Join Date: May 2012
Ok, is time for some feedback! Thanks to whoever commented my entries. Your suggestions really helped me shaping my descriptions! Now is time for me to comment, from top to bottom! Let’s see:
(bold entries are the ones that I currently prefer)
Flarephoenix332: are you implying that Mollux is a domesticated Pokémon? That’s strange, but interesting. The Black entry is a bit too bland, though. Try adding something more to complete it, maybe something like a color difference depending of the habitat (like Arbok’s patterns). Just an idea…
Quanyails: well, you describe something that it can’t be seen at first glance (Mollux’s hidden speed) and that really resemble its real counterpart. I find a bit odd the fact that is a speedy snail, but otherwise the entries are good.
Pwnemon: I have to disagree with the beginning of the White entry. As other members have said, we still are not sure if this CAP is going to have a pre-evo or not. What if you replace “A newly hatched Mollux...“ with “When born it…”? In that way you give more freedom for an eventual pre-evo. Anyway, your entries are really good!
Birkal: nice entries, but… how can sailors distinguish Mollux’s brightness from the ones of other species (namely Starmie and Lanturn)? By its color? By its pattern? If you manage to squeeze this info the entries are going to be perfect!
Nyktos: Black entry is fitting, but the White one needs some fixes. Brightly-glowing sounds a bit weird, while toxic venom is repetitive. Venom is naturally toxic, in a way or another! Maybe say that is a potent venom, or something similar.
GRs_Cousin: red light indicates warning and rage… so the shiny one is always angry? It doesn’t seem that way! XD
Anyway, I love the friendly personality given to this Pokémon (it reminds me a lot Lapras, somehow). I find it cute, compared to more violent personalities found here.
Drifblim: Slugmas can be found in its shell… but isn’t this Pokémon more suited to stay underwater or in rather damp habitats? If there are Slugmas in the area that means that Mollux lives in arid or volcanic habitats, damaging itself in the process… uhm, it doesn’t fit quite well! The other White entry was better, it only needed some fixes. The Black entry is fine.
kevlarscale: the Black entry simply doesn’t make any sense. You’re basically saying that it uses the light of its shell to attract preys since its poison becomes more potent when is hot? If you say something like “using its shell to attract prey and then release on them hot poison” it’s going to make more sense. The other entry is fine.
The Reptile: I have nothing to say. They simply complete each other. I’ll wait for the final to decide.
DetroitLolCat: what were you trying to do? Giving some psychic abilities to Mollux? Tough luck, it isn’t Kadabra, Zen Darmanitan or Victini! XD
The entries are good, Dex-like and clear. I have nothing to say.
Asylum_Rhapdosy: well, the connection with Combee is unexpected, like the relationship between Spoink and Clamperl. Interesting fact, but I don’t see the point. Why it loves wax? Is there a particular reason? If there is one you should explain it, or simply say “nobody knows why…”. Anyway, good entries!
TheStarRapper: O_O the White entry is a bit too extreme! Just like Cubone’s mother! You can talk about parental love without being excessive, you know! Maybe you can talk about Final Gambit in a way that “it is willing to risk its life for its eggs or its colony”. I find it less gruesome and resembles partially real bees (it’s not a bug, but still…)
srk1214: the White entry is really fun, while the Black entry focus more on its defensive side. Nothing to say, they’re good. Maybe try to fix a bit the White one.
Urza: I find you entries a bit… empty. What did humans do to bring this species to almost extinction? Try to make the whole ordeal more… mysterious.
Eagle4: I love the interaction between Mollux and Shuckle. So this guy loves to break rocks at the beach to make Shuckles exit from their hidings, but it hates when they invade its territory. What a *bleep*? Cough, back to topic… the entries are nice. Nothing to say.
Level_51: loves science, even if what you describe are basically made-up facts. Don’t take it as an offense. I’m not saying that is a bad thing. Its liquid seems lethal. Hope nobody wants to start a biowar…
Jirachi6: very few Pokémon like Grimer, Muk, Qwilfish, Magikarp and Feebas, right? Sounds more fitting in a swamp rather than a lake, IMO. Anyway, the entries are good.
SubwayJ: the White entry resembles a lot Cloyster’s description. Try to make it a little different. About the other one… you want to focus around the hardness of its shell? What do you think about “its shell is so hard that people used shards of it to…” (…shape diamonds? In that way you can emphasize its strength) or something similar? Put similes, they’re more effective!
bugmaniacbob: let me say what I think about the pseudo entries in one single word: LOL! XD
The first two are good and flavorful, even if the White one states the obvious (it’s quite hard that something is hindered by its own body, unless it makes some efforts or it’s extinct, like Omastar)
Sound: don’t repeat prey in the White description. Replace the second one with victim or similar. The Black one is very good. Man, what would happens if a whole colony of Mollux detonate? They’ll kill millions of Pokémon! Scary! O_O
Darklatias92: what the heck I’m doing? Commenting my own entries? I’ll leave this task to the others, eh!
R7Rules: a digestive poison? I don’t find it odd. Spiders do the same thing. I don’t think the White entry is grammatically correct… try to check it.
fryfrey: both entries are fitting. Maybe the White entry is a bit too synthetic, but I could be wrong.
Midnight Show: I find a bit too strange imagining people or maybe even Smeargles using toxic liquids to paint walls… maybe you can connect Mollux and Magcargo in the past. Try to imagine it… during the Great Apocalypse or whatever some Pokémon hid in volcanoes, becoming Magcargo, while others hid in water, becoming Mollux. And so the species evolved into their habitats. :D
Err… but I’m not force-feeding you my idea. I really like the interaction between those two snails.
nyttin: very synthetic entries (maybe a bit too much). I can see this shell to have soothing properties instead of healing powers.
Meganium Sulfate: again, another friendly guy! I love that!
Bull of Heaven: interesting physical reaction… it shines so it can attract preys and eat. Very clever! And I like the fact that you mentioned its abilities.
capefeather: the entries say the minimum necessary. Its hunting method remind me a lot Lanturn (attract and swallow) and to an extend Heatmor (poison tongue vs blazing tongue). The part about its shell is a nice addition. It surely must be really careful to not spill its liquids, or else it’s doomed! Nice entries!
Project_Mars: well, from what I know other water Pokémon can use fire attacks (one of the most notable examples is Octillery). Try to put it more different, like “its fire attacks are so powerful that aren’t affected by water” (I still wonder how my Charizard can use fire attacks while diving… weird logic!) or similar. Then you’ll have a more original entry, IMO.
CiteAndPrune: explosive poison… I like the fact that this substance can be used both to burn or to poison. It must be very acidic! And explains its capacity to use water to counterattack water Pokémon. Sounds fitting!
Eszett: man, Black entry is really reminding me drugs (in both senses). It’s… weird, but also a bit unexpected. It can both make the prey an easy target or poison it with lethal venom. Sounds good.
Kaprikorn: I’ll comment all four entries, since nobody commented.
Black 1: I find it quite interesting and unexpected. What is contained in its shell, then?
Black 2: how are scientists going to employ it?
White 1: toxins can be combined to produce flames… what is the other purpose? Poisoning?
White 2: glue? Sounds a bit… nasty. What if you write that were used in the past as a glue (maybe to build solid buildings or primitive weapons, like spears and knives)?
kickmeimirish: another moody light, like a chameleon. And I like the relationship between its fluids and its ability.
Uff, I'm done! Wow, I wrote a lot! Well, when there are more entries I’ll comment them. If you comment mine I’ll be really grateful! Bye bye!
Oh my God! The Tynamo's line got Magnet Rise! We're doomed! °A°
Last edited by Darklatias92; Jun 19th, 2012 at 8:18:50 AM.