Serious Sibling issues

[Kawaii Kyouko]

Hey folks. I have some issues hich i hope some of you can help out with regarding my little sister. Its nothing wrong between me and her, im just not sure how to support her currently.

Well to cut things short, shes currently being bullied by her classmates. Shes a strange girl (no wonder, shes my lil sis) and while shes got friends, she has none at school. Which is really sad because shes a good girl too, dilligent and disciplined with schoolwork whilst also having a good and generally happy attitude. But her grades are dropping, she smiles less and shes started to drop school occasionally. Even worse (imo) is that her friends are getting boyfriends at my age (21) whilst she is barely turned 15.

I dont live with her atm, but shes doing some work for me to get some extra money so i see her about every weekend. Any idea of what i can do or tell her that could help? Ive been bullied a lot too whilst at school, but i know girls and boys bully differently. Any girls here that has been bullied that could give me a cue on how to support her, if you could share your experiences to help a hopeless but caring brother?

Im clueless.

 

[Silverwhiteblue]

caring you are indeed. thats so sweet of you..
regarding the actual issue, i think its really hard to give advice because it depends on the person. a certain type of people would be happy to hear things like "you dont have to listen to what they say, be proud of yourself etc, etc" while some are a bit emotionally frail.

what i think you should do isnt just drop some movie line advice on her, but more like have one long sit-down-and-talk with her, to understand her issues. she seems like a kind type of sibling, so i hope she'll be willing. it also seems you're quite busy/physically distant but if its for your sister you will find time to do it. basically have a talk with her , a brother to sister talk. you'll know what to do on your own from there on.

i hope i helped in some way man. im on ps, tournaments and doubles room if you ever wanna talk. goodluck to you , and to her !

 

[Kawaii Kyouko]

caring you are indeed. thats so sweet of you..
regarding the actual issue, i think its really hard to give advice because it depends on the person. a certain type of people would be happy to hear things like "you dont have to listen to what they say, be proud of yourself etc, etc" while some are a bit emotionally frail.

what i think you should do isnt just drop some movie line advice on her, but more like have one long sit-down-and-talk with her, to understand her issues. she seems like a kind type of sibling, so i hope she'll be willing. it also seems you're quite busy/physically distant but if its for your sister you will find time to do it. basically have a talk with her , a brother to sister talk. you'll know what to do on your own from there on.

i hope i helped in some way man. im on ps, tournaments and doubles room if you ever wanna talk. goodluck to you , and to her !

Everyone talks about how strong she is, and yes i can see why, but sometimes i feel i can see that like she isnt as strong as people say. Perhaps i just got "brother's eyes" and see her as a much more vulnerable person than she is. But i think im in the right currently.

Yeah, i should do that the next chance i get. But yeah, i have a job and live on my own and well i usually cant find too much time. Especially seeing that i work a lot of overtime as well to pay down my mortgage. But ill try and find room for it. Thanks!

 

[Silverwhiteblue]

people =/= brother . as cheesy as it is, trust your intuition on this one. its probably a facade, from my experience.
no problem dude, the real thanks is that when you repost that it's all good with her now

 

[Billy the Uncle]

I too have a little sister and I feel you on this issue. We never had such serious problems, but I often feel worried for her.

We often hang out together, even though we're very different personality-wise, and while we don't like to showcase our affection (even teasing each other often) we are as close as any sibling.

That said, the "brother's eye" thing is, in my opinion, totally real. A lot of times people don't seem to realize things about my sister that are evident to me. I'm not good with words when emotions are involved, so my humble advice here is to make your presence felt in some way. Even asking her how it's going or do small things for her can go great lengths.

 

[Kawaii Kyouko]

I too have a little sister and I feel you on this issue. We never had such serious problems, but I often feel worried for her.

We often hang out together, even though we're very different personality-wise, and while we don't like to showcase our affection (even teasing each other often) we are as close as any sibling.

That said, the "brother's eye" thing is, in my opinion, totally real. A lot of times people don't seem to realize things about my sister that are evident to me. I'm not good with words when emotions are involved, so my humble advice here is to make your presence felt in some way. Even asking her how it's going or do small things for her can go great lengths.

Yeah, i suppose youre right. Whenever i visit my parents, i try to take a few hours with just me and her. And now that she s going to do some work for me (ill buy her one of those drawing pads hen shes earned half the money) ill see her a bt more often. Maybe take her out and such after "work hours" would be nice?

 

[Billy the Uncle]

Yeah, i suppose youre right. Whenever i visit my parents, i try to take a few hours with just me and her. And now that she s going to do some work for me (ill buy her one of those drawing pads hen shes earned half the money) ill see her a bt more often. Maybe take her out and such after "work hours" would be nice?

I think it's a good idea to have her do some task, however small it is, for you. It's going to make her feel "needed", which is good, since she wouldn't feel like the little kid everyone has to look after. Hanging out together might be cool too, but my opinion doesn't really count here, since my sister and I have a lot of friends in common and often go out together (we are also older than you and much closer in age, with only a 3 years difference, so it's easier for us.).

Even if you don't address the issue directly, I believe making your presence felt will have a positive effect on her. Then again, I'm no psychologist, so take my advice with a pinch of salt.

 

[Kawaii Kyouko]

I think it's a good idea to have her do some task, however small it is, for you. It's going to make her feel "needed", which is good, since she wouldn't feel like the little kid everyone has to look after. Hanging out together might be cool too, but my opinion doesn't really count here, since my sister and I have a lot of friends in common and often go out together (we are also older than you and much closer in age, with only a 3 years difference, so it's easier for us.).

Even if you don't address the issue directly, I believe making your presence felt will have a positive effect on her. Then again, I'm no psychologist, so take my advice with a pinch of salt.

Fair points, yeah i can imagine the age difference being small eases that up. But myeah, ill try it out and see if im capable of helping. Thanks for your input c:

 

[Cresselia~~]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not victim blaming.
But the way you said she's a strange girl... maybe she has Asperger's or something.
Anyway, with or without Asperger's it is still important to see a psychologist, because being bullied certainly is not a happy experience.

I've been bullied many times throughout elementary and high school.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's after entering college, and I took lots of social courses designed for autistic people since then.

I changed myself, and got way more friends in college. No one bullied me in college or even in workplace!

 

[Kawaii Kyouko]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not victim blaming.
But the way you said she's a strange girl... maybe she has Asperger's or something.
Anyway, with or without Asperger's it is still important to see a psychologist, because being bullied certainly is not a happy experience.

I've been bullied many times throughout elementary and high school.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's after entering college, and I took lots of social courses designed for autistic people since then.

I changed myself, and got way more friends in college. No one bullied me in college or even in workplace!

Nah, shes strange in the sense that shes got many interests (something im to blame for tbh, cuz many of them are mine as well). But i understand where youre coming from.

Ive reached out to my mom to get some psychology check on her earlier, but nothings really happened. A psychologist helped me a lot as well, just by getting someone to talk to.

Im personally diagnosed with dystemia, or long-term mild depression, but getting work as well as an amazing boss helped me a lot. Especially that boss was open for talks about this and we often chatted and tried to dig a bit in it (unprofessionally of course). That said, shes not really in a position to.get that outside help aside from her few frends and family (and it often feels like im the only one there for her when shes having a bad time, since she reaches out to me a lot when shes down.)

But i think ill ask her directly for professional help at some point, yeah.

 

[sunny004]

Has she acknowledged to you that she's being bullied? If not, you could try to subtlety suggest that you know.
Once the problem is acknowledged it becomes significantly easier to solve.

 

[Kawaii Kyouko]

Has she acknowledged to you that she's being bullied? If not, you could try to subtlety suggest that you know.
Once the problem is acknowledged it becomes significantly easier to solve.

No, she hasnt. And yeah, thats a fair point. Yeah, it actually is.

 

[Isza]

I think you should approach her carefully about these type of things. People don't usually open up as easy about things like bullying (I know I don't). But when you do, try your best to guide her as much as you can and lead her in the right direction, some sisterhood advice is always good :)

 

[Kawaii Kyouko]

I think you should approach her carefully about these type of things. People don't usually open up as easy about things like bullying (I know I don't). But when you do, try your best to guide her as much as you can and lead her in the right direction, some sisterhood advice is always good :)

Hmm, true enough. This whole thing is pretty tough <_>.

 

[Isza]

I believe you can get through it, you seem really adamant on helping, and that's how it should be.

 

[Kawaii Kyouko]

I believe you can get through it, you seem really adamant on helping, and that's how it should be.

Well, i have no reason not to help. I have millions of reasons to help. Therefore i will. Thanks c: