The truth behind CaptKirby

***Mekkah***** · Jul 7th, 2008, 8:39:43 AM

Time: Unknown
Place: Unknown

?: My lord?
!: Yes, come in, my humble servant...
?: We have entered phase one of your grand plan! Our first unit has been placed amongst the earth folk!
!: Ah...and if this test is a success, surely more will follow...and of course, it will be a success, because it was my perfect plan!
?: Yes, master. Soon, the earth will be under our control. Your plan is simply brilliant!
!: Indeed, it is...now, let us lean back and observe how our unit is doing...

Time: A few days after Unknown
Place: Equally as unknown

?: Master! Master! Our unit is making contact with other earthlings!
!: What??
?: Take a look at this! It's using this primitive form of communication used...the internet! Obviously, we have tracked everything!

!: Hmm, let me look at that.

Code:

* Connecting to 66.252.25.250 (6667)
-
Local host: dickServer.Texas.us (10.1.6.13)
-
-thundarr.dejatoons.net- *** Looking up your hostname...
-
-thundarr.dejatoons.net- *** Checking ident...
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-thundarr.dejatoons.net- *** Found your hostname
-
-thundarr.dejatoons.net- *** No ident response; username prefixed with ~
-
-thundarr.dejatoons.net- *** If you are having problems connecting due to ping timeouts, please type /quote pong 5C42B40A or /raw pong 5C42B40A now.

-NickServ- This nickname is registered and protected.  If it is your
-
-NickServ- nick, type /msg NickServ IDENTIFY password.  Otherwise,
-
-NickServ- please choose a different nick.

-> *nickserv* identify BITCHING_GUITAR_SOLOS_666

-NickServ- Password accepted - you are now recognized.
-
-HostServ- Your vhost of emotions.are.for.pussies is now activated.

!: Interesting. He is sharing some sort of writing block with other people. This will serve as an excellent test to see if those foolish humans can see a distinct difference between one of our units and simply another example of their species!
?: Yes, master! I will keep you updated on this!
!: Good. Now if you would leave me alone for a few minutes, I feel the urge to loose some moist.
?: Immediatly, master!

Time: Another few days after Unknown
Place: Unknowniness of location has not changed

?: Master, the situation might become critical!
!: What is the matter?
?: Our unit has dropped a hint about his oddity! The earthlings might catch on!
!: What? You recorded this, did you not?
?: Yes! Yes, of course, my master! Here are the recordings! The earthlings call it a "log". I took the liberty of adding the reactions of another earthlings involved on this communication system. Do you think the situation is grave?
!: Will you stop talking? I am trying to read...
?: I'm sorry master!

Code:

<Jth> how'd you manage to gain 20+ pounds
<CaptKirby> Jth, my grandfather died
<CaptKirby> and I binged a lot
<Jth> did you eat him or something

!: The plan might might not be for naught after all. The earthlings shrugged this off as "he's just fat" and saw this as a joke. We need not to worry.
?: Master, please finish reading. This is not all of it.
!: Oh, you're right, there is a backside.

Code:

<CaptKirby> like for lunch I would have an entire block of cheese
<CaptKirby> then for supper I would eat sugar
<CaptKirby> I would mix together white and brown sugar
<CaptKirby> and then put in sprinkles and shit
<Hipmonlee> how much sugar did you eat
<CaptKirby> like a 10 ounce cup's worth
<CaptKirby> if I was still REALLY hungry I would eat a second cup

!: No sane human will swallow such bullshit! These eating habits would completely screw up the brain of any earthling. Think up a viable excuse!
?: We can try to let him say he was only twelve...
!: Then what are you waiting for? Send the command!
?: Yes master!
!: And clean up the mess in my office!
?: Yes master!

!: ...this must not happen again...the consequences...we must have the earth...

Time: It's still unknown, but we know it's quite a bit later!
Place: There is not much to be said, but we are sure it's the same place.

?: Master, just when we thought we had the situation under control, our unit slipped up again!
!: WHAT? Why was this software not tested properly!
?: We thought it was, but it seems to react strangely in cultures where eating cheese and sugar is not normal!
!: ...I swear to God, why couldn't they make this a normal robot who doesn't really do anything all day but play games and give it an attractive name like Misty or something...
?: Master...the log...

Code:

<CaptKirby> aka a bunch of high schooled nerds
<CaptKirby> and they are not bad people but sleeping with them was fucking terrible

!: Stop that madness immediatly!
?: Y...yes sir! I will quickly make him deny that those were males despite the message he sent implying the complete opposite!
!: If he screws up once more, I will abort the plan until we have a more believably unit!

Time: Pretty short after the last unknown time!
Place: Not sure

?: Master, we have a whole series of reports displaying huge errors in the software!
!: I...hardly even dare to look!

Code:

<CaptKirby> how does your dick fit in an 18 month old
<CaptKirby> that would be like fucking one of those things you put your fingers in and they get stuck
<CaptKirby> chinese whatevers

<CaptKirby> I see every emotion as pretty much happiness and anger as irrational
<CaptKirby> which is why those are the only two that I engage in pretty much
<CaptKirby> like once or twice a year I might accidentally get sad, but then I stop being sad

<CaptKirby> lol I do not pretend anything

<CaptKirby> the only feelings I cannot control are happiness and anger, so therefore, I logically conclude that they must be the only ones that are important
<CaptKirby> yeah, if I get sad, I just call myself a pussy and get over it pretty much right then

<CaptKirby> I am not perfect, I would not feel anger were I perfect!!
<CaptKirby> but I am pretty emotionally perfect, yes

<CaptKirby> of course, this is probably the logic murderers and rapists use
<CaptKirby> but I would never go down that path

<CaptKirby> but seriously come on guilt is ridiculous
<CaptKirby> like people who feel guilty about lust

<CaptKirby> anyway for instance I also do not feel jealousy Jumpman
<CaptKirby> my first girlfriend threatened to dump me, so I just stopped feeling it lol
<CaptKirby> it is really easy to accomplish, you just make a conscious effort for a while

<CaptKirby> I cannot believe you would just leave that poor baby out to die Vineon that is terrible
<CaptKirby> your lack of compassion is repugnant to me, personally
<CaptKirby> (I am pretending to have emotions)

<CaptKirby> one should never act in a way that is not at least partially in their interests
<CaptKirby> but some people utterly disagree
<CaptKirby> this is why I want to work for greenpeace or some shit
<CaptKirby> I do not want to work for an environmental group that is about giving and giving
<CaptKirby> I want one that is about making people not do stupid shit
<CaptKirby> I do not really know what greenpeace does actually

<CaptKirby> np: Fall Out Boy - Thanks for the Memories!

!: ...
?: Master?

!: Leave this unit on earth. These foolish earthlings will never suspect anything, they will only laugh at him as if he were a failure of their own species. I will learn from my mistakes and design a new robot.
?: If I may ask master, what will this new robot do?
!: Instead of trying to make it talk rationally, I will simply let it use...what do these earthlings call these series of characters again to express their feelings?
?: Emoticons, master?
!: Yes, emoticons. Every sentence will be accompanied by an emoticon. There will even be emoticons without sentences. Using emoticons to communicate will be much safer than words. Whenever something might happen that tips the surprise, we will make it autoquit IRC with an obnoxious message such as "kiss" so that it cannot dig us in a deeper hole.
?: We will start working on this immediatly, master!
!: Now please leave me alone for a moment...
?: Yes, sir...

Blue Kirby · Jul 7th, 2008, 8:40:17 AM

The burn at the end is priceless!

r_R

junior · Jul 7th, 2008, 8:42:24 AM

what terrible graphic skills.

PS. I still love you mekkah its ok.

PPS. lol thats awesome. logs are great haha

unceunce · Jul 7th, 2008, 8:43:31 AM

CK, go change your password, quick.

Steelicks · Jul 7th, 2008, 9:07:13 AM

hahaha oh my god some of those logs were legendary

***JabbaTheGriffin**** · Jul 7th, 2008, 9:09:27 AM

there are still some unanswered questions that i hope are answered in a sequel or quite possibly a prequel

Doomsday · Jul 7th, 2008, 9:20:12 AM

lol i enjoy the 'Now if you would leave me alone for a few minutes, I feel the urge to loose some moist.' part, though the whole thread is pretty good

Kumar · Jul 7th, 2008, 10:32:27 AM

[13:15:08] <CaptKirby> I have like 1.5x as much hair on my right breast than my left

norulz · Jul 7th, 2008, 10:32:53 AM

i'm going to add a real CaptKirby quote to resume my opinion on making up quotes out of nowhere:

[22:20:17] <CaptKirby> norulz stop making up quotes
[22:20:19] <CaptKirby> it does not make you funny
[22:20:27] <CaptKirby> it makes you a god damn cocksucking idiot

Max · Jul 7th, 2008, 10:55:22 AM

-> *nickserv* identify BITCHING_GUITAR_SOLOS_666

this probably made me laugh the most. good thread, mekkah!

DM · Jul 7th, 2008, 10:56:40 AM

It all makes sense. I always knew something was a little off about Joely.

monkfish · Jul 7th, 2008, 12:30:07 PM

haha luckily ck wont mind about this thread. maybe he'll get a little angry but thats about it

tentaintcool · Jul 7th, 2008, 1:02:12 PM

really awesome. i'm loving all the 5-star threads around

Shiv · Jul 7th, 2008, 1:14:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat m0nkfish

haha luckily ck wont mind about this thread. maybe he'll get a little angry but thats about it

he sure as hell won't get sad.

Vineon · Jul 7th, 2008, 1:50:46 PM

he gained no less than 20+ pounds when his grandfather died.

guess he forgot to call himself a pussy and move on from there.

Mr.378 · Jul 7th, 2008, 1:58:48 PM

I enjoyed it. The Pictures were the best part.

Minwu · Jul 7th, 2008, 2:07:15 PM

CK is coming up with a witty retort as we know it.

Toothache · Jul 7th, 2008, 3:42:10 PM

This is leagandary

Firestorm · Jul 7th, 2008, 3:58:45 PM

This explains everything
Next robot should have tastes that don't suck

DeLorean · Jul 7th, 2008, 6:09:44 PM

<CaptKirby> np: Fall Out Boy - Thanks for the Memories!

monkfish · Jul 7th, 2008, 7:06:46 PM

evan that is a truly delicious joke

wait that kinda makes sense

Yuri · Jul 8th, 2008, 11:42:05 AM

haha
. _.

Shiv · Jul 8th, 2008, 11:45:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fat m0nkfish

evan that is a truly delicious joke

wait that kinda makes sense

oh god i love you :) would you like that with a serving of Garlic Bread?

norulz · Jul 8th, 2008, 3:27:21 PM

why is garlic bread capitalized

Jul 7th, 2008, 8:39:43 AM	#1
*Mekkah* pfbwowbfobwobwobfwowbf Administrator** Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 13,835 Most of them are good	The truth behind CaptKirby Time: Unknown Place: Unknown ?: My lord? !: Yes, come in, my humble servant... ?: We have entered phase one of your grand plan! Our first unit has been placed amongst the earth folk! !: Ah...and if this test is a success, surely more will follow...and of course, it will be a success, because it was my perfect plan! ?: Yes, master. Soon, the earth will be under our control. Your plan is simply brilliant! !: Indeed, it is...now, let us lean back and observe how our unit is doing... Time: A few days after Unknown Place: Equally as unknown ?: Master! Master! Our unit is making contact with other earthlings! !: What?? ?: Take a look at this! It's using this primitive form of communication used...the internet! Obviously, we have tracked everything! !: Hmm, let me look at that. Code: * Connecting to 66.252.25.250 (6667) - Local host: dickServer.Texas.us (10.1.6.13) - -thundarr.dejatoons.net- * Looking up your hostname... - -thundarr.dejatoons.net- * Checking ident... - -thundarr.dejatoons.net- * Found your hostname - -thundarr.dejatoons.net- * No ident response; username prefixed with ~ - -thundarr.dejatoons.net- *** If you are having problems connecting due to ping timeouts, please type /quote pong 5C42B40A or /raw pong 5C42B40A now. -NickServ- This nickname is registered and protected. If it is your - -NickServ- nick, type /msg NickServ IDENTIFY password. Otherwise, - -NickServ- please choose a different nick. -> nickserv identify BITCHING_GUITAR_SOLOS_666 -NickServ- Password accepted - you are now recognized. - -HostServ- Your vhost of emotions.are.for.pussies is now activated. !: Interesting. He is sharing some sort of writing block with other people. This will serve as an excellent test to see if those foolish humans can see a distinct difference between one of our units and simply another example of their species! ?: Yes, master! I will keep you updated on this! !: Good. Now if you would leave me alone for a few minutes, I feel the urge to loose some moist. ?: Immediatly, master! Time: Another few days after Unknown Place: Unknowniness of location has not changed ?: Master, the situation might become critical! !: What is the matter? ?: Our unit has dropped a hint about his oddity! The earthlings might catch on! !: What? You recorded this, did you not? ?: Yes! Yes, of course, my master! Here are the recordings! The earthlings call it a "log". I took the liberty of adding the reactions of another earthlings involved on this communication system. Do you think the situation is grave? !: Will you stop talking? I am trying to read... ?: I'm sorry master! Code: <Jth> how'd you manage to gain 20+ pounds <CaptKirby> Jth, my grandfather died <CaptKirby> and I binged a lot <Jth> did you eat him or something !: The plan might might not be for naught after all. The earthlings shrugged this off as "he's just fat" and saw this as a joke. We need not to worry. ?: Master, please finish reading. This is not all of it. !: Oh, you're right, there is a backside. Code: <CaptKirby> like for lunch I would have an entire block of cheese <CaptKirby> then for supper I would eat sugar <CaptKirby> I would mix together white and brown sugar <CaptKirby> and then put in sprinkles and shit <Hipmonlee> how much sugar did you eat <CaptKirby> like a 10 ounce cup's worth <CaptKirby> if I was still REALLY hungry I would eat a second cup !: No sane human will swallow such bullshit! These eating habits would completely screw up the brain of any earthling. Think up a viable excuse! ?: We can try to let him say he was only twelve... !: Then what are you waiting for? Send the command! ?: Yes master! !: And clean up the mess in my office! ?: Yes master! !: ...this must not happen again...the consequences...we must have the earth... Time: It's still unknown, but we know it's quite a bit later! Place: There is not much to be said, but we are sure it's the same place. ?: Master, just when we thought we had the situation under control, our unit slipped up again! !: WHAT? Why was this software not tested properly! ?: We thought it was, but it seems to react strangely in cultures where eating cheese and sugar is not normal! !: ...I swear to God, why couldn't they make this a normal robot who doesn't really do anything all day but play games and give it an attractive name like Misty or something... ?: Master...the log... Code: <CaptKirby> aka a bunch of high schooled nerds <CaptKirby> and they are not bad people but sleeping with them was fucking terrible !: Stop that madness immediatly! ?: Y...yes sir! I will quickly make him deny that those were males despite the message he sent implying the complete opposite! !: If he screws up once more, I will abort the plan until we have a more believably unit! Time: Pretty short after the last unknown time! Place: Not sure ?: Master, we have a whole series of reports displaying huge errors in the software! !: I...hardly even dare to look! Code: <CaptKirby> how does your dick fit in an 18 month old <CaptKirby> that would be like fucking one of those things you put your fingers in and they get stuck <CaptKirby> chinese whatevers <CaptKirby> I see every emotion as pretty much happiness and anger as irrational <CaptKirby> which is why those are the only two that I engage in pretty much <CaptKirby> like once or twice a year I might accidentally get sad, but then I stop being sad <CaptKirby> lol I do not pretend anything <CaptKirby> the only feelings I cannot control are happiness and anger, so therefore, I logically conclude that they must be the only ones that are important <CaptKirby> yeah, if I get sad, I just call myself a pussy and get over it pretty much right then <CaptKirby> I am not perfect, I would not feel anger were I perfect!! <CaptKirby> but I am pretty emotionally perfect, yes <CaptKirby> of course, this is probably the logic murderers and rapists use <CaptKirby> but I would never go down that path <CaptKirby> but seriously come on guilt is ridiculous <CaptKirby> like people who feel guilty about lust <CaptKirby> anyway for instance I also do not feel jealousy Jumpman <CaptKirby> my first girlfriend threatened to dump me, so I just stopped feeling it lol <CaptKirby> it is really easy to accomplish, you just make a conscious effort for a while <CaptKirby> I cannot believe you would just leave that poor baby out to die Vineon that is terrible <CaptKirby> your lack of compassion is repugnant to me, personally <CaptKirby> (I am pretending to have emotions) <CaptKirby> one should never act in a way that is not at least partially in their interests <CaptKirby> but some people utterly disagree <CaptKirby> this is why I want to work for greenpeace or some shit <CaptKirby> I do not want to work for an environmental group that is about giving and giving <CaptKirby> I want one that is about making people not do stupid shit <CaptKirby> I do not really know what greenpeace does actually <CaptKirby> np: Fall Out Boy - Thanks for the Memories! !: ... ?: Master? !: Leave this unit on earth. These foolish earthlings will never suspect anything, they will only laugh at him as if he were a failure of their own species. I will learn from my mistakes and design a new robot. ?: If I may ask master, what will this new robot do? !: Instead of trying to make it talk rationally, I will simply let it use...what do these earthlings call these series of characters again to express their feelings? ?: Emoticons, master? !: Yes, emoticons. Every sentence will be accompanied by an emoticon. There will even be emoticons without sentences. Using emoticons to communicate will be much safer than words. Whenever something might happen that tips the surprise, we will make it autoquit IRC with an obnoxious message such as "kiss" so that it cannot dig us in a deeper hole. ?: We will start working on this immediatly, master! !: Now please leave me alone for a moment... ?: Yes, sir... __________________ onions videos cameras models steroids dinoturtlethings

Jul 7th, 2008, 8:40:17 AM	#2
Blue Kirby Keep your hands off my stack. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,814	The burn at the end is priceless! r_R __________________ Last edited by Blue Kirby; Jul 7th, 2008 at 8:45:53 AM.

Jul 7th, 2008, 8:42:24 AM	#3
junior the ugly years of being a fool, ain't youth meant to be beautiful? Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 1,105 Location: Sydney, Australia	what terrible graphic skills. PS. I still love you mekkah its ok. PPS. lol thats awesome. logs are great haha __________________ Last edited by junior; Jul 7th, 2008 at 8:45:20 AM.

Jul 7th, 2008, 9:09:27 AM	#6
*JabbaTheGriffin Kid just rages for a while Super Moderator** Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 2,848 you get sloppy drunk, i stay whiskey neat	there are still some unanswered questions that i hope are answered in a sequel or quite possibly a prequel __________________

Jul 7th, 2008, 9:20:12 AM	#7
Doomsday Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6,167	lol i enjoy the 'Now if you would leave me alone for a few minutes, I feel the urge to loose some moist.' part, though the whole thread is pretty good __________________ a wicked engine

Jul 7th, 2008, 8:43:31 AM	#4
unceunce Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 555 Atlanta	CK, go change your password, quick.

Jul 7th, 2008, 9:07:13 AM	#5
Steelicks Come here and Battle me! Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 3,756 Zoo Station	hahaha oh my god some of those logs were legendary

Jul 7th, 2008, 10:32:27 AM	#8
Kumar Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 3,106	[13:15:08] <CaptKirby> I have like 1.5x as much hair on my right breast than my left

Jul 7th, 2008, 10:32:53 AM	#9
norulz excellent Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 4,250	i'm going to add a real CaptKirby quote to resume my opinion on making up quotes out of nowhere: [22:20:17] <CaptKirby> norulz stop making up quotes [22:20:19] <CaptKirby> it does not make you funny [22:20:27] <CaptKirby> it makes you a god damn cocksucking idiot Last edited by Doomsday; Jul 7th, 2008 at 5:26:12 PM.

Jul 7th, 2008, 10:55:22 AM	#10
Max yadig Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,375 Maryland	-> nickserv identify BITCHING_GUITAR_SOLOS_666 this probably made me laugh the most. good thread, mekkah!

Jul 7th, 2008, 10:56:40 AM	#11
DM CHESTER COPPERPOTS Moderator Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 12,483 Location: Felony Butt Prison	It all makes sense. I always knew something was a little off about Joely. __________________ <Ninahaza> hey jumpman make sure to read DM's smocon 08 with her, its a great story but it has like 90% pictures half naked guys and you are in like 45% of those pics

Jul 7th, 2008, 12:30:07 PM	#12
monkfish what are birds? Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 5,002 we just don't know.	haha luckily ck wont mind about this thread. maybe he'll get a little angry but thats about it __________________ carpay deum. thats spanish for liv ur life. im out

Jul 7th, 2008, 1:02:12 PM	#13
tentaintcool Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 211	really awesome. i'm loving all the 5-star threads around

Jul 7th, 2008, 1:50:46 PM	#15
Vineon Fleurdelysé Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 3,668 République du Québec	he gained no less than 20+ pounds when his grandfather died. guess he forgot to call himself a pussy and move on from there. __________________ Last edited by Vineon; Jul 7th, 2008 at 2:07:55 PM.

Jul 7th, 2008, 1:58:48 PM	#16
Mr.378 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 526	I enjoyed it. The Pictures were the best part.

Jul 7th, 2008, 3:58:45 PM	#19
Firestorm I did my best, I have no regrets! Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 7,261 Vancouver, BC	This explains everything Next robot should have tastes that don't suck

Jul 7th, 2008, 6:09:44 PM	#20
DeLorean Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 990 BLAS	<CaptKirby> np: Fall Out Boy - Thanks for the Memories! __________________ BLASTOISE WOULD NEVER HURT MY MOM. HE WOULD NEVER MAKE HER CRY LIKE HER BOYFRIEND JOHNNY DOES. IF BLASTOISE WAS MY DAD THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT AROUND HERE. BLASTOISE WOULDN'T COME HOME SMELLING FUNNY AND HE WOULD NEVER HIT ME. HE WOULD HYDRO PUMP JOHNNY.

Jul 7th, 2008, 7:06:46 PM	#21
monkfish what are birds? Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 5,002 we just don't know.	evan that is a truly delicious joke wait that kinda makes sense __________________ carpay deum. thats spanish for liv ur life. im out

Jul 8th, 2008, 11:42:05 AM	#22
Yuri Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 2,231 im brazilian sry ;/	haha . _. __________________ http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/3...sig24bveb8.jpg By Voodoo http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/6237/sam0061.jpg Miss you Thomas

Jul 8th, 2008, 3:27:21 PM	#24
norulz excellent Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 4,250	why is garlic bread capitalized