The Everything some hero (NFL) Thread - 2015-16 Season

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Yeti

dark saturday
is a Community Contributor Alumnus
I swear this SB needs some kind of Onion article.

MISSING SUPERBOWL TEAM RETURNS

Denver Locals "overjoyed" sacrificing St. Louis Rams to the heathen gods of Hollywood worked

Two years after the AFC Champion Denver Broncos' starting lineup vanished on the eve of Super Bowl 48, the team reappeared in time to play Super Bowl 50. The disappearance left many puzzled on what exactly happened to the AFC team and allowed NFC Champions the Seattle Seahawks to film an explicit rape video with the Broncos' practice string. The Seahawks won Super Bowl 48 43-8.

Upon hearing the Broncos could not be found the day of Super Bowl 48, New England Patriots head coach Bill Itotallywasnotresponsible Belichick immediately called NFL headquarters to see if, as the runner up, his team could play instead. He was placed on hold with Official NFL Sponsor T-Mobile. Eight months into the process, heir apparent GOATroppolo inquired how much longer it would take before he could be king. Bellicheck replied, "Six callers ahead of us, Jimmy." After a year, Belichick finally got through. "Tommy Boy, I got a live one!" he called out to Thomas "Tommy Boy" Brady, who was unresponsive. Brady cited his ignorance due to having his head firmly planted between wife Gisele's voluptuous thighs, blocking his ears. Teammates informed TMZ this was not true: he was performing anilingus and could hear his coach perfectly fine. The Patriots were able to get off hold in time to participate in Super Bowl 49.

We asked a top-ranked FBI agent, identified only by a codename, if the FBI had any clues on how so many grown men simply vanished. "We believe they were in the same place as Malaysia Airlines Flight 370," he stated. "The bottom of the ocean?" we attempted to clarify. "No, the moon," refuted Agent F. Hiritenthapouse.

The Broncos players themselves showed no sign of recognizing they had been missing for two years. "I thought we was playing some bird team?" Von Miller stated during his MVP press conference. "But them small market teams all the same, don't really matter which one we play." Several other players showed confusion on why the opponents were suddenly wearing black, and them white. "I thought orange was our lucky color," Wes Welker managed to stutter out after several hours of speech therapy.

We had a special interview with Eli Manning, brother of the missing Peyton Manning. When asked how he felt to have his brother back, now victorious, Eli slumped and sadly looked at the two rings on his fingers, now slightly less new than they once were. He reached into his fanny pack and drew out a Crayola Crayon. After a bite of the crayon, he replied, "Dad's the happiest he's been since it happened." We have identified this crayon as color: Green With Envy.

The now-returned Denver Broncos were crowned the victors of Super Bowl 50 when their opponents failed to show up. The defense ran a train on some sacks of potatoes surrounding a Fig Newton bar. The developing story of the disappearance of the NFC Champion Carolina Panthers, previously predicted to win, is still unfolding. Experts are seeing a pattern of high-ranked offenses vanishing into thin air when faced with the prospect of facing #1 defenses.

The Fig Newton bar was unavailable for comment.

Related Articles:
Denver Fans: "No ragrets" on sending the Los Angeles Rams "back home" to get their team back as well
Panthers Fans: None could be found the Monday after Super Bowl 50 to comment
 

Yeti

dark saturday
is a Community Contributor Alumnus
I'm quite sure this is the first time I've ever heard thighs referred to as "voluptuous"
adjective
of, relating to, or characterized by luxury or sensual pleasure.
(of a woman) curvaceous and sexually attractive.

look homie it's an accurate term. the dude married her it's reasonable he holds the opinion. you seem to not be a thigh guy but brady spends every sunday getting rammed by dudes with roid-fueled muscular thighs, i bet he's got a thing for 'em
 

WaterBomb

Two kids no brane
is a Forum Moderatoris a Smogon Discord Contributoris a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
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adjective
of, relating to, or characterized by luxury or sensual pleasure.
(of a woman) curvaceous and sexually attractive.

look homie it's an accurate term. the dude married her it's reasonable he holds the opinion. you seem to not be a thigh guy but brady spends every sunday getting rammed by dudes with roid-fueled muscular thighs, i bet he's got a thing for 'em
uh, I never questioned the accuracy of the term nor Tom Brady's opinion of them. I simply stated I'd never heard the term applied to thighs before. Typically you see breasts characterized that way.

sheesh...
 

Yeti

dark saturday
is a Community Contributor Alumnus
uh, I never questioned the accuracy of the term nor Tom Brady's opinion of them. I simply stated I'd never heard the term applied to thighs before. Typically you see breasts characterized that way.

sheesh...
nah its cool i thought u were tryin 2 stunt on me like i used the word inaccurately. sometimes i 4get whos not a teenage clown tryin 2 front like they know it all but needs 2 b put back in line.

i think i've seen it most used for a woman's body in general then breasts then thigh/hip area. it really depends on what the person wants to highlight.

anyway football.

really hoping our injured players like big jimmy g and rawls and p rich can come back strong next season fully healed. p rich and rawls have me so upset because they were both really promising rookies lighting it up and they seem SO bummed by their injuries. they just want to play (and also make an impression to get big first contracts i'm sure) and i'm like :( pls get better!!!

kind of glad we have the offseason to rehab em.

not that i like the neckbeard but it'll be interesting to see how andrew luck returns from his injuries too. he was the big WILSON VS LUCK rival then the kkk took his tendons away and now it seems like WILSON VS NEWTON cause he fell into obscurity. also the colts' backup is our ole boy who took us to our first sb so we can't hate on the boss.

also will rg3 wind up on another team? will one of the many crappy fields take out his knee once and for all?
 
Depends on how much of a pay cut he's willing to take. Pats haven't payed big money to a feature back since Corey Dillon left, so while Forte is a good fit, he'd need to take a pretty sizable pay cut.
 
He said in an interview he thinks he'd be a good fit for Denver. If he pulls an Evan Mathis and decide to take a big paycut for the chance of the ring, I'd welcome him to share snaps with CJ.
 
Depends on how much of a pay cut he's willing to take. Pats haven't payed big money to a feature back since Corey Dillon left, so while Forte is a good fit, he'd need to take a pretty sizable pay cut.
In 2013, the Falcons signed then-30 year old Steven Jackson to essentially $4 million a year. (Technically he didn't turn 30 until a couple months later, but before the season started).

Forte is a couple months older than that, but has been good his whole career and not quite as many career touches (SJ: 2804 before 2013, MF: 2522 now). I expect a $5 million a year deal tops, definitely not the 7.5 mil he's been getting but a fair number.

While he's a perfect fit for the Pats they have a number of guys who combine to do his job just fine, and it doesn't seem BB's style, but they can definitely afford him if they want to go that route.
 

TheValkyries

proudly reppin' 2 superbowl wins since DEFLATEGATE
The pats need oline depth... Badly. Specifically at guard. The better free agent to splurge on would be Evan Mathis honestly.
 
I don't envision the pats making much of a splash in free agency unless players take a serious paycut to join them.

They have every starter under contract next season and will probably rely on their young guys along the offensive line to develop.

They could probably upgrade their receiver depth tho.
 

TheValkyries

proudly reppin' 2 superbowl wins since DEFLATEGATE
"Wait for their young guys to develop." It took all of like 24 hours before their OLine coach was fired, bruh. BB knows that unit is too young and was a dumpster fire. A strong veteran is exactly the kind of move he'd like to make. One that I've been eyeing actually is Richie Incognito who has had a great season with the Bills and has been in division for a very long time. He's got the bad rep but BB has always had a soft spot for guys with bad reps. He won't demand nearly the paycheck other similar caliber veterans will and has put in some solid work.
 

xJownage

Even pendulums swing both ways
If anybody doesn't think these Peyton Manning allegations are really fucking serious they're a bunch of ignorant cunts. Just saying that having read through portions of the document, it's REALLY disgusting. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nat...-image-built-lies-article-1.2530395?cid=bitly Shaun King wrote a great article here, its worth a read - it contains a tl;dr version of the document, which you can find on the webpage in its entirety.
 
If anybody doesn't think these Peyton Manning allegations are really fucking serious they're a bunch of ignorant cunts. Just saying that having read through portions of the document, it's REALLY disgusting. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nat...-image-built-lies-article-1.2530395?cid=bitly Shaun King wrote a great article here, its worth a read - it contains a tl;dr version of the document, which you can find on the webpage in its entirety.
came to post this.

fucking scumbag.

How can you not like Peyton?
"he's a different person now than he was then" doesn't cut it.

not even a little bit.
 

xJownage

Even pendulums swing both ways
20 years ago. Who cares.

But to elaborate. who the hell cares.
20 fucking years ago would've wiped everything he has now, literally tens of millions of dollars were gained from him due to his high moral character alone (think endorsements and shit), and he literally ruined a young professionals life, TWICE, because he sexually assaulted her. If nobody fucking cares about this but everybody fucking cares about Brady deflating footballs then I have no hope for the entirety of American society and honestly don't want to live in it anymore.
 
"he's a different person now than he was then" doesn't cut it.

not even a little bit.
gosh I got the same response when I shat on Cam's college shenanigans 8====>:D

lemme quote him on it...

But I did all of that, and look at who I am today. I'm not saying that to brag or boast. I'm saying that because somebody is listening to this right now and they're in that situation right now where they may have had a mistake that happened, but that doesn't necessarily describe who they are as a person. We all make mistakes. By yet, it's all about how you rebound from that mistake instead of just giving up.
the only stories here are that it's somewhat surprising that this was a non-story x years ago, and that people are still shocked that multimillion dollar athletes are dicks too. sure, the "coverup" was bad, but the things in that book were written by a ghost writer of Peyton's father, about what Archie actually believes happened and not what is actually factual.

oh and I guess lying under oath can be considered pretty serious lmao

peyton is a thug
thats racist tho
 
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