In reply to
Furai’s Arceus-Electric overview:
Your Arceus-Electric overview looks quite nice
Furai! You managed to add significantly more competitive information while also keeping flavor (The flavor of the original overview was quite nice, I agree). I especially liked how you implemented points such as 4MSS into the overview. Great improvement over the original!
Below is the final product of my suggestions [FPS]. You can take and choose whatever you like. These suggestions focus on making the overview more concise and improving flavor. I hope you find some of these suggestions useful for your Arceus-Electric overview.
Arceus-Electric
Furai's overview:
...
From the dark clouds, a devastating lightning is seen, after which the Zeus of Pokemon appears, with the crackling sound of a thunder. In His voltaic form, Arceus recruits the divine power of thunders and lightnings, bringing savage ruin and heavenly punishment upon those who oppose Him. The jaw-dropping power of its electric lances—combined with its icy beams and blasts of focus, that provide remarkable coverage—will numb the fighting spirit of any creature of the earth foolish enough to attempt to stand up to the wrath of its creator. Even the mighty titans of Ubers: Ho-Oh, Lugia, and Kyogre, will fall against the electrical creator, all thanks to His fantastic Electric-type STAB and the ability to unleash an accurate Thunder in rain, a common weather in Ubers. However, fitting Electric Arceus into your team can often be difficuly, as a good amount of team support is required to unleash a storm of powerful bolts. The prevalence of Ferrothorn, Dialga, and Tyranitar also require to pack Focus Blast in order to get past them reliably, resulting in less coverage or no recovery. Electric Arceus is not occupied with any good resistances and a weakness to Ground-type moves, making it harder for He, with all His bulk, to switch in. The electrifying one does not enjoy status either, and with status-inflicting Pokemon, such as Forretress and the pink blobs, Chansey and Blissey, His sweep is found at risk. It is most unwise to obstruct the path of the voltaic one, or else the wicked streak of a lightning bolt will be the last thing you shall ever see.
FPS's overview:
...
In the midst of cataclysmic bolts of lightning and the crackling sound of thunder, Arceus in His Zap Plate shows the mortals who Zeus is. It is no bolt from the blue that His energized state is one of the most offensive formes. Wielding the jaw-dropping power of STAB Electric-type attacks, Electric Arceus hurls Thunderbolts or Thunders under Rain to devastating effect. Even His imposing creations Ho-Oh, Kyogre, and Lugia slink away from His malevolent storm. Yet with such striking offense, His defense is but a tinge of a zap. Resistances to Flying- and Steel-type attacks lack potential, while a common weakness to Ground-type attacks proves most diverting. His electrifying forme struggles without sufficient boosts to avoid short-circuiting amidst the attacks of His Uber creations. Diagla, Ferrothorn, and Tyrantiar, prevalent among His creations, require Focus Blast to be annihilated, leaving Him with either less coverage or no Recover. It is most unwise to obstruct the path of the voltaic one, or else a wicked streak of lightning will be the last thing you shall ever see.
Comments:
- When reading your first sentence, something feels a little odd. Maybe it’s a little tame, maybe it’s the commas. Have you considered rewording? For example, the FPS implements a more “Zeus” idea with a bigger connection to the overall theme of the overview. If you would rather use your own first sentence (Which works), try connecting it more with the main theme. Might help the flow and it wouldn't be too much of a hassle if you chose to do it.
- I highly suggest a mention of His Zap Plate to be in line with the other Arceus overviews. Something like the FPS first sentence might work. I know it's a little nitpicky, but it's a relatively quick and easy change.
- Again, there's lots of useful competitive information! Why not try making the overview a little more concise like the FPS to put a larger emphasis on it?
- Some flavor sentences may be a little too flavorful for some. For example, though the second sentence is great, it doesn't exactly tell us much. Perhaps a combination of flavor and competitive information for each sentence might work better? Check the FPS for some examples.
- Though all your points are solid, have you considered reordering them to make certain parts stand out? For example, placing the best traits first and weaker traits after like the FPS might help.
- As an example, if I wanted to use Arceus-Electric, it would be because Arceus-Electric is one of the most offensive formes. This would then be followed by His STAB Electric-type attacks, which would then...
- Instead of mentioning how He is hard to switch-in, maybe mention how it is hard to take common attacks without boosts. It's not like His defensive typing is as poor as Ice! Maybe something like the FPS?
- You may have noticed I took some of your points out of the FPS. That's because they are here:
- Combined with Ice Beam and Focus Blast, His coverage can be shocking to observe.
- With further use of Ice Beam and Focus Blast, His coverage can be a shock to observe.
- What more, the pure destructive force that is Electric Arceus is difficult to fit into a team, for much support is necessary to unleash His true potential.
- His creations Blissey and Chansey have the resistance to stand up to His chaotic might.
- These points may have to be reworded slightly if you implement them. The reason I left them out was that the overview got a bit convoluted with their addition. Of course, your choice to implement.-Blissey/Chansey might require a mention for the Arceus-Fire and Arceus-Ice overviews if you include it here, which might seem a bit repetitive (As well as for many other Calm Mind Arceus sets...) Is Chansey/Blissey an absolutely necessary mention?
- Ice Beam and Focus Blast can be seen in the set comments. Is it overview material?
-The team support part is your choice, I just had a little difficulty trying to actually add it in without the prose going all crazy!
Again, great work Furai! I await the arrival of your Arceus-Flying overview in the near future.
If you have any questions on why I suggest something, please don't hesitate to ask. Thoughts on these suggestions?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Furai
I would like to start the Flying Arceus overview, but there literally are no comments. I honestly think it looks good as well. Perhaps a few flavor additions here and there, but I think it gives a concise competitive information. What do you guys think?
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Just for reference, here's the Arceus-Flying overview as it stands right now:
...
In this forme, The Creator descends from the heavens to smite the evil and unjust with His extraordinarily powerful Judgment. Flying Arceus is not common due to two major downfalls. The first is a weakness to Stealth Rock; taking 25% each time Arceus switches in is not pleasant. However, Arceus doesn't take any damage from Spikes or get poisoned by Toxic Spikes, which makes Him an efficient stallbreaker. Secondly, Flying is a poor defensive typing, as the only useful traits it grants Arceus are a Fighting resistance and a Ground immunity. However, conversely, Arceus's STAB Flying-type attacks are only resisted by a few common Pokemon in this metagame, specifically Dialga, Zekrom, Tyranitar, and Jirachi. While other Flying-types, such as Ho-Oh and Shaymin-S, might seem to outclass Arceus in the role of an offensive Flying-type due to their abilities and better STAB combinations, Flying Arceus is the only Flying-type that can reliably boost His offenses to tremendous levels. Furthermore, Arceus possesses great overall bulk: after a Calm Mind or two, even super effective moves will fail to dent Him, and few Pokemon will be able to stand up against His wrath.
Here are my comments relevant to competitive information right now:
- Current competitive information is quite solid.
- Like Arceus-Electric, Arceus-Ice, etc., it's somewhat hard for Arceus-Flying to take common attacks without boosts.
- Especially with Rock-, Electric-, and Ice-type weaknesses
- If you feel the overview is too short (Which it isn't in my opinion), you could mention Arceus-Flying is pretty much stuck as Calm Mind, defensive sets aren't that effective. Your choice though.
- You could mention significant checks/counters. Only if you feel the overview is too short (Which it isn't in my opinion). Your choice though.
Here are my overview comments right now:
- It might help organization if you started with the positives and then the negatives. Right now, it's a mix in between.
- By applying the same amount of polish that the current competitive information has, I am positive the first and last flavor sentence will be as good or even better.
- I really like the "descending" part. Perhaps something about the "Hall of Origin" might work?
- Last sentence may need a rework.
- General concision and a bit of flavor in between would be nice.
I hope you find these comments useful for your Arceus-Flying overview.