Smogon "Create a Pokemon" Part Deux: Poll 10a - Page 2

Magmortified · Mar 15th, 2008, 12:33:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Jonathan

I don't think using Slack Off really matters

It does if you're using Shed Skin.

***Mekkah***** · Mar 15th, 2008, 12:37:40 PM

fix the grammar in #2 @_@

Quote:

It is said that Revenankh are the mummified spirits of a deceased Pharoah's guard-Pokemon. And as such, they will hunt down any threat to their master/trainer, or his posessions. - Magmortified

Voted #1 though.

Captain Falcon · Mar 15th, 2008, 12:55:54 PM

Went for option 8 as it sounded a bit spookier than the rest - it is half ghoast after all!

XCPetro5678 · Mar 15th, 2008, 2:25:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat KoA

Well, I won't lie. I actually was not thinking of the whole Slack Off debate when I wrote that entry. I only said slack off because I was tongue tied for better words. :&

I thought it was a pun... I say we keep it for that reason

Semicolon cancer · Mar 15th, 2008, 3:29:14 PM

option 1 for me, I just think it has the best ring to it.

KoA · Mar 15th, 2008, 3:29:14 PM

Hyra, how long until this poll closes? I"m trying to hustle to get my sprite done quickly.

darkjjak · Mar 15th, 2008, 5:59:38 PM

Go #10!

Magmortified · Mar 15th, 2008, 6:01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat KoA

Hyra, how long until this poll closes? I"m trying to hustle to get my sprite done quickly.

The poll's closing time is just above the poll itself. For me it says March 15 at 6:48 PM. But I'm probably in a different time zone.

KoA · Mar 15th, 2008, 6:08:22 PM

Blargh, I won't be able to finish in an hour. ._>

tea_and_blues · Mar 16th, 2008, 10:38:48 AM

Suggestions, ultimately any changes are left to the discretion of the authors, but I study English and prefer things to make sense so can't really hold myself back.

Option #1:
REVENANKH inhabits tombs or crypts, avoiding light and training itself in peace. However, if anyone disturbs it, REVENANKH will chase the intruders for anything from a week to decades. - Helios

The verb 'inhabits' is not typically paired with the preposition 'to', on rare occasions it might be but this doesn't strike me as one of them. Generally 'inhabit' doesn't take a preposition. The 'has been known to' parts aren't very necessary, but occasionally a Pokedex entry will include this sort of thing, so if you want to keep it go ahead. I'd only us 'has been known' once though. I left 'tombs or crypts', although they are synonyms so I'd suggest choosing only one, other it's a bit like writing 'tombs or tombs'.

Option #2:
According to folklore, Revenankh are the mummified spirits of a deceased Pharoah's guard-Pokemon. They will hunt down any threat to their trainer, or his possessions. - Magmortified

You've put a full-stop in the middle of one sentence. I split the entry into two sentences. I corrected 'they are' to 'their' and also 'possessions'. I wasn't to certain about using 'It is said that...', it makes the whole first sentence passive - be bold.

Option #8:
Known in legends as the deathbringer, wherever REVENANKH goes all vegetation rots away. An aura of fear always precedes its appearance. - Rhykune

This is good enough. It does have an unnecessary comma so I removed it.

Option #9:
"It is said that REVENANKH have to train regularly to keep their physical form. Should one ever slack off, it will be reduced to mere bandages. - King of Anime

This is fine, I voted for it. Again, it suffers from passive contruction, ('It is said...' again), but so does half of the actual Pokedex in-game.

Option #10:
Though normally solitary, REVENANKH gather on full moon nights in remote desert locations. Contests of strength often follow. - King of Anime

Fine. The second sentence isn't a true sentence, you probably want to swap the period for a hyphen or a comma.

I hope people don't think I'm rude posting this, I don't mean it as a personal attack. I'm just a pedant.
EDIT: Nevermind. It looks like the one with no issues won anyhow. Good picking folks.

Jonathan · Mar 16th, 2008, 10:53:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Jonathan

I don't think using Slack Off really matters

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Magmortified

It does if you're using Shed Skin.

I was talking about the Pokedex entry, not the move. I thought this would be obvious enough seeing as we're discussing Pokedex entires, not moves...

Hyra · Mar 16th, 2008, 1:01:02 PM

Grammar fixes will come when we have the final three entries. I don't want to take the time to fix something that isn't going to win.

Anyways, Options 1 and 9 are moving on, but the other three are pretty much tied. Not sure how to call this one.

And to KoA, I'll wait until you post your sprite to ask for others. It's just that you haven't posted anything about progress on it yet.

Arzamo · Mar 16th, 2008, 2:35:39 PM

Hehe, number 9 actually does have an issue. To be frank, I don't think tea and blues is really good at grammar. -_-

"It is said that REVENANKH have to train regularly to keep their physical form. Should one ever slack off, it would be reduced to mere bandages."

Magmortified · Mar 16th, 2008, 4:42:19 PM

Well, that sprite Alphabet_Soup, Tennis, and I were working on now has a back pose... if that means anything.

Bluekikatana · Mar 16th, 2008, 6:11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Magmortified

Well, that sprite Alphabet_Soup, Tennis, and I were working on now has a back pose... if that means anything.

The back sprite looks great. I'd like that one to be used, but your front sprite seems a little rough on the edges, and might be better if the eye was more defined too. GJ so far though.

KoA · Mar 16th, 2008, 10:59:24 PM

Ok, to prove that I've actually been working on the sprite. This is his progress thus far:

I've made it using basic colors which will ultimately be edited in the final cut. He also is currently too big for the 80x80 limitation, but this too will be fixed.

Chaoscrippler · Mar 16th, 2008, 11:26:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat KoA

Ok, to prove that I've actually been working on the sprite. This is his progress thus far:

I've made it using basic colors which will ultimately be edited in the final cut. He also is currently too big for the 80x80 limitation, but this too will be fixed.

That's really good. Though, the only things I'd fix are the outermost strip of bandage on the left and the strip in the middle. They're a little too round.

darkie · Mar 16th, 2008, 11:38:24 PM

that's awesome, koa.

extra. · Mar 17th, 2008, 2:07:31 AM

oh i like the back one alot more than the front.

Jolt99 · Mar 17th, 2008, 4:17:27 AM

KoA, that looks awesome!

I'm sad to see that my entry wasn't listed....

Time Mage · Mar 17th, 2008, 6:51:09 AM

BTW, KoA, if your read this... Would you consider to use a black outline on the sprite this time? Syclant's sprite lacks one and is different from the rest of the sprites because of that. What Alphabet_Soup, Tennisace and Magmortified have doe with their sprite is what I'm referring to.

This is the advice of a total non-expert, of course, but I think it was worth mentioning.

tea_and_blues · Mar 17th, 2008, 7:28:02 AM

"Hehe, number 9 actually does have an issue. To be frank, I don't think tea and blues is really good at grammar."

You caught me out on that one, and if that's your conclusion it's fine by me. :D

Hyra · Mar 17th, 2008, 3:19:04 PM

Can I just forget about the third dex entry? Or just do a coin flip? Because its really not worth adding another poll to decide between the third most liked option for a dex entry.

And I can't continue this project without posted participated. I am getting no feedback on any of this, but don't want to just call stuff and then have people saying this is "Hyra Creates A Pokemon"....

Rhykune · Mar 17th, 2008, 3:20:21 PM

How bout we just post our preference for the third one in the next (different) poll.

Gothic Togekiss · Mar 17th, 2008, 3:38:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Rhykune

How bout we just post our preference for the third one in the next (different) poll.

That's pretty much what I was thinking. We already did that with Thunderpunch...I think.

View Poll Results: Choose one Pokedex Entry:
Option 1	25	19.38%
Option 2	18	13.95%
Option 8	19	14.73%
Option 9	48	37.21%
Option 10	19	14.73%
Voters: 129. You may not vote on this poll

Mar 15th, 2008, 12:55:54 PM	#28
Captain Falcon Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 376 Portsmouth, UK	Went for option 8 as it sounded a bit spookier than the rest - it is half ghoast after all! __________________ This is the hardest story that I've ever told No hope, or love, or glory Happy endings gone forever more mika

Mar 15th, 2008, 3:29:14 PM	#31
KoA The very best... Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 1,656 The road less travelled	Hyra, how long until this poll closes? I"m trying to hustle to get my sprite done quickly. __________________

Mar 15th, 2008, 6:08:22 PM	#34
KoA The very best... Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 1,656 The road less travelled	Blargh, I won't be able to finish in an hour. ._> __________________

Mar 16th, 2008, 10:38:48 AM	#35
tea_and_blues Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 998 New Zealand	Suggestions, ultimately any changes are left to the discretion of the authors, but I study English and prefer things to make sense so can't really hold myself back. Option #1: REVENANKH inhabits tombs or crypts, avoiding light and training itself in peace. However, if anyone disturbs it, REVENANKH will chase the intruders for anything from a week to decades. - Helios The verb 'inhabits' is not typically paired with the preposition 'to', on rare occasions it might be but this doesn't strike me as one of them. Generally 'inhabit' doesn't take a preposition. The 'has been known to' parts aren't very necessary, but occasionally a Pokedex entry will include this sort of thing, so if you want to keep it go ahead. I'd only us 'has been known' once though. I left 'tombs or crypts', although they are synonyms so I'd suggest choosing only one, other it's a bit like writing 'tombs or tombs'. Option #2: According to folklore, Revenankh are the mummified spirits of a deceased Pharoah's guard-Pokemon. They will hunt down any threat to their trainer, or his possessions. - Magmortified You've put a full-stop in the middle of one sentence. I split the entry into two sentences. I corrected 'they are' to 'their' and also 'possessions'. I wasn't to certain about using 'It is said that...', it makes the whole first sentence passive - be bold. Option #8: Known in legends as the deathbringer, wherever REVENANKH goes all vegetation rots away. An aura of fear always precedes its appearance. - Rhykune This is good enough. It does have an unnecessary comma so I removed it. Option #9: "It is said that REVENANKH have to train regularly to keep their physical form. Should one ever slack off, it will be reduced to mere bandages. - King of Anime This is fine, I voted for it. Again, it suffers from passive contruction, ('It is said...' again), but so does half of the actual Pokedex in-game. Option #10: Though normally solitary, REVENANKH gather on full moon nights in remote desert locations. Contests of strength often follow. - King of Anime Fine. The second sentence isn't a true sentence, you probably want to swap the period for a hyphen or a comma. I hope people don't think I'm rude posting this, I don't mean it as a personal attack. I'm just a pedant. EDIT: Nevermind. It looks like the one with no issues won anyhow. Good picking folks. __________________ '†' Shwoop. '†' Last edited by tea_and_blues; Mar 17th, 2008 at 7:29:41 AM.

Mar 15th, 2008, 3:29:14 PM	#30
Semicolon cancer Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 85	option 1 for me, I just think it has the best ring to it.

Mar 15th, 2008, 5:59:38 PM	#32
darkjjak Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 255 Red Sox Nation!	Go #10!

Mar 16th, 2008, 2:35:39 PM	#38
Arzamo Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 317 #vark	Hehe, number 9 actually does have an issue. To be frank, I don't think tea and blues is really good at grammar. -_- "It is said that REVENANKH have to train regularly to keep their physical form. Should one ever slack off, it would be reduced to mere bandages." __________________ P: 2577-9630-3448; Pt: 5284-7637-0795 \| Trade Thread (dead, PM me for a trade for something) Naive Azelf, 27/31/31/26/22/31, HP Ground 70 (RNG'ed, not listed in thread, PM me to trade)

Mar 16th, 2008, 4:42:19 PM	#39
Magmortified CAP 8 Playtesting Expert Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 669 It's a showdown.	Well, that sprite Alphabet_Soup, Tennis, and I were working on now has a back pose... if that means anything.

Mar 16th, 2008, 10:59:24 PM	#41
KoA The very best... Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 1,656 The road less travelled	Ok, to prove that I've actually been working on the sprite. This is his progress thus far: I've made it using basic colors which will ultimately be edited in the final cut. He also is currently too big for the 80x80 limitation, but this too will be fixed. __________________

Mar 16th, 2008, 11:38:24 PM	#43
darkie coolcoolcool Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 5,355 Plano, TX	that's awesome, koa. __________________

Mar 17th, 2008, 2:07:31 AM	#44
extra. Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 585 australia	oh i like the back one alot more than the front. __________________ http://www.last.fm/user/extraaaa

Mar 17th, 2008, 4:17:27 AM	#45
Jolt99 Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 229	KoA, that looks awesome! I'm sad to see that my entry wasn't listed.... __________________ Still dying with every step I take, but I don't look back...

Mar 17th, 2008, 6:51:09 AM	#46
Time Mage Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 935 Granada, Spain	BTW, KoA, if your read this... Would you consider to use a black outline on the sprite this time? Syclant's sprite lacks one and is different from the rest of the sprites because of that. What Alphabet_Soup, Tennisace and Magmortified have doe with their sprite is what I'm referring to. This is the advice of a total non-expert, of course, but I think it was worth mentioning. __________________ D/P FC: 2749 8421 3675

Mar 17th, 2008, 7:28:02 AM	#47
tea_and_blues Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 998 New Zealand	"Hehe, number 9 actually does have an issue. To be frank, I don't think tea and blues is really good at grammar." You caught me out on that one, and if that's your conclusion it's fine by me. :D __________________ '†' Shwoop. '†'

Mar 17th, 2008, 3:20:21 PM	#49
Rhykune Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 747 Avatar by Yamipoli	How bout we just post our preference for the third one in the next (different) poll. __________________ May >_> Brawl FC: 3737-9322-5737 Help me build my city! Click on this link.