Join Date: May 2009
i have been summoned to replace xenu.
a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings VS A spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help.
Once upon a time, there was a cheery little spambot. This spambot went by the name of "pookar" and was always asking for Joronchi and any attention at all it could get.
Meanwhile in a third world country, existed a fearsome tiger. This tiger was vastly more intelligent than "pookar" even though they had the same jagged, uneven, mammoth, unbrushed shark teeth. These teeth looked more proper on the tiger, of course, because he had a large mouth for intelligent conversation, unlike "pookar". He also had wings, allowing him to clear many distances, much more than a wheelchair-bound spambot could ever hope to.
This spambot quested into #smogon one day, desperate to get human recognition. It pleaded for Joronchi to answer its cries, but to no avail. Finally, Birkal took pity on this limp-dicked loser, asking what it was in need of, thoroughly confused as to who Joronchi was.
"pookar" questioned Birkal, unable to process his friendly input, and instead of replying coherently, stated WINDOWS FAILURE. SgtWoodsy immediately took offense, thinking the spambot was actually capable of conversing with humanity properly, under the impression the bot was calling him a Windowsy.
"pookar" was swiftly banned and Birkal shrugged, going to find something better to do with his time.
The tiger, however, upon being surrounded by rich British hunters who sought to mount his face upon the wall of their mighty hunting club, was able to chomp through one's gun with his gargantuan teeth, scaring the hunters into a frenzy before flying off to safety. While "pookar" lived the rest of its sad life in isolation, the tiger went on to meet a nice female tiger and have more raptor winged tigers.
a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings
morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams VS Earthworm's massive pecs
I am uncertain if the second competitor in this round refers to Earthworm's pecs as massive because he works out and has built upper body strength and muscle definition, or massive because he is the bulbous size of this RPSI's host. Anyone's pecs could be massive when your chest sprawls the length of a Dodge truck.
As such, I feel like the potential of Morgan Freeman to overcome the more likely scenario of a wide-spread Earthworm's flabby, out-of-shape but still-expansive pecs is stronger than the slim chance Earthworm has actually ever lifted a one pound weight ever in his life.
morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams
a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun VS an extremely attractive girl who can't remember whether she's 17 or 18
Though the T-Rex is a genetic anomaly, due to his lengthy forelimbs, he already has a leg up on the girl in that he probably can remember his age. This girl may be attractive but if she cannot recall her own age, she's not too bright.
Who's to say this T-Rex is heterosexual? Or even into cross-species relationships? Perhaps he just wants to settle down with his T-Roxy instead of venturing into a sleazy club with a bouncer who can be paid off by offering him a feel in exchange for not checking your id. Maybe he's just a teacher at this girl's school and has no interest in trading sexual favors for grades.
Frankly I don't support these bestial tendancies, and there's a slim chance this girl could charm T-Rex when he is quite plainly not interested. He just wants to make use of his odd genetics, which are rather conventient for him, and shoot his gun.
In the event he did use his weapon against this attractive girl, presuming her amorous but clueless attempts to seduce him failed because he is T'Rex not a Jersey Shore star, it is highly unlikely she would have the wit or reflexes to dodge. Perhaps she would be limber enough from her flexible sexual experimentations with men who were willing to say "she told me she was 18" to a judge, but her reaction time surely would be much too slow. As such, I must find in favor of the weapon-wielding dinosaur.
a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun
the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady VS an army of rampaging RODANs
The question must be raised: how is this European woman sickly? Does she have AIDS, is she down with a case of the flu, just a cold, food poisoning - to what degree is she ill? Perhaps just a poor immune system. Or maybe it's Fishy's cross-continental counterpart and she has contracted at least seven different STDs.
For this, we will assume whatever she has is dehabiliting to the point of possibly being terminal.
The army of rampaging RODANs is rampaging for one reason only - their RODATcave has run out of food and they want more. Storming through the countryside of Europe, slicing through every field they come across where food is being grown, the RODANs roll their way across the land, flattening anyone unfortunate enough to block their path.
In the ensuing confusion, chaos, and havoc caused by the horrific sight of angry, foaming, starving RODANs flopping toward you, a car spun out, striking this poor, sickly woman as she walked down the side of a once-pleasant country road. It severed her leg from her, and the car promptly raced off, leaving her to crawl away and try to hide from the RODANs, leg abandoned in the road.
The RODANs would spot her limb, however, and disregard the hair, thinking it was fine feathering on a juicy, giant chicken leg. They bite in, tearing at the leg together, quickly decimating it.
And then they feel weak. Everyone knows that something as gargantuan as a rampaging RODAN must have horrid arteries, clots everywhere, clogged bloodflow, and this, my friends, marks their downfall. The terminal illness this lady harbored is concentrated in the bloodstream of the RODANs, leeching from their intestines into their other organs and shutting them down.
Slowly but surely, the RODANs all collapse, flattening and losing the cohesion holding them together. The lady is saved by virtue of incredible new medical research and innovative, trial-by-fire surgery. She gains a new, artifical leg, one that she does not have to shave and leave coated in hair, which in fact, choked one RODAN to death because he could not clear the hairball out of his tiny throat, puffed in by the fat surrounding it on his neck.
the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady
<Stone_Cold22> sejuani = fuck no. fucking sejuani is like fucking Rodan w/ a female head