Serious Losing a Friend

[Oddish.]

So I get a notification on my phone that says I was tagged in a post. I open up Facebook, and find I've been tagged in a picture. The picture was me with a group of friends from 11th grade. I'm not gonna put the picture up here, but the caption said "Remember this like it was yesterday... Idk if I'm gettin sleep tonight."

I was confused. "Maybe she just misses us" was my initial thought. I was quickly faced with the reality of the situation when I browsed my Facebook feed. I came across multiple posts, mostly be the aforementioned girl, talking about the death of one of my friends who was in the picture. I won't mention his name, but after reading multiple posts, I learned he had drowned.

http://fox61.com/2016/08/07/dive-team-responding-to-possible-drowning-at-bigelow-hollow-state-park/

The story doesn't mention his name either, but his family and friends confirmed it was him. (Just to make it clear, this happened in Massachusetts. I met him while he was still living in Florida.)

This doesn't feel real to me. This is the first time I've ever been faced with the death of a friend. I want to believe it's not real, but I know it is. He's gone. He's actually gone...

I've been crying on and off, but I'm mostly in a state of shock. Right now I'm just trying to keep it together. I want to know if any other Smogoners have dealt with the loss of a friend. You don't have to go into your experiences if they're too personal, but I guess I just want to know that I'm not alone.

I can't process this.

 

[Kink]

I'm very sorry for your loss, this is a very sad story and I'm sorry that you're forced to go through this. One of my best friends committed suicide on October 14th 2015. The loss hurts really bad. For a while things seemed really bleak, I felt paralyzed to do anything and my heart hurt every minute of my life. Slowly but surely, the pain is fading and the memory of her still exists. She will always be my friend, and he will always be yours.

Reach out to your friend, the one who posted the statuses... maybe you guys need each other... it's okay to be vulnerable and allow yourself to embrace the love from others. Cherish those close to you, be fair to yourself. Miss your friend fondly, and I truly wish you all the best.

 

[Oddish.]

I'm very sorry for your loss, this is a very sad story and I'm sorry that you're forced to go through this. One of my best friends committed suicide on October 14th 2015. The loss hurts really bad. For a while things seemed really bleak, I felt paralyzed to do anything and my heart hurt every minute of my life. Slowly but surely, the pain is fading and the memory of her still exists. She will always be my friend, and he will always be yours.

Reach out to your friend, the one who posted the statuses... maybe you guys need each other... it's okay to be vulnerable and allow yourself to embrace the love from others. Cherish those close to you, be fair to yourself. Miss your friend fondly, and I truly wish you all the best.

Thank you so much. I appreciate your words, and I'm sorry about what happened to your friend as well. I understand your feeling of paralysis. I can't stop thinking about how much I wish this were a joke.

I'm particularly upset about the fact that I can't go to his funeral because he's so far away.

If you're referring to the friend who I said tagged me in the picture, I did speak to her a bit, but she was just too shaken up to talk. I have a few people I'm close to that I would talk about this to, but they're asleep.

Once again, thank you.

 

[Blazade]

My heart goes out to you, your friend's family, the girl you mentioned, and everyone else he was close to.

In Freshman year of college, I lost a friend I had made through DnD Club and the whole community felt the pain.

As happy as you were to have him in your life, I'm sure he felt the same way. I know how hard this can be and I wish you all the best in finding closure.

 

[The Quasar]

Sometime life is hard. We lost friends cruelly for no good reason. It's difficult but you got to keep him in your thoughts, so he will always stay with you.

 

[Holiday]

Yeah sorry for your loss, that really sucks :((

As for me, my friend died in a car accident right around the end of school (3ish months ago) which definitely hurt me and still hurts me as I get ready to go back to school today.

Things happen in life for no real reason, and it especially sucks when someone dies young, but the best thing to do is to always keep them in your memories and cherish the moments you had with them. Like King UU said, he will always be your friend.

 

[OLD GREGG (im back baby)]

Death is a part of life. I know you feel sad now because that friend is no longer in this world, but I assure you that whatever pain that friend had endured has come to peace now. I think our mentality as a society to treat death as something evil and tragic is just misunderstanding. That's part of the reason I'm not a huge fan of science or academics at this point in time.

Science postulates that when we die, it is the end. When the electrical current ceases to flow through our bodies then our essence is extinguished. There is no soul, there is no afterlife, there is just emptiness left from the absence of those you once shared time with. This cannot be so.

The deceased live on today in the hearts and minds of those close. I'm sure your friend would be flattered to know you care and that you are saddened on this day. I'm sure your friend would want you to carry on, as well. It takes a long time to get over the death of someone close.

Some deaths are so tragic that they cannot be overcome, it really depends on the bond you had with that person. I have no advice here because I'm still hurting from the absence of certain people in my life. I always will be, I suppose. What I can tell you is that your friend is now at peace, let that be your comfort in this situation. The world has truly gone mad, so at least your friend has peace; society never will(have peace) at this rate.

 

[Deleted User 320145]

I also want to apologize for your loss, sadly I know how this feels all too well having lost my cousin in a brutal murder 3 weeks ago. Often I feel rage at why a person would just take another's life espacially in that fashion, but I guess there are some people who are just not right.

I also believe in only remembering the best of them and to never forget those moments.

Good Luck and best wishes to all of you.

 

[Vinc2612]

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was 10 and I can imagine how you feel right now.

The main thing that you need to keep in mind, the best advice I could give you, is that you are still allowed to have fun. There are no such things as "standard duration where you are forced to be sad" or "if you laugh right now for something totally unrelated, this is an insult to his memory".
Also friends and family are the best comfort around. They probably don't know how to deal with this situation, but it does not matter, they are still there for you.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Oddish.]

Thank you everyone. Your words mean a lot to me. I still can't believe this happened, but I've calmed down since last night. It's crazy how you hear about things like this happening to other people, and you never think about the possibility about it happening to you. Or at least, that's how it was for me. It's scary how anything could happen to anyone out of nowhere. He was supposed to turn 18 on the 10th.

I've learned that I really need to cherish my friends while they're here. I admit that I have problems with keeping in touch with some of my friends sometimes, and this friend who died is one that I had let myself lose contact with. We were so close in high school, but it's been a couple months since we talked, and now I'm full of regret. I wish I had made the effort to talk to him more. I know people grow apart naturally, and usually I'm fine with that, but there are friends I have now that I really want to keep, and I'm gonna try to do that.

I'm sure I'll feel better in time. I'm not angry with life for taking him or anything like that. I just need some time. I'm already struggling with depression and I've made it a point to not let things like this give me a pessimistic view on life.

Thank you all again for sharing your stories and condolences. I'm also sorry for your losses.

 

[faint]

I saw this story on my local news station. I've become so desensitized to many forms of tragedy that I never think twice about them.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[ant]

I'm very sorry to hear that and I completely understand the pain, around a year ago one of my childhood friends was murdered by a psycho who stabbed her and her mother multiple times. Just like you, I couldn't believe it was real. It felt like a dream and that she was just somewhere far away. I cried my eyes out at the funeral. And then, the grandpa approached us. He was an old man who lost his granddaughter and daughter. Previous months ago he had lost his wife. He was all alone. Yet he came to us and said, don't cry girls; she wouldn't like to see you like this. And the man didn't leak a single tear. He just wanted justice. He wanted to feel strong for his girls. And I thought, if this man who has lost basically everything can be strong, I can be strong too. And it's not a bad thing not to feel sad. I absolutely agree with what Vinc said. Don't feel like you can't be happy, that's not what your friend would like. You need to be around your friends now, and support each other. Remember the good times and hold on to them, don't regret anything. I'm glad you feel better. Better times will come, that's for sure. :)

 

[Silverwhiteblue]

what do i say that hasnt been said before... im sorry for your loss man.. most of the apologies and condolences have been mentioned, and this post just echoes them, and more will be mentioned after it too. i'm equally sorry for your friend (the girl), his familly, friends, close ones. Death is a part of life, and even tho some of us know this and post it, it wont ever feel true until a person experiences it themselves, myself included. i've lost my grandmother when i was a kid, but i wasnt too aware, so my sadness was limited.

i dont know what to say besides share what i have as an experience with the subject. i hope time eases up your pain and does what it does, along with his close ones. i'm really glad you chose to share your experience, in hopes that we can easen it up with what we can..

may God have him rest in peace

 

[Fortune]

hey SomewhatOddish

i know exactly what you're going through. two of my friends passed away almost 3 months ago, and i know exactly what you mean. it is a very surreal situation and even 3 months later, it doesn't feel real. i found solace in spending time with mutual friends that i had with the victims. you get a strong sensation of community and love when you all come together around such a tragedy. I also made an effort to reach out to their families, because believe it or not, they are having a way rougher time than you.

I am really sorry for your loss, I know how you are feeling...

pm me if you ever want to talk about it.

 

[Kawaii Kyouko]

My best friend lost his brother in a car crash four years back, and he was a good friend of me as well. I was a little shithead at the time, doing things i shouldnt do and hung out with people i should avoid. Me and my best friend both. Well, we were at a party, drinking 'til we dropped, fighting like idiots, all that jazz. Then the brother got a call from a friend of his that was gonna be picked up and join our collective liver sacrifice. So the brother, my friend and one more took a car and drove off.

An hour later i get a call from my friend's father about the car crash. Me and my mate are like two leaves of the same branch, so i took off. I sprinted to the crashsite which was about 10 mins with car, and saw that my friend was still alive. The driver was also alive. But my friend's brother was anything but. The image is still etched into my mind, and i dont know. I just felt helpless. So the next week i sat by my friend in the hospital bed, and i really didnt know exactly what to do. See, im the type of person that hides my own pain by helping others, so i focused on my friend, listening to him and such.

Exactly one week after he was released from hospital, we had a memorial by driving around the city whilst blasting his favorite music. That helped me a lot, giving me a chance to focus on myself and my loss in unity with his grand scale of friends.

Im just rambling at this point. I cant really say anything the others havent said though.

 

[Stallion]

I don't wanna go into it on a Pokemon forum, but a very close friend of mine took her own life earlier this year. You will constantly question whether you could've done anything to stop it, you will constantly ask why and it will continue to hurt you. I will say this though, if you surround yourself with really good friends and family, it will make the pain and the suffering easier and you will get through it. I still miss her every day, but I can live my day to day life now (its been about 6 months). Time is the greatest healer. Please stay strong, and remember you're never alone.

 

[Oddish.]

I figured I'd give an update on myself and the girl I mentioned in my first post. I still hear stuff about my friend from his friends on Facebook. People still miss him, as do I. Of course, this kind of thing isn't easy to forget. But I have been doing better, and the support I've been getting from everyone here has made me genuinely happy. I thank all of you for that.

The girl ended up actually getting a tattoo in his honor. It's a Batman tattoo, because he loved that. She's been doing pretty well, too. Though I think she did take it harder than I did, as she knew him longer, and will occasionally openly mourn him. But overall, she knows that it's okay to have fun and be happy, and she's getting better.

 

[BLI8TZ]

I'm sorry for your loss but sometimes this is just how life works. You should not be sad because he is now in a better place.