Chronicles of Width
Hype Hype Hype
[00:34]imperfectspider we reach beyond the poop in the hallway to find something greater
4 years. It’s been 4 years since the Chodes began with Duke, IPS, and I, sitting in the back of our high school Chemistry class ripping away at the secrets of Rayquaza and Dialga on our shitty simulators run on shittier computers. Ian, ever fit to his role of a dormant Achilles, rested while the history of Avagardo’s number danced across the screen. Insignificant. Puny. Many other words would be applied to this scientific milestone as we surged on in our true cause.
We live to train.
Competition was simple. We are very good at what we do, and all it takes is one irl NPC bystander to piss us off enough to run train on the VGC community. Ill Mitch proved this in 2011. Fear us.
Chodes have been around for millennia. Egyptian hieroglyphics indicated the great chode (Xatu) as the source of the plagues. We live life in the widest lines of history, fear and doubt irrelevant in the face of immortal conquest.
This past year, the brotherHOOD (we are all circumcised though, so you ladies have nothing to worry about) separated. Our lives came (heh) to a crossroad and we all chose a different direction. Little did we know that Byzantium awaited for all of us.
Upon each of our paths at each of our colleges, Xatu was with us at all times. I could feel it like a nagging at the back of my head. I ignored it, thinking I had moved onto the reality of College. How jaded I was.
Meanwhile, my comrades (us instead of me) had been fighting off their addiction in different methods. IPS spent 3 moths in India, meditating on the Xatu and the significance of his egg grouping (all females babbies are thrown off cliffs.) The buddha has taught him zen, reverence, and how to RNG critical hits. Simple greatness.
Duke spent months at the bottom of the bottle. On a weak night, he got #chodesmugglers tattooed across his asscheeeks.
A text I received the next morning (I was quite hungover) simply read “I have met Xatu, and he is truth.”
In my state I made nothing of it.
I, having ignored the game for far too long, met links to my past (Dom and Spence know what I’m talking about. Kindergang or die,) and I had chose to ignore them. I got caught up in the very grounded fight for monetarial success and the grind of college. It took the kindergang to bring me back to life.
Chodes are something to fear. We are wise, knowledgeable beyond measure. We have 40 or 50 catz, and the black convention is going to be in town.
A few words on Ian.
I haven’t talked about Ian because he won’t tell us anything about his training. We’ve had peaks of his strength from a constant stream of 4-0s on which we have always been on the losing end. The greatest player I have ever met has finally decided to show his face to the world. And it is the face of god.
May Xatu save you.
“So the wide will be thin, and the thin will be wide.” –Natu