Melodrama in a fish tank- NOW WITH 100% LEGAL FISH REPRODUCTION

[Morm]

I recently acquired some paddletail newts. They may look like firebellies, but they would probably break a firebelly in half. They are violent to a fault, which is awesome to the maximum.

So I will now tell you about their ongoing melodrama and politics, as it is among the best I've seen. I am glued to this tank, except when they watch me back which is creepy.

First, some backstories:



This little pixie is named Sigourney. She used to have run of the tank, save for her pal Ferdinand the Bamboo Shrimp. She's like the new girl in town, since I changed tanks AND added three that already knew each other. She's the smallest one there by a lot and probably of a different race or something (subspecies), but it's her ethnic charm and jealousy over the cocks of the walk. I don't think she's fully grown but the boy is certainly interested, maybe if he works hard enough she's reward him by sitting on his...spermatophore. Their sex is the one part that isn't fun to watch btw.



This is ferdinand. No matter how many times he regrows his legs, the mean animals he lives with rip them off. He has uropods and his head appendages are in tact, so he makes a living as best as he can. He's just tryin' to make it in his world, like we all are and he doesn't give up guys. I hope you can see his charm. This is like the kid that plays game boy at lunch and is the 2nd flute in the band, just not favored by ANYONE. He ignores them though, the equivalent of a chinese kid wearing sweatpants in grade 6.



This is Bowagrius, the big male. He has egg spots on his tail and calls no man mister. He's also the quarterback. He has a huge thing for Sigourney, but his girlfriend won't let him out of the cave to play. I feel bad, she's the safe choice but Sigourney would be a huge life change, you know? Maybe one day she'll charm the quarterback and be accepted...we can only hope as we silently root for her. For now he's an asshole, picking on the weak and fuckin' (laying his semen in a package for her to sit on, told you their sex was bad) the tank hottie.




This is the cheerleader, the hottie, the one everyone desires. She's big and likes to cuddle, which is every mans dream. She didn't agree with the photo op and took off shortly after the pic was taken. WHAT A NICE TAIL can we all please agree on that?? She has no name as of yet, maybe I'll do a vote and see what you think. Regardless, women don't need names or at least that's what this guy thinks because he is all over her. He does all the familiar courtship things we know and love, including biting her cloaca (one opening for the vagina and anus) and fanning pherimones in her direction using his mighty tail. I'm sure we've all been there, wrapped around some girls finger desperate to impress her with nips to the crotch.


This is the kid in a different grade. It is a juvenile with no name and is pretty benign, vying for NO status and literally trying not to get picked on. I'm sure his tryout for the football team wasn't adequate or Bowagrius would have accepted him. She really likes to dance though, which puts him in an awkward spot socially, I think.



This is a clam and the face of Bowagrius' Girlfriend.




This is their home, I call it Jefferson High to make it more intellectually accessible to all you Americans.

Oh I forgot there are three fishy's in this tank, one is named Feesh (the big one) and there are two newcomers. They are baby goldfish I raised from the time they hatched. I saved many, but Sigourney killed like a million of them in her fish genocide event; times are tough at her age, it was a coping mechanism. So there are like 20 left out of the 80 or so I saved (they died like 3 at a time at first, weaklings and cowards they are) and these three were slow enough to be caught by my lazy net when I was transferring them.

Do you guys have fish tanks with lots of drama in them? It'd be fun to know I'm not the only one helplessly watching!

Edit: I'll update as situations change, right now Sigourney is trying to snuggle with Bowagrius but his bitch GF won't allow it

[ala]

This is great, I think most users on here can relate to Ferdinand's situation. A good read for sure!

[Morm]

Oh god, Sigourney is at it again. I saw her shaking her head violently, looked over and saw this:




She caught the smallest goldfish and swallowed it whole, while Bowagrius watched. He was either hungry too or accepted the dinner invite, either way things worked quite the opposite of people (see usually the man eats and the woman drinks a water or some shit to watch her figure). Now Bowagrius is all over her, she's up the plants and he won't leave her alone. Turns out that being a glutton isn't a sin in their world, either that or it's so sexy they just don't care. I wonder if this counts are their first date and Bowagrius is hoping to score???? She's not that easy I guess.

I literally posted this as the drama was happening; you know it's a dramatic when it's real time!

Edit: Sigourney is in one of her genocidal moods again and Bowagrius has retired from his quest. Meanwhile, the goldfish left are TERRIFIED and hiding...strangely in the prime areas for newts which is where Sigourney is usually not found. Seems they recognize her as a thread as they are literally as far away from her as they can get while being snuggled up next to Bow's GF!

edit2: Bow's GF just snapped at and lazily hunted the biggest fish in the aquarium, which she wouldn't even be able to swallow. I've done an emergency rescue of the two remaining fish. Just assume Feesh was transferred to a school filled with his own race.

[Morm]

So a while ago I noticed some white fuzzy stuff on a log that was a popular hangout. I removed it and there was no more white fuzzy stuff anywhere in the tank- til tonight. I noticed it on one small section of one of the deer antlers, rather inconsistent.

So I investigated.

I then realized that I was actually holding a package of newt sperm in my bare hand. It's probably happened to all of us at one point, intercepting the packages of sperm attached to inanimate objects by other species and holding them in your bare hands. Turns out that Bowagrius is exploring his body. After all, there are white hairlike things coming out of his urogenital sinus. Perhaps calling him a teen is inappropriate. Meanwhile, it's ever impossible to check on the females pubic status as only nasty snatch patches aren't shaved these days.

[Mike B]

I barfed and was wow'd

[Phadunk]

just let the fuckers mate.

[Morm]

I don't know which one he is after, he cuddles with his bottom bitch but seems to show interest in Sigourney. It's impossible to say who he is after. :(

Ferdinand just shed his exoskeleton- his antenna grew back and now he has 3.5 legs...once again, his legs are all on one side. Fuckin' newts didn't even give him one day with all his appendages before bullying him. It must suck being the foreigner.

[Bad Ass]

great thread - please continue updating!!

[Morm]

okay so after last night the romance is speeding up. I expected the next spermatophore in ~10 days but there is another one, with a shit ton of white fuzzy shit all over the antler.



You can see in the reflection the package of sperm for a female to sit on, meanwhile if you look extra close on the non reflection you can see the mess he's made. Yes, I photograph the semen on different species.

I saw Bowagrius' girlfriend hanging out in the area but I can't help but thing she wouldn't let it marinate for a few hours in water before using it. He appears to have hit it and quite it- as if he gives a rats ass if she gets pleasured by it, he's a man, he did his business and left just the way it should be.

See the females are bickering now



Sigourney is on top, scared off by the BBW known as Bowagrius' girlfriend in the same spot as the spermatophore. FUCK things are heating up, cat fights, cum all over the place...meanwhile the one in the grade below is MIA and avoids confrontation. This shit's gettin' extra real people I'm telling you that Jersey shore has nothing on this. I plan on adding some gold chains to the tank soon to affix a proper Guido effect.

[Xav]

Man, this is awesome, I wish they would back off from Ferdinand and let him enjoy his remaining limbs.

[Thee]

At first, I thought this was a scientific log about newt's and thier habits.
I was pleasantly surprised. (Well, sorta...it was much more...interesting)

Do you actually expect them to mate?
I feel pity for the fishes...

Oh, and I find the comment in the first post about the chinese boy in sweatpants personally offensive. (jk)

[Morm]

I don't expect anything from any of them. I HOPE that if they mate they use protection or failing that they carry it to term as I don't support abortion it's a life (or 50...). That's all I can really do as a supportive observer. I just hope that Bowagrius decides one one of the two lovely ladies, though his choices are some mixed-breed petite little thing or a BBW. Maybe he's holding out for the juvi to grow or maybe he'll try to get her before the hair does? It wouldn't be unheard of to try to mate with a juvenile, after all, even with newts.

I'm sorry you disagree with my observation about the affinities asian boys have for sweat pants.

Yeah, actually Ferdinand may not last too much longer. With the increased competition, if they catch him they will eat him. I don't know why he's lasted this long, you'd think his parents would have pulled him from such a violent school.

Edit:

The girlfriend situation appears to be resolving. The BBW is eating his sperm with her mouth (literally) and that means they are in love, or at least that's what I believe because why else would two organisms make love? Maybe he'll be a cheater though or try to play Sigourney off her and get them in a three way, much like what Archie did to Betty and Veronica.

[Morm]

Sigourney is snuggling up to Bowagrius' girlfriend. Bowagrius is pissed at both of them and being a total fuckhead. He keeps sperming all over the fuckin' place.

My life has made me busy today. Very busy indeed. I'll rectify this by explaining so you guys know I'm not holding back on the drama.

This is a normal day in my life augmented by the normal day in the life of the girl in the photos, who I roll with:

1. Catastrophic beaver failure
2. Being paid to play with skeletons
3. Being paid to touch ~$1M worth in fossils at the same time
4. Arranging yet another loan from yet another academic institute, this time the one I do research at now, when I can
5. Going 8000 feet up in a Cessna over the front ranges of the Rocky Mountains
6. Playing doctor to a bunch of baby goldfish, thanks to a parasite ridden snail
7. Yet again, cleaning newt sperm off of a deer antler

All within 12 hours.

I keep hearing from people that I am abnormal and live a very abnormal life, but it's her lifestyle I consider strange and fascinating (flying all over the place).


Is this how we fly a plane?? Fuckin women...
Naw it's just the pre-flight check.


When I roll with the ladies, the action always takes place in their back seat.


This shot features a nice anticline, which made me very excited even though I hate geophysics. Lots of turbulence around here, there is some outstandingly horrible problems with wind in the front ranges- enough to tip our little plane over. This would have made our pilot very angry as he "didn't want to have to deal with that situation".


Autumn in Alberta. This time when I say "look at all that Yellow!" I don't mean the swarming Asian population of our city- Mandarin is more widely spoken in Calgary than French, our nations other language! It was at this point that I got a REAL appreciation for WW2 fighter pilots (as if I needed more appreciation). There is apparently another white Cessna in this photo. Had it been larger and green (ie spitfire), I still wouldn't be able to see it! I guess I'd have died.

So, there it is, my excuse.

PS I have more adventures if you give me reason to write them up with photos I surely will.

[Spacemon]

Consistent passages deserve credits

[Fatecrashers]

I like adventures.

[Morm]

okay so I've been watching for a few days.

It seems Bowagrius has annexed the high ground as well, now he's sperming all over the place. I can't keep up with it, there is sperm almost everywhere. It's literally just like a band trip or something.

Sigourney has the audacity to stand her ground to a large male and got rightly tuned. He beat the shit out of her and sent her packing- but it's the right response. They are more likely to sustain injury if they flee than if they stand their ground.

It's like Bowagrius is a big bully now, it's reverted back to elementary school. I'm going to have to pull a father on the bus routine, like that guy that recently threatened to kill kids for bullying his daughter til she offed herself. It was sad, she has CP...though in the bully's defense, putting an open condom on her head at that age is pretty hilarious.

It's like a time bomb. As much as I don't want to see injury, if it happens (and it just might with this species) it'll be super rad to see a limb grow back. I'll rub cheetah blood on it to expedite the process. :D

[Wishy]

Ferdinand should be called Ding Xiang... Or Ricky. Poor shrimp, I hope he makes it through alive. ;(

[WaterBomb]

Literally the most entertaining thing I've read all month. Between borderline retards competing with people who can't pronounce the word "ask" for substitute teacher jobs and "Automatic Data Processing" having the worst back-end applications ever, I need a healthy chuckle like this from time to time. Keep it up!

[VirtualKaraokeCircusAct]

I thought this was going to be a politics thread
oh my god I am so happy I was wrong, it's like a soap opera minus the fucking suck

[Chou Toshio]

My tank's residents are pussy-shit compared to this.



10 Japanese Swamp Shrimp
8 Siamese Algae Eaters
9 Japanese Common Rice Killifish
5 Otocinclus (miniature sucker-catfish)

All is harmonius. :P

dork moment: white fuzz is probably a type of fungus. It appears a lot with Drift wood, usually passes with no big issues.

[Morm]

Yeah, it's more of...gobs of white good than fuzz. It started on the driftwood, maybe you're right. It's only on the one antler though, right in the main hangout of Bowagrius. It's a nice thought, it would make sense since it's not in discrete packages- however when they make sperm packages, they have filaments hanging from their cloaca, which is consistent with seeing that feature as well as it hanging out of his snatch patch.

Removing semen from the equation would make things less dramatic. Ferdinand likes to pick at the semen, I think it's like the little asian kid trying his very best to get whatever scraps of popularity he can from the quarterback of the football team- doing his homework, cleaning up and eating his bukkake, losing limbs without much fuss...I'm sure we've all been there before, covered in a mans semen and having your limbs ripped off and eaten in front of you just to try to fit in.

Today was feeding time. Bowagrius and his girl erupted in an orgy of erotic eating, violent and biting complete with digging the gravel angrily. Meanwhile Sigourney and the younger kid were on the periphery, eventually bullied by the dominant pair. They are so much more innovative; the young one goes to a quiet corner and stuff his face as fast as he can. Sigourney waits on the periphery of the feeding rampage and picks up the scraps that fly out. Next time I feed them (in like 3 days) I'll probably film it for your sadistic pleasure. Maybe I'll get some feeder fish in there and see some REAL mayhem- chuck in some bloodworms to make them go naners for the flavor and then leave them to catch the fish.

I have no idea why Ferdinand keeps losing legs- as soon as he successfully sheds they are on him. Now he has 2.5 legs on the right and one on the left, which is better than two on the right and none on the left. FUCK I wish they would leave him alone :(

Chou, your tank is a pussy tank. Killifish can be a bit prickish at times, the ones I always had died like failures. Otos are cute, I can't believe some people actually use them as devoted algae eaters. Those are the same people that think it's okay to not feed a Pleco driftwood...fucking morons. BTW my dads goldfish have flukes that they caught from a fucking snail I bought, then got hemorrhagic septicemia and now some are getting hole in head. FUCK I wish I could feed the dying to Sigourney, slayer of fish.

I guess we can also use this thread for posting your own fish/animal tanks and some of the characters in them. No stupidness like "Hey I have a really cute goldfish he lives by himself but he's a real comedic genius" we want fish on fish, newt on newt or whatever on whatever steamy interaction. It would be cool to see what other people have going on, it's not just about my adventures and fish tank and etc after all.

Edit: I need some fuckin names for Bow's GF and Sigourney's new friend, the kid from the grade below. :/ HELP

Edit2: Bow and his gf are fighting hardcore. Like actual violent fighting, either mating related or territory related. Meanwhile, Sigourney is fucking CREEPING them from above. She must be loving this, maybe she can bang out a quickie with Bow while he's fighting with that BBW bitch. FUCK just sittin' here watchin me some house and noticed this action going on. Trying to get a video, but whenever I stare at them obviously they just stare back. They are like the raptors in Jurassic Park 1 and 2, but not the ones in JP3- those fuckers do like calculus they are so smart.

[WaterBomb]

Bowagrius' girlfriend should be named Genevieve. Dunno, just popped in my head. Also, I forget, is the kid from the grade below male or female? If male, it should be named Otto von Bismarck (Otto for short. What else could an unpopular kid from the younger grade be named?) If it's female, I don't know yet, I have to wait until I get inspired.

[Fatecrashers]

To add to WaterBomb's suggestion, if female I think the kid should be named Helga.

EDIT: It's most likely male. Otto sounds good. Or Dabney. Or Gus.

[WaterBomb]

Originally Posted by Fat Fatecrashers

To add to WaterBomb's suggestion, if female I think the kid should be named Helga.

I respectfully disagree. Younger kid is usually unpopular due to an embarassing name, most likely one that is not applicable to his/her generation. That being said, I've decided on Gretchen for the potential female name.

Now that I think about it though, Helga is pretty good too. Up to you KB :D

[Morm]

Any of those old names like Ruby or Heinrich would work