Serious LGBTQ

[Princess Bubblegum]

I sympathize with you Seraph's Fire but come from a different background so I don't know how much help I can be. My only thought is that a lot of parents end up being a lot more accepting than you think, and those who aren't can come to accept you in time. Sometimes you view your parents as much worse than they are, I thought my would kick me out or freak out when I told them, but they turned out to be really cool about it.

What exactly is your game plan here? Do you plan on eventually going on hormones and such? How old are you btw? I would hate for you to become homeless or something if your parents are negative.

 

[Seraph's Fire]

What exactly is your game plan here? Do you plan on eventually going on hormones and such? How old are you btw? I would hate for you to become homeless or something if your parents are negative.

The most I have of a plan (as far as telling them) is bringing up the issue under the guise of objecting to their treatment of my cousin (who is transgender) and leading into my general argument and convincing of my views (and it's a "maybe" whether or not I'll be able to do that) before telling them. And yeah, I will, but obviously that's not an option just about right now. I'm almost sixteen.

 

[Princess Bubblegum]

If you feel you need to come out (sometimes all of this is like opening Pandora's box) you might want to ask your friends if you could crash at their house in an emergency or look up local shelters.

Again, who knows, your parents might be totally cool, or at least tolerating, but its best to be on the safe side.

 

[Exclaimer]

No, it's what you use to do anal. I wasn't sure if we could use it or not so I decided to just cover it up.

Speaking of anal, any of my fellow gays not enjoy it? Have only done it once and never looked back.

Being gay myself, I cannot find myself enjoying anal. I just think it's not worth the risk and I hate using lube/condoms because for me it retracts from the experience. I've never done it but it's more of the risks involved and the discomfort I get from imagining it that turns me off from it.

I don't know if I'm gay or bisexual yet mainly

So naturally this got me back to questioning myself. I wasn't questioning my sexuality as I was my gender; I don't have the words to describe my gender dysphoric feelings (I'm terrible at describing feelings, as someone who was once mistaken for alexithymic, although I'm not). But to say it as best I can, I don't feel right about fitting the concept of masculinity--not physically, not emotionally, not culturally. It's just...not me. I won't waste space going into detail. So, shortly, I'm a transgender MtF lesbian. This isn't quite my coming out, since I already came out to my closest friends and changed my gender to female on the sites I'm on, but it's close as the first time I've publicly discussed it.

This presents a problem, however. While my standpoint changed drastically, my parents' is still the same. I have no idea how to approach them about it--my mother is pliable enough that, given time, I could use the evidence to sway her to my side, but my father is a different story. He's still a diehard fundamentalist and made his decisions long ago. It's not even been that long and I'm already depressed about it (granted I have a depressive disorder). I'm not really asking for advice on coming out to my parents (but if you have experience with conservatives that could help I'm open to it I suppose), only asking that you understand my dilemma. Which is a common one, I'd assume. I've never really learned how to handle depression (I used to laugh it off and that doesn't work anymore) and this issue is really eating at me.

I'm with you on this, living with Christian grandparents myself. For me, I've already told my grandmother and she's "okay" with it (Quotes on okay because she believes it's a sin but she's not looking down on me for it, though our relationship is kinda rocky), and we both agree that grandfather would be very offended by it, so we keep it a secret from them. I'm a very paranoid person so I've only told a few people about my sexuality, but I'm starting to grow more comfortable with the idea. Once I'm out on my own (Which is within the next year and a half, I'd say) I'll tell everyone because I won't need to worry about what others think about me, and that's what's holding me back.

I'm also looking into transgender surgery. Ever since I was 12 I took a sharp turn towards femininity because of how I was raised by my parents and the fact that I never mentally grew up (Abuse both from family and from peers also increased depression and dependency issues). It doesn't help I was raped by two girls at that age, which has since ruined sex with females for me. I had a girlfriend once, but it was an online relationship, and everytime we talked about sex together I felt utterly awful. I have since found a boyfriend I am very physically comfortable with, which has helped me realize what I'm attracted to now and what I wish I could be.

My advice is to go tell your mother about your feelings. If she's what you say she is, combined with motherly love, she'll be willing to help and assist you in what you want to do. I'd say we're both in that age where we're discovering our own identity (You're a year younger than me and it seems you're already ahead of me in that aspect >.>) and getting support is extremely helpful.

And what Bubblegum says. If things go wrong (Which I admit is unlikely though I feel that paranoia) you should be able to rely on someone until things calm down.

 

[macle]

Actually, I need you guys to help because I think I might not be really bisexual.
I read that a lot of straight females like to look at breasts too, and sometimes even gay men like to look too.
I so far am not interested in the bottom parts of females at all.

So I think it is possible that I am straight but have breast fetish?

What do you guys think?

Admiring someone's body is not a sign of your sexuality unless you want to do something sexual with it. Plus boobs are amazing.

 

[Princess Bubblegum]

Oh, I want to drop off a link to the ask transgender subreddit, as its a good resource for those who are questioning and friends and family who need help understanding.

What do you mean by "transsexual surgery" Exclaimer? It seems that you are dealing with a lot of other issues at once but I found that bit curious, mind expanding on it?

 

[Cresselia~~]

I'm not sure. I probably can't imagine spending life with another female, I don't think I can do it.
But at the same time, I like looking at breasts and always wonder what it would be like if I get to rub another female's breasts. (Like, I think it would be quite different than masturbating.)
Looking at breasts makes me feel high enough, I don't need to watch any porn.
I've never watched porn. (This probably is very abnormal)
I never felt the need to watch porn.

I often go to watch anime with boob scenes. You know, the ones that are right into the middle of the screen and jiggles and bounces. (I don't like real life breasts. They kind of look ugly to me)
I also search images of manga boobs too. The more hideous the image, the more excited I get.
Like, really really hideous stuff. Manga by タモリはタル makes me really high.
But that's like the naughtiest thing I've ever watched.

 

[Thund91]

Usually it takes a lot to get me mad, especially about the whole gay thing.

Today, I told someone who works in the same plaza as me that I'm gay so she stops asking me what girl I'm currently talking to.

She's one of those "Oh I love gays but not for my kids. You should still stay in the closet, get married, and have kids.

So basically, on top of wanting me to screw myself over, she also wants me to screw others over as well?

**** off *****.

 

[v]

ur allowed to swear. u can say any fucking thing u want uncensored, altho i guess u prob shouldnt call ppl itt (BAN ME PLEASE). other than that ur good

 

[RiyaadX]

Speaking of anal, any of my fellow gays not enjoy it? Have only done it once and never looked back.

Aah, lots of lube and being gentle helps, but it can be pleasurable after a while, I don't love it, I don't hate it

Also how did you guys come out? ;I'm semi-closeted.

 

[Princess Bubblegum]

I told my mom while she was driving that way that if she had a bad reaction she would crash the car. :V

I wasn't in a good place back then.

 

[Minwu]

i felt really cute yesterday

 

[Exeggutor]

this thread looks cute hi people
i've "identified" as a lesbian for about 2 years now. most people on here who know me know about it and i'm incredibly open about it online. IRL is almost a completely different case.

where i live is predominantly catholic and most people here are really, really homophobic. i came out to my mother early last year after a couple of problems and she said she'd accept me and the whole shebang, which surprised me greatly but was one of the most comforting things i could have heard at the time. after coming out she never really liked me mentioning it and always told me that i was too young to make up my mind. she does have a habit on going back on the things she tells me but that was probably what hurt the most.

i never told my father anything but i'm pretty sure my mother's told him everything. there was a time where we had a serious talk and he mentioned that he was "scared" of me possibly not liking boys or wanting children, both of which i find to be pretty dumb but w/e. both my parents tell me i can tell them anything but their attitude towards this kind of thing always makes me really secretive about it.

i'm lucky to have an IRL friend circle that i can be open with and that accepts me for who i am and supports me regarding both my sexuality and depression, as well as my friends online. i just hope i'll be able to sway my parents to be more accepting of it once i leave for college or something.

 

[skies]

Posting this because it's a really nice image:

I still have not come out to my mom, but she knows I'm fairly certain. I have a boyfriend, albeit one that not many people know about, so that's chill n_n. I'm happy to see so many people in this thread being happy as well, because you all deserve to be :>.

 

[Pallas Athena]

I'm a heteroromantic asexual, which basically makes me a pariah whenever I come into a thread like this (how dare you identify with our movement!), but it's probably relevant enough. I'm fairly closeted in real life. I've come out to my parents and a few close friends, but most of them view it as either something along the lines of a fetish that it's best to just not talk about unless you're going to have sex with someone (and since I'm from a fairly conservative Christian family, that means when I'm about to marry someone in their view). Parents outright denied talking about it the first few times under the guise that it didn't exist. Now at least my mom sort of believes it, but my dad won't acknowledge it. The problem is my mom has now started believing that we shouldn't label anyone at all, which is sort of insulting and hurtful to me since her refusal to believe in something due to the lack of publicity the label gets caused me a fair bit of emotional distress when I was younger. I've tried convincing her that asexual rights will hinge a lot on convincing people it's real, and thus using the label, but she doesn't get why I would need to come out at all and still tries to convince me I'm heterosexual or that it's just a phase or something I've convinced myself I believe in.

Trying to figure out if I was normal or not when "normal" adolescence seemed rather sexualized was hard. Now I'm in college and find it a little hard to connect socially since I don't drink (hate the taste, lack of control), don't like being around drunk people, and have no interest in sex. Every friend I've come out to has expressed their hope/certainty that one day I'll meet the right girl and be "fixed." Granted, this isn't quite as traumatic to me since I do eventually want to fall in love/marry someone of the opposite sex, but it annoys me that even as LBTGQ gains publicity asexuality is basically unknown. I won't publicly come out for a while since asexuality has pretty heavy discrimination against it in the few studies that have been done and there is no orientation-based protection in my state. So, yeah, feel free to tell the ace-het to leave your thread, but I could use some advice for productively convincing your parents that, yes, you're different and, no, that doesn't cause you distress.

 

[Isa]

oh hey it's another heteroromantic asexual!

while i have the comparative advantage of living in a non-religious and tolerant area/country, i'm still somewhat closeted. i am open on facebook about it (albeit it's hard to be since you can't accurately set the "interested in" field) and post some kind of asexual thing twice or thrice per year or so. people dont see everything on facebook though so eh.

i haven't told my mom or brother. dont think they know.

i did tell my dad once when i was 19. ive almost always had more female than male friends and had spent the afternoon with one of my female friends, came home slightly after dinnertime. dad seizes the moment to talk about the importance of happy relationships and the birds and the bees and whatnot. took half an hour. i dont think ive ever cringed so hard for so long.
at the end of his talk, i tried to tell him i was asexual. he just brushed it off and didnt seem to believe me. i gave him his chance...i dont really feel like bringing up the topic with him again.

so to relate to the above (edit: rip new page), i dont really have any advice. my own experience was surprisingly negative.

 

[Pallas Athena]

I've seen people share things on Facebook (which is basically the only way I know if someone's asexual), but I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be doing it. It's still something of an awkward topic since I don't really want to come out until Congress passes equal protection legislation. And I also really don't want people getting the conquest mentality. Sexual advances with no intent of starting a relationship is kind of the opposite of what I want.

 

[DoW]

I've recently discovered that I don't really understand gender, would it be possible for you to explain it? I enjoy pokemon and science and a whole load of things considered "boyish" (at least by the patriarchy), but I wouldn't say I particularly feel any more male than female, and I get the feeling the only reason I tell people I'm male is that's what I was taught. Does that make me agender, or am I simply not understanding something?

 

[Minority]

How can people be so sure that they feel like a girl when it is impossible to even know how a girl feels unless you are one?

Does this mean that when boys think they feel like girls they just relate to the generalizations our culture places on females?

How can you be certain that all girls feel similar enough such that you can generalize what it feels like to be a girl when you can't even truly know what it feels like to be any person other than yourself?

 

[Myzozoa]

those questions are grammatically ill-formed, if I were to define each word in the above questions, they would cease to be coherent. Truly: "There are cases such that, if someone gives signs of doubt where we not doubt, we cannot confidently understand their signs as signs of doubt. In certain circumstances a person cannot make a mistake. In order to make a mistake, a person must already judge in conformity with mankind."

And im not even saying this just because of the 'our culture' formulation, though that is illustrative enough.

Generalizations don't just come from nowhere to be placed on bodies, and cultures can change. Maybe people don't 'share' your 'culture' and don't want any part of it and actually have a full and imaginative 'culture' of their own.


to ask these questions will always be so revealing about the one who asks.

 

[billymills]

I've recently discovered that I don't really understand gender, would it be possible for you to explain it? I enjoy pokemon and science and a whole load of things considered "boyish" (at least by the patriarchy), but I wouldn't say I particularly feel any more male than female, and I get the feeling the only reason I tell people I'm male is that's what I was taught. Does that make me agender, or am I simply not understanding something?

I've never really seen gender defined properly. Googling it doesn't give anything constructive: http://www.who.int/gender/whatisgender/en/

 

[P Squared]

Trying to figure out if I was normal or not when "normal" adolescence seemed rather sexualized was hard. Now I'm in college and find it a little hard to connect socially since I don't drink (hate the taste, lack of control), don't like being around drunk people, and have no interest in sex.

I do eventually want to fall in love/marry someone of the opposite sex, but it annoys me that even as LBTGQ gains publicity asexuality is basically unknown.

while i have the comparative advantage of living in a non-religious and tolerant area/country, i'm still somewhat closeted.

This sounds pretty familiar.

Rediamond, was there anything in particular that helped you "figure out if you were normal or not"? I know it's rude to ask stuff like "when did you realize/how did you know you were ___", but I think it's sort of harder to notice a lack of attraction. In my case at least, I only realized a couple years ago that my complete lack of interest (bordering on repulsion) towards sex was unusual. I kind of saw sex/sexual attraction as a vague concept that I would deal with later (like taxes, haha), assuming that it was something I could and would feel and that I was just preoccupied with other things (school) at the time. Although, even now I don't completely believe that I am different from other people in this way. It's like being told that there's a color that I've never heard of that everyone else has been seeing their entire life...? Sorry, my thoughts are pretty jumbled here, but maybe this will get my message across more?

See, I had never even considered that I did not experience sexual attraction. Because it did not occur to me that I was any different from everybody around me who talked and acted as if we were all experiencing this same thing. I figured I must have it; I have attraction to people, it must be sexual.

Anyways, I'd appreciate any insight/experiences you have to offer (you too, Isa !) and I hope I'm not being rude!!

also I've never typed the word 'sex' so many times (...three) and I am now uncomfortable

 

[Pallas Athena]

It never occurred to me that it was unusual until I found out that asexuality was a thing. Even then it didn't really register to me that it was a thing that applied to me until almost a year later. At first it took me a while to figure out how much of my lack of interest in sex came from basically not knowing what it was; due to Red State Abstinence-Only "Sex Education" and a general lack of interest in learning about the topic as well as my aforementioned conservative Christian family I literally didn't know the mechanics of how sex worked until late high school, which seems pretty impossible typing that sentence. Like, seriously... how can you call it sex education if they never educate you about sex?

Truth be told, it's still hard to prove a negative, especially when everyone I come out to asks me to reevaluate my conclusion. My main evidence at this point is that while I've had a fair few crushes, none of them really involved a physical element at all. I've never had a sexual fantasy about another person and actively thinking about other people in a sexual manner turns me off big time. I remember that for most of Middle School when everyone else was starting to act on their crushes I had basically no idea what to think of them and the one time I got asked out (in a middle school sort of way) it actively repulsed me.

And I've later figured out that while I can be turned on, it can't be done solely by something connected to sex, or really happen at all without my conscious attempt to do so.

At the same time, I can recognize physical attractiveness more easily in females than males and occasionally I can even find someone attractive, although if the idea of sex surfaced the attraction would basically end. So, yeah, it's hard to prove a negative. To me it's just an abundance of evidence that suggests that my experiences with sexuality are different than the vast majority of people romantically attracted to women. But then again, it's hard to say because Sex Ed at my school was five years of well-meaning people telling you you'd get AIDS if you saw a girl naked. Attraction or how to manage it were never really brought up, especially since they also saw it fit to tell you that you'd go blind and break your wrist if you resorted to self-gratification. I think that after looking through AVEN for a while I am at least graysexual, or somewhere on the spectrum very close to asexual.

 

[Princess Bubblegum]

How can people be so sure that they feel like a girl when it is impossible to even know how a girl feels unless you are one?

Does this mean that when boys think they feel like girls they just relate to the generalizations our culture places on females?

How can you be certain that all girls feel similar enough such that you can generalize what it feels like to be a girl when you can't even truly know what it feels like to be any person other than yourself?

Truth be told, I had a very hard time getting my head around this myself. I had the same doubt even after I came out. Like, how can I claim to 'feel like a girl' its not like I can access the minds of women or something for a comparison, all I have is my own mind.

But at the same time, I definitely felt "better" when I was seen as a woman, and hated the masculine aspects of my body, which early on was enough for me to come out and pursue transitioning. I only got a good handle on this maybe a year after.

I say the folly of this question is the assumption that gender is just an abstract thing which men and women do in our society. Like that if you like dresses you're a woman, and idk, cars or something, you're man. But neither of these things are inherently gendered, I mean like dresses are just cloth tubes you wear and car didn't exist 150 years go.

Bizarrely, I really think it comes down to the body. Like maybe I could be a man if I liked makeup, dresses, purfume, ect. Maybe some hypothetical guy (cross dressers?) might still be comfortable saying they are a man with all that. But how can I be a man if I desire to have breasts, a vagina, hate my body and facial hair, hate my height, ect? If someone hates their fundamental male biology, how can they be a man?

Now I know what some reading this might be thinking "well maybe they aren't their assigned gender, but that doesn't make them the other gender." I could be a not-man but still not be a woman. For this it comes down to how I want to be seen I guess, I mean I guess I could go around being referred to as gender neutral if I needed to, but I would be / am so much happier if I am seen as a woman. I will admit however that this distinction is far more fuzzier. Again though, the whole desire to have breasts is a pretty big clue as to what I am.

...

Don't assume that us trans people haven't thought about this, we are our own biggest critics sometimes. :P

 

[Minority]

Sorry if I came off as rude because of the way I phrased my original post. I have several friends that are trans and even though they do their best to explain it to me there are still a lot of things I don't understand, I just wanted some different perspectives.