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#26 |
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南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
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Alright, so here is the next paragraph!
Paragraph 2
Yes it's Heracross again x) Gogogo! ^_^
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#27 |
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Hmmm... A name for the plan...
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 6,937
Sea Forest
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"Due to this," is still such a gross way to start a sentence... Please don't do that... At least use "This allows Heracross..." or "This gives Heracross..." or "This makes Heracross..."
active/dynamic writing = good writing. passive voice = ewww... |
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#28 |
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standing in the eye of the hurricane
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,079
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C/P
I am cute. |
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#29 |
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<Feranfell> punbot irl aka virginity protector
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,646
us best
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...
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I'll finish this later...
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#30 |
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9
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Revisions
C/P
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#31 |
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yellow!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 713
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OK so unlike normal paragraphs there's so many things wrong so I might as well just go sentence by sentence (abandon the typical 'gp' structure) and point out everything there and then. It looks like I completely rewrote the thing altogether, but if you read it, you'll realize I kept most of the wording intact.
TL;DR
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#32 |
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 108
Bangalore, India
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GP checked this when the writer PMed me the paragraph earlier, but I suppose it belongs here too!
Needed some changes!
Have fun, sandshrewz and W********!
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Last edited by ShortsTheory; Jun 16th, 2012 at 12:08:36 PM. Reason: BB Code screwed up |
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#33 |
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 72
Running
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Last edited by Perfexionist; Jun 18th, 2012 at 10:34:18 AM. Reason: *be wary |
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#34 |
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Tastes Like Candy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,142
Long Island
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...
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The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.
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#35 |
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南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
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Eekkkk Cereza! No need to split them up xD It's not from an analysis haha xD I'll indicate if it's from an analysis :) ps where are your changes? >.> haha
edit: I've finally updated my post here and left a couple of comments for everyone! It isn't exactly extensive but hope it helps! :) Note to all GPers: You can help out by visiting the GP Team social group! :D If you're not in it, you can ask ibo or Fate to invite you in ^_^ Thanks!
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Thanks for voting for The Smog Awards! ^_^ ![]() Member of the GP Team- VM for a check / stamp! Last edited by sandshrewz; Jun 18th, 2012 at 3:14:56 AM. |
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#36 |
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 637
gosh your lips look delicious
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Key:
Bold = Small grammatical or spelling errors Red = Original text Blue = Revised text Green = Comments
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[17:32:24] <~Earthworm> hello [17:32:34] <~Earthworm> a kitten in may will be a cat in october |
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#37 |
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Tastes Like Candy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,142
Long Island
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did another one and I bet it sucks
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The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.
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#38 |
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南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
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Alright, you have roughly 24 hours to get in your entries if you've not done so! :)
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#39 |
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Clearly cannot choose the wine in front of you
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sandz asked me to post the next paragraph:
paragraph 3
The author donated this one and inserted some mistakes on purpose, good luck!
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Don't count the days, make the days count. Katakiri: How did you even get into this university?
Last edited by Ray Jay; Jun 23rd, 2012 at 2:56:59 PM. |
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#40 |
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南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
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Ray Jay you didn't post the answers!! ):< lol. Sorry for being late with the answers x.x
Answer for Paragraph 2
There were some PokeGrammar errors here that were the same as those in the previous paragraph. So no one should be making the same mistakes if they did the previous time. Still, if you've made the same mistakes, I hope you can learn from it now and avoid them when checking analyses. Thanks :) Thanks for participating once again! Hope to see more participation for Paragraph 3 ^_^ e: will be giving a couple of comments if I have the time~~ :)
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#41 |
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Clearly cannot choose the wine in front of you
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I call foul. I was only told to have an answer key made for paragraph 3. Whatever.
Anyways good luck on paragraph 3 sorry im a failure as a dojo master
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Don't count the days, make the days count. Katakiri: How did you even get into this university?
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#42 |
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 72
Running
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I made a check of Paragraph 3:
Changes Illustrated
Changes Implemented
Last edited by Perfexionist; Jun 26th, 2012 at 11:54:36 AM. Reason: *mixed attacker |
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#43 |
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Tastes Like Candy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,142
Long Island
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The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.
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#44 |
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U HAVIN A FOKIN GIGGLE THER M8 ILL BASH YE HEAD IN I SWEAR ON ME MUM
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Back after a stupidly long time and a stupidly long amount of amateur checks? I'm on this.
REMOVE CHANGE COMMENTS
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I haven't done this for a while...how was it?
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Part of the GP team, message me for a check!
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#45 |
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is 60% water
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Answer 3
Reasons
If there's anything you don't understand in that check, feel free to ask. Also, if you think I missed something, you can bring that up as well. Remember, everything gets GPed twice for a reason ^.^ Sandz didn't tell me what the next paragraph will be, so you'll have to wait for him to post it up :P
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^.^
Last edited by Jellicent; Jun 29th, 2012 at 11:59:42 PM. |
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#46 | ||||
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南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
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I'll only comment if you've made any wrong changes! If you've missed out some changes, you can just refer to the answer key ^_^
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
edit: I hope to have your patience for the next one to come! Thanks and sorry for the inconvenience! >.>
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Thanks for voting for The Smog Awards! ^_^ ![]() Member of the GP Team- VM for a check / stamp! Last edited by sandshrewz; Jun 30th, 2012 at 10:50:48 AM. |
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#47 |
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 72
Running
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Thanks so much for your comments sand. I always enjoy reading them, and they are helpful.
While I try to preserve the writer's work as much as possible, I will look into being more bold with prose edits. |
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#48 |
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rip numeros
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When will the next paragraph be up?
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C&C Work | 1k RMT | Contribute! | VM for an OU Rate! | gp member: vm/pm for a check | previously pokemon0078 / aka jew-cane
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#49 |
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南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
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Sorry for the wait everyone!! Only 3 checks for paragraph 3 u_u /me sad. Anyway, let's try something a little different this time :D All participants, you will not be doing one check by yourself as you've previously done so! This time, every participant / amateur GP checker will work together to produce a single check for this paragraph. How are you going to do that? Anyone can start off with a rough check of the paragraph, but please don't overkill and make lots of changes till there isn't much to change anymore. After a rough check is made, discuss in this thread or come on #grammar and give suggestions to improve the check and point out errors. Try to support your suggestion if possible. If everyone / most people is agreeable to a change, someone can take the initiative to work on top of the previous check to add in all the agreed changes. Keep improving the check until everyone thinks there's no more room for improvement! When you're all agreeable that this is the best check that can be produced, just post saying so!
A few things to note though. If discussion is made in #grammar please post a log or a summary of the proposed changes so that participants that are not on IRC at that time are not left out. This thread will be where the main discussion takes place. However, use whatever means you're comfortable with but don't get left out! The more people there are the more opinions there are to make the check better. The purpose of this is to let everyone learn from each other instead of just from their own mistakes. This way, hopefully you can learn what are the alternatives to making changes and broaden your perspectives when making your checks. Remember, there's infinite possibilities in GP checking! This should be a group effort and no one should have a monopoly and no one should shy away! Have fun discussing and I hope you all can gain something invaluable from this that you might not get the chance to normally.
Paragraph 4
Don't forget that there's a couple of links related to grammar and prose in the OP! They're quite useful resources and I hope you can refer to them if you have the time! Good luck and have fun everyone! :D I hope to see plenty of participation this round ^_^ Wynaut give this a try?? :)
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#50 |
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standing in the eye of the hurricane
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,079
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Paragraph 3 was made by a cute user, btw. Thanks for the comments sandz~ and yeah I made some dumbass mistakes :D
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