Smogon Community - View Single Post - Quality Control Project: Arceus Overview Renovation [Patching Up]

Superimp · Jun 30th, 2012, 9:42:18 PM

In reply to user Mr.lol’s Arceus-Psychic overview:

Great work Mr.lol! Your Arceus-Psychic overview has more competitive information than the original overview. You certainly have added a lot of flavor! This overview already seems much better than the previous one.

Below is the final product of my suggestions [FPS]. You can take and choose whatever you like. These suggestions focus on making the overview more concise, improving flavor, and adding more competitive information. I hope you find some of these suggestions useful for your Arceus-Psychic overview.

Arceus-Psychic
Mr.lol's overview:

...

FPS's overview:

...

Comments:
- Though your overview has less flavor than the original overview, there are parts where the flavor may be unnecessary. I suggest toning down the flavor for these parts. Of course, this is all subjective. As you seem to favor a bit more flavor than others, keeping some of it is perfectly fine. Try not to add too much though!

- By the way, Cocytus = Greek Mythology?
- I also really like your second last sentence. The issue I have with it is that it might be a bit too flavorful for others. We'll see. (I still like it though...)

-The FPS did a bit of concision. Got rid of some repetition.

- Your introduction and conclusion sentences need a lot of work in my opinion. I suggest some connection in theme.

- I provided some alternate sentences which may work better. Do these work better for you?

- The FPS did some reordering. EX: Puts His best traits first, worst traits last. The current ordering of the FPS is the Calm Mind set first, then Mewtwo, and finally flaws. This can be changed of course.

- I highly suggest a more explicit mention of His poor offensive coverage. Psychic-type coverage is pretty poor in Ubers...

- I suggest a more explicit mention of sets AKA Calm Mind and Utility Counter.

-I also suggest a mention on why you would run Arceus-Psychic over Mewtwo as a Calm Minder. Greater bulk is key!

- You might be able to put even more competitive information. Perhaps more mention of His flaws to emphasize that area?

- I noticed you took Lugia away from the overview. Why was Lugia removed?

Again, great work Mr.lol! If you have any questions on why I suggest something, please don't hesitate to ask. Thoughts on these suggestions?

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Only 5 more Arceus overviews to go. We're almost there! Keep it up!

Jun 30th, 2012, 9:42:18 PM	#34
Superimp Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 59	Arceus-Psychic Overview Suggestions In reply to user Mr.lol’s Arceus-Psychic overview: Great work Mr.lol! Your Arceus-Psychic overview has more competitive information than the original overview. You certainly have added a lot of flavor! This overview already seems much better than the previous one. Below is the final product of my suggestions [FPS]. You can take and choose whatever you like. These suggestions focus on making the overview more concise, improving flavor, and adding more competitive information. I hope you find some of these suggestions useful for your Arceus-Psychic overview. Arceus-Psychic Mr.lol's overview: ... Observe, nonbelievers, at the Creator in His calmest from whose power He obtains from the Mind Plate. In this form, He sacrifices His divine typing to banish the gluttonous Chansey and power hungry Mewtwo to the depths of Cocytus. With the ability to utilize STAB Psyshock, the glutton will be unable to counter the Creator, and will forcibly judged from his sins as the pain Psyshock causes shall strip it from half of its health after Stealth Rock. The clone of the ancient one will find it difficult for itself to harm Him, allowing Arceus ample time to rid the fool from the earth with a dark Payback. Unfortunately, He does have His flaws. The Psychic-typing of the Creator forces Him to cringe at the sight of spectral figures, and the creatures that thrive in darkness. If this was not enough, His typing fails to grant many resists, only giving him the edge when He is fighting fellow telekinetics, or fools blinded by their own valiant desires. Nevertheless, do give Him a try, for the battlefield shall shudder with telekinetic forces that He bears when He arrives. FPS's overview: ... Watch the impossible become reality when Arceus attaches His Mind Plate. In His serene forme, Arceus embraces a paranormal Calm Mind set which can strike special walls and Calm Minders where they are weakest. With the use of STAB Psyshock, not even His creations Blissey or Chansey can withstand His telekinetic onslaught. Though Mewtwo, mere creation of mortals, has offenses that surpass even Him, His supernatural bulk allows Him to set up with greater ease. In fact, Psychic Arceus can prove an extraordinary utility counter to that very same Mewtwo, for He is more than capable of repelling its obscene might. He also easily deals with His Fighting-type creations. Disappointingly, His resistances to Fighting- and Psychic-type attacks end there, for He cringes at the sight of Bug-, Dark-, and Ghost-type attacks. His STAB Psychic-type attacks are also appalling offensively. Regardless, the feats of The Original One are still beyond the mind, beyond imagination, beyond reality. Comments: - Though your overview has less flavor than the original overview, there are parts where the flavor may be unnecessary. I suggest toning down the flavor for these parts. Of course, this is all subjective. As you seem to favor a bit more flavor than others, keeping some of it is perfectly fine. Try not to add too much though! - By the way, Cocytus = Greek Mythology? - I also really like your second last sentence. The issue I have with it is that it might be a bit too flavorful for others. We'll see. (I still like it though...) -The FPS did a bit of concision. Got rid of some repetition. - Your introduction and conclusion sentences need a lot of work in my opinion. I suggest some connection in theme. - I provided some alternate sentences which may work better. Do these work better for you? - The FPS did some reordering. EX: Puts His best traits first, worst traits last. The current ordering of the FPS is the Calm Mind set first, then Mewtwo, and finally flaws. This can be changed of course. - I highly suggest a more explicit mention of His poor offensive coverage. Psychic-type coverage is pretty poor in Ubers... - I suggest a more explicit mention of sets AKA Calm Mind and Utility Counter. -I also suggest a mention on why you would run Arceus-Psychic over Mewtwo as a Calm Minder. Greater bulk is key! - You might be able to put even more competitive information. Perhaps more mention of His flaws to emphasize that area? - I noticed you took Lugia away from the overview. Why was Lugia removed? Again, great work Mr.lol! If you have any questions on why I suggest something, please don't hesitate to ask. Thoughts on these suggestions? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Only 5 more Arceus overviews to go. We're almost there! Keep it up! __________________ They can because they think they can. - Virgil Last edited by Superimp; Jun 30th, 2012 at 11:50:33 PM. Reason: Additional Notes