What do you believe defines "friend"

Ununhexium

I closed my eyes and I slipped away...
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I'm really curious as to what you find to be the definition of friend. I've been really curious about this topic for a while and I even looked it up on dictionary.com to see if it would help at all (I'll link the page here). I suppose I'll provide a bit of background information here.

I'm a 15 year old boy from small town USA and I'm currently a freshman in high school (I missed my previous school's cutoff date which is why I'm older). The school I went to for nine years (it was a K-8 school) was rather small, having a total of about 270 kids give or take a few. My class had been the largest my school ever had and had a whopping 38 people. Very small. After eighth grade we go to a cooperative school in the next town over which has about 1100 people. Now, some of my friends at my old school played a lot of sports and had friends from their travel soccer or football team so they had friends from other towns, and I never really enjoyed those sports so I never had that advantage of knowing at least a few people from other towns. Also, I don't have the same classes with the same people all day long so it seems harder to develop close relationships with people.

So basically I'm about halfway through the year and I'm not entirely sure I have any real friends at this point. I'm certainly friendly with a bunch of people, but I'm not entirely sure when someone passes the threshold separating "friendly acquaintance" and "friend".

So I think I'm asking about two questions
  • How do you know someone is a friend rather than a friendly acquaintance
  • How exactly would you define friend
Well, thanks for reading this. Please post your thoughts and ideas. I'm excited to see what you have to say :)

Also yeah I get this may not be too "deep" or whatever but I can't think of anywhere else to ask this.
 
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Myzozoa

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idk it's really how you feel about them. there is really no definition that covers everyone that i consider my friend, other than that i actually consider them my friend. a good working definition would be if you invite them to shit/they invite you to shit, but ppl fall out of touch with me and im sure we still consider each other friends.
 

shaian

you love to see it
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I define friend as someone whose well being I'm concerned about, who I actively want to be around and spend time with, I can trust them, and as someone who I can depend on. The kinda dude who I'll probably go to the grave laughing with, ya' know? A friendly acquaintance is more like someone you say "sup" to every now and then, and maybe go out for a beer a few times. They can always become friends.
 
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I would define friend as someone who I wouldn't be surprised if I came home and saw he/she sitting on my couch. Another definition, to go off of what Shaian said is that if they were to miss a day of school, I would call them and inform them of what they missed.
 

scorpdestroyer

it's a skorupi egg
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for me a friend is someone with whom I talk to about my personal life. if I'm telling you stuff I normally don't / would feel embarrassed to talk about it to other people, you're a good friend. this includes stuff like asking for advice, talking about stupid shit I do, etc. without feeling embarrassed or feeling like it's going to leak out somehow.

also if I tell someone I play competitive Pokemon when i know he doesn't, he's probably like a bro to me at that point
 

Cresselia~~

Junichi Masuda likes this!!
I define friend as someone who is willing to help you when you are in need/ when you had something bad happen to you.
A person who gets concerned about you, and cares about you. (Who is not related by blood)
Someone who you will find when you need help or just a small chat.
Someone who can chat with you for long periods of time even if the last time you talked was many years ago.
 

Aldaron

geriatric
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for those people i see in person on at least a semi-regular basis: anyone who i'd be willing to inconvenience myself to help them is a friend. for example, anyone i'd be willing to be woken up at 5 am to discuss a break up, anyone id be willing to lend some cash to help out, anyone i'd be willing to let crash at my place for whatever reason

for those people i've lost in touch with: anyone who i think i would do the above for if they were around is a friend.

reciprocation (potential of anyway) is obviously desired, but i dont think id do the above if i didnt think the person would reciprocate

it really just comes down to that idea of self-sacrifice for me
 

GlassGlaceon

My heart has now been set on love
i got the real definition of fren right here - :]

Nah but seriously I consider people who care and love me even through all of my faults and annoyances friends. But at the same time I'd have to be willing to sacrifice for them. Recently I went out and bought some Christmas presents for my crew with some of my own money. I didn't feel pressured to do it, i didnt feel like someone was makin me do this, i just did it cuz i wanted to see them happy. I had also realized theyd been able to put up with my shenanigans from anywhere 2-7 years running. On a side-ish note Im not gonna go all Christian whatever and start a debate or anything but that's why I consider Jesus/God/Holy Spirit part-friends. They're always there for me, always listening, and allways ready to help. Someone I would sacrifice anything to spend more time with. I also consider people my friends if i become interested and attached in their daily lives. i dont rly consider a person who i hang out with in a group sometimes necessarily a friend. I may care about the person a bit, but they and i normally arent built enough emotionally to talk about things that are going on. (Addictions, struggles, bad times, family problems, etc.) There are some guys on showdown like users atomicllamas Shaian Corporal Levi QuoteCS and others who im not hesitant to just talk about life with; I feel as if I've known them a very long time when i talk to them. Don't get me wrong, i try to treat everyone well and i end up liking most people. but there is a difference between friend and pro-neutral acquaintance to me.

just my 2 cents on that :@
 
I don't have a the highest standard for friends, but I do go by these rules:

If they were to be by my side when everyone else wouldn't, then they deserve my friendship.

If they wouldn't think twice about helping me when they know nobody else would see it, then they deserve my friendship.

If I can talk to them about a subject they don't like but would still listen to it and not complain or be bitter, then they deserve my friendship.
 
Someone who doesnt get jealous by my success, feels happy whenever something good happens to me, is there when I need help and support and tries to make up for any mistakes he might make and just as forgiving when I try to make up for my own shit.

I have a very narrow def of friendship but then again I internally refer to most people as colleagues or contacts.
 
Someone who doesnt get jealous by my success, feels happy whenever something good happens to me, is there when I need help and support and tries to make up for any mistakes he might make and just as forgiving when I try to make up for my own shit.

I have a very narrow def of friendship but then again I internally refer to most people as colleagues or contacts.
Interestingly enough, my best friend, who is not only a highly ranked scholastic bowl player (Ranked #7 in varsity as a sophomore at a recent (very large) tournament, remarked when he had heard he would be on Letterman for the Kid Scientist segment, "Now I can finally equal you" (I had been on there 3 years ago).
 
A friend to me is someone who will talk to me and be chill. I don't have too many close friends so I appreciate anyone who will go out of their way to talk to me, unless all they want is a homework assignment. Those people are the low of the low.
 
A friend is someone that feels comfortable with you as how you really are as a person and acknowledges you as someone who is dear to them in some way, either that or someone who doesn't hold out on giving you free food stamps
 

Kinneas

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I had a conversation at the pub the other day with my mate who told me that there were lunar bases on the dark side of the moon controlled by the new world order. Because one side of the moon always faces the earth, there's no way for us to see the dark side with a telescope, so the government have built bases up there in case the people ever turn on them, they can wipe us out in a pre-planned nuclear war, live up on the moon while they wait out the radiation, then return and rebuild the planet as unquestionable leaders.

We sat in silence for a few moments, until he got up out of his seat and said, "I'll get the next one."

That's how you know.
 

Ares

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A FRIEND REMEMBERS MY BIRTHDAY WITHOUT FACEBOOK
How can I expect my friends to remember my birthday when I barely remember it myself?

After the big ones in the states have happened there is really nothing different about that day. (16/17 - you can get your license 18 - you're legally an adult 21 - you can legally drink)

In fact I don't think my friends would really no about my birthday if it wasn't for FaceBook, I feel self conscious and a sort of bragging feeling (which I really dislike) when I bring up my birthday. Sort of like oh look at me it's my birthday buy me stuff. I try to avoid telling them so I don't have to bring it up. As long as I have a good time and can hang out with some of my friends on my birthday thats fine by me.

--

As far as what I believe constitutes a friend varies in a couple of stages. There is the acquaintance, the work / school / sports / other activities friend, the hang out with that person outside of work / school friend, and then there is your best friend(s).

Acquaintance - I consider this to be on the verge of being a friend, someone who you've met once or twice but gotten good vibes off of and had a good time with. You could become friends if you talked / hung out more.

Work / School / Sports / Other Activities Friend - This person is obviously someone you see at a place you go to often, wether it be work, school, a sports team, or it could be a club or extra ciricular activity. While you do hang out with this person or group for a good portion of your day / week you don't necessarily do stuff outside of that one place you hang out with them. You and them do other things in your other time or you just haven't bothered to hang out outside of where you normally do. These people have the potential to become better friends but for w/e reason its an awkward step to ask them over to your house for the first time (for most ppl). I also consider activities outside of the norm but still with like a sports team to be considered in this group of friends.

Hang out with outside of the above friend - These people you obviously hang out a fair bit with, not only do you spend your time together doing something for the majority of the day, you also hang out at other places. These people can include your best friends, but generally I group them in categories of how much I enjoy their company. These people are what I think most people consider in their definition of friend (unless they're a super social person and have a ton of these friends), as these are the people you usually hang out and associate with.

Best Friend(s) - these are the people that are always there for you no matter what. You could call them up at any hour in an emergency and they'd be there for you and vice versa. You frequently hang out with one or two of them more often than your other friends. You tell them your secrets and plans and fears for life. Usually for someone to fall into this category I will have had to have known them for at least a year and spent a good portion of that year with them.

--

I also wanted to talk about drifting away from best friends. As I've grown older I've started doing things in other places and not hanging out with them as often or talking to them. There have been people I haven't talked to in years because of having moved to different places. Usually you'll message them on Facebook or text them or Skype, but eventually you start doing it less and less and then stop altogether. Other best friends might of drifted apart after going to college and hanging out with other groups of people. It sucks that you have to drift away from people, but its just a part of life. However, even though I hardly interact with these people anymore, if any one of them called me up out of the blue and needed help I wouldn't hesitate to help them to the best of my ability. I think thats when you know you've got a true friendship with someone.

(sorry if this was a huge jumble haha, my brain was jumping around with different talking points as I was writing)
 
Well the short answer for me is simply "somebody who loves you". You can argue and discuss whether such-and-such method of expressing love is appropriate or not, but the love must be there, first!

I'll try to elaborate on this a little later... just gotta think it through again.
 
A friend is someone I can say "If I win the lottery, I'll suck you off" to, without him being disgusted.
 

lighthouses

Inordinary
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Yeah, basically someone who you care for, and that cares for you too.
That can apply to a girlfriend/boyfriend or even family members,too, my mon and dad are some of my best friends :o
 
Well most of the points are already mentioned by Myzozoa, Shaian, Aldaron, Montsegur. <3 guys

For me, friends are those who you smile and wave at, when you see them; and they do the same when they see you.

Casual friends are the ones Mont mentioned as Work / Sports / other groups. Usually relatives whom you get along well with, also fall in this category. You don't share secrets with them, you don't tell them stupid jokes and you don't invite them over to your home to play foosball. But you hang around with them where ever you meet with them and talk about stuff that happens around there.

Buddies are the ones who know you, in and out, and vice versa. They know all your short comings, your bad habits, your addictions, your most embarrassing moments, and just about everything there is about you. But they never judge you, never make fun of you behind your back, never share your secrets and always try helping you out if they could. Obviously you would do the same for them, but the best thing about buddies is that; you don't have to say anything to them and both of you can still have a laugh. Because there are so many stories that you know about each other, that there will never be a dull moment between you. Although, most of the time you will be making fun of others. ^_^

Buddies are the hardest to find, and the most difficult to drift away from. But you know that you would always be there for them, no matter what. Every other friendship requires spending time together though.

But there are some friends whom you just respect for being a great person. You don't have to spend time with them, you don't have to talk to them, and you don't have to share secrets or jokes with them. But they would still be your friends, because these friendships are based on respect. And once you respect someone and vice versa, for who they are; you are friends for life with them. You may not do everything that you do for your buddies, but you do what ever you can do and you do indeed go out of your way to help them in their need. A good example would be, seniors in your school, parents, teachers etc.
 
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