CAP 20 CAP 20 - Pokedex Submissions

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DHR-107

Robot from the Future
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Orange Islands
Here we are at the final stages of Naviathan; welcome to Pokedex submissions! In this thread you may post your entries for critique and eventually submit them for the poll. Please read the following rules before doing so!:

Legal Pokedex submissions must meet the following standards
  • Pokedex Entries must have flawless grammar. Smogon has a Grammar & Prose team that will help identify mistakes.
  • Pokedex Entries cannot be longer than 25 words.
  • Pokedex Entries can only contain the following characters:
    • Letters A-Z
    • Numbers 0-9
    • Dash (-)
    • Apostrophe (')
    • Period (.)
    • Comma (,)
    • Colon (:)
    • Semi-colon (;)
    • Space

Work In Progress (WIP) Pokedex Entries can be posted at any time for comments from the community.

No more than three WIP Pokedex Entries can be posted by any individual person through the entire course of the submission thread. This limit applies to ALL posts made by a single person, even if previous posts are edited or deleted. This limit is intended to curb the tendency for some submitters to spam the thread repeatedly with multiple Pokedex Entries. This detracts from other submissions and makes it difficult for commenters to survey the submission thread.

Do not bump your WIP Pokedex Entries by posting them repeatedly, or making minor wording changes. Bumping will result in the disqualification of all Pokedex Entries by the offender. Editing or deleting bump posts will not prevent disqualification.

Only ONE Final Submission can be made per person.

Pokedex Entry Final Submissions can only be posted after a CAP Moderator posts in the thread that final submissions are open. Any final submission posted prior to the Moderator notification post, will disqualify the submitter from the poll entirely. Even if the offending post is edited later or deleted, the submitter will still be disqualified for the remainder of the thread. This ensures that all submitters have equal opportunity to post final submissions without anyone unfairly "jumping the gun".

Pokedex entries Final Submissions must posted exactly in the following format and in the following exact order:
  • The first line of the post must have the words "Final Submission" in bold on it's own line. No other text may be included before the bold heading.
  • A blank line
  • "<Pokemon Name>, the <Species Name> Pokemon", with the Pokemon name and the Species Name in bold
  • A blank line
  • The X Pokedex Entry submission. Start with the letters "X/OR" in bold, then a colon (:), and then the Pokedex entry.
  • A blank line
  • The Y Pokedex Entry submission. Start with the letters "Y/AS" in bold, then a colon (:), and then the Pokedex entry.
Below the Final Submission you can post other comments, explanations, etc.

Example final submission:

Final Submission

Victini, the Victory Pokémon

X/OR: This Pokémon brings victory. It is said that Trainers with Victini always win, regardless of the type of encounter.

Y/AS: When it shares the infinite energy it creates, that being’s entire body will be overflowing with power.
Any Final Submission that does not follow the proper format will be disqualified.


---
Naviathan
Concept:
Name: Use the Boost to Get Through!

General Description: A sweeper with several boosting options that result in completely different checks and counters. While each set should be viable in its own right, the unpredictability of this Pokemon should make it much better than any one set alone.

Type: Water / Steel
Abilities: Water Veil / Heatproof / ???
Stats: 103 HP / 110 Atk / 90 Def / 95 SpA / 65 SpD / 97 Spe
Height: 10 feet / 3.048 Meters
Weight: 1124.36 pounds / 510 KG
Egg Groups: Water1, Field
Movepool:
Final Submission
Brief Overview:
This submission tries to include a bunch of flavor with few truly viable moves beyond the mandatory move list. The movepool has standout flavor moves such as Metronome, Splash, Brine, and Self Destruct. Beyond a lot of Water and Steel moves, this submission also is fairly heavy with Flying and Dragon type moves, making reference to the feather oars and dragon-like features of the design. Since there was freedom in the choice of recovery move, Slack Off was chosen to avoid the blandness of Recover. Overall, the moves were carefully chosen and organized to mimic an actual GameFreak movepool, with an appropriate number of Level Up moves spaced in a set pattern and several moves that are repeated between Level Up, Tutor/Egg Moves, and TM/HMs (within the code section, it is specified most clearly which moves are repeated).

This submission contains 70 individual moves and was created/assembled by both HeaLnDeaL and myself. In the event that this submission wins, please credit both of us onsite.

Mandatory Move*
4-4-6-4-4-6 Pattern

--Peck
--Dragon Breath
--Gust
--Splash
--Scary Face
03 Splash
07 Water Gun
11 Metal Claw
17 Scary Face
21 Metal Sound
25 Bubblebeam
31 Drill Peck*
35 Flash Cannon*
39 Slack Off*
45 Brine
49 Icicle Crash*
54 Wide Guard
60 Hydro Pump
64 Hurricane
70 Iron Head
74 Self Destruct

Slack Off was chosen as the flavorful recovery move, mostly because Recover is just boring. If that logic doesn't work for you, consider that pretty much everything that learns Slack Off is pretty large and/or fat-ish (with the exception of the Infernape line). This CAP to me seems to fit that bill.

In terms of notable flavor here, the big standouts are Splash, Brine, and Self Destruct. Splash is there because it's boss for flavor, and ships are splashy. Brine is the most flavorful water move imaginable for a sea dwelling boat. Self Destruct is included to reference the burning of Viking ships for funerals.

Going all the way up to level 74 for level up moves is a fair bit higher than most other submissions. However, there definitely is precedence of GameFreak Pokemon leveling up past level 60 even within single evolutionary lines. For random examples, Aerodactyl goes all the way up to level 81 and Tyranitar goes up to 82.


02: Dragon Claw
04: Calm Mind*
06: Toxic
10: Hidden Power
07: Hail
12: Taunt*
13: Ice Beam
14: Blizzard
15: Hyper Beam
17: Protect
18: Rain Dance
21: Frustration
27: Return
32: Double Team
42: Facade
44: Rest
45: Attract
48: Round
49: Echoed Voice
55: Scald*
67: Retaliate
68: Giga Impact
87: Swagger
88: Sleep Talk
90: Substitute*
91: Flash Cannon*
93: Wild Charge*
94: Secret Power (ORAS)
100: Confide

There's not much to really say about the TMs. Basically the list includes the obligatory moves learned by every fully evolved Pokemon, plus the required moves, plus some basic flavor moves. Pretty much every Water type not named Keldeo learns Ice Beam / Blizzard, whereas Hail was included to make more sense next to the required move of Icicle Crash. Dragon Claw is there because Shipmon looks like a Dragon. Rawr.

HM03: Surf
HM04: Strength
HM05: Waterfall*
HM06: Rock Smash
HM07:Dive

Every current HM except Cut and Fly is included. Surf is needed because of the Water typing, Strength because the thing looks beefy and strong, Waterfall is required, Rock Smash for similar reasons to Strength, and Dive for some water-dragon references (Diving Nessy Boat as an omage to the fantastic second place concept art). Its claws don't look particularly suited for cutting, so Cut was omitted. Though I think it would be positively amazing for this thing to learn Fly, sadly I don't think the flavor fits as six feathers can't really lift up a boat.


Egg Groups: Water 1, Field

Bite (Naviathan and friends)
Dragon Dance* (Lapras and friends)
Feather Dance (Blaziken and friends)
Feint (Kabutops and friends)
Haze (Greninja and friends)
Ice Fang (Granbull and friends)
Icicle Spear (Dewgong and friends)
Iron Tail (Naviathan and friends)
Metronome (Granbull and friends)
Refresh* (Lapras and friends)
Thunder Fang (Granbull and friends)
Water Pulse (Lapras and friends)
Whirlpool (Lapras and friends)
Wide Guard (Naviathan and friends)


Ice Fang and Thunder Fang are included because it's a Dragon-like boat so fang moves are appropriate (and another electric flavor move was needed so that Wild Charge wouldn't be all alone). Feather Dance is a reference to the feather oars. Icicle Spear is a flavorful ice move that by and large is not as reliable as Ice Punch/Icicle Crash and on average not as strong as Icicle Crash.


Dragon Pulse
Ice Punch*
Icy Wind
Iron Defense
Iron Head*
Iron Tail
Snore
Thunder Punch
Water Pulse

Pretty much everything gets Snore, many Water types get Icy Wind, and pretty much every Steel type gets Iron Defence. If Ice Punch is required and it gets Wild Charge, then Thunder Punch only made sense as well (and the drop in power between Wild Charge and Thunder Punch is significant).


Art:

Sprite:

3D Render:
 
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Qwilphish

when everything you touch turns to gold
WIP

Naviathan
, the Longship Pokemon

X/OR: The oars on its sides are made from the scales that adorn its chest. As this Pokemon submerges underwater, its oars flatten to reduce resistance.

Y/AS: Although this Pokemon usually resides on the surface of the water, its preference for locations with sea ice delayed the discovery of this Pokemon.

The oars seemed to be a natural starting point since they seem mysterious to me and its use of Dive despite it being a boat also needed addressing. I'm looking for a better way to word the second one, specifically the second half as it is ambiguous and confusing.
 
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WIP

Naviathan
, the Voyage Pokemon

X/OR: Using their elegant yet rigid exteriors, Naviathan fight vigorously in times of combat. Smaller opponents risk getting crushed by their sheer bulk.

Y/AS: Ancient folklore tells of groups navigating the open seas, exploring for uncharted territory. Adventurers would venture atop them, crossing long and dangerous distances.

I split the themes up regarding long ship use. I basically wanted one to highlight their warfaring side, while the other focused on their exploration. For the species name, Navigation seemed a bit too easy to go with, so I stuck with Voyage.

The word Naviathan also fits, in my opinion, as a regular plural. In the same way fish and sheep have the same spellings both singular and plural, that's how I'm going to judge this.

Edit: Bull of Heaven, thanks
 
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WIP

Naviathan, the Dragon Ship Pokémon.

X/OR: Crews of Cawmodore and Cawdet man these Pokémon on voyages across the globe. Each Naviathan is capable of carrying 700 pounds.

Y/AS: Naviathan can resist a torpedo shot at their hull. These sturdy Pokémon are famous for their stoic, peaceful habits.

First entry is a nod to Cawmodore and a reference to their strength. Second entry is referencing Defense and Calm Mind.
 
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Wip

Naviathan
, the Majestic Pokemon

X/OR: Seafarers aboard Naviathan often get scared when they see its legendary dance, as the dance creates gigantic waves. These waves often wash the seafarers out.

Y/AS: Naviathan often set sail on full moon nights. The moon gives them incredible calmness, enabling them to shrug off special attacks easily.

In the X entry, i referred to Dragon Dance, and what such a powerful dance in the middle of the sea could do to the people aboard. In Y, I referred to Calm Mind. The moon is often related to calmness and serenity, so I included the moon in the submission. The species comes from the fact that, ships sailing in the sea often look magestic, and Naviathan is a viking ship.
 
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WIP

Naviathan
, the Seafaring Pokemon

X/OR: This Pokemon often clashes with Lapras, as they compete for the attention of humans. Both enjoy ferrying people on their backs.

Y/AS: Empty Naviathan hulls can be found at the bottom of the ocean, becoming new habitats for Pokemon living on the seafloor.


I didn't base these off of moves but Lapras seems like something Naviathan would be easily compared to. Y entry is based off of the Shiprex name that was submitted.



Edit 1: I changed "Sailing Pokemon" to "Seafaring Pokemon" because as cbrevan pointed out, you kinda need sails to... sail.
Edit 2: Changed "Across their backs" to "on their backs".
Edit 3: Changes "bashes" to "clashes" as recommended by Bull Of Heaven , thanks for the input.
 
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WIP

Naviathan
, the Navigator Pokemon

X/OR: This Pokemon can navigate across the northern wastes. It is often credited with discovering previously unknown islands.

Y/AS: Naviathan wage fierce battles out at sea. This is thought to have inspired legends of sea monsters among sailors.

X entry for the Viking connotations, given things like Iceland and Greenland.

Edit: Labelled up the extra ORAS stuff.
 
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WIP
Naviathan
, the Sea Dragon Pokémon

X: Its hollow back is able to seat three people. In the past, pirates would use this Pokémon to conduct raids on coastal villages.

Y: The oar-like scales on its back are not strong enough to swim with, and are instead used in courtship displays.

Word of the lord, yo
 
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Unsee

so smart me, enjoy book so much
is an Artist
WIP

Naviathan
, the Ancient Vessel Pokémon

X: Legend has it that early sailors were inspired by Naviathan's build. It has proudly weaved its way into human history.

Y: Naviathan are very dignified beasts, and will only let people of recognized status to clamber upon and bestride its back.
 

Astra

talk to me nice
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WIP

Naviathan
, the Viking Ship Pokémon

X/OR: Naviathan has the power to flood entire islands easily. When people saw this strength long ago, they thought Naviathan were gifts from the ocean.

Y/AS: Vikings sometimes used Naviathan for sailing instead of man-made ships, as its sturdy body can withstand a hundred-thousand times more force than regular ships.
 
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DHR-107 Pokémon outside of the Hoenn Pokédex technically only have XY entries, with the exception of Hoopa, who has four completely different entries. Since this Pokémon is likely not native to Hoenn, we probably shouldn't have to worry about having four different entries for Naviathan.
 

DHR-107

Robot from the Future
is a Member of Senior Staffis a Community Contributoris a Smogon Discord Contributoris a Pokemon Researcheris a Smogon Media Contributor
Orange Islands
DHR-107 Pokémon outside of the Hoenn Pokédex technically only have XY entries, with the exception of Hoopa, who has four completely different entries. Since this Pokémon is likely not native to Hoenn, we probably shouldn't have to worry about having four different entries for Naviathan.
I am aware of all of the facts people have brought to me. It's simply a case of deciding which way we move forward with the dex entries themselves. It's a precedent that has not been set before iirc. BW2 had different entries, but ORAS entries are mostly the same as Gen 3 entries we do not have.

It'll likely be a short discussion, I am just letting people know that there may be a change in the offing.
 
Decided to throw in two cents about some of the dex entries, though the actual pokedex isn't exactly a perfect match all of the time but i feel it is necessary to stay at least a bit consistent with Naviathan's official size, and weight. For example though i love the idea of SwedishBiscuit's submission of where it says it can fit dozens of men, it would be a tad bit of a squeeze on the 10 foot tall 15 foot long pokemon. To reference a real dex entry flabebe, a .1 m pokemon, is quoted from its y entry to "dwell on a flower its whole life long*" which is reasonable for its size.


*Flabebe dex entry: (Y:When it finds a flower it likes, it dwells on that flower its whole life long. It floats in the wind's embrace with an untroubled heart.)
 
Naviathan, the Wave Pokémon

X/OR: This Pokémon creates large waves as it swims and is capable of traveling great distances. For these reasons, it is popular with surfers worldwide.

Y/AS: Annual migration patterns bring hordes of Naviathan from Unova to Hoenn. During low tide this Pokémon is known to walk along beaches, leaving enormous footprints.

Edit: (adding rationale because others have done so, this is my first CAP contribution ^_^) I think warship and Nordic references were covered very well in the design and move pool stage. After reading other descriptions, I couldn't decide if I preferred the thought of people/Pokémon riding Naviathan or rather it being an ironic pet peeve of his to have passengers so I left it up to the imagination. Pokédex entries focus on modern cultural relevance in the Pokémon world through the original "childlike observations" Pokédex model.
 
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DHR-107

Robot from the Future
is a Member of Senior Staffis a Community Contributoris a Smogon Discord Contributoris a Pokemon Researcheris a Smogon Media Contributor
Orange Islands
Okay, so we will be following the format of the post above. I'll also edit the OP. Please mark X Entries as X/OR and Y Entries as Y/AS.

Final Submission

Victini, the Victory Pokémon

X/OR: This Pokémon brings victory. It is said that Trainers with Victini always win, regardless of the type of encounter.

Y/AS: When it shares the infinite energy it creates, that being’s entire body will be overflowing with power.
 

Da Pizza Man

Pizza Time
is a Pre-Contributor
WIP

Naviathan
, the Viking Ship Pokémon

X/OR: This Pokémon is the apex predator in the sea. Even Sharpedo hide when groups of Naviathan are hunting for prey.

Y/AS: Despite its ferocious appearance and nature, this Pokémon calmly and happily allows humans to ride on its back.
 
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WIP

Naviathan
, the Iron Hull Pokémon

X/OR: This Pokémon is capable of moving surprisingly quickly on land in addition to water, making it a popular choice for trainers.

Y/AS: Wild Naviathan often disturb the surface of the ocean with their ornate oars to draw their hapless prey to the surface.

I tried to connect each entry to its respective game, with the OR entry being connected to land and the AS entry being connected to water. With the Y entry I made it about predation because of Yveltal and death.

Alternate Entries!

Y/AS:
Wild Naviathan often clash in territorial battles out in the middle of the ocean, the victor sometimes even sinking the opponent.

Edit #1: Shorted "oftentimes" to "often" and removed the "will" in the Y/AS entry.
Edit #2: Added an alternate entry to tweak and possibly use in place of the Y/AS entry.
 
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WIP

Naviathan,
the Gentle Giant Pokémon

X/OR: Despite their fearsome appearance, Naviathan are quite calm and peaceful. They often ferry young children across deep waters.

Y/AS: Naviathan live near glacial islands in frigid waters. As they get older, they shed their oars like scales, which is a blessing for island natives.



WIP #2

Naviathan,
the Iron Bastion Pokémon

X/OR: Legend has it that a Naviathan far from home wandered through a naval battle unharmed, as the cannonballs simply bounced off its iron-hard armor.

Y/AS: 3,000 years ago, humans attempted to train Naviathan for war. It didn't end well, as the Pokémon simply wandered off in search of a meal.



I'm deciding on what the species name should be, any suggestions? Any other advice would be greatly appreciated :3

Now, the only issue is how to include "Shiprekt" in one of my entries...
 
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WIP

Naviathan,
the Gentle Giant Pokémon

X/OR: Despite their fearsome appearance, Naviathan are quite calm and peaceful. They often ferry young children across deep waters.

Y/AS: Naviathan live near glacial islands in frigid waters. As they get older, they shed their oars like scales, which is a blessing for island natives.



WIP #2

Naviathan,
the Iron Bastion Pokémon

X/OR: Legend has it that a Naviathan far from home wandered through a naval battle unharmed, as the cannonballs simply bounced off its iron-hard armor.

Y/AS: 3,000 years ago, humans attempted to train Naviathan for war. It didn't end well, as the Pokémon simply wandered off in search of a meal.




I'm deciding on what the species name should be, any suggestions? Any other advice would be greatly appreciated :3
Smooth Sailing maybe then again no sail.

WIP

Naviathan,
the Sea Voyage Pokémon

X/OR: In folklore it is said that a giant Naviathan was used as a vessel for large groups of Pokémon.

Y/AS: This Pokémon is very solitary, seldom seen in any sort of group or pack.

(i consider Naviathan to be usable as a plural)

Edit 1:Needed to change Y/AS entry due to being slightly to long.
Edit 2:Slightly changed X/OR entry to remove the mention of "gods", removed second sentence in Y/AS entry.
 
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Deck Knight

Blast Off At The Speed Of Light! That's Right!
is a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Top CAP Contributor Alumnusis a Top Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
WIP

Naviathan
, the Grand Line Pokemon

X/OR: Waves bounce off its hull like rubber. Its will to protect friends is as sturdy as its frame.

Y/AS: It searches for the toughest seas to prove itself. It takes pride in being able to protect its friends on these adventures.
 

Bull Of Heaven

99 Pounders / 4'3" Feet
is a Pre-Contributor
Very WIP

Naviathan
, the Metal Ship Pokemon

X/OR: They gather in large family groups, and migrate across entire oceans. Archaeologists have found evidence of abandoned Naviathan colonies in distant lands.

Y/AS: Its metal hide protects it from ice, while its limbs clear a path. Its markings prevent others from losing sight of it in polar seas.

These ideas are proving surprisingly difficult to pin down. Getting the second one within the word limit was especially troublesome. I think I'll have to take another look at them later.

Qwilphish: Looks good, though I'm a little unclear on how the oars were "made from" its chest scales. Did the scales move? Y entry is a little odd too, and I think changing the second instance of "this Pokemon" to something else would be a big improvement.

SwedishBiscuit: X entry is good. Y could use some rewording. "Folklore" is singular, so it should be "folklore tells". "Set upon" reads as if the adventurers attacked them, which doesn't seem to be what you're going for. You're right to use "Naviathan" as the plural form; that's standard with Pokemon names.

Phione: I'm not personally a fan of the Cawmodore reference, but there's nothing actually wrong with that entry. It's a little odd to call them "longship Pokemon" in the Y entry, especially when that isn't the species name you chose.

Amitghosh: Were you going for "majestic" as the species name? Calling its dance "mythical" implies that it isn't real, so I think a different word would be better. Might also be good to be a little clearer about what happens to the seafarers; do they fall off? Similarly, how does the moon "give them" calmness? Is it that the sight of it impresses them, or is some other power involved here? The end of the Y entry makes the reference to battle mechanics more explicit than one normally sees in a Dex entry, which is kind of awkward. These could probably use some rewording, but I do like the idea of tying the entries to the two themes of the concept.

Exclaimer: Good entries. I think you probably wanted to say that it "clashes" with Lapras. The Y entry is talking about dead Naviathan, right? Spooky.

The Unseen Potato: Sailors were inspired how? I'm guessing you're talking about ship designs, but you should make sure that's clear. I'm not sure what to say about the second sentence in the X entry, but it's kind of weird. You should work with it some more, I guess? The Y entry is interesting, but I'm not sure what "recognized status" you're talking about. Also, it's a large Pokemon, and I'm not sure anyone is going to bestride its back. Admittedly, I had to look that word up before commenting on it.

Springtrap: So is it making waves in the X entry? Could be a bit clearer I guess. The Y entry jumps back and forth a bit between plural and singular. I think plural is what you want. Maybe also go with "Naviathan instead of man-made ships," because the way it's written now, it kind of looks like it's talking about man-made Naviathan.

radicaledward: Solid entries. The only thing that isn't clear to me is why surfers care that it can travel great distances.

The Pizza Man: X entry could probably just say that it is the apex predator. There isn't really any need for the passive "considered to be" in there. Y entry shouldn't switch from singular to plural at the end. Otherwise, they're good.

WhyAxis: Just one small nitpick: "oftentimes" is an awkward word in this sentence. Just "often" would be better, maybe even without the word "will".

Dratios I think I prefer the first set of entries, though a couple of things aren't clear to me. Why are children often crossing deep waters? Why are the oars a blessing to island natives? These aren't big problems, though. The second set of entries are interesting stories, but slightly awkward as Dex entries. Maybe get more opinions on that though; it might just be me.

Jack Ferry: "Naviathan" is the correct plural form. I don't love the reference to gods just because it's not clear what kind of religion exists in the Pokemon universe, but grounding it in "folklore" does mitigate that concern. The Y entry is redundant, and the first sentence alone might be enough.

Deck Knight: Tagging you because we removed the like button.
 
WIP

Naviathan
, the Longboat Pokemon

X/OR: It sails long distances with its powerful muscles and lures prey with its long, feather-like limbs.

Y/AS: Legend has it that it will always protect sailors caught in a storm, but some are said to kidnap children off of piers.

This thing looks super giant and strong, so it makes sense that it would travel for long periods of time. It also looks like it might need some help getting food because it is so giant. There are legends of ghost ships that kidnap people, and a giant longboat that can't make up its mind about whether it wants to kill or save you is really cool and could add a lot to the pokemon story, especially with the introduction of primordial sea.
 
Semi-WIP
Naviathan
, the Battleship Pokemon

X/OR: Its hide can stand up to any amount of pressure, whether it be waves or heat. It will always reach land no matter what happens.
Y/AS: Sailors use it as a mount in naval combat. The sight of Naviathan can cause fear in enemies, but is strangely calming for allies.

X entry alludes to the abilities, while Y tried to convey the Dragon Dance/Calm Mind contrast.
 
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