4000th member spectacular ok :) (dm/dweedle/carl SLASH + NECRO INC.)

[MNL]

awesome.

[rikku]

hahaha great gj ls

[ls]

np: Linkin' Park - In the End

Frick, this isn't IRC. This is real life. My point remains though that sometimes when I have to do something I really don't wanna do (in this case, face the mundanes at school AGAIN) I listen to this song. It was popular a while ago because it's I dunno really good musically, but no one ever listened to the message. I did, though. It's so deep... but I digress. Hehe, if I wasn't so sure I was going to be an English teacher in Japan (oh god. Just imagine all those cute little girls in sailor uniforms! It is like heaven.) musician would've been my second choice. I say I listen to shit that chaos likes (on IRC, remember! Oh, I forgot to mention, I even made up a little acronym for IRC! I'm Really Cool! That's a little trick for me to make myself smile when I'm a little blue.) but that's just a... a front, I guess. Sometimes I don't think even chaos likes Porcupine Tree. I mean, just look at the name! It's so weird... So I guess, though I'm loathe to admit it, Hazerider was right.

Now, before I take you into my life at school, I suppose I should take a detour through the corridors of fashion. My philosophy of fashion is very simple: if you can find it in a dumpster, you don't have to waste the money you would've used to buy some Naruto manga. Of course, I wash the stuff I find, so I'm not gross. Today I wanted to look a bit better than normal because I'm coming out (NOT of the closet! Hah, I wouldn't do that yet. No, I mean I'm coming out of the OLD SANDERS shell, the one who takes everyone's bullcrap. Er, excuse the language.)

Now, I go to what some people call an alternative school (I call it hell, hah! God, I'm so glad I've decided to write these down for I'm Really Cool.). My parents were afraid that I'd get beaten up at a normal school, so they sent me to a school where the kids are a bit slower. BIG MISTAKE mom and dad (a part of my inner monologue screams "just like me" but I ignore it. Heh, I'm such a kidder.) I get beaten up like crazy, but if I try to tell...

"Sanders, they just don't know any better."

The teachers are like my parents. They just don't fucking care that I'm drowning out here. So, despite pleas to be homeschooled, I have to attend this place anyway. As I walk through the big doors (they're padded so the students won't run into them. At first I found that stupid and insulting, but I'm not afraid to admit now they've saved me from quite a few embarrassing head injuries!) I gulp even louder than before I entered #smogon. Here I am NOT anonymous. People know who I am, and they tear after me as soon as they smell me. I'm told I have a really distinct odor (for some reason like garbage. Hm, odd.) so that makes it really obvious for them.

I hear stomping. Darn it to heck!

It grows louder. Now I hear my heart thumping loudly in my chest. I don't want to face what's coming next. But, I told myself I have to. Naruto will never be the hokage if he lets the bullies win, and I'll never get through this place and become the Sanders I'm meant to be unless I handle them.

They arive. CHarles, Jamal, Tyrone. The three horsemen of the apocalypse. Allow me the luxury of taking the time to explain them to you because in reality I have about 3 seconds before they start swinging their ham fists.

CHarles is the brains of the group. Sort of their leader, really. He can even read at a fifth grade level, something that one day I will accomplish I tell myself every day. As for looks, well, let's just say he's no Uchiha Sasuke. But that's ok, he's smart enough to get any girl he wants! He can probably use Jedi mind tricks or something... hehe, I'm so silly.

Jamal and Tyrone are the twins. If you couldn't tell by their names, they're bla-, African American. Sometimes I think about MLK, Jr., and I think how upset his ghost must be every time someone says "black" so I try very hard not to upset him by using African American. I also will never say white but gaijin, instead. It is more polite and it will also make my Japanese brothers happy. Anyway, they're CHarles's arms. His muscle. His strength. His tools. His army. His guns. His sharks. His toughs. His goons. See how good with words I am? I could go on for days, hehe. I don't know what's wrong with them but for some reason their skin is darker than mine, as seems to be the case with most African Americans. Am I the first one to notice this?

"Sanders, give us your lunch money!"

Now was my chance. NOW was when I was gonna show them that there is a new Sanders in town. Like when Frieza killed Krillin Goku's best friend in the world (even the universe because they were on Namek at the time and Goku didn't have any better friends there I don't think) Goku ascended. And so would I.

"...Ok, here you go." I said as I handed them my lunch money.

Poop.

this is the first half of sanders's day at school :)

[meddle]

best piece of text on the internet

edit: loling so hard at part 3

[MNL]

wow, it keeps getting better and better, please keep doing this

[pookar]

ls is the best!!!

[noobster]

part 3 is my favorite lol

[Delta]

loling hard at part 3

[DM]

keeps getting better

this thread should be put in a time capsule for future humans so they can understand funny

[Sanders]

i went to an alternative school for a whole semester last year

there was a guy named tyrone!

[DM]

*SIGH*

We KNOW that Sanders, that's why he's in the STORY. Sheesh, this IS a day in your life, or were you NOT paying attention?

[Steelicks]

hahaha this is really great :) FINALLY an insight into the mind of Sanders...

[Sanders]

Originally Posted by Fat DoomMullet

*SIGH*

We KNOW that Sanders, that's why he's in the STORY. Sheesh, this IS a day in your life, or were you NOT paying attention?

uh ok whatever i got 4.5 on my last reading test thank you

[Shiv]

hahahahaha amazing, simply amazing. Cant wait for part 4.

[Altmer]

good cfickle thread

[dynamo]

loved part 3, gj ls

[Dweedle]

this thread reeks of hilarity

[flyingMachine!]

*laughing, to the point of crying*

[ala]

lol this is great

[Jack Sparrow]

I am seriously in tears thanks to this story it's awesome.

[havoc]

postin in a CFickle thread

[monkfish]

bumpig for second half of Sanders's Day At School!

[Shiv]

bumping again along with telling ls on IRC

[ls]

i hope that you all have remained firmly at the edge of your seats this long year because it is about to pay off! so without "without further adieu" (thatd be so trite and passe) here is the exciting conclusion that i promised and failed to deliver on like always

Somehow I made it out alive that day, really the details would be far too boring and they might even be too difficult to concoct. Although I survived, I was changed fundamentally. I knew I couldn't live the life that had granted me so much comfort in my formative internet years - I didn't want to wake up one day and find that I hadn't lived. But, I also knew I couldn't abandon it. Luckily, there was a way to live like a normal human being without actually doing it: lying.

But this wouldn't be any normal lying, like saying that I had four Blue-Eyes White Dragons when in reality I had only three (and even then one having been used when Sakura-chan's charms overwhelmed me far from any Kleenex or other paper materials); I would have to overwhelm my internet buddies, inventing such wild and outlandish tales that they would have no choice but to believe me! Pooping in trashcans? They will WISH I was still that restrained. No buttholes will be safe from my imagination...! It didn't take long, my faithful and patient readers, to realize a flaw in my plan: while I could and would create stories that would shock Smogon's collectively delicate sensibilities, that wouldn't really separate me from the crowd, would it? Any bozo can say he stuck his entire head in his girlfriend's (heh, yeah, take that lords: my GIRLFRIEND's) anus, but I'm sure some faggot would call me out. I needed something unfakeable, and so I decided on the only thing besides anime and card games that is constant in my life (and no, please do NOT ask about my mom, sore. fwiggin. subject.), my knowledge of MySpace's hottest bands with under 25 friends. Yeah, I was gonna be Smogon Academy's Music Professor Emeritus.

I'll admit it, I had competition. Basically everyone on #smogon considered themselves some kind of guru of all things musickal. But I play the tuba, so I would have some kind of a leg up, I think. No one cared enough about the tuba to question me on anything, and so I came off looking like a #!%#&ing encyclopedia. Oh, hey Justin, how's Guitar Hero? Wanna try a real instrument for once, loser? Thought so. Carl and Cloud presented challenges to my status but I'd deal with them (look at me! I sound like I'm Tony Soprano or something, lol) if they tried to interfere.

My plan was set, solid, surefire, and all sorts of s-words I'm too stupid to surmise. Ready to log on to...well, I hate to reuse jokes that don't involve feces or my personal life, so let's just call it IRC for now. Here is the unedited, unabridged log of what happened.

[17:51] * Joined channel #Smogon
[17:51] * Topic is 'Bighugerotundrubenesquemegaultraobesediabetic lords'
[17:51] * Set by chaos on Wed Jul 11 23:41:38
[17:51] * ChanServ sets mode: +v Sanders [editor's note: I LOVE being a voice! +m? Take that! hee)
[17:51] <@chaos> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa blubbery sanders
[17:51] <@Misty> lol good one
[17:51] <tad38> hey thats my line. ah well, good one lol.
[17:51] <@Misty> big tad looze
[17:51] <@Justin8649> hi potty treiner
[17:51] <+Sanders> Hi guys! who here just loves the new Up-C Down-C Left-C Right-C ABC + Start album
[17:52] <@cfickle> jesus christ thats a terrible name
[17:52] <+Sanders> yeah, i forgot that all names that arent "boston" "kansas" "pink floyd" and "x-japan" suck for cfickle
[17:52] <@cfickle> no thats actually a dumb name
[17:52] <+Sanders> so anyway ignoring the music-haters music opinion, whatd you guys think? i thought they took post-necrodendrocore to a new level
[17:58] <+Sanders> dm1 you there. i wanna know what you think.
[18:09] <+Sanders> guess you're not there lol. well when youre back tell me what you think... you're the only one i care about
[18:09] <+lords> shut the fuck up sanders
[18:09] <+Sanders> guys um have you ever cut off a goat's penis and fucked your girlfriend with it? cuz i know someone who has.
[18:09] * Sanders points at himself
[18:15] <Hazerider> go masturbate in front of a train
[18:19] <+Nobie> Has anyone else found it weird that with 3 Agilities, Sword Dances, Amnesias, and Nasty Plots passed to it, Relicanth is incredible?

I knew when I was beat, so I logged off. Hazerider had given me a terrible (and useless, three times per day is all I can manage before I get tired or my penis does) advice. Pfft! Who needs IRC, anyway? I live in a world made of atoms and totally hot girls to stick my little Sanders (rofl) into, not 1s and 0s! Time for Sanders to go to college.

While I applied to tons of good schools, I found it more than a little suspicious when I was only accepted into Bob's School o' Muzak, and even then Big Sanders couldn't pay for it. Oh, lemme clarify, by Big Sanders I don't mean me, as Little Sanders was already implied as my penis, so I guess I should've used Papa Sanders. But anyway. So I did the most rational thing I could think to do: created an account at the sperm bank (not withdrawal, haha, funny. no. deposit, duh!). Unfortunately, they did some weird genetic tests or something and to make a long (I promise I will NOT make another penis joke here. Oh, fine, like my penis lol) story short, they wouldn't pay me much of anything for my high-quality Sanders seed. No college for me.

So, here I am... the best of plans sometimes fail, and I guess that goes doubly for my plans. I turn again to the internet, hoping and praying that IRC will take me back and my application to Pitchfork Media will pay off, giving me the money I need to learn the noble art of muzak.

It's weird, people at school made fun of me for living on the internet, but... would I exist if it weren't for the internet? I always feel like I can't be me in real life, but in a way, when I click a few buttons, I become sort of an idealized version of myself; Christopher Sanders would never really have the guts to stick his tuba in his girlfriend's vagina, but [BP]DeMoNiC[BP] definitely would. Christopher Sanders may get beaten up a lot and he may not be very well-liked, but <+Sanders> is ultra-cool, never mocked, and beloved by all he meets. So, I don't think people should make fun of the internet or people who take it seriously, because without it, the me I want to be would never be.

i pray you all liked it and special thanks goes to lords for being a sounding board and uhhh yeah :) have mercy :)

[Sanders]

fuck