Jason's Courageous Tanning Quest (Last updated August 26th)

Articuno64 · May 21st, 2008, 1:39:51 PM

This August, I will be attending Smocon08: Las Vegas! As some of you may know, Las Vegas is scorching hot in August, and the sun's radiation takes no prisoners on light-skinned folks such as myself. In order to defend myself against this foreign concept of "sunlight", I've decided to boldly go where I have never gone before:

Outdoors.

Yes, you read that correctly. Read it a few more times if you must, but I assure you there lies no trickery in the wording. I will be attempting to acquire some sort of "tan" over the next few months in preparation for the task ahead. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little afraid, but with Smogon's help, I know there is nothing I cannot do.

First, I need to lay out the ground rules. I'll be posting an update every Wednesday until the trip (at least this week, we'll see how likely this is next week). Each update will comprise of a picture, a tan rating, and any additional noteworthy trivia.

BEFORE:

HOPEFULLY AFTER:

Now, I know you're all thinking "how can I help?". Well, I need advice. Tanning tips, if you will. Like, do you guys set up your computers on the beach with a long extension cord or what?

Week 1

Progress: Well, this is the first entry.
Notes: Ignore the weird bluish artifacts on my face, that isn't really part of my tan.
Tan Score: 1/10 (Ghostly)

Week 2

Progress: Not a whole heck of a lot.
Notes: See the thumbs-down that I am giving? That represents my attitude towards the inconsistent weather around these parts. Too many fuckin clouds.
Tan Score: 1.1/10 (Creamy)

Week 3 & 4

The sun has been on an extended vacation.

Week 5

Progress: Check out MY hint of a sunburn!
Notes: Oops.
Tan Score: 2/10 (Lobster Hopeful)

The Aftermath

Well, I haven't updated in two months, and Smocon 08 has come and gone now. The Las Vegas sun definitely helped along my tan, so I will display the final results!

Thunda · May 21st, 2008, 1:57:42 PM

just wear this

don't apply too much or you'll just turn orange

Synre · May 21st, 2008, 1:58:26 PM

I was kind of worried until i saw that note, i've seen pale people before but the blue had me just a trifle concerned.

just dont use this arti - its for girls. only a newbie would forget that...

But uh good luck or something, not sure what advice to give other than 'you should PROBABLY go outside but NOT for too long,' i tan easy and work partially outside so i don't have much advice here since i kind of get mine for free.

Perhaps you could try using butter as sun tan lotion? I tried to find an image better than the one above and that was about the most ridiculous thing i found ~_~

Don't use that though, its NOT actually butter

Thunda · May 21st, 2008, 2:00:47 PM

i don't know anyone who puts real butter on a blueberry muffin let alone fake butter

cloud · May 21st, 2008, 2:02:51 PM

too much of that tanning shit will make you an oompa loompa dude don't do it.

take it from a bronze god like myself: just one day at a time on the beach.

im noob xD

Minwu · May 21st, 2008, 2:03:52 PM

Quote:

I was kind of worried until i saw that note, i've seen pale people before but the blue had me just a trifle concerned.

It's obviously his camera. And sorry, Arti, you'll have to spend some time away from your computer to go to the beach.

Articuno64 · May 21st, 2008, 2:04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Minwu

It's obviously his camera. And sorry, Arti, you'll have to spend some time away from your computer to go to the beach.

dude don't fuck with me man

Synre · May 21st, 2008, 2:08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Minwu

It's obviously his camera. And sorry, Arti, you'll have to spend some time away from your computer to go to the beach.

gee is it really? thanks i had no idea

why do you post in this forum

**cookie** · May 21st, 2008, 2:12:00 PM

i suggest bringing a fire extinguisher

white people burn rather than tan

you'll go from zero to jumpman in about 60 seconds

keloggsequent · May 21st, 2008, 2:19:03 PM

just go guido3000 and visit a tanning salon. make sure to pick up a pair of rainbows and some bombin ass aviators as well.

Kier · May 21st, 2008, 2:28:10 PM

did i ever mention that jumpman is probably one of my favorite internet users because it makes absolutely no sense to me why he is on the internet and for pokemon no less

i mean he is a 26 year old black dude with huge arms and yet he spends the majority of his free time in battle frontier

does anyone else appreciate that as much as i do ?____?

ps minwu just stop

**kd24** · May 21st, 2008, 2:53:44 PM

I always wondered that as well. But be glad we have him. I appreciate Jumpman as well. Arti just hang out at the pool and go to the beach.

also im a noob i didnt get why his phone was in the picture until I realized it was a mirror.

minwu dont be as stupid as me.

Shiv · May 21st, 2008, 4:57:16 PM

don't worry, he's way ahead of you!

here jason, this should do the trick!

DM · May 21st, 2008, 5:01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Teifu

gee is it really? thanks i had no idea

why do you post in this forum

Yeah, his posts were a lot more tolerable when he had niglethump.gif as his avatar.

Arti, take it from me: when lying on a beach, in a chair by a pool, on a car hood, or out in the sun anywhere for that matter, you need to rotate evenly between lying on your back on stomach. Of course, a man with your complexion needs to begin slowly. My recommendation is to go to that neighborhood hill where all the kids go sledding in the winter - you know the one, gently sloping, about 20 feet from top to bottom? Stand at the top, strip down to your boxers, and just roll down the hill! But for god's sake, find some shade once you hit the bottom, you don't want to overdo it.

Do this 3 times a week for the next, oh, 2 months or so and I'd say you'll have a good starting base to work with!

Atlas · May 21st, 2008, 6:16:11 PM

im sure they have tanning salons with wifi access nowadays. if not just jump in the tube with a gameboy.also take a piece of cardboard and cut out a koffing and lie that on your chest when you do it.

Hipmonlee · May 21st, 2008, 6:25:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Atlas

im sure they have tanning salons with wifi access nowadays. if not just jump in the tube with a gameboy.also take a piece of cardboard and cut out a koffing and lie that on your chest when you do it.

Oh please do this..

Have a nice day.

Kumar · May 21st, 2008, 9:59:17 PM

use bulbasaur's solarbeam

Wishy · May 21st, 2008, 10:47:10 PM

!_!

Use them wisely (they smell like coconut, yum), white boy.

REMEMBER, SLIP SLOP SLAP! :O

Calciphoce · May 21st, 2008, 11:28:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Hipmonlee

Oh please do this..

Have a nice day.

i concur and if he doesn't then i might have to because it's just too cool of an idea to waste

QuickDraw · May 22nd, 2008, 5:47:57 PM

the only reason to go to a tanning salon is to sit outside and laugh at all the tards that come out looking like overcooked muffins.

Toothache · May 22nd, 2008, 5:54:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat Teifu

Don't use that though, its NOT actually butter

So you want to go from pasty white to 'I can't believe its not Jumpman'?

Also in a rare moment of sanity I support atlas :-)

TAY · May 22nd, 2008, 9:57:01 PM

What you gotta do is have someone draw a picture on your back with suntan lotion, of like a real badass pokemon or something. Then you lie on your stomach and let the tan kick in and then in a few hours you stand up and all the hot chicks at the beach are all like, "OMG is that a Croconaw??????" and you're like, "Nah, bitches, this is a Feraligatr!" and then they're all speechless but they get all dreamy eyed and start to swoon.

Mr. Hadwick · May 22nd, 2008, 10:06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat TAY

"OMG is that a Croconaw?????? and then they're all speechless but they get all dreamy eyed and start to swoon.

I know I would swoon for less.

Articuno64 · May 22nd, 2008, 10:16:11 PM

well guys i went running shirtless today to start on this tan shit and i'm pretty sure i reflected light into drivers' eyes and caused a few car crashes

Wishy · May 22nd, 2008, 10:27:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat vespa

the only reason to go to a tanning salon is to sit outside and laugh at all the tards that come out looking like overcooked muffins.

WOW well aren't you just supercool

Quote:

well guys i went running shirtless today to start on this tan shit and i'm pretty sure i reflected light into drivers' eyes and caused a few car crashes

It's for the greater good. :(

May 21st, 2008, 1:39:51 PM	#1
Articuno64 1 to 63 were taken Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 2,461	Jason's Courageous Tanning Quest (Last updated August 26th) This August, I will be attending Smocon08: Las Vegas! As some of you may know, Las Vegas is scorching hot in August, and the sun's radiation takes no prisoners on light-skinned folks such as myself. In order to defend myself against this foreign concept of "sunlight", I've decided to boldly go where I have never gone before: Outdoors. Yes, you read that correctly. Read it a few more times if you must, but I assure you there lies no trickery in the wording. I will be attempting to acquire some sort of "tan" over the next few months in preparation for the task ahead. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little afraid, but with Smogon's help, I know there is nothing I cannot do. First, I need to lay out the ground rules. I'll be posting an update every Wednesday until the trip (at least this week, we'll see how likely this is next week). Each update will comprise of a picture, a tan rating, and any additional noteworthy trivia. BEFORE: HOPEFULLY AFTER: Now, I know you're all thinking "how can I help?". Well, I need advice. Tanning tips, if you will. Like, do you guys set up your computers on the beach with a long extension cord or what? Week 1 Progress: Well, this is the first entry. Notes: Ignore the weird bluish artifacts on my face, that isn't really part of my tan. Tan Score: 1/10 (Ghostly) Week 2 Progress: Not a whole heck of a lot. Notes: See the thumbs-down that I am giving? That represents my attitude towards the inconsistent weather around these parts. Too many fuckin clouds. Tan Score: 1.1/10 (Creamy) Week 3 & 4 The sun has been on an extended vacation. Week 5 Progress: Check out MY hint of a sunburn! Notes: Oops. Tan Score: 2/10 (Lobster Hopeful) The Aftermath Well, I haven't updated in two months, and Smocon 08 has come and gone now. The Las Vegas sun definitely helped along my tan, so I will display the final results! Last edited by Articuno64; Aug 26th, 2008 at 4:12:54 PM.

May 21st, 2008, 2:02:51 PM	#5
cloud groove, slam, work it back, filter that baby, bump that track Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,517 here we go	too much of that tanning shit will make you an oompa loompa dude don't do it. take it from a bronze god like myself: just one day at a time on the beach. im noob xD __________________ is this the website where everybody has aspergers? Last edited by Steelicks; Jun 6th, 2008 at 11:13:15 PM.

May 21st, 2008, 2:19:03 PM	#10
keloggsequent Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 846 honk honk!	just go guido3000 and visit a tanning salon. make sure to pick up a pair of rainbows and some bombin ass aviators as well. __________________ last.fm

May 21st, 2008, 2:53:44 PM	#12
kd24 Surprise Mother Fucker Moderator Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 4,769 HOME	I always wondered that as well. But be glad we have him. I appreciate Jumpman as well. Arti just hang out at the pool and go to the beach. also im a noob i didnt get why his phone was in the picture until I realized it was a mirror. minwu dont be as stupid as me. __________________ My YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TheLemondrop7

May 21st, 2008, 6:16:11 PM	#15
Atlas I'm the Mary! Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 3,484 Alliston, Ontario	im sure they have tanning salons with wifi access nowadays. if not just jump in the tube with a gameboy.also take a piece of cardboard and cut out a koffing and lie that on your chest when you do it. __________________

May 21st, 2008, 1:57:42 PM	#2
Thunda Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 617	just wear this don't apply too much or you'll just turn orange

May 21st, 2008, 1:58:26 PM	#3
Synre I did my best, I have no regrets FABULOUS Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 3,570	I was kind of worried until i saw that note, i've seen pale people before but the blue had me just a trifle concerned. just dont use this arti - its for girls. only a newbie would forget that... But uh good luck or something, not sure what advice to give other than 'you should PROBABLY go outside but NOT for too long,' i tan easy and work partially outside so i don't have much advice here since i kind of get mine for free. Perhaps you could try using butter as sun tan lotion? I tried to find an image better than the one above and that was about the most ridiculous thing i found ~_~ Don't use that though, its NOT actually butter

May 21st, 2008, 2:00:47 PM	#4
Thunda Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 617	i don't know anyone who puts real butter on a blueberry muffin let alone fake butter

May 21st, 2008, 2:12:00 PM	#9
cookie Moderator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 7,037	i suggest bringing a fire extinguisher white people burn rather than tan you'll go from zero to jumpman in about 60 seconds

May 21st, 2008, 2:28:10 PM	#11
Kier Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,016	did i ever mention that jumpman is probably one of my favorite internet users because it makes absolutely no sense to me why he is on the internet and for pokemon no less i mean he is a 26 year old black dude with huge arms and yet he spends the majority of his free time in battle frontier does anyone else appreciate that as much as i do ?____? ps minwu just stop

May 21st, 2008, 4:57:16 PM	#13
Shiv mostly harmless Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 5,820	don't worry, he's way ahead of you! here jason, this should do the trick!

May 21st, 2008, 9:59:17 PM	#17
Kumar Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 3,106	use bulbasaur's solarbeam

May 21st, 2008, 10:47:10 PM	#18
Wishy Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,321 Canada	!_! Use them wisely (they smell like coconut, yum), white boy. REMEMBER, SLIP SLOP SLAP! :O __________________ ( ﾟヮﾟ)

May 22nd, 2008, 5:47:57 PM	#20
QuickDraw Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,473 good bye blue sky	the only reason to go to a tanning salon is to sit outside and laugh at all the tards that come out looking like overcooked muffins. __________________ Robotman!!: WHAT THE APE SHIT ICE CREAM BALLS IS GOING ON HERE? LoveHamster: La la la! Robotman!!: STOP IGNORING ME YOU ASS SANDWICH MURDER FIENDS!

May 22nd, 2008, 9:57:01 PM	#22
TAY You and I Know Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,543 San Diego, CA	What you gotta do is have someone draw a picture on your back with suntan lotion, of like a real badass pokemon or something. Then you lie on your stomach and let the tan kick in and then in a few hours you stand up and all the hot chicks at the beach are all like, "OMG is that a Croconaw??????" and you're like, "Nah, bitches, this is a Feraligatr!" and then they're all speechless but they get all dreamy eyed and start to swoon. __________________ ...said the Mock Turtle, "why, if a fish came to me, and told me he was going a journey, I should say 'With what porpoise?'" "Don't you mean 'purpose'?" said Alice. "I mean what I say," the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And the Gryphon added `Come, let's hear some of your adventures.'

May 22nd, 2008, 10:16:11 PM	#24
Articuno64 1 to 63 were taken Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 2,461	well guys i went running shirtless today to start on this tan shit and i'm pretty sure i reflected light into drivers' eyes and caused a few car crashes