Smogon Community - View Single Post - CAP 3 - Miscellaneous Flavor (Height, Weight, Pokedex Entry)

Quanyails · Jun 19th, 2012, 8:03:01 PM

I might be gone for the next few days, so I'll have to do this now. Thank you, Asylum, for that comment.

Final Submission

Mollux, the Lamp Shell Pokémon

Black: The bioluminescent lamp on its back is remarkably light, allowing this Pokémon to move quickly in and out of water.
White: Mollux shells have different patterns depending on their habitat; rare varieties are highly prized among collectors.

Comments:

...

Kaprikorn: The Black entry is fine, though it leans on the scientific side. Not that that's bad, of course, but it's just noticeable As for the White entry: I don't see how it connects to snails other than that they're slimy to start with. How would a glue work?
Jirachi6: I'm unsure of using 'fire pokemon' in the White entry, as it sounds technical and non-natural, though I'm not sure how to replace that. Otherwise, the entries are good.
fryfrey: A comma after 'maneuver' in the Black entry would be proper. The overall in that entry could also be trimmed, as mentioned before.
Drifblim: The Slugma thing amuses me, and I don't really care how logical or illogical it is, seeing it's quirky and fitting. But yay entries! :D
capefeather: I do like that dichotomy between the liquids in Mollux's shell. :) The Black entry is realistic, but of course, that's not bad. It gives an alternative choice to some of the more odd options available. (I changed my entry about swallowing food whole, lol.) Rocket carrot Mollux makes a return, though the entry for that is a tad long for my tastes. The actual content is fine, though.
Bull of Heaven: Black's entry reminds me of capefeather's. I have to admit, capefeather's is more strongly worded. The White entry, on the other hand, provides a very feasible explanation for Dry Skin while not being too obvious. I like that one very much!
Project_Mars: "Despite this" should have a comma. Otherwise, good.
CiteAndPrune: "When heated into a gas" and "Combined with water" should have commas after them. Otherwise, good.
Eszett: Oh, that part of Mollux. Well, it'll be good for implications and those who enjoy those sort of pokedex entries. The White entry seems a bit contrived to explain their lighting, though the 'light show' sounds fascinating.
Eagle4: You can lowercase the Shuckle name now. :) 'Territorially' has two Ls. I'm not sure on Shuckle and Mollux playing together and then suddenly fighting each other on territory. White's entry is curious and otherwise fine, though Black's is still a bit weak.
GRs Cousin: I don't think extra entries are allowed, but otherwise, the Black/White entries are fine and good. I do think slightly more variety could be better, but hey, it's fine to me! Mood lamp snail. :D
kickmeimirish: Generically good.
Darklatias92: Well, sorry for changing my White entry, but the comment I got on my White entry coerced me to change it. Is it still fine with you? Respond quickly if you want me to react. XD
CiteAndPrune: The Black entry is... well, I don't really like it. It combusts from the presence of oxygen? That might clarify the wording. The latter sentence just has a bit of a roundabout wording to it.
heatran1919: Sounds adequate to me! White's entry is especially adequate.
Skore: No, I don't like the role reversal in the entries. Maaaaybe if it was for Ruby/Sapphire (ahaha...), but it's just repetitive. 'Its' has no comma for a possessive. I do like the internal oven/cooking thing--I wish I had thought of that. I'm okay with the scalding brine part, though I'm just as confused by it. Erupt from its mouth, lamp, or ground?
SubwayJ: Black's is suitable, while White's is still unsatisfactory to me. I do think you should change the mystery of Mollux's lamp's insides... though, hey, Shedinja does something similar and gets away with it.

Jun 19th, 2012, 8:03:01 PM	#77
Quanyails Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 354	I might be gone for the next few days, so I'll have to do this now. Thank you, Asylum, for that comment. Final Submission Mollux, the Lamp Shell Pokémon Black: The bioluminescent lamp on its back is remarkably light, allowing this Pokémon to move quickly in and out of water. White: Mollux shells have different patterns depending on their habitat; rare varieties are highly prized among collectors. Comments: ... Kaprikorn: The Black entry is fine, though it leans on the scientific side. Not that that's bad, of course, but it's just noticeable As for the White entry: I don't see how it connects to snails other than that they're slimy to start with. How would a glue work? Jirachi6: I'm unsure of using 'fire pokemon' in the White entry, as it sounds technical and non-natural, though I'm not sure how to replace that. Otherwise, the entries are good. fryfrey: A comma after 'maneuver' in the Black entry would be proper. The overall in that entry could also be trimmed, as mentioned before. Drifblim: The Slugma thing amuses me, and I don't really care how logical or illogical it is, seeing it's quirky and fitting. But yay entries! :D capefeather: I do like that dichotomy between the liquids in Mollux's shell. :) The Black entry is realistic, but of course, that's not bad. It gives an alternative choice to some of the more odd options available. (I changed my entry about swallowing food whole, lol.) Rocket carrot Mollux makes a return, though the entry for that is a tad long for my tastes. The actual content is fine, though. Bull of Heaven: Black's entry reminds me of capefeather's. I have to admit, capefeather's is more strongly worded. The White entry, on the other hand, provides a very feasible explanation for Dry Skin while not being too obvious. I like that one very much! Project_Mars: "Despite this" should have a comma. Otherwise, good. CiteAndPrune: "When heated into a gas" and "Combined with water" should have commas after them. Otherwise, good. Eszett: Oh, that part of Mollux. Well, it'll be good for implications and those who enjoy those sort of pokedex entries. The White entry seems a bit contrived to explain their lighting, though the 'light show' sounds fascinating. Eagle4: You can lowercase the Shuckle name now. :) 'Territorially' has two Ls. I'm not sure on Shuckle and Mollux playing together and then suddenly fighting each other on territory. White's entry is curious and otherwise fine, though Black's is still a bit weak. GRs Cousin: I don't think extra entries are allowed, but otherwise, the Black/White entries are fine and good. I do think slightly more variety could be better, but hey, it's fine to me! Mood lamp snail. :D kickmeimirish: Generically good. Darklatias92: Well, sorry for changing my White entry, but the comment I got on my White entry coerced me to change it. Is it still fine with you? Respond quickly if you want me to react. XD CiteAndPrune: The Black entry is... well, I don't really like it. It combusts from the presence of oxygen? That might clarify the wording. The latter sentence just has a bit of a roundabout wording to it. heatran1919: Sounds adequate to me! White's entry is especially adequate. Skore: No, I don't like the role reversal in the entries. Maaaaybe if it was for Ruby/Sapphire (ahaha...), but it's just repetitive. 'Its' has no comma for a possessive. I do like the internal oven/cooking thing--I wish I had thought of that. I'm okay with the scalding brine part, though I'm just as confused by it. Erupt from its mouth, lamp, or ground? SubwayJ: Black's is suitable, while White's is still unsatisfactory to me. I do think you should change the mystery of Mollux's lamp's insides... though, hey, Shedinja does something similar and gets away with it. __________________ .