Go Back   Smogon Community > Contributions & Corrections > Fifth Generation
Register FAQ Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old Jun 14th, 2012, 3:09:25 AM   #26
sandshrewz
南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
is a member of the Smogon Site Staffis an Artistis a Forum Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogonis a Battle Server Moderator
 
sandshrewz's Avatar
 
Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,443
Live like there's no tomorrow
Default

Alright, so here is the next paragraph!

Paragraph 2


Yes it's Heracross again x) Gogogo! ^_^
__________________
Member of the GP Team- VM for a check / stamp!
sandshrewz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 14th, 2012, 3:38:23 AM   #27
Chou Toshio
Hmmm... A name for the plan...
is an Artistis a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogonis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus
 
Chou Toshio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 6,946
Sea Forest
Default

"Due to this," is still such a gross way to start a sentence... Please don't do that... At least use "This allows Heracross..." or "This gives Heracross..." or "This makes Heracross..."

active/dynamic writing = good writing.
passive voice = ewww...
__________________


"Hmmm... a name for this plan..."
Chou Toshio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 14th, 2012, 3:49:27 AM   #28
Furai
standing in the eye of the hurricane
is an official Team Rateris a Forum Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Premier League defending champion
 
Furai's Avatar
 
Moderator
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,106
Default

Add
Remove
Comments

Revisions


C/P


I am cute.
__________________
#gohard | Wolfpack (Ubers RMT)
Furai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 14th, 2012, 10:39:08 AM   #29
Woodchuck
<Feranfell> punbot irl aka virginity protector
is a Smogon IRC AOpis a Battle Server Moderator
 
Woodchuck's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,653
us best
Default

...
...

I'll finish this later...
__________________
Woodchuck is online now   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 14th, 2012, 1:05:30 PM   #30
Regret
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9
Default

Remove
Add
Comments

Revisions

C/P
Regret is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 14th, 2012, 9:46:31 PM   #31
Amarillo
yellow!
is a Tiering Contributoris a Contributor to Smogon
 
Amarillo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 713
Default

OK so unlike normal paragraphs there's so many things wrong so I might as well just go sentence by sentence (abandon the typical 'gp' structure) and point out everything there and then. It looks like I completely rewrote the thing altogether, but if you read it, you'll realize I kept most of the wording intact.

TL;DR
Amarillo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 16th, 2012, 11:45:51 AM   #32
ShortsTheory
 
ShortsTheory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 108
Bangalore, India
Default

GP checked this when the writer PMed me the paragraph earlier, but I suppose it belongs here too!

Needed some changes!


Have fun, sandshrewz and W********!
__________________
New diff application BETA>>
Windows 32-bit download. No installation required!

Last edited by ShortsTheory; Jun 16th, 2012 at 12:08:36 PM. Reason: BB Code screwed up
ShortsTheory is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 16th, 2012, 5:33:21 PM   #33
Perfexionist
 
Perfexionist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 72
Running
Default

...

Last edited by Perfexionist; Jun 18th, 2012 at 10:34:18 AM. Reason: *be wary
Perfexionist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 17th, 2012, 1:11:45 PM   #34
Cereza
Tastes Like Candy
 
Cereza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,145
Long Island
Default

...
__________________
The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.
Cereza is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 18th, 2012, 2:08:43 AM   #35
sandshrewz
南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
is a member of the Smogon Site Staffis an Artistis a Forum Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogonis a Battle Server Moderator
 
sandshrewz's Avatar
 
Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,443
Live like there's no tomorrow
Default

Eekkkk Cereza! No need to split them up xD It's not from an analysis haha xD I'll indicate if it's from an analysis :) ps where are your changes? >.> haha

edit: I've finally updated my post here and left a couple of comments for everyone! It isn't exactly extensive but hope it helps! :)

Note to all GPers: You can help out by visiting the GP Team social group! :D If you're not in it, you can ask ibo or Fate to invite you in ^_^ Thanks!
__________________
Member of the GP Team- VM for a check / stamp!

Last edited by sandshrewz; Jun 18th, 2012 at 3:14:56 AM.
sandshrewz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 18th, 2012, 1:46:33 PM   #36
kittenmay
 
kittenmay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 637
gosh your lips look delicious
Default

Key:
Bold =
Small grammatical or spelling errors
Red = Original text
Blue = Revised text
Green = Comments
...
__________________
[17:32:24] <~Earthworm> hello
[17:32:34] <~Earthworm> a kitten in may will be a cat in october
kittenmay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 18th, 2012, 6:16:19 PM   #37
Cereza
Tastes Like Candy
 
Cereza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,145
Long Island
Default

did another one and I bet it sucks

...
__________________
The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.
Cereza is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 21st, 2012, 5:01:04 AM   #38
sandshrewz
南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
is a member of the Smogon Site Staffis an Artistis a Forum Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogonis a Battle Server Moderator
 
sandshrewz's Avatar
 
Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,443
Live like there's no tomorrow
Default

Alright, you have roughly 24 hours to get in your entries if you've not done so! :)
__________________
Member of the GP Team- VM for a check / stamp!
sandshrewz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 22nd, 2012, 2:14:30 PM   #39
Ray Jay
Clearly cannot choose the wine in front of you
is a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
 
Ray Jay's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,507
Default

sandz asked me to post the next paragraph:

paragraph 3


The author donated this one and inserted some mistakes on purpose, good luck!
__________________
Don't count the days, make the days count.
Katakiri: How did you even get into this university?

Last edited by Ray Jay; Jun 23rd, 2012 at 2:56:59 PM.
Ray Jay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 23rd, 2012, 10:11:10 AM   #40
sandshrewz
南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
is a member of the Smogon Site Staffis an Artistis a Forum Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogonis a Battle Server Moderator
 
sandshrewz's Avatar
 
Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,443
Live like there's no tomorrow
Default

Ray Jay you didn't post the answers!! ):< lol. Sorry for being late with the answers x.x

Answer for Paragraph 2


  1. Sometimes writers can get careless and skip what they were writing halfway. I expected that either you left a note to complete the sentence or try to interpret and finish the sentence :)
  2. A comma should be used before the word 'activating' at the bare minimum
  3. Such as should be used over like when stating examples
There wasn't much explanation required here as it was mainly prose changes to make the paragraph flow better. Other than that, it was mainly obvious changes like PokeGrammar etc.

There were some PokeGrammar errors here that were the same as those in the previous paragraph. So no one should be making the same mistakes if they did the previous time. Still, if you've made the same mistakes, I hope you can learn from it now and avoid them when checking analyses. Thanks :)

Thanks for participating once again! Hope to see more participation for Paragraph 3 ^_^

e: will be giving a couple of comments if I have the time~~ :)
__________________
Member of the GP Team- VM for a check / stamp!
sandshrewz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 23rd, 2012, 2:58:04 PM   #41
Ray Jay
Clearly cannot choose the wine in front of you
is a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
 
Ray Jay's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,507
Default

I call foul. I was only told to have an answer key made for paragraph 3. Whatever.

Anyways good luck on paragraph 3 sorry im a failure as a dojo master
__________________
Don't count the days, make the days count.
Katakiri: How did you even get into this university?
Ray Jay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 25th, 2012, 7:58:02 PM   #42
Perfexionist
 
Perfexionist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 72
Running
Default

I made a check of Paragraph 3:

Changes Illustrated


Changes Implemented

Last edited by Perfexionist; Jun 26th, 2012 at 11:54:36 AM. Reason: *mixed attacker
Perfexionist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 27th, 2012, 3:22:47 PM   #43
Cereza
Tastes Like Candy
 
Cereza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,145
Long Island
Default

...
__________________
The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.
Cereza is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 27th, 2012, 3:50:28 PM   #44
GatoDelFuego
U HAVIN A FOKIN GIGGLE THER M8 ILL BASH YE HEAD IN I SWEAR ON ME MUM
is a Contributor to Smogon
 
GatoDelFuego's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,082
The University of Alabama
Default

Back after a stupidly long time and a stupidly long amount of amateur checks? I'm on this.

REMOVE CHANGE COMMENTS
...

I haven't done this for a while...how was it?
__________________
Part of the GP team, message me for a check!

Sharpen your skills as a GP checker in the GRAMMAR DOJO!
GatoDelFuego is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 29th, 2012, 2:34:36 PM   #45
Jellicent*
is 60% water
is a member of the Smogon Site Staffis a Super Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogon
 
Jellicent's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,659
(80 PROOF)
Default

Answer 3


Reasons

If there's anything you don't understand in that check, feel free to ask. Also, if you think I missed something, you can bring that up as well. Remember, everything gets GPed twice for a reason ^.^

Sandz didn't tell me what the next paragraph will be, so you'll have to wait for him to post it up :P
__________________
^.^

Last edited by Jellicent; Jun 29th, 2012 at 11:59:42 PM.
Jellicent is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 30th, 2012, 10:31:57 AM   #46
sandshrewz
南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
is a member of the Smogon Site Staffis an Artistis a Forum Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogonis a Battle Server Moderator
 
sandshrewz's Avatar
 
Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,443
Live like there's no tomorrow
Default

I'll only comment if you've made any wrong changes! If you've missed out some changes, you can just refer to the answer key ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Furai View Post
Add
Remove
Comments

Revisions


C/P


I am cute. /me imagines what ibo said
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Woodchuck View Post
...
...

I'll finish this later... you didn't finish it .-.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Regret View Post
Remove
Add
Comments

Revisions

C/P
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Amarillo View Post
OK so unlike normal paragraphs there's so many things wrong so I might as well just go sentence by sentence (abandon the typical 'gp' structure) and point out everything there and then. It looks like I completely rewrote the thing altogether, but if you read it, you'll realize I kept most of the wording intact.

TL;DR
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat ShortsTheory View Post
GP checked this when the writer PMed me the paragraph earlier, but I suppose it belongs here too!

Needed some changes!


Have fun, sandshrewz and W********!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Perfexionist View Post
...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Cereza View Post
did another one and I bet it sucks

...
If you've made the same error as you did the previous round, you better learn from it and not make the same mistake again! ^_^ This was a pretty good round and I'll say most of you if not everyone made an improvement! It's a job well done! :D Perfexionist and Amarillo are tied for the best check here. Perfexionist can be more daring and change the prose more though! :)

edit: I hope to have your patience for the next one to come! Thanks and sorry for the inconvenience! >.>
__________________
Member of the GP Team- VM for a check / stamp!

Last edited by sandshrewz; Jun 30th, 2012 at 10:50:48 AM.
sandshrewz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 30th, 2012, 2:00:48 PM   #47
Perfexionist
 
Perfexionist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 72
Running
Default

Thanks so much for your comments sand. I always enjoy reading them, and they are helpful.

While I try to preserve the writer's work as much as possible, I will look into being more bold with prose edits.
Perfexionist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jul 3rd, 2012, 11:02:14 AM   #48
Jukain
rip numeros
is a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogon
 
Jukain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,705
somewhere could be anywhere
Default

When will the next paragraph be up?
__________________
C&C Work | 1k RMT | Contribute! | VM for an OU Rate! | gp member: vm/pm for a check | previously pokemon0078 / aka jew-cane
Jukain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jul 4th, 2012, 10:38:13 AM   #49
sandshrewz
南Potest 华Qui 人Vult
is a member of the Smogon Site Staffis an Artistis a Forum Moderatoris a Contributor to Smogon Mediais a Contributor to Smogonis a Battle Server Moderator
 
sandshrewz's Avatar
 
Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,443
Live like there's no tomorrow
Default

Sorry for the wait everyone!! Only 3 checks for paragraph 3 u_u /me sad. Anyway, let's try something a little different this time :D All participants, you will not be doing one check by yourself as you've previously done so! This time, every participant / amateur GP checker will work together to produce a single check for this paragraph. How are you going to do that? Anyone can start off with a rough check of the paragraph, but please don't overkill and make lots of changes till there isn't much to change anymore. After a rough check is made, discuss in this thread or come on #grammar and give suggestions to improve the check and point out errors. Try to support your suggestion if possible. If everyone / most people is agreeable to a change, someone can take the initiative to work on top of the previous check to add in all the agreed changes. Keep improving the check until everyone thinks there's no more room for improvement! When you're all agreeable that this is the best check that can be produced, just post saying so!

A few things to note though. If discussion is made in #grammar please post a log or a summary of the proposed changes so that participants that are not on IRC at that time are not left out. This thread will be where the main discussion takes place. However, use whatever means you're comfortable with but don't get left out! The more people there are the more opinions there are to make the check better. The purpose of this is to let everyone learn from each other instead of just from their own mistakes. This way, hopefully you can learn what are the alternatives to making changes and broaden your perspectives when making your checks. Remember, there's infinite possibilities in GP checking! This should be a group effort and no one should have a monopoly and no one should shy away! Have fun discussing and I hope you all can gain something invaluable from this that you might not get the chance to normally.

Paragraph 4


Don't forget that there's a couple of links related to grammar and prose in the OP! They're quite useful resources and I hope you can refer to them if you have the time! Good luck and have fun everyone! :D I hope to see plenty of participation this round ^_^

Wynaut give this a try?? :)
__________________
Member of the GP Team- VM for a check / stamp!
sandshrewz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Jul 4th, 2012, 10:41:24 AM   #50
Furai
standing in the eye of the hurricane
is an official Team Rateris a Forum Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Premier League defending champion
 
Furai's Avatar
 
Moderator
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,106
Default

Paragraph 3 was made by a cute user, btw. Thanks for the comments sandz~ and yeah I made some dumbass mistakes :D
__________________
#gohard | Wolfpack (Ubers RMT)
Furai is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply Smogon Community > Contributions & Corrections > Fifth Generation

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:04:19 AM.