Smogon Community - View Single Post - CAP 4 - Part 14

Quanyails · Nov 13th, 2012, 8:53:17 PM

Final Submission

Aurumoth, the Radiant Moth Pokémon

Black: When Aurumoth floats around, its wings sway freely under its psychic force. Ancient peoples copied this action, mistaking it for a dancing ritual.

White: It is drawn toward people who have powerful emotion, guiding those with good intents and cursing those with bad ones.

Black 2/White 2: Its wings are made of fibers not unlike dense bread. An Aurumoth with only five wings has given a wing away to feed a famished soul.

Rearranged them and wrote up another entry for White. It sounds familiar in theme to previous CAPs, but it's fitting. The B2/W2 entry does seem to integrate parts of the B/W ones while showing something slightly different. Thanks for the response, GRs Cousin. Your question on why Aurumoth's wings aren't actual metal comes from the original design being less metallic and more Psychic-evocative in colors. Actual metals may imply the Steel typing (even if Cofagrigus has a golden outside, and gold being a soft metal in general). Fridge Logic on how a psychic bug gets actual golden shells, mostly. Dense bread can be thought of by replacing the adjective with 'unleavened'.

Comments (Which I lost once, darn it, so I'm rewriting more quickly.)

...

DarkSlay: Hallowed is a neat word to imply sacredness without religiousness, if you're uncertain of using the word. I do like the warm, yet powerful feel I get from Aurumoth from your entries, as well as what flavor can be possible via potential pre-evolutions.
Galladiator: Love your B2/W2 entry and its allusion and Illusion. :P Nice differences yet similarities between the Black and White ones!
The Royal Guard: Your entries work nicely to contrast the generally good vibe that other entries share. Pseudo-legendaries do have precedents for malevolence. I particularly like your choice of the word 'transgression'.
SubwayJ: Should be enough humor to keep your entries afloat, despite the Fridge-iness of them.
GRs Cousin: Responded above, and will respond to your entries now. The first two work wonderfully between themselves and to Arceus's entries, giving that sense of power. The B2/W2 one, though, confuses me. If it's assertive, eager to fight (fighting style, no dash), why does it only attack in defense?
Eagle4: No comma before 'for speculated medicinal powers' and 'and a sickly sweet aftertaste'. :) Otherwise, fine! (Well, the wording experience a sense does sound a tad long, but it's correct.)
Bull of Heaven: The one qualm I have is the addition of 'Researchers believe' in the White entry. The multidirectional wing movement sounds something that could be verified. Cutting that part makes it sound more dexterous and actual.
gamer40000: I'm not sure if you need 'the Aurumoth's' in the first entry. It sounds specific, yes, but if it's 'now' rather than in the past, it's anachronistic. Perhaps just 'Aurumoth's' can do. Again, I chuckle at the B2/W2 entry. :)
Korski: The B2/W2 entry reminds me of Uxie, of course, but that just adds to its legendary appeal. Everything else, wonderful.
Jirachi6: Hmm, neat. It shows Aurumoth as having personalities and intellect, as would be befitting for a pokemon of such nature. I wonder how much of Illusion should be mentioned in the entries, considering BMB made it the DW ability rather than a standard one.
Aquaking: Well, gold is quite soft in real life. That might require changes to the White entry. 'Powerful kings actually had an Aurumoth guardian' implies that every king shared the same Aurumoth. 'Actually had Aurumoth guardians' would have a more proper parallel. If those are fixed up, the entries are fine!
Nomark: Hmm, the White entry is quite fascinating with the imagery on blueprints. The Black entry is short and sweet. The B2/W2 entry's second sentence is odd, since I expect an inept Aurumoth to be, well, subservient to more adept ones, rather than commanding their fellows.

Nov 13th, 2012, 8:53:17 PM	#86
Quanyails Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 354	Final Submission Aurumoth, the Radiant Moth Pokémon Black: When Aurumoth floats around, its wings sway freely under its psychic force. Ancient peoples copied this action, mistaking it for a dancing ritual. White: It is drawn toward people who have powerful emotion, guiding those with good intents and cursing those with bad ones. Black 2/White 2: Its wings are made of fibers not unlike dense bread. An Aurumoth with only five wings has given a wing away to feed a famished soul. Rearranged them and wrote up another entry for White. It sounds familiar in theme to previous CAPs, but it's fitting. The B2/W2 entry does seem to integrate parts of the B/W ones while showing something slightly different. Thanks for the response, GRs Cousin. Your question on why Aurumoth's wings aren't actual metal comes from the original design being less metallic and more Psychic-evocative in colors. Actual metals may imply the Steel typing (even if Cofagrigus has a golden outside, and gold being a soft metal in general). Fridge Logic on how a psychic bug gets actual golden shells, mostly. Dense bread can be thought of by replacing the adjective with 'unleavened'. Comments (Which I lost once, darn it, so I'm rewriting more quickly.) ... DarkSlay: Hallowed is a neat word to imply sacredness without religiousness, if you're uncertain of using the word. I do like the warm, yet powerful feel I get from Aurumoth from your entries, as well as what flavor can be possible via potential pre-evolutions. Galladiator: Love your B2/W2 entry and its allusion and Illusion. :P Nice differences yet similarities between the Black and White ones! The Royal Guard: Your entries work nicely to contrast the generally good vibe that other entries share. Pseudo-legendaries do have precedents for malevolence. I particularly like your choice of the word 'transgression'. SubwayJ: Should be enough humor to keep your entries afloat, despite the Fridge-iness of them. GRs Cousin: Responded above, and will respond to your entries now. The first two work wonderfully between themselves and to Arceus's entries, giving that sense of power. The B2/W2 one, though, confuses me. If it's assertive, eager to fight (fighting style, no dash), why does it only attack in defense? Eagle4: No comma before 'for speculated medicinal powers' and 'and a sickly sweet aftertaste'. :) Otherwise, fine! (Well, the wording experience a sense does sound a tad long, but it's correct.) Bull of Heaven: The one qualm I have is the addition of 'Researchers believe' in the White entry. The multidirectional wing movement sounds something that could be verified. Cutting that part makes it sound more dexterous and actual. gamer40000: I'm not sure if you need 'the Aurumoth's' in the first entry. It sounds specific, yes, but if it's 'now' rather than in the past, it's anachronistic. Perhaps just 'Aurumoth's' can do. Again, I chuckle at the B2/W2 entry. :) Korski: The B2/W2 entry reminds me of Uxie, of course, but that just adds to its legendary appeal. Everything else, wonderful. Jirachi6: Hmm, neat. It shows Aurumoth as having personalities and intellect, as would be befitting for a pokemon of such nature. I wonder how much of Illusion should be mentioned in the entries, considering BMB made it the DW ability rather than a standard one. Aquaking: Well, gold is quite soft in real life. That might require changes to the White entry. 'Powerful kings actually had an Aurumoth guardian' implies that every king shared the same Aurumoth. 'Actually had Aurumoth guardians' would have a more proper parallel. If those are fixed up, the entries are fine! Nomark: Hmm, the White entry is quite fascinating with the imagery on blueprints. The Black entry is short and sweet. The B2/W2 entry's second sentence is odd, since I expect an inept Aurumoth to be, well, subservient to more adept ones, rather than commanding their fellows. __________________ . Last edited by Quanyails; Nov 14th, 2012 at 7:18:47 AM. Reason: Editing, as Bull of Heaven suggested.