Walrus Walrein's Walrus: A Song Competition - Won by Adam

[Ampharos]

In 34th, earning 3.5 points: Dave

mrgice3 - Now We Are Free Super Theme Song (from Gladiator)

Does a mashup of three songs off a film’s score count under the category? I dunno. I’m not going to catfail it, though, because it’s not even worth it. This is almost as boring as the previous song and approximately 80 times as long. If this massive orchestra we’ve got sitting around would actually do something, we might have a song on our hands. But they just go up and down, up and down, like the value of the Euro during Brexit. The vague Latin chanting, while actually topical for once, isn’t doing it any favors. I might actually fall asleep.

 

[Ampharos]

In 33rd, earning 4 points: Roman

SHITPOST: Klaus Nomi - Lightning Strikes

I don’t get it. I really don’t. It’s absurd, yeah, but it’s not striking me in a humorous sort of way. I leave this song more weirded out than anything else. The song’s not good either, so that doesn’t help. I’ll give him props for his hairdo, though - pretty impressive that it manages to stay like that.

 

[Ampharos]

In 32nd, earning 4.2 points: Owner of a Lonely Heart

Jonathan Licht - Long Way Home (from Dexter)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0gKCHaCzmk

I really dislike this style of vocals. I associate it with a lot of really bad, really edgy middle school-type music. The song’s attempting to evoke some sort of emotion in me, but the generic piano and the lifeless vocals fail to trigger any sort of reaction in me. It’s like someone asked Breaking Benjamin to write the second act break of a Tony-nominated Broadway musical. Don’t do that, by the way. It wouldn’t be good.

 

[Ampharos]

In 31st, earning 4.4 points: Yeti

Jermaine Clement - Shiny (from Moana)

Firstly, let’s just get this out of the way: I’ve never seen Moana. I’ve never heard any of the songs from Moana before now. I’m going into this completely blind (somehow).

Something about this song is just… off. I think the mixing might be kind of shitty - the vocal track seems oddly distant, and yet it still overpowers the backing track, which isn’t helping alleviate the overall unsteady mood of the song. Unsteady can be good, but it’s just making me feel a bit queasy here. The rest of the song is ok, but not enough to overcome the hole it digs itself.

 

[Ampharos]

In 30th, earning 4.6 points: 4maskwolf

Minami Kuribayashi - ZERO!! (from The Devil Is A Part-Timer)

Decent show, lame OP. They went too cutesy with this one - the vocals and the high-pitched synth combine into a sickeningly sweet morass that overpowers some decent guitar work happening in the background, and the repetitiveness of the song isn’t doing it any favors. Doesn’t do anything to stand out from a number of mediocre anime openings that I’ve seen.

 

[Yeti]

anime = child porn

stay woke anime fans are pedos

 

[Ampharos]

In 29th, earning 4.8 points: Fort Colorcastle

Alessia Cara - How Far I'll Go (from Moana)

You thought we were done with Moana? Nah, son.

The vocals carry here, and that’s not necessarily a good thing given the fact that this didn’t even hit 5. I hate the backing instrumental. Hate hate HATE it. It’s generic “hip” pop music that everyone goes crazy for nowadays, with all the floaty synths and then the vaguely-tropical-but-not-really feel. And yes, I realize it’s a tropical movie. That doesn’t make the song good.

She’s got a great voice though. I hope she does something that doesn’t suck.

 

[Ampharos]

In 28th, earning 5 points: Zack

Sing Street - Drive Like You Stole It (from Sing Street)

His voice is just... too boy band. It's too much. I can't deal with it. The musical base is good, and this does seem like something I SHOULD like, but the lead singer is a little too close to Justin Timberlake circa 2003 for me to really get into this. Disappointing, because I tried to give this a chance, but I couldn't get past it.

 

[Ampharos]

In 27th, earning 5.2 points: Bloobird

The National - Exile, Vilify (from Portal 2)

I had to judge this song in my last walrus, actually, and my opinion hasn't really changed: it's still a boring song. It has a similar problem that Owner's had, where it tries to evoke emotion, but the lead singer is apparently incapable of feeling any. I'll give them some credit, though: the backing track is better here than in that song, which is why it's up here and not down there. Still not my thing.

 

[Ampharos]

In 26th, earning 5.5 points: Inawordyes

Kazuma Jinnouchi - 117 (From Halo 4)

It's cool enough. I like orchestral stuff, and there's some cool things going on in here. The issue is that there aren't enough cool things to justify this continuing on for 8 minutes. I don't mind long songs - hell, I listen to prog - but when your song isn't really doing anything to justify the extra length, it just falls flat.

 

[Ampharos]

In 25th, earning 5.8 points: Priptonite

NaS - Halftime (from Zebrahead)

I'm probably just uncultured when it comes to rap, but this sounds like every other rap song from this era. I don't dislike it, but it doesn't really do anything to stand out from the crowd IMO. The beat is inoffensive, his flow is fine, and there weren't any turns of phrase or bouts of lyricism that really grabbed my attention and made me say "yes. this is a good song." Wasn't unpleasant, though.

 

[Ampharos]

In 24th, earning 6 points: Drawesome532

DOTA 2 Main Menu Theme (from DOTA 2)

The fact that I'm familiar with DOTA doesn't really do you any favors here, because I'm kind of triggered.

The track does some cool orchestral things, but nothing that really grabs me. And it's too short and backgroundy to really stand out as a great track. Being that it's menu music, that's inevitable, but still.

 

[Ampharos]

In 23rd, earning 6.2 points: Adam

Uchujin - Nakamura Sawa (from Aku no Hana)

You and your discordance. I imagine about 80% of the people listening to the walrus are hating this. I personally think it's pretty cool - to an extent. There's only so much of the screaming that I can really appreciate. But I do think the underlying concept is pretty neat. Could be a lot worse.

 

[Ampharos]

In 22nd, earning 6.3 points: KnightsOfCydonia

SHITPOST: Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours - I Was Just Flipped Off

Alright, I laughed. As a Texan, this hits really close to home. The music isn't my thing but the humor is enough to carry this one this far. Thanks for sending me this, really.

 

[Ampharos]

In 21st, earning 6.4 points: t om

Donald Glover and Danny Pudi - Christmas Infiltration Rap (from Community)

This scores higher if Gambino can keep up with his own flow, because this shit is hilarious. I know it's not a shitpost but I thought it was good enough to get a boost anyways. Community is a good show, btw.

 

[Ampharos]

In 20th, earning 6.5 points: Empoof

Iwatodai Dorm (from Persona 3)

I actually really need to play this game.

The vocals tank this from an easy 7.5+. I'm really digging how chilled out this beat is, and the horns are something I can get behind (as many people who have walrused with me before can attest). But wow the vocals are NOT meshing with the rest of the song. They're probably not good in a vacuum either. *shrug*

 

[Ampharos]

In 19th, earning 6.7 points: LightWolf

Frank Schindel - Der größte Träumer (from Digimon)
http://Frank Schindel - Der größte Träumer

Did you really fucking send me the Digimon theme? In German? Is this real?

Well anyways this is pretty good. Hearing it in German is hilarious. Nothing special but I got a good chuckle out of the fact that the submission exists in the first place.

 

[Lrr]

The link to German Digimon is broken

EDIT: Fixed ~LW

 

[Ampharos]

In 18th, earning 6.9 points: Xicor

Dragon Ball Z Kai OP (from... well, take a guess)

WHERE'S MY CHA LA HEY CHA-LA THO

but yea this is a classic. It's not good enough to be rated higher than this but rating it lower feels disingenuous. Still need to watch Super tbh.

 

[Ampharos]

In 17th place, earning 7 points: lute

Jeff and Casey Lee Williams - I'm The One (from RWBY)

Good attempt at pandering. Unfortunately, Season 3 has the weakest OST out of the four. This is not Casey's best song vocally, and the backing track has plenty of energy but not a ton else. Still hits 7 because a bad RWBY song > a lot of other songs. Just a little disappointing is all.

 

[Ampharos]

In 16th place, earning 7.2 points: RODAN

MOB CHOIR - 99 (from Mob Psycho 100)

Damn good show, and one that you know I like lmao. The OP is pretty good, but I think it works better with the visuals. As just a song, it's OK. There's some cool stuff going on. I don't actually know how I feel about the counting, if we're being honest. It gets kind of old after a bit. The choruses are a lot better than the verses.

 

[Ampharos]

In 15th place, earning 7.3 points: TraceOfLife

Linked Horizon - Guren no Yumiya (from Attack on Titan)

This song holds up tbh. It gets a lot of heat for being overplayed, overrated, whatever, but I'm a fan. It's got a lot of energy, some cool instrumentation, and it cheesy and over-the-top enough that the latin chanting and random German work out well. Show's overrated, though.

 

[Ampharos]

In 14th place, earning 7.5 points: Pidge

A Cruel Angel's Thesis (from Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Low effort writeup for a low effort submission. Song's a classic. I think this placement is fair.

 

[Ampharos]

In 13th, earning 7.6 points: zorbees

Fear of the Heavens (from Secret of Mana)

I'm a sucker for SNES-era tunes, so good pick. I really like the feeling of mystery evoked by this song. Get a real ethereal feeling from this. I've never played Secret of Mana but I feel like this song is a good fit for a game with that sort of name. Wish it was longer, but it's still good.

 

[Ampharos]

In 12th, earning 7.7 points: shubaka17

Toby Fox - Black (from Homestuck)

I'm still not 100% sure what Homestuck is but I'm going to say it counts. Anyways I am known Undertale trash so of course I'm going to go for something written by Toby Fox. This is simultaneously dark and jazzy which is an interesting combo that I'm just now discovering I'm a big fan of. Sounds like it could be the music for a lategame Bowser's Castle level, or at least somewhere in World 8. This is a good thing.