Originally Posted by Fat Namikaze
First and foremost, you should definitely ease up with the language. Idk if it was for laughs, but it seemed very detrimental to the quality of the warstory. The formatting seemed to be the highlight as the battle itself was very mediocre. There really wasn't anything to make me want to keep reading since your comments did little to nothing in adding tension to the match. You should also explain some of the moves you make in detail as opposed to saying that you'll just kill them next turn.
Honestly, I completely disagree.
I love the horrendously, intentionally offensive commentary. It was hilarious and witty, and made the warstory fun to read despite the battle being fairly ordinary, even if it did come to a bit of a nail-biting conclusion. I wouldn't be so prudish as to bash a wartstory for using this comedic style, especially since that'd be horribly hypocritical given the humor I use in some of my own work :P.
Also, props for posting a warstory where you lost, takes dedication to the art to do that :P
You should note that your Tornadus-T images are broken, though I suspect that's do to the applications you were using to help write this not being updated yet.
Keep up the good work, I loved your writing and had a good laugh from reading this. It's nice to see a warstory that doesn't take itself too seriously from time to time.
EDIT: also as for "you should also explain some of the moves you make in detail as opposed to saying that you'll just kill them next turn"... seriously, at what point was there more to say? None of the actions he made needed really in depth explanation. He does explain them, just very briefly and that's all he needed. This wasn't some complex strategy with high levels of mind games; it was "ok if I do this, then this dies. If he predicts, it doesn't". That doesn't lend itself to long techinical explanations.