Oh boy, what could go wrong?
As usual, the first few minutes of the game involve quite a lot of A spamming. Surprised the button hasn't broken yet.
My strange phobia of 3 means i probably shouldn't be living with Mom. Not sure i trust Bianca and her 3 (hiss) starters either. But we have to, so I choose Tepig. I wouldn't be able to evolve Oshawott, and Tepig will do better for the first 4 Gyms than Snivy, having to be released before Clay anyways for an electric only team.
Tepig only knows Tackle and Tail Whip (which has 30 PP), so cannot use any moves right now. Well gotta lose to Hugh. (None of the other starters would have fared better, they all have Tackle as their first move. Why couldn't one of them learn Pound or Scratch like in other Gens? sad)
Now we have to get a Tepig, which cannot use any moves, up to level 7! whoopee.
(I should be afraid of Running Shoes technically but hahahahahaha no. Doesn't affect gameplay in an unfair way anyways, just quality of life)
What I end up doing is wandering around until I find a level 4 Purrloin (cannot use Patrat) and catch it at full HP. I ignore Tepig for a while, and level up Purrloin until it can handle the wild pokemon, then use Purrloin to help train Tepig.
(Fun side note: I cannot use Potion(s) or Oran Berry(s), having 6 and 9 letters respectively. I can only use PCs to heal right now. Because of that, I need to weaken all my pokemon before using a PC, which suxx. Hey, at least i can sell the stuff, and i get some extra EXP)
Dear children, do not attempt this at home. I have lost an hour of my life that I will never get back.
Finally, Tepig learns Ember, and thank god it has 25 PP. Now I simply spam Ember on everything, making it much easier.
Alder jumps off a cliff at me, which seems just a teensy weensy bit unsafe. Idk tho, I'm just a 10 year old who uses pets to torture other pets for money.
I make it to the ranch, defeating Trainers and picking up every item I can find (which usually leads to a disappointing Potion), and fight Hugh. Who hasn't given Oshawott a water type move. Hey, I'm not complaining.
I catch a Psyduck, and in order to not have 3 pokemon, immediately catch a Lillipup. Lillipup is completely useless rn, only able to use Odor Sleuth, but is needed so I can use Psyduck.
Hugh gets triggered over a missing Herdier. Cue the PURRLOIN BRIGADE! (dramatic trumpeting) Im not a big fan of Hugh personally, just a little too tightly wound.
Anyways, we go find herdier, and surprise surprise, theres a Team Plasma Grunt! bit of a wimp tho, he won't even battle.
With that out of the way, its time to head on back and take on Cheren! (it'd be hilarious if he just shows up with his final team from BW)
But first, we dispose of the two children in Alder's house.
Hi Mr. Medal! BYE Mr. Medal!
Unfortunately, I will have no type advantage, because i cannot use Tepig/Pignite's Arm Thrust nor Riolu's Force Palm. Just gonna have to brute force my way through with Ember I guess.
Hey, at least I get a Fresh Water. This singular bad boy is going to be my only method of regenerating my health outside of PCs until I unlock Super Potions.
I make it up to Cheren with Tepig at 50%, and end up semi-intentionally wiping. Winning would have been nice, but at least this way all my pokemon are fainted, so I can use the Pokemon Center to heal up. Thank goodness I don't have a PC restriction, intentional wiping will probably be my best means of HP regen for parts of the game. This will make me low on money, and items are super expensive, but as long as I can get a wipe before major battles, that won't matter as much. Hopefully I can save the majority of my money for buying items for the Elite 4.
I defeated one of Cheren's pokemon before wiping, so I net some EXP as well.
Nurse Joy helpfully tells me that I should stock up on Potions. Thanks, great idea, if only i didn't have a crippling fun phobia (huh. fun actually has 3 letters. that joke worked out better than I thought it would.)
Cheren Round 2 goes much more swimmingly. Ember comes in clutch and burns both Patrat and Lillipup, allowing Tepig to come out on top still in the yellow. Slightly unfortunate, as I can't heal him up for now. Whatever, we have our first badge! And Cheren gives us Work Up! Cant use it! Hooray!
Next episode, we take on Roxie! (And get really sad that I can't use Magnemite)
(Oh, and farm ALL THE LEMONADES from PokeStar Studios. Thank god I can use them)