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Asshole shit you've done.

Discussion in 'Smogon's Greatest Hits' started by Sanders, Aug 2, 2009.

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  1. Swaggersaurus

    Swaggersaurus I DON'T NEED A MAN
    is an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus

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    hahahahahahsoaidhasod I'M SORRY BUT THAT ONE WAS YOU NOT ME
  2. DM

    DM Ce soir, on va danser.
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a Smogon IRC SOp Alumnus

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    not gonna lie, I laughed out loud upon completion of this story
  3. ivar

    ivar

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    there's a silver lining gentlemen if you feel guilty about the asshole shit you've done. at least you're not as bad as az.
  4. Alchemator

    Alchemator my god if you don't have an iced tea for me when i
    is a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus

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    Let's reverse this.

    So I was walking through a shopping centre (go Britain) when some random hunchback woman shouts at me:

    "AAYEEEEEEEE HE LOOKS LIKE A NAKKER!!!!!"

    Nakker is probably North East England dialect for: Idiot.

    So I felt pretty bad.

    This isn't even relevant is it ._.
  5. Frank Ripley

    Frank Ripley

    Joined:
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    Me and my brother years ago were playing Red-rover (spelling?) with a little kid and when the kid ran towards us, we separated out arms and he kept running...

    ... into the corner of a building, needed stitches.
  6. Ice-eyes

    Ice-eyes Simper Fi

    Joined:
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    With a group of friends I went into the Apple store and put pornography on all of the demonstration iPad browsers for little kids to find.

    I r pro.
  7. Chill Murray

    Chill Murray get well soon jacoby..

    Joined:
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    I had a good female friend once whom I liked (and thought that she had a thing for me), but the timing was never right. I was dating my first girlfriend when she was single, and just before I broke up with her my friend found herself a boyfriend.

    Important tidbit before I continue the story: she liked sex. A lot. She was by no means a slut, but whenever she was dating someone she would always be raring to go with them.

    Anyway, a couple of weeks after she breaks up with her boyfriend (this is in the summer), I decided that I'd try to act on my feelings for her. Since I knew she liked sex (and because I was immature and randy) I decided that my best course of action would be to try to hook up with her. We watch a movie, have a few drinks, and I'm at about shortstop when she stops me and tells me that she's not ready, that she's still getting over her ex. I stop, trying not to be a rapist, and she ends up driving me home after a little bit of sobering up.

    A couple of weeks later, she lets it slip that she had fucked someone on a beach within a week of that encounter.

    Fast forward to Thanksgiving weekend. I'm drunk off my ass and pissed that I'm at a high school party (I was a sophomore in college at this point), so I drunk dialed her. She didn't pick up, and I left her a message to the effect of "Since you sleep with everyone else, why not me?" Needless to say, the next night I got a very angry phone call. I tried apologizing, but she screamed in my ear for 5 minutes and hung up on me. I haven't talked to her since.
  8. Ice-eyes

    Ice-eyes Simper Fi

    Joined:
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    I may also have been involved in happy-slapping a French tramp.

    -.-
  9. Shy Glizzy

    Shy Glizzy

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    One time I had sex with this girl on the beach when I knew she had a boyfriend.
  10. DarthChake

    DarthChake

    Joined:
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    Why am I an asshole....let us set the story up...

    I had a gf. After we had been dating for a while I broke my leg in a gymnastics accident. My ex is a "Charismatic" (face palm for even getting involved lol) and their beleifs are...unsual.

    A few weeks ago Harry Potter was on T.V. (which I love) so I decided to watch it. My gf (at the time) was texting me and asked what I was doing, I told her "Watching Harry Potter. What are you up to?", she then replied "that's evil..."
    A long while later of me dispelling major technicallities in numerous Bible verses I said "I don't think we are compatible for a relationship." My reasoning was (and is) that if you find something I fully intend for my children to read (none yet lol) evil then we will certainly have conflicts.
    I essentially broke up with my gf because of stress and Harry Potter, I don't consider myself an ass...just logical.
    I did this on our 4 month anniversary if this might've contributed to me being an ass. Also the night we gave our respective gifts back to eachother (e.g. my senior ring) I left without a word and immediatly went out to pick up my date. (The date was excellent)

    I don't know how I could possibly forget this one! Once again lets set the story up.
    My brother has acid reflux so he usually keeps a water bottle by his bed or sink to rinse it out. I remembered a particular scene from jackass where a dude farts/shits in a tube connected to a guys breathing apparatus. I ate something that had me ripping some terribly nasty farts at the time.

    I noticed my brother's water bottle had been opened earlier and a signifigant amount of water had been drank so in hope of something hilarious I unscrewed the cap and let a particularly nasty fart go. (The kind that gives you a burning sensation) I then proceeded to screw the cap back on as quickly as possible, and then pulled up my pants.
    Later that night my older brother tells me a funny story of how my younger brother drank the water and said some words while puking for a while. I have repeated this prank multiple times. I am laughing my ass off as I post this, such fond memories. XD
  11. lukemon

    lukemon

    Joined:
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    why am i an asshole?
    because i point out guys that are trying to hide an erection, ok this only happen once but it was fucken funny
  12. Shiny_Tyranitar

    Shiny_Tyranitar

    Joined:
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    I pretended to be a christian and to love this girl just to sleep with her. I made out (so I'm not a total asshole) with my best friend's girl on their 6 month anniversary. I steal more shit than I can keep count of (including a HG version btw). I walked into a party naked wearing a only a ski mask. Should I go on?
  13. wickdaggler

    wickdaggler

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    Me and a few friends messed up this douch's computer: we made his firefox homepage three tabs of lemon party, and set his background to scroll from picture to picture every 6 hours, with one of the pictures being blue waffle.
  14. SJCrew

    SJCrew Believer, going on a journey...
    is a Tiering Contributoris a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

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    wow, a lot of hos up in this thread
  15. Johann

    Johann

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    A long time ago my friend had his glasses on, for a joke i shone a flashlight in his eye for a quick second. He staggered down in pain, luckily I didn't damage his eye.
  16. AuntAcid

    AuntAcid

    Joined:
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    When I was seven, I wrote a letter to Santa Clause and asked not to be jewish.
  17. Team Aether

    Team Aether

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    When I was in eighth grade, there was this girl that I absolutely hated, so I decided to play a prank on her. At my school, we have student accounts set up that we use to log onto the computers with, and the passwords are on stickers in our planners/agendas/whatever you want to call them. This girl was in the same study hall class as me, and one day she left her planner on the desk she sat at, so when no on was looking, I peeked at the password and memorized it. The next day, during my English class, I logged onto a computer using her account and created literally 5300+ duplicates of an empty folder on her desktop after deleting all of the files that she originally had, such as projects for classes, etc. By the time the computer had reached 1000, it was lagging so badly that it took 10 minutes for it to finish copying the folders. After I was satisfied with the number of folders reached, I quickly logged off and went back to my desk. No one had noticed at all except for one of my friends, who had to struggle to contain his laughter. Later that day, when the girl logged in during study hall, the computer crashed because it could not load the folders. The teacher yelled at the girl for doing that, and the girl was about to burst into tears by the end of all this. The girl never did figure out who did it.
  18. Sy123

    Sy123

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    I am a complete smart-ass at times. But I would always respect the teachers, even if I didnt like them
    My class wanted to get a Science teacher sacked, the teacher had an inspection with the co-ordinator, due to complaints of things that arent true. They set up the computer, to make the game Pinball come up, on the big smart-board (The Laptop was on sleep mode). I secretly changed it. So nothing comes up. No-one found out
    But then there was this little midgety guy in 3rd grade (I was in 6th grade). Who likes to kick people's sports ball away (Soccer Ball) if it comes to them. I brang a brand new soccer ball to school, it was so cool. Then he kicked it away......I got the ball he was playing with at the time, and smashed it over the playground fence, never to be found again. Then I shouted at the 3rd grader, he was so close to crying. I feel so bad now
  19. Thorns

    Thorns

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    well my friend was selling chocolates to raise money for a camp, so we went around selling them. a girl in the year above us took one and said she'd pay it back in a minute. she didn't. the next day, we asked for the money back, but she didn't give it back. so i went to the principal's office and said that she stole a box of chocolates and the $50 that was inside. of course the chocolates and the $50 were hidden safely. she was called to the office, and she denied taking anything. i whipped out the box of chocolates from where she sat at lunch. she doesn't go to my school anymore.

    oh and once i called a fat kid names
  20. Fatecrashers

    Fatecrashers acta est fabula
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

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    I remember one time back in high school me and 4 other kids had to each write an essay for detention. Luckily the teacher who was supposed to be supervising us wasn't even there the whole time. We ended up making the smartest kid in the room write all 5 essays while the rest of us smoked weed. Like they say: there's a sucker born every minute.
  21. Surskit

    Surskit

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    There's this guy at my school who me and my friends have known since year 7 (and we are now in year 10), but we all hate him simply because he is incredibly annoying. So, pretty much everyday when he walks up to us and says "Hey guys, sup?", we reply with "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM US YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FILTH, STOP MELTING OUR EYES
    WITH YOUR ABOMINATION OF A FACE AND INSTEAD BURY IT IN THE GROUND, THEN DIE", then we spit at his feet, and walk away.
    Sometimes we steal from him, and never return what we've stolen, and once we managed to frame him for the teacher losing all of the money in his wallet, even though we have no idea where the teacher's money actually went. He got several weeks of detentions and almost got suspended for that, not to mention groundings from his parents.
    We've been doing that since year 9, and he still comes up to us and tries to talk to us everyday.
  22. Pharaoh

    Pharaoh

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    Surskit, I feel sorry for the kid. not so much for what you do, but more for how he's retarded to come talk to you everyday.
  23. Adm. Empoleon

    Adm. Empoleon

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    we have this fat guy in class whom we always pull pranks on. usually cellphones are banned from our school, but on this one fateful day i decided to be a smart-ass and bring my cellphone with me. we started to play pranks on him without him knowing, and i was the guy recording it all. on occasion he'd see me recording him, but i'd say "stfu, if i took a picture of you, my cellphone would explode".

    so in recess, my friends did this to him.

    2 days after i uploaded this to youtube, i started telling my friends about the video, then in computer science class, everyone started to beg me for the video. i told them my username and that it was the first video you'd see. nearly half of them pissed their pants. the fat guy started to look at me in an intimidating way (though in his face it was more like him trying to take a baseball dump). he told me to remove the video. ofc i didn't, then the teacher saw the video and told me never to remove it in case he needed a laugh. i looked at him and said "well, the teacher told me not to, so there."


    EDIT - i also offered my math teacher, whom i hate, the chair i was sitting on. then i pulled the chair under his ass.
  24. monkfish

    monkfish what are birds?
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    people in your school must be really fucking bored if they think that video is in any way interesting or funny. i want 44 seconds of my life back
  25. Metal Gods

    Metal Gods

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    Yeah, it was really sleep inducing.
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