Well if you consider this in actual game situations, then no, the calcs are not pathetic. For Ludicolo to actually be threatening it's going to switch in, set up Rain Dance, and then kill something (at which point you bring in Linoone). When you take into account Stealth Rock, 2 possible turns of damage (as it switches in + as it sets up), as well as Life Orb recoil, the chances that Ludicolo will be above 75% are actually pretty low.
Life Orb Absol is a decent alternative yes, but you hit the nail on the head yourself. Sucker Punch is so much less reliable, and being worked around by Substitute, Sleep Powder, even random shit like Nature Power can make it that much harder for it to act as an effective check to weather sweepers.
As for Musharna vs. Amoonguss:
252Atk Choice Band Linoone
vs 240HP/252Def Leftovers Musharna
(+Def): 33% - 40% (147 - 174 HP). Guaranteed 3HKO.
252Atk Choice Band Linoone
vs 252HP/252Def Leftovers Amoonguss
(+Def): 38% - 45% (165 - 195 HP). Guaranteed 3HKO.
The reason why there is such a big difference between the two is Regenerator. Amoonguss does not give a shit about that kind of damage when it can just switch out to a Normal resist, while Musharna DOES care if its not at 100%. If it's at just 80% and comes in on Return with Stealth Rock up, Linoone has a very realistic chance to 2HKO it. And that sort of situation is definitely not outside the realms of possibility, especially when you consider CB Linoone is meant to be brought out against a weakened team.
Return could also easily be used over Shadow Claw (MAYBE Seed Bomb, but probably not) since you barely use that anyway.
Yes the calcs look shit on paper, but when you consider them in a real game situation they are much more useful.
I'm just gonna leave what FLCL wrote about it in his RMT from the end of May, as much of it is still relevant today. Yes it's a while ago, but take a look at the calcs in hide tags and actually read what he writes, it certainly still applies.
Originally Posted by Fat FLCL
(F) @ Choice Band
EVs: 168 HP / 252 Atk / 44 Def / 44 SDef
Adamant Nature (+Atk, -SAtk)
- Shadow Claw
- Seed Bomb
Wasted potential is probably the first thought that comes to mind when you see Choice Band Linoone. Why would anyone forgo such sweeping potential for a Choice User with the same amount of attack as Dusclops? The answer is: ExtremeSpeed. It's arguably the best priority attack in the game and with it, Linoone can bypass all priority except Fake-Out and deal over fifty percent to most offensive threats in the tier. So many threats that teams usually sweat over can be easily checked by Linoone after some damage is sustained (usually when they are setting up). Instead of spending two or three teamslots on defensive Pokemon that kill off momentum, I can simply slap on Linoone and most of the time I'll be fine. The opponent will never switch out due to fear of Belly Drum, so I am almost guaranteed a revenge kill if they are within ExtremeSpeed KO range. Here are example of what Linoone can do against the most dangerous threats in the tier:
Ninety percent of the time I will be using ExtremeSpeed to deal constant reliable damage to the team. The only instances where I will be using the coverage moves are against Ghosts or Pokemon with a quadruple weakness to grass. Switcheroo is yet another annoyance to stall teams; it disrupts them even more than Choice Scarf since a lot of Pokemon in stall have no business with an attack boost.
Linoone is the most irreplaceable team member since removing it would force me to add in two or three other Pokemon. It does some amazing things sometimes, such as living a Magmortar Fire Blast and other powerful attacks. I've been saved countless times by a clutch ExtremeSpeed when it seems like all hope was lost. There have been moments where I thought "man I really wish I had Belly Drum right now" and I have even tried Belly Drum Linoone in this set's place. However, without the ability to revenge just about everything, my team began to fall apart. There was an instance where I lost a match because I couldn't KO a Swellow at seventy five percent at the end...
The EV's were suggested again by col49 and provide better bulk than the spread of 252 HP / 252 Atk which I was previously running.
Also Raseri I agree the meta is a lot bulkier, but there are still threats like Cinccino, Zangoose, and Swellow running around that cannot just be ignored. I'm not saying CB Linoone is as good as it once was, but I still think it's analysis worthy.