You know, I like the effort you put into the commentary unlike most other warstories out there. Though I'm not experienced in the field of making warstories, I can certainly critique this to a good regard. One thing I didn't particularly enjoy about the battle was the fact that the opponent greatly relied on Nattorei and Ditto to check certain parts of your team. And it was a bit strange considering how Nidoking outran a few things, but I guess some of the opposing Pokemon were not fully EV'd in Speed.
And, um, yes. Unnecessary commentary here and there along with lengthiness in general. I'll give this a 9/10 for a decent battle and effort-ful commentary.