First and foremost, you should definitely ease up with the language. Idk if it was for laughs, but it seemed very detrimental to the quality of the warstory. The formatting seemed to be the highlight as the battle itself was very mediocre. There really wasn't anything to make me want to keep reading since your comments did little to nothing in adding tension to the match. You should also explain some of the moves you make in detail as opposed to saying that you'll just kill them next turn.
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