Serious Could Use Some Advice

[Professor Birch]

Gonna start with some background:
16
Junior
Male
Huge Gamer
No Social Life

So now onto the reason behind me coming here. So I've pretty much been depressed since I was 13. I hate just about everyone and just about everything. Just today, I've figured out where my issue is coming from. As pathetic as this sounds, I can honestly say I've based my life on "I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was." Whenever I had something, I NEEDED to be the best at it, no matter what. The issue is, I've been just adequate at everything, even when I try really hard. THIS is the reason. If I can't be the best at anything, then I haven't done anything I want, leading to my depressed state. And if I can't be the best, then what is the point in living just to do nothing? Nobody else knows and nobody can tell, cause I hide it really well. So I came to you, knowing that you wouldn't judge me. On the note of suicide, have I thought about it, yes. Would I ever do it, no. So yea, that's kinda my issue right now. I'd appreciate anything you have to say.

 

[reyscarface]

get professional help

 

[Professor Birch]

But if I go get help, then my parents know, and that is really something I'm trying to avoid.

 

[Demoness]

Why exactly? Your parents knowing that you are having these thoughts is not a bad thing. They would want to help you surely, and by refusing help because you don't want them to know, things likely get worse and worse for you.

 

[Professor Birch]

Why exactly? Your parents knowing that you are having these thoughts is not a bad thing. They would want to help you surely, and by refusing help because you don't want them to know, things likely get worse and worse for you.

I do not need my parents to worry whether or not their son will kill himself cause that's the kind of people they are, and I do not want to stack more problems on top of what they already deal with.

 

[v]

sry I didnt actually read the op i just wanted to call u professor bitch LOL

 

[Professor Birch]

sry I didnt actually read the op i just wanted to call u professor bitch LOL

And that just made my day

 

[bb skarm]

:(

Most schools have a therapist / counselor, have you tried going to one? I tend to stress about the future a lot so I would know (although i don't really keep that from my parents), and usually they've got diplomas in psychological shit. By request, you should be able to go there and not have your parents know about whatever you had to talk about. If they don't though, you should probably ask your friends about it, or at least someone whose open-minded about things.

As to suicide - it's never going to be worth it, and the world's better with you in it.

 

[toshimelonhead]

But if I go get help, then my parents know, and that is really something I'm trying to avoid.

So you are willing to tell the whole wide world your problems but not your parents? Arceus forbid if they actually read these forums.

I do not need my parents to worry whether or not their son will kill himself cause that's the kind of people they are, and I do not want to stack more problems on top of what they already deal with.

But imagine if you actually did what you were thinking...they would never ever stop thinking about what more they could have done to help you out.

There are a number of Smogoners with depression and anxiety - and many of us fall (or have gotten through) into that exact stage of life you describe yourself as. We should create a support group imo since this issue has come up before with other people. Bottom line if you are thinking about suicide, TELL someone. I'm not a medical professional, but my guess is you should look into a combination of medication and talk therapy for some help here.

 

[Lavos]

let me preface this by saying A) i'm not a professional, so take everything i say with a grain of salt, and B) this sounds a lot like me a year or two ago.

first off, no one can be the best at everything, and very, VERY few people can be the best at anything. you HAVE to reconcile yourself with that fact. it seems to me that you're a hypercompetitive person, and that's fine, so find something you are passionate about and try really hard to be the best at that one particular thing. at least then you can sate some of your hunger for victory. it can be a nice distraction too. also, you should find some friends. having no social life is extremely unhealthy. i know you think people are the worst, either that they're all stupid, they're all wrong, or if you have an inferiority complex, that you aren't worthy to be their friend. you mention you're a huge gamer. there are plenty of antisocial gamer types like you at every high school in the world. find some, and invite them to your house/any communal location to play games/eat food/whatever. initiating human contact is hard sometimes, but find the courage within yourself to do it, and i guarantee you will be glad that you did.

suicidal thoughts, even the consideration of the act, are a huuuuuuuuuuge red flag. taking your own life is never the solution, it's infinitely more valuable than you know, and even if you think you would never try it as is, that could change. therefore, you should take everyone else in this thread's advice and seek professional help as soon as possible. it doesn't matter whether or not your parents know, you are your own priority and you need someone who can help you work yourself out of the funk you're in. it's likely that you have some sort of mental illness (which is fine, i do too! and i'm a functioning human being) and you may need to attend therapy sessions, take meds, or something like that. whatever the psychiatrist tells you, do it without question, because it'll help you get better and anything is preferable to living in the state you're in. i've been there, i know what it's like to feel completely useless/worthless, any alternative is an improvement. trust me on this one. you may be told to do tasks that you simply can't see the point of, like regular walks outdoors, breathing exercises, meditation, etc. it may seem trivial but it isn't. small actions can result in big change!

best of luck to you, friend.

 

[Myzozoa]

Achievement in most worthwhile endeavors takes a lifetime, at least many dedicated years, and you can't realistically expect to be the best at anything at 16. You probably haven't even had a chance at most things yet, maybe you have yet to discover some engaging interests.

On the other hand, depression is a common affliction and there are many situations where it would be more surprising if one was happy than depressed. But depression is characterized by tendencies to isolate oneself and disengage from both leisure and productive activities, this is why, in fiction, the friends of depressed characters sometimes make special efforts to engage the afflicted as a sort of treatment or balm for the negative affect. And many mental institutions devise programs of social, occupational, and leisure activities as well, since boredom seems to be a prominent element of milder depression.

try to find time to try new things. Also try doing more exercise and/or yoga (Pilates) as these are very good for improving mood, focus, and working off stress. Much better than medication if it works for you.

Edit: I'd also remind you that you aren't the only one 'faking it', or feeling inadequate or overwhelmed.

 

[Alice]

Depression is the nemesis of success, so your situation is kinda contradictory. Spend all the time you're depressed into focusing on getting better at something or acquiring skills to reach your goals.

Use your own ambition as fuel to get out of that shithole

 

[Superpowerdude]

We'll your still pretty young so it's not expected that you should be the very best at something by now. Focusing and getting better on the things you like may help with both your problems (not being the best at something an being depressed) try building relationships with others for the reasons Lavos said.

The good news is you have identified what makes you feel depressed (the lack of being the very best at something) so you should view that positively IMO.

Bottom line is you should never seek help for important issues like these solely on the internet, from what I hear counselors have to abide by confidentiality meaning the things you talk about them are private, so I highly reccomended seeing your school counselor even if you are embarrassed about it, it could be the help you really need

 

[Professor Birch]

The thing is, I know it's unrealistic to be the best as of yet, but it's not something that I can overcome. No matter what I'm doing, it always comes back to wow, I either suck at this or I'm just adequate, like most other people. I try to ignore it, knowing that it obviously isn't true, but it just doesn't go away.

 

[DarkMilotic]

No matter what I'm doing, it always comes back to wow, I either suck at this or I'm just adequate, like most other people. I try to ignore it, knowing that it obviously isn't true, but it just doesn't go away

I'm not a professional. Please be aware of this :)

Here's the thing, that's exactly how it is with depression. No matter how many times you cut, scream, or even just try to forget it, it won't work. Some people can work through it on their own, and some people can't. I couldn't. I went to see a psychologist, and they helped immensely not to mention they helped me overcome problems that I wasn't even aware of at the time.

Let me put it this way, I tried to kill myself when I was your age. With me, I wasn't unpopular or anything but I felt so inferior compared to the rest of the world. You seem to feel superior to the rest of the world, and that's honestly not the best thing. Start with the basics. Why do you think people are stupid? How long have you felt this way?

As for the friends thing, as someone who had virtually none when I came to England to go to college, all I can say is get out there and try. Plenty of schools have tech clubs, and if they don't then you can find them in libraries, etc. Join one. The people in there are some of the kindest and also the most intelligent people that I've ever spoken to. More so, there are anti-depression groups that you can join. I joined one this year and they're all pretty friendly and relatable. Find one. If you aren't comfortable with doing it in person, try joining an online one. But you need to tell your parents, they're the strongest allies that you can ever have. My mum and dad are both so wise, and I never would've known if I hadn't told them about my struggles.

Who do you look up to? If you have someone to look up to and admire, try to look into their past. Were they always happy? Did they always do everything perfectly? This can help you realise that not everything in your life will go smoothly. Never, not even for those of the rich and famous.

Don't ever kill yourself, all of us will miss you and as will the people who love you more than anything in the world. If anything, know that while I may not be the best person to speak with, I'm here for you.

The biggest thing to know is that all things can be overcome by those who strive to see them overcome.

Edit: holy shit that was long.

 

[Jorgen]

Advice: don't rely on pkmn for your life's mantra. If you can't avoid that, at least realize the main hero is a total buffoon who can never be "the best" because Gary exists, yet is somehow still considered a valuable person by everyone around him. You're at least smart enough to evolve your fucking Pikachu, so you're pretty much golden.

 

[Chou Toshio]

No one is better at signing your signature. :D

 

[Professor Birch]

I'm not a professional. Please be aware of this :)

Here's the thing, that's exactly how it is with depression. No matter how many times you cut, scream, or even just try to forget it, it won't work. Some people can work through it on their own, and some people can't. I couldn't. I went to see a psychologist, and they helped immensely not to mention they helped me overcome problems that I wasn't even aware of at the time.

Let me put it this way, I tried to kill myself when I was your age. With me, I wasn't unpopular or anything but I felt so inferior compared to the rest of the world. You seem to feel superior to the rest of the world, and that's honestly not the best thing. Start with the basics. Why do you think people are stupid? How long have you felt this way?

As for the friends thing, as someone who had virtually none when I came to England to go to college, all I can say is get out there and try. Plenty of schools have tech clubs, and if they don't then you can find them in libraries, etc. Join one. The people in there are some of the kindest and also the most intelligent people that I've ever spoken to. More so, there are anti-depression groups that you can join. I joined one this year and they're all pretty friendly and relatable. Find one. If you aren't comfortable with doing it in person, try joining an online one. But you need to tell your parents, they're the strongest allies that you can ever have. My mum and dad are both so wise, and I never would've known if I hadn't told them about my struggles.

Who do you look up to? If you have someone to look up to and admire, try to look into their past. Were they always happy? Did they always do everything perfectly? This can help you realise that not everything in your life will go smoothly. Never, not even for those of the rich and famous.

Don't ever kill yourself, all of us will miss you and as will the people who love you more than anything in the world. If anything, know that while I may not be the best person to speak with, I'm here for you.

The biggest thing to know is that all things can be overcome by those who strive to see them overcome.

Edit: holy shit that was long.

It's not that I feel superior, it's that I want to be superior and I'm not in any way. It's not like I want to rule over people, I just want to be the best. Also, no I'm not arrogant nor selfish.

For stupidity, it's not that I think people are stupid(although a lot are), I just don't like anyone for one reason or another. I mean I have some "friends," but for me, my friends are people I talk to in school and once I go home, good luck trying to contact me or seeing me with other people, cause it's not going to happen.

Advice: don't rely on pkmn for your life's mantra. If you can't avoid that, at least realize the main hero is a total buffoon who can never be "the best" because Gary exists, yet is somehow still considered a valuable person by everyone around him. You're at least smart enough to evolve your fucking Pikachu, so you're pretty much golden.

The thing is that I did not knowingly say "damn, this should be my life." I was just thinking about myself and that was just the best way to put how I subconsciously live life into words.

 

[Swede]

It sounds like you have a case of perfectionism of needing overly-high achievements that isn't allowing you to be satisfied in things that would normally make another person happy or content. Having dealt with something similar before, I'd strong suggest taking it up with your parents and perhaps look into a psychologist if you have the money or prescription if you feel comfortable about it.

I know, it sucks having to tell your parents that you're depressed over something that can seem silly to other people, you thinking that they'll blow it off and that they have other important things to get to. But a parent's number one priority and care is for their children, no matter what else they are going through in their life. It's much more concerning to them if you did something regrettable later and you never discussed with then your problems, because then they feel like it's their fault too. Parents WANT to be there for you, and that's what they SHOULD be there for. They are the best people you could possibly ever talk to about something like they. They have known you for 16 years, raised you since birth, and are likely sending you to high school too.

You do not have to talk to them about suicidial thoughts immediately (since it can be an uncomfortable situation), but you should keep in mind that if needed you SHOULD talk about them to a professional. Psychologists have consulted with many people who considered suicide, so they will not treat you any differently or make you feel outcast because of it. If anything, tell you parents about your true feelings with the need to achieve unrealistic standards, and they from there can either give you advice or look for a professional, or both.

Stay strong man.

Edit - on a side note about the need to be perfect, I know that it is very challenging to change the mindset of an individual who is firmly holding on to an idea or concept (in this case your desire for being the best at whatever you do), but I do want you to consider this: our society today seems to have a big obsession with being the perfect. Our media also helps keep this mindset going by consistently pointing out others flaws or shortcomings while routinely praising the best of the best. Do NOT let this get a hold of you. No matter what your grades are or you athletic achievements are, what you need to be satisfied with is learning to accept the results of occasionally failing to meet goals or finish in second or third place. What you want from life is to be happy, and that's perfectly normal. You only being happy from routinely performing at the top of the top and NEEDING it to functioned worse than simply finishing at the bottom and saying "I tried" and working to get better but not to be stressed out by the desire of doing so.

So go to a psychologist and talk to people, the world is filled with unique views and ideas, maybe you just need to hear some more of them.

 

[Superpowerdude]

Yeah seriously, go to a psychologist what I don't understand is how you can be open to talking about important life matters on a Pokemon forum but you don't want to talk to a person who deals with issues like these for a living. Perhaps you may be embarrassed but it's worth short term embarrassment to be on your way to improved quality of life

 

[Genesis7]

Ya I really recommend someone lock this thread before someone gives wrong advice. I think this is too delicate for this site. Best of luck Professor Birch.

 

[whistle]

find a new source of fulfillment, particularly internal validation rather than external validation. think about ways to improve yourself physically, mentally, emotionally; don't replace whatever you currently want to be the best at, but you need to have goals other than the ones that most people would consider unrealistic (and at best, as myzozoa mentioned, will take a lifetime of dedication - so in any case you're not gonna get any return on that investment soon).

also agreed with him re: pick up a physical activity hobby or even just do running/working out.

 

[junior]

stop caring about what other people are doing/achieving with their life, and focus on your own achievements and be proud of what you achieve as long as you try your hardest. also take life less seriously, enjoy yourself more, make the most of every day. you're only young once and make the most of it and have fun, because one day when you're in a 9-5 grind routine, you might look back and regret taking everything so seriously.

if you ever feel down or upset with yourself or upset over any situation, sit back and ask yourself if it will matter in a year. if it doesn't, then just sleep it off or do something that makes you happy/isn't competitive.

I know all of this is easier said than done, having battled with depression before i even knew what depression was. i can't guarantee that things will get better for you because whether it does or not is up to you. you can't control most aspects of your life or where it'll take you, but you can definitely, absolutely, positively change your mentality for the better (it will be a long process and something you have to work on every day, and don't be disheartened if waves of depression hits you after you feel like you've been doing better).

hope I gave you some perspective about this.

 

[junior]

also if youre gonna post just to be condescending/come off as condescending as fuck then don't bother posting at all, and that goes to a couple of you in this thread tbh. depression is a serious thing and if you can't offer any real decent feedback or guidance or advice then don't post i'm just saying

 

[Professor Birch]

stop caring about what other people are doing/achieving with their life, and focus on your own achievements and be proud of what you achieve as long as you try your hardest. also take life less seriously, enjoy yourself more, make the most of every day. you're only young once and make the most of it and have fun, because one day when you're in a 9-5 grind routine, you might look back and regret taking everything so seriously.

if you ever feel down or upset with yourself or upset over any situation, sit back and ask yourself if it will matter in a year. if it doesn't, then just sleep it off or do something that makes you happy/isn't competitive.

I know all of this is easier said than done, having battled with depression before i even knew what depression was. i can't guarantee that things will get better for you because whether it does or not is up to you. you can't control most aspects of your life or where it'll take you, but you can definitely, absolutely, positively change your mentality for the better (it will be a long process and something you have to work on every day, and don't be disheartened if waves of depression hits you after you feel like you've been doing better).

hope I gave you some perspective about this.

#YOYO and actually thanks, I'll definitely try this, and that goes for everyone that offered good advice here.