on the OP, if you actually read it instead of getting up on your indignant high horses, he mentions it is a third party, not him

and it's also pretty clear that he doesn't mean redeemable in the "human worth" sense and he isn't claiming these individuals NEED any sort of approval or desire it themselves, he is merely asking if first / initial impressions can be overcome IF THEY WANT TO BE OVERCOME

the answer to that is that it is super fucking hard in earlier schooling, primarily because social groups TEND to be much more insulated / compartmentalized then. the stereotypical "jock" "nerd" "band geek" groups are much more strongly defined in earlier schooling, especially high school. while these groups tend to give way later, I have noticed that racial / cultural / ethnic groups start to take a stronger hold in college, but those classifications tend to invite more personality differences than the former ones.

i'm honestly surprised the OP is finding it difficult to overcome first impressions in college though; the college experience, at least, the american college experience, is significantly about self-discovery and very often about transforming yourself. i didn't change much in terms of radical personality changes in college but I did note others who did, and seemed like most people accepted this as part of the experience.

can you explain in more detail, maybe providing an irl example, about this situation? have you specifically seen someone trying to transform their perception and fail in college?

 

[Paynes]

Aldaron thank you so much for wording it so well, that is exactly what I mean.

As for an IRL example I have seen people try this and fail. There was a girl at my college, in my class. For argument's sake lets call her Kate, insanely beautiful in the sort of shy, slightly geeky girl way where she'd much rather be at home with her nose in a book than partying in some darkened nightclub grinding up against a different guy every minute. First day she walks into the orientation room (our main hall) and sits in the back quietly reading a book.

In walk a bunch of girls who are, for lack of a better term, ratchet. They walk in shouting, laughing really loudly, generally not respecting the situation. They take one look at her and say thinks like, "Look, she's studying on the first day. She thinks she's better than us? She's just trash" and all manner of horrible things.

Now my question is not talking about should she want approval, or does she need approval from them, of course not! But my question is, is it possible for someone to flip another person's first impression of them completely? Not that you would want to, not that you would need to. But if it was possible.

Thanks again Aldaron

 

[Jorgen]

lol why are you guys flipping out on the OP, if you actually read it instead of getting up on your indignant high horses, he mentions it is a third party, not him

90% of people will only read the title of something. FACT.

Bump that up to 99% for a title as incendiary as this thread's.

 

[xenu]

(ghetto degenerates Macklemore & Ryan Lewis): I'm gonna pop some tags, only got 20 dollars in my pocket, I-I-I'm hunting, looking for a come-up, this is f**king awesome
(me classy intellectual man with decent IT Job): I'm gonna pop some tags, only got 10000*e^29 dollars in my pocket lmfao, I-I-I'm hunting, looking for some cargos, this is fr**king Dawkins

 

[DM]

apparently none of you have seen My Fair Lady or Trading Places

 

[His Eminence Lord Poppington II]

Aldaron thank you so much for wording it so well, that is exactly what I mean.

As for an IRL example I have seen people try this and fail. There was a girl at my college, in my class. For argument's sake lets call her Kate, insanely beautiful in the sort of shy, slightly geeky girl way where she'd much rather be at home with her nose in a book than partying in some darkened nightclub grinding up against a different guy every minute. First day she walks into the orientation room (our main hall) and sits in the back quietly reading a book.

In walk a bunch of girls who are, for lack of a better term, ratchet. They walk in shouting, laughing really loudly, generally not respecting the situation. They take one look at her and say thinks like, "Look, she's studying on the first day. She thinks she's better than us? She's just trash" and all manner of horrible things.

Now my question is not talking about should she want approval, or does she need approval from them, of course not! But my question is, is it possible for someone to flip another person's first impression of them completely? Not that you would want to, not that you would need to. But if it was possible.

Thanks again Aldaron

i think this is a matter of asking the wrong question. why would anyone with self-worth and awareness give a shit about these so-called 'ratchet' people say about them? people tend to forget that it's none of their business as to what people think of you. those people also sound incredibly vapid and somehow still stuck in a highschool mentality in which the 'everyone' is a like-minded entity. unless this is persistent bullying i say ignore them and don't worry about the book-reading beauty, she knows what she's doing.

 

[Cresselia~~]

Oooo, the title has changed!

Well, I personally think that it's really difficult to change the impressions of other's.
I never managed to do that, and I tend to get myself into very horrible situations, because I say really bad stuff when I can't control my temper.
My bad choice of words also make me sound ruder than what I was thinking.

My guess it's when things go really wrong, I should leave that place for several years, and after that, people MIGHT forget.

 

[Soul Fly]

Or maybe you could just stop caring what random people think about you.

No use getting into this cycle of self-deprecation.