"Gen 6 is broken beyond madness! I can't play in OU! They've got so many radically different stuff, and even though Gen 5 OU was awful, this is worse! Nightmarish! No bad indie comic can top this!"
"Take a chance, you stupid hoe. We'll be rollin' in the dough once this is done."
There was a Dusknoir driving an all-terrain vehicle. Those who know this Dusknoir do not pester it, for its job is dubious, delicate, and damned rewarding when properly introduced. Inside the vehicle is a crew, freshly picked out by not only the Dusknoir, but the Dusknoir's owner. This Dusknoir had been driving for months now, picking people based on what it scouted, then phoning its owner while he was lurking /tg/ for Warhammer 40k shenanigans, playing Katawa Shoujo, sipping Pepsi, and working on some essay all at the same time. The dossiers of this motley crew had been emailed to him:
"This is the first guy I picked up, boss. He's the best Mega Forme in the entire game, with an ability which turns those crappy Normal attacks that he has into Flying-type moves. I know how much you love Bug-types, so I figured we'd get a crew based around handling what he can't. And there's a lot he can handle, honestly, just by bashing it in the face with a STAB Return and an Earthquake. Did I mention he transforms into a Bug/Flying Pokemon already?"
"To help Pinsir become a Mega-Badass is this Snorlax. He's gonna wear some Vest, and given he lacks good status moves outside of Curse the Vest's limitations mean spit to him. RestTalk's a gimmick, you learned that the hard way two Generations ago. So, with no recovery I'm a little uncertain on the Vest, even with Snorlax's supreme movepool. He's also a former Uber, or so I gathered when I got Pizza Hut carryout with him."
"Heatran's still the best Fire-type for pretty much anything, and he helps Pinsir-Mega land kills with Stealth Rock and generally just being an alright guy all around. I had to ensure his IVs were 0 so he doesn't wind up getting handicapped by SwagPlay rubbish. While this ordinarily lands an overall vulnerability to Fighting-types, I don't think they'll be much of a concern in Generation 6 because of Fairy-types eating them, Dark-types, and Dragon-types alive. We don't have much room in this vehicle for Fairies, though. On another team, I've taken to having Whimsicott get some contracts goin' so maybe we can counter anybody who claims to be YOLO SWAGMASTER BO DALLAS."
"There are some Pokemon who are available in the UU beta of Gen. 6, despite their overall lethality and general lack of desire to fuck around. Most of the threats have already been sent to BL where they rightfully belong, but there are a couple stragglers. Some guys who used to be real popular in Unova, who aren't because of Fairy-types.
Their overall goals are just to hit hard. One does so while wearing some mythical glasses, while the other uses an Orb of some sort that I don't think is healthy for it. Latias and Keldeo have offered their assistance to us in the battle against the metagame. While Stall is still the Master Race, as it always has been since Generation 2, I do think we need these guys to bust some Walls. "
"I found this guy on the fringes, zappin' some Tauros and cookin' em to make his own steak. I had some of his stuff and BOY IS IT GOOD. Remember when you made that Abomasnow team? Well, he remembers you rather fondly and has offered his aid yet again. He's forced to have a Rash nature in order to use Aura Sphere because GameFreak is a joke, but the punchline is we can exploit this handily. I knitted the guy a scarf I think he'll enjoy."
This was the abridged version of the motley crew /B/utterfree's Dusknoir sent to him via e-mail. /B/utterfree was pleased with his Dusknoir's work, like always. Now all he needed to do was assign their techniques, and all would be good.
Pinsir (M) @ Pinsirite
Ability: Hyper Cutter
EVs: 252 Atk / 252 Spd / 4 Def
Jolly Nature
- Swords Dance
- Return
- Earthquake
- Quick Attack
I lurked the Pinsir thread on Smogon and replicated the set proposed by alexwolf. Obviously, Hyper Cutter is the ability of choice for before Mega-evolving, in order to ensure that Pinsir's attack doesn't drop. It has one effective goal, and that's to Mega-evolve immediately and either:
1. Revenge-kill a foe who has prior injuries.
2. Set up on the enemy, usually someone who has no effective answer to Mega-Pinsir. A free +2 Swords Dance combined with Mega-Pinsir's already good base Attack, and pretty much nothing barring Talonflame or Skarmory will be able to stop him.
Overall, as Mega Pinsir is the best Mega in the game, it's safe to surmise that the Flying/Ground coverage offered by attacks would generally yield almost no resistance. In the grand scheme of things, this is still true.
Snorlax @ Assault Vest
Ability: Thick Fat
EVs: 252 HP / 252 SDef / 4 Atk
Careful Nature
- Seed Bomb
- Crunch
- Earthquake
- Return
My first defensive partner for Mega-Pinsir, I immediately take advantage of Snorlax's really good base HP and base Special Defense by putting EVs in those two stats, as well as having him equip an Assault Vest. He's mostly there to break open people's usual checks to Mega-Pinsir, like Rotom-W (with Seed Bomb) and non-Levitating Electric-types (with Earthquake). Return is STAB, and Crunch is there to stop Ghosts from attempting to wall him, especially Gengar (or Aegislash, albeit Earthquake takes care of him, too). The only things Snorlax cannot take care of for Pinsir are Talonflame (priority Brave Bird) and Skarmory (wow such physical Defense, very Roost, much Brave Bird to 1v1 Snorlax).
Thick Fat also allows Snorlax to better synergize with Mega-Pinsir defensively, by sponging Fire and Ice attacks better.
Heatran @ Air Balloon
Ability: Flash Fire
EVs: 252 SAtk / 4 SDef / 252 Spd
Modest Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Stealth Rock
- Heat Wave
- Earth Power
- Dragon Pulse
Stealth Rock's there for fairly certain reasons. I need something which prevents Talonflame from being useful, and one of the immediate things which comes to mind shreds its HP by 50%.
Modest STAB Heat Wave then ideally seals Skarmory's fate. Earth Power allows it to compete with other Heatran, while Dragon Pulse offers something to stop the Dragons (Dragonite, Garchomp, Salamence, Goodra) in their tracks, assuming Heat Wave didn't burn them either on the switch or while they were using Outrage.
Flash Fire also makes sure that Pranksters do not attempt to toy with it, namely Sableye. Pretty much every Pranksters gets gibbed by a move Heatran uses, and then the 0 IVs ensure SwagPlay is useless. The Air Balloon trolls Gliscor, whose typical sole attacking move is Earthquake, while Heatran either sets up SR on it or exploits Gliscor's mediocre and usually-uninvested SpDef with Modest STAB Heat Wave.
[While the above picture is amazing, I've always wondered what a Latias wearing sunglasses would legitimately look like, especially the typical triangular aviators sported by many other brave warriors.]
Latias (F) @ Choice Specs
Ability: Levitate
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Timid Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Draco Meteor
- Psyshock
- Surf
- Shadow Ball
Now that I had defenses covered, I needed to fill the offensive bases. Hitting from the Special spectrum is an absolute must, and Latias has the appropriate moves to do the deed. The first step is using her STABs. These, barring your average Fairy, would handle the job under normal circumstances. Then Klefki showed up; this is where Surf is needed. To ensure that other Steels also got terminated, Shadow Ball was thrown in as a final move, albeit this might get changed. Or not, I do not yet know what other moves would be good for her.
She hits hard while being a bit more defensively-endowed, which is what made me pick her instead of Latios. If this is a mistake, I can fix that with ease. Otherwise, I shall carry on with using a Latias who wears sunglasses at night, since I'm a Boss-Ass Karenite.
Keldeo @ Life Orb
Ability: Justified
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Timid Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Substitute
- Calm Mind
- Secret Sword
- Scald
SubCM is one of Keldeo's best sets from Gen V. As such, I decide to carry it over to Generation 6. Why Keldeo has yet to be banished from UU beta is beyond me, but I will wait and either see this musketeer carried over to OU eventually, or put in BL where it belongs. Alternatively, I can watch Generation 6's UU be horribly broken still while already having a giant BL (...and they want to unban stuff... great...).
Keldeo's STABs eat some Steels not named Skarmory or Aegislash which might not be fond of Mega-Pinsir, like Bronzong. Keldeo is also just a set-up sweeper who can do its own thing, while being as crazy as it is with that Speed tier of 108. Calm Mind also boosts it Special Defense, and unless Jellicent carries Energy Ball I can just Sub on it and prepare the Calm Minds while it does nothing to stop me (I can't really do anything back to Jellicent, in exchange).
0 Atk IVs, while generally unwarranted since WHO FOUL-PLAYS A POKEMON WITH JUSTIFIED? SERIOUSLY, optimally negate as much confusion damage as possible, thereby negating any hope of SwagPlay cramping my style. This also basically acts as another revenge-killer, should something like Hydreigon attempt to scare my Latias away.
Raikou @ Choice Scarf
Ability: Pressure
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Rash Nature
IVs: 0 Atk / 30 Def
- Volt Switch
- Aura Sphere
- Shadow Ball
- Hidden Power [Ice]
Yeah, I don't expect anyone to be surprised about the Scarf. Or the Rash nature. Or the fact this isn't Rotom-Fridge, the only other offensive pivot I could've used that would have not been wholly redundant with the rest of my team and still an Electric-type Pokemon who fries Skarmory and doesn't afraid of anything.
The 0 IVs on this guy are also because SwagPlay, albeit this is also just because I never intend to make a Physically-based Raikou, for his Special movepool is just vastly superior.
APROPOS:
- To the artists with whom I've used the images of. I'm fairly certain all these images were straight out of Deviant Art pages, and they're all amazing and awesome and thematically savvy with the Pokemon I intend to make use of.
- To the people who were discussing stuff in the Pinsir thread. I think this was in OU.
- To Gen. Empoleon, because stay Uber strong.
Pinsir (M) @ Pinsirite
Ability: Hyper Cutter
EVs: 252 Atk / 252 Spd / 4 Def
Jolly Nature
- Swords Dance
- Return
- Earthquake
- Quick Attack
Snorlax @ Assault Vest
Ability: Thick Fat
EVs: 252 HP / 252 SDef / 4 Atk
Careful Nature
- Seed Bomb
- Crunch
- Earthquake
- Return
Heatran @ Air Balloon
Ability: Flash Fire
EVs: 252 SAtk / 4 SDef / 252 Spd
Modest Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Stealth Rock
- Heat Wave
- Earth Power
- Dragon Pulse
Latias (F) @ Choice Specs
Ability: Levitate
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Timid Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Draco Meteor
- Psyshock
- Surf
- Shadow Ball
Keldeo @ Life Orb
Ability: Justified
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Timid Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Substitute
- Calm Mind
- Secret Sword
- Scald
Raikou @ Choice Scarf
Ability: Pressure
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Rash Nature
IVs: 0 Atk / 30 Def
- Volt Switch
- Aura Sphere
- Shadow Ball
- Hidden Power [Ice]
Ability: Hyper Cutter
EVs: 252 Atk / 252 Spd / 4 Def
Jolly Nature
- Swords Dance
- Return
- Earthquake
- Quick Attack
Snorlax @ Assault Vest
Ability: Thick Fat
EVs: 252 HP / 252 SDef / 4 Atk
Careful Nature
- Seed Bomb
- Crunch
- Earthquake
- Return
Heatran @ Air Balloon
Ability: Flash Fire
EVs: 252 SAtk / 4 SDef / 252 Spd
Modest Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Stealth Rock
- Heat Wave
- Earth Power
- Dragon Pulse
Latias (F) @ Choice Specs
Ability: Levitate
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Timid Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Draco Meteor
- Psyshock
- Surf
- Shadow Ball
Keldeo @ Life Orb
Ability: Justified
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Timid Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Substitute
- Calm Mind
- Secret Sword
- Scald
Raikou @ Choice Scarf
Ability: Pressure
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 SAtk / 4 SDef
Rash Nature
IVs: 0 Atk / 30 Def
- Volt Switch
- Aura Sphere
- Shadow Ball
- Hidden Power [Ice]
