[akuchi]

my train of thought; I miss my boyfriend. I want to get back with him except it wouldn't make a difference because my god we hardly ever argue but when we do it's fucking mental. okay so it's only happened once but
..
we're both violent albeit in different ways; he shouts and pushes me about and I shout and throw stuff at him.
not good. but it doesn't stop me loving him. and missing him. and wanting him back.
fuck. not good.
people who do that to each other shouldn't be in a relationship, surely
it's not healthy. it's bad.
people who love each other should be in a relationship, surely
it's not healthy for it to be otherwise
it's bad

cocaine probably isnt the answer to a breakup but its the only one I can think of. pot and alcohol wont cut it. why take downers when one is already down?

college fucking sucks. it feels better when I'm working but fuck me if I can think of anything to write.
everything's a farce.

an old lady fell over in the street today and noone went to help her for a while. even I didn't go. I like to blame this on my back (which does make it a fucking nightmare for me to walk) but really I'm just as bad as my two male friends who were stood there laughing at her.
yet I denounce them as cunts.

god I want sam back. even getting coked reminds me of sam. he likes his cocaine does that boy.

I should do another line.

ironically we're not together most of the time anyway. long distance relationship and that. but it's a DIFFERENT sort of separation.

I keep being told to cheer up by my fat chav friend who made me his counsellor after his heart was broken when his great romance ended.
his great romance that lasted TWO FUCKING WEEKS.
this was two years. fuck.

these are my thoughts, and I don't like them.