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CAP 14 CAP 3 - Miscellaneous Flavor (Height, Weight, Pokedex Entry)

Discussion in 'CAP Process Archive' started by Deck Knight, Jun 16, 2012.

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  1. Eagle4

    Eagle4

    Joined:
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    Okay, tweaked a few things.

    Mollux, the Lava Lamp Pokemon

    Black: It is often seen playing with groups of SHUCKLE, although it becomes violent when territorialy threatened.

    White: It hatches its eggs in deep-underwater volcanoes. The magma seeps into the egg before hatching.

    O.K, to start off with, I wanted to keep to the script with the "........ Pokemon" description. We need to say what Mollux actually is, and how it differs from other pokemon. It is a lava lamp, hence the description.

    Now for the entries. The Black entry is all about Mollux's interaction with other pokemon, and Shuckle is an obvious choice. The pokemon are similar in many ways, and this similarity has been referred to in previous threads. The description shows two sides of Mollux's emotions. One, a friendlymon, the other violent and moody.
    The White entry has been changed dramatically. I wanted to include how Mollux has come about, how it was made. No, not by a Smogon artist, but by a lava-ridden egg. This makes sort-of sense. The lava seeps into the egg, giving it its liquid interior, whilst some hardens to form the outer shell. This could also give another reason to why Mollux is so pink... hardcore sunburn.
  2. GRs Cousin

    GRs Cousin

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2011
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    299
    Final Submission

    The Mantle Pokemon
    Height: 1.2m / 3' 11.2"
    Weight: 41 kg (90.2) lbs [GK/LK: 60 BP]

    Black: Its innards glow with a vibrant light, the color being determined by its current mood. Its predators take a red light as a warning to leave.
    White: The light it generates helps it traverse the dark depths of the sea. Its soothing glow helps it befriend curious or lost Pokemon.

    -----

    Black entry is a must stay, so I decided to just elaborate on it a little bit more. Add some practical purpose to stating it and whatnot. White entry, while it was good, I decided to go with the old entry instead. People have said how they liked the old White entry better, so I threw that old concept back in with an ocean twist.

    -----

    Pwnemon: Oh wow, these are really nice. I honestly don't know how you can improve on these other than speaking a little more Dex-like. The sentence structure of Black's entry seems a little too much like it's being made up as it goes along. Split it into two separate sentences and I think it'll be a lot smoother.
    Sound: I really do like your Black entry. It shows how significant Mollux can really be to its environment, and really captures the importance some Pokemon can have (i.e. Tyranitar tearing down mountains) without being unrealistic as well. The White entry seems a little bland, though.
    Darklatias92: Like Sound's entry, your Black entry is really strong. Bonus points for the science used in the White entry as well. My main issue is your grammar within these entries. Maybe add a capital letter or two, please? Also, the extra entry seems to contradict the Black one. Damp weather like rain is cold while underwater volcanoes are hot. One of those entries is describing a pretty sad Mollux, likely the latter due to how Dry Skin works in the first place.
  3. Project_Mars

    Project_Mars

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2008
    Messages:
    131
    how about:
    Mollux
    The Mantle Pokemon
    Height: 1.2m / 3' 11.2"
    Weight: 41 kg (90.2) lbs [GK/LK: 60 BP]

    Black: The glowing fluid in its shell gives off as much light as a lamp. Despite mostly living underwater, it has the ability to breath fire.

    White: It stores its poison in its shell along with a denser, glowing fluid that reaches temperatures of 1200 °C. Despite this it is cool to the touch.

    I figured i would change the black pokedex entry, mostly to be a little bit longer and less in-joke-y. Now it references the fact that it is indeed a fire-type that lives underwater. Are these two good, or did ya'll like the previous one? Would the older black entry work better than the white entry?
  4. Darklatias92

    Darklatias92

    Joined:
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    @GRs_Cousin: ok, I fixed a bit my entries. Now they should be slightly better. Thanks for the catch!

    If any of you can fix my grammar (since English isn't my main language) my post is on page 2, third entry (eheheh, don't know how to use links!).
    Thanks in advance!
  5. SubwayJ

    SubwayJ

    Joined:
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    Okay, I'm contemplating changing the Black entry to more show the "Hardness" of the shell. Something like...

    The shell of a Mollux is so hard, one with a broken shell has never been found.
    +

    It is just slightly softer than diamond.


    OR
    It achieves a 9.5 on the Mohs scale.

    My White entry will have changes soon as I think of them

  6. Kaprikorn

    Kaprikorn

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2011
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    87
    Apparently my previous entries weren't very interesting, so I submit these instead:

    Mantle Pokemon

    Black: Its tongue can move faster than a human can blink. Scientists are researching ways to apply this discovery.

    White: The fluids in its shells are secreted about once a month, and are often used as a super-powerful glue.

    Again, feedback is much appreciated.

    Feedback for others:

    SubwayJ: stick with the diamond one. It's more easily recognizable.
    ProjectMars: remove one occurence of "despite." It's an awkward repetition. Nice White entry.
  7. kickmeimirish

    kickmeimirish

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2010
    Messages:
    58
    Final Submission

    Mollux, the Lamp Shell Pokemon.

    Black: The toxic fluids within its shell create hypnotic colors. It is believed they change according to its mood.

    White: The volatile chemical reaction that illuminates its shell requires moisture. In arid environments it runs the risk of exploding.

    For the Black entry, I wanted to focus on how Mollux is indeed a lava lamp and thus work in the hypnotic colors/mood imagery. The White entry explains why this thing has "Dry Skin" as an ability. So there you go!
  8. Midnight Show

    Midnight Show

    Joined:
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    Maybe I just have a filthy mind, but that seems awfully suggestive to me.

    Also, wouldn't it just be shell, not shells?
  9. capefeather

    capefeather YOU CAN'T STOP THE FORDS
    is a Forum Moderatoris a CAP Contributoris a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus
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    SubwayJ: I'd say the simpler the better.

    Asylum:

    Regarding Banette: Yes, I'm aware that there are species that are kind of treated as if they didn't evolve from something and/or don't evolve into something when they do. However, the specific usage of hatchlings is what gets me about it. Banette's entry is merely implausible, while Mollux hatching when it has pre-evos would be simply ridiculous.

    Regarding the science thing: Yes, I'm also aware that Pokémon flavour butchers science all the time. paintseagull loves to point out how ridiculous Hurricane and Hail are, for example. That does not, imo, make it okay. With the Necturna reference, you make the common mistake of failing to distinguish implausibility from fantasy fiction.

    Regarding your other point:

    Lanturn (open)
    R: Lanturn is nicknamed "the deep-sea star" for its illuminated antenna. This Pokémon produces light by causing a chemical reaction between bacteria and its bodily fluids inside the antenna.
    S: Lanturn is known to emit light. If you peer down into the dark sea from a ship at night, you can sometimes see this Pokémon's light rising from the depths where it swims. It gives the sea an appearance of a starlit night.
    E: The light-emitting orbs on its back are very bright. They are formed from a part of its dorsal fin. This Pokémon illuminates the inky darkness of deep seas.
    HG: The light it emits is so bright that it can illuminate the sea's surface from a depth of over three miles.
    SS: It blinds prey with an intense burst of light. With the prey incapacitated, the Pokémon swallows it in a single gulp.
    BW: Lanturn's light can shine up from great depths. It is nicknamed "The Deep-Sea Star."


    Bronzong (open)
    D: One caused a news sensation when it was dug up at a construction site after a 2000-year sleep.
    P: It can summon rain clouds. People long ago revered it as the bringer of plentiful harvests.
    Pt: It brought rains by opening portals to another world. It was revered as a bringer of plentiful harvests.
    HG/SS: Ancient people believed that petitioning Bronzong for rain was the way to make crops grow.
    BW: It brought rains by opening portals to another world. It was revered as a bringer of plentiful harvests.


    Purugly (open)
    D: It is a brazen brute that barges its way into another Pokémon's nest and claims it as its own.
    P: To make itself appear intimidatingly beefy, it tightly cinches its waist with its twin tails.
    HG/SS: It would claim another Pokémon's nest as its own if it finds a nest sufficiently comfortable.
    BW: It binds its body with its tails to make itself look bigger. If it locks eyes, it will glare ceaselessly.


    I could random-search some more, but these three should be sufficient. I think Lanturn brings the point home the most obviously. Most of the entries describe the light that it emits, while some take it a little bit further and describe how it hunts. Anyone who knows about angler fish going into these entries would learn virtually nothing new. Sapphire is sort of an exception, I suppose, but it sticks out as rather convoluted, too. In the same way, I think we've been a bit spoiled by those cone snail videos. I didn't even know that cone snails existed before CAP 3 came along, but I certainly knew about angler fish, and not even from Finding Nemo.

    Bronzong is similar. Now, I get that there is a lot of emphasis on its interactions with humans, but remember that Bronzong is based on an inanimate object and probably meant to be a youkai, anyway. Ultimately, it is again just repeating the lore of its origins.

    Purugly is too good an example to pass up because it raises another important point about dex entries. Pokémon like Purugly, Persian and Granbull are based off of rather ordinary animals with little "interesting" material to speak of. To compensate, their entries give them distinct personality traits. Notably, this treatment, as we have seen, is not given universally to every Pokémon. Some Pokémon are based off of mythical or partially mythical creatures (e.g. Jellicent and, less obviously, Banette and Bronzong), and their entries reflect this by invoking legends and rumours. A third broad category, belonging to Lanturn and (imo) Mollux, consists of "interesting" real-life creatures, and as we have seen, just reading off the original characteristics gives entries that honestly aren't even bad. Some go a bit further, but it's mostly about exaggerated scales and such (again, this is imo the strength of Sound's entry).

    The other great thing about Purugly's entries is that it's so good because of its literary techniques. It's not really about the actual content. The content is generic, something you seem to dislike to a fault. But the alliterations give it colour and life, making me picture a nasty fat cat stealing nests and trying to look tough.

    Would you say that any of these entries are bad and should be disregarded?

    ---

    I feel the need to stress this because people often just don't understand it. Creativity is not just about being different, and being different is not in itself creative. It's probably the #1 reason newer Pokémon players can't get better. It's probably the #1 reason we have religious fanatics, conspiracy theorists, and crackpots. Themes and techniques are repeated for a reason. Certain things are accepted for a reason. It's not the world being uncreative, it's the individual who's (ironically) not creative enough to accept reality instead of insisting on his/her own idealized version of it.
  10. Darklatias92

    Darklatias92

    Joined:
    May 16, 2012
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    35
    Ok, is time for some feedback! Thanks to whoever commented my entries. Your suggestions really helped me shaping my descriptions! Now is time for me to comment, from top to bottom! Let’s see:

    (bold entries are the ones that I currently prefer)

    Flarephoenix332: are you implying that Mollux is a domesticated Pokémon? That’s strange, but interesting. The Black entry is a bit too bland, though. Try adding something more to complete it, maybe something like a color difference depending of the habitat (like Arbok’s patterns). Just an idea…

    Quanyails: well, you describe something that it can’t be seen at first glance (Mollux’s hidden speed) and that really resemble its real counterpart. I find a bit odd the fact that is a speedy snail, but otherwise the entries are good.

    Pwnemon: I have to disagree with the beginning of the White entry. As other members have said, we still are not sure if this CAP is going to have a pre-evo or not. What if you replace “A newly hatched Mollux...“ with “When born it…”? In that way you give more freedom for an eventual pre-evo. Anyway, your entries are really good!

    Birkal: nice entries, but… how can sailors distinguish Mollux’s brightness from the ones of other species (namely Starmie and Lanturn)? By its color? By its pattern? If you manage to squeeze this info the entries are going to be perfect!

    Nyktos: Black entry is fitting, but the White one needs some fixes. Brightly-glowing sounds a bit weird, while toxic venom is repetitive. Venom is naturally toxic, in a way or another! Maybe say that is a potent venom, or something similar.

    GRs_Cousin: red light indicates warning and rage… so the shiny one is always angry? It doesn’t seem that way! XD
    Anyway, I love the friendly personality given to this Pokémon (it reminds me a lot Lapras, somehow). I find it cute, compared to more violent personalities found here.

    Drifblim: Slugmas can be found in its shell… but isn’t this Pokémon more suited to stay underwater or in rather damp habitats? If there are Slugmas in the area that means that Mollux lives in arid or volcanic habitats, damaging itself in the process… uhm, it doesn’t fit quite well! The other White entry was better, it only needed some fixes. The Black entry is fine.

    kevlarscale: the Black entry simply doesn’t make any sense. You’re basically saying that it uses the light of its shell to attract preys since its poison becomes more potent when is hot? If you say something like “using its shell to attract prey and then release on them hot poison” it’s going to make more sense. The other entry is fine.

    The Reptile: I have nothing to say. They simply complete each other. I’ll wait for the final to decide.

    DetroitLolCat: what were you trying to do? Giving some psychic abilities to Mollux? Tough luck, it isn’t Kadabra, Zen Darmanitan or Victini! XD
    The entries are good, Dex-like and clear. I have nothing to say.

    Asylum_Rhapdosy: well, the connection with Combee is unexpected, like the relationship between Spoink and Clamperl. Interesting fact, but I don’t see the point. Why it loves wax? Is there a particular reason? If there is one you should explain it, or simply say “nobody knows why…”. Anyway, good entries!

    TheStarRapper: O_O the White entry is a bit too extreme! Just like Cubone’s mother! You can talk about parental love without being excessive, you know! Maybe you can talk about Final Gambit in a way that “it is willing to risk its life for its eggs or its colony”. I find it less gruesome and resembles partially real bees (it’s not a bug, but still…)

    srk1214: the White entry is really fun, while the Black entry focus more on its defensive side. Nothing to say, they’re good. Maybe try to fix a bit the White one.

    Urza: I find you entries a bit… empty. What did humans do to bring this species to almost extinction? Try to make the whole ordeal more… mysterious.

    Eagle4: I love the interaction between Mollux and Shuckle. So this guy loves to break rocks at the beach to make Shuckles exit from their hidings, but it hates when they invade its territory. What a *bleep*? Cough, back to topic… the entries are nice. Nothing to say.

    Level_51: loves science, even if what you describe are basically made-up facts. Don’t take it as an offense. I’m not saying that is a bad thing. Its liquid seems lethal. Hope nobody wants to start a biowar…

    Jirachi6: very few Pokémon like Grimer, Muk, Qwilfish, Magikarp and Feebas, right? Sounds more fitting in a swamp rather than a lake, IMO. Anyway, the entries are good.

    SubwayJ: the White entry resembles a lot Cloyster’s description. Try to make it a little different. About the other one… you want to focus around the hardness of its shell? What do you think about “its shell is so hard that people used shards of it to…” (…shape diamonds? In that way you can emphasize its strength) or something similar? Put similes, they’re more effective!

    bugmaniacbob: let me say what I think about the pseudo entries in one single word: LOL! XD
    The first two are good and flavorful, even if the White one states the obvious (it’s quite hard that something is hindered by its own body, unless it makes some efforts or it’s extinct, like Omastar)

    Sound: don’t repeat prey in the White description. Replace the second one with victim or similar. The Black one is very good. Man, what would happens if a whole colony of Mollux detonate? They’ll kill millions of Pokémon! Scary! O_O

    Darklatias92: what the heck I’m doing? Commenting my own entries? I’ll leave this task to the others, eh!

    R7Rules: a digestive poison? I don’t find it odd. Spiders do the same thing. I don’t think the White entry is grammatically correct… try to check it.

    fryfrey: both entries are fitting. Maybe the White entry is a bit too synthetic, but I could be wrong.

    Midnight Show: I find a bit too strange imagining people or maybe even Smeargles using toxic liquids to paint walls… maybe you can connect Mollux and Magcargo in the past. Try to imagine it… during the Great Apocalypse or whatever some Pokémon hid in volcanoes, becoming Magcargo, while others hid in water, becoming Mollux. And so the species evolved into their habitats. :D
    Err… but I’m not force-feeding you my idea. I really like the interaction between those two snails.

    nyttin: very synthetic entries (maybe a bit too much). I can see this shell to have soothing properties instead of healing powers.

    Meganium Sulfate: again, another friendly guy! I love that!

    Bull of Heaven: interesting physical reaction… it shines so it can attract preys and eat. Very clever! And I like the fact that you mentioned its abilities.

    capefeather: the entries say the minimum necessary. Its hunting method remind me a lot Lanturn (attract and swallow) and to an extend Heatmor (poison tongue vs blazing tongue). The part about its shell is a nice addition. It surely must be really careful to not spill its liquids, or else it’s doomed! Nice entries!

    Project_Mars: well, from what I know other water Pokémon can use fire attacks (one of the most notable examples is Octillery). Try to put it more different, like “its fire attacks are so powerful that aren’t affected by water” (I still wonder how my Charizard can use fire attacks while diving… weird logic!) or similar. Then you’ll have a more original entry, IMO.

    CiteAndPrune: explosive poison… I like the fact that this substance can be used both to burn or to poison. It must be very acidic! And explains its capacity to use water to counterattack water Pokémon. Sounds fitting!

    Eszett: man, Black entry is really reminding me drugs (in both senses). It’s… weird, but also a bit unexpected. It can both make the prey an easy target or poison it with lethal venom. Sounds good.

    Kaprikorn: I’ll comment all four entries, since nobody commented.
    Black 1: I find it quite interesting and unexpected. What is contained in its shell, then?
    Black 2: how are scientists going to employ it?
    White 1: toxins can be combined to produce flames… what is the other purpose? Poisoning?
    White 2: glue? Sounds a bit… nasty. What if you write that were used in the past as a glue (maybe to build solid buildings or primitive weapons, like spears and knives)?

    kickmeimirish: another moody light, like a chameleon. And I like the relationship between its fluids and its ability.

    Uff, I'm done! Wow, I wrote a lot! Well, when there are more entries I’ll comment them. If you comment mine I’ll be really grateful! Bye bye!
  11. ZhengTann

    ZhengTann Nargacuga
    is a Pre-Contributor

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    I have said my piece about entries in general early on, and the current debate on what the flavour of entries should be will, in the end, come down to the preference of the voters (and TL). I'm fine with generic themes as long as they sound genuine and sincere, I especially love scientific-looking entries, but come the poll, we all just vote for the slated entries that match our tastes the most, don't we?

    On another note, I have a suggestion to SubwayJ.

    How about something along the lines of "Its hardness rivals that of a diamond." ?
  12. Then go with the "baby" form explanation with Sea Incense, Wave Incense, or another made up Incense. All of a sudden, most Mollux probably are born as Mollux, but we still get a prevo to play with. There are so many perfectly viable ways to "fix" such issues that I just have a hard time believing that it's a legitimate objection. I just don't see that as a good reason to shoot down any entries.

    Maybe it is just subjective, but I think that flavor portions of CAP like this should be as open as they can possibly be or else we're just going to miss out on a lot of very creative ideas and end up with an uninspiring slate. Criticisms like yours (no hatchlings, no interaction with other Pokemon, nothing scientifically exceptional) just read to me like a list of how to needlessly restrict entry creativity.

    Either way, the reason that I respond isn't to have an argument. I think we both know we don't need that. The reason that I respond to sweeping criticisms like yours that apply in a big way to a lot of existing and possible entries is just because I don't want those submitting entries to get the idea that they're generally agreed upon just because nobody has voiced disagreement. For that reason, I suppose it's also fair that you voiced your disagreement with my own rather sweeping criticism. It's probably best that we just leave it at that.

    Then it's a good thing that the species name is open to various interpretation (exactly why it's awesome), many of which do not butcher science at all. ^_~

    - - - - - -

    Anyway! I told myself that I was going to do this, so here's some mass feedback:
    Show Hide
    In alphabetic order by poster name...

    Birkal: I like this entry. As I've already said, I think the black entry especially is brilliant in how it describes Pokemon-human interaction.

    bugmaniacbob: Hahaha. You cray. Seriously, though, the first two sets are great, and I like them. I like the second set better, though I might change "idiot" to "fool"? That would seem less harsh of a word and more fitting for a Pokedex entry, in my opinion.

    Bull of Heaven: I like entries where it turns out the Pokemon was the answer to a mystery, but it seems left a little vague. Maybe remove the second sentence of the first entry and replace it with the first sentence of the second entry? That might give you more room to better describe the former mystery

    capefeather: Besides my earlier criticisms, which you're already familiar with, the first and second entries seem to conflict on how Mollux obtains its sustenance. I could infer that it works like a camel's hump or something like that, but it might be nice to see that described in more detail.

    CiteAndPrune: I like where you're going with describing aspects of the toxin within its shell, but I think maybe you should keep that to just one of the entries. It seems off to me for the two sentences of the first entry not to relate to one another while the two sentences of the second entry do?

    Darklatias92: I like this entry, especially the first one. The only thing I might worry about is the scientific accuracy of the second entry, just because I have no idea what pure liquid phosphorous actually looks like or how closely it matches the artwork.

    DetroitLolcat: I like this entry. It might come off as somewhat basic considering some of the other entries, but it's definitely still solid.

    Drifblim: I like this entry. Your white entry especially is adorable, and I love it. My only criticism is that I might use a word other than "expresses" in the first entry just because that's of a more sentient intention, maybe something more like "denotes", "indicates", or "reveals"?

    Eagle4: I like this entry. Though, your Black and White entries seem to conflict on its preferred environment? I suppose it can simply be deduced that its life cycle begins deep in the ocean before it eventually ventures onto dry land to play with Shuckle.

    Eszett: I think that you should change the "to" in your first entry to "and" for clarity, but I otherwise like it. Though, I don't understand what your second entry means by "illuminate surroundings for territory".

    Flarephoenix332: I would like your White entry a lot were it not for the fact that Mollux is so large. If it were smaller, like a foot tall, then I think it would be a lot more believable for it to be bred en mass like the entry suggests. Maybe instead of making an excellent lamp it makes an excellent something else useful to humans?

    fryfrey: I think it's a cute idea to relate its health to how much toxin is in its shell. I'd like to see the white entry be a bit longer and more descriptive, though.

    GRs Cousin: I like this entry. I like both your Black and White entries above your extra entry, so keep those. This seems to be one of the only entries discussing Mollux's demeanor to actually feature it as friendly, and so I'm a big fan of your White entry.

    Jirachi6: I like this entry. The Black entry is a great example of a Pokedex entry describing how a Pokemon impacts its environment. The only thing that I'm unsure about is the other entry calling out its typing, which I don't think is done in any real Pokedex entries, though I could be wrong.

    Kaprikorn: The Black entry seems a bit too vague for my liking; maybe mention an area that they hope to apply it? "Secreted" may not be the word you want to use for the White entry; I like the general idea, though, so just playing around with the wording and word choice may be enough to make it a winner in my book.

    kevlarscale: The first entry is fine, but the second entry is confusing. The initial clause doesn't seem to logically lead to the second.

    kickmeimirish: I like this entry. I generally worry that attempting to justify Dry Skin through Pokedex entry would feel somewhat forced, but I think you pulled it off. The only change I might make is to the second sentence of the black entry, replace "they" with "these colors".

    Level 51:
    I like this entry, especially the seriously scientific wording you've used. It's different, and some people may not appreciate it, but I do. It may still hurt you when it comes to the voting rounds, though.

    Meganium Sulfate:
    I like this entry. The second one especially is very cute, and cute always wins me over. My only change would be to combine the first one into a a single sentence, but that may just be a personal sentence structure preference.

    Midnight Show:
    I like this entry a lot. The only criticism that I could come up with is that I might change "hypothesize" to "theorize", but other than that, they're pretty much perfect. They're fantastic examples of a Pokedex entry demonstrating a Pokemon's relationship with other Pokemon and with humans.

    Nyktos:
    I like this entry. It might come off as somewhat basic considering some of the other entries, but it's still solid.

    nyttyn:
    I like this entry, but it seems short. It leave me wanting for more detail, especially the second one, though I'm not sure if you intended that.

    Project_Mars:
    As somebody else said, it feels odd to use the "despite" wording for both entries, but it's nothing that rewording can't fix. Otherwise, I think that you're onto something in that second entry about the shell material being a great insulator.

    Pwnemon: I like this entry, and I've already told you that and explained why both in this thread and over chat. =)

    Quanyails: As you may have guess from my earlier sweeping statement, I'm not much of a fan of your second entry because it just describes what cone snails do. I like your first entry, though.

    R7Rules: Ooh, I like the second entry describing how it makes its poison. The first one, though, feels pretty basic, which may be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. Also, I'm pretty sure the TL already set the height, weight, and gender ratio for Mollux.

    Sound: The second entry feels pretty basic, which may be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. The oil spill thing, though, I think is a very neat and dramatic idea.

    srk1214: The first entry is adorable, but unfortunately, it's not very believable considering how it conflicts with the height and weight set in stone by the TL.

    SubwayJ: Instead of saying "slightly softer than diamond", I would suggest "almost as hard as diamond". I think that's a cute way, by the way, of using the Pokedex entry to justify it not getting Shell Smash. About the White entry, I think I already told you over chat, but Pokedex entry mysteries that could be solved by simple dissection aren't quite to my personal liking.

    The Reptile: I like it. This is really the sort of entry where you have to read both of them together to get the full effect. As first I thought these entries conflicted because the liquid could reach temperatures high enough for its own shell to melt, which would be bad, but then I realized you were going for an explanation for why it's hurt by heat.

    TheStarRapper: I like this entry... but... that second one... is so sad. ;_;

    Urza: I like the second entry a lot, but I just don't get the first one. Is it some joke that's just flying over my head?

    ...And that's everyone! ^_^


    EDIT: Quick response...
    It's a lava lamp. That stuff that you see floating around in lava lamps is wax. =)
    Anyway, thanks, I'm glad you like my entries!
  13. Meganium Sulfate

    Meganium Sulfate

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2012
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    Based on the few critiques I've gotten about my entry, I am considering revising my black entry to:

    Black: The lava in its shell is so hot that, without the heat-resistant toxin in the mixture, the water around it would boil.

    Should I make the change?
  14. Darklatias92

    Darklatias92

    Joined:
    May 16, 2012
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    35
    Oh, I didn't know that those bubbles were made of wax! Well, thanks for the explanation, Asylum! :)

    Regarding the phosphorus, Wikipedia is your best friend, but since it's quite hard to deal with I'll mention a few key points:
    1. It's insoluble in water although denser: have you present that oil floats if submerged in water? Well, phosphorus does the same thing! (hence explaining the floating bubbles). The other component can be an organic liquid and Mollux can produce the reaction in its shell and then release the attack. Simple!
    2. It's liquid form assumes a waxy appearance and a white/yellowish tint. If hot enough, it can have a red color (fitting nicely with Mollux's shiny form), although less poisonous (hence explaining the rarity of the shiny one). Some detergents and pesticides contain small quantities of phosphorus, if you look closely. (and they can be very poisonous and corrosive, if not handled wisely! Usually they have the "environment warning", you know… the little dead fish with the black river and the dead tree. See how lethal phosphorus can be?)
    3. I said that Mollux's shell contains phosphorus, but I didn't say how much. It can simply be used as a reactor or as a poison (little quantities are enough for whatever reaction. If I recall right, 50 mg kills a human and can be employed for bombs and matches).
    4. If some other user has problems for the same reason I can make sure that the phosphorus is contained in its rocky parts (phosphorus can be found in rocks and minerals). It's going to be less meaningful, but could still work.
    5. That's what the extra entry is for. If the community wants, it can ignore the White entry and replace it with the extra.

    Hope I made some points clear. I'll do some more researchs, if you want. And if some other mad scientist can help me I'll really appreciate!

    If you think you can withstand more scientific stuff, here is a lookalike link to my post:
    Thanks to everyone!
  15. srk1214

    srk1214 Goddess of Light
    is a CAP Contributoris a Tiering Contributor
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    Ah... you're right indeed Asylum_Rhapsody. Really should have paid more attention to height/weight. Maybe people are buying giant lava lamps?

    Anyway, marking mine as final. No idea really what to change it to, and there are other good entries.
  16. Eszett

    Eszett

    Joined:
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    I revised both of my entries from the ground up, but kept the gist of each one intact. I hope they continue to please!

    Mollux, the Mantle Depth Pokémon
    Black: Consumed in small amounts, the toxins it brews in its shell send the user into a state of rapture and cure all of his woes. Larger doses are fatal, though.
    White: Mollux rely on deep-ocean steam vents to live. When agitated by competitors for territory, their shells glow brighter and form a spectacular light show.

    Once again, I appreciate all feedback, complements, and criticisms.
  17. CiteAndPrune

    CiteAndPrune

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    Thank you so much for the comments! Especially Asylum_Rhapsody, your advice got me thinking, while I really like the phosphorus idea it is unrelated to the rest of the entry, and there was something else I wanted to mention. So here it goes revised.

    Mollux, the Mantle Pokemon

    Black: When heated into a gas, its poison combusts from oxygen. This empties its shell, however, and when the poison runs out Mollux will suffer dehydration.

    White: The toxin in its shell is cooler than the lava submerged in it. Combined with water it's a potent acid that Mollux douse prey in.


    Show Hide
    I had this idea running through my head that I dropped the last time, connected to Dry Skin. Dry Skin not only makes it take damage in sunlight, but worsens Fire damage taken, which makes Mollux really unique among Fire types. The way I understand it Mollux need the water to keep their poison solution at the right density, for the lava bubbles to keep floating. Hence it's the poison mixture that protects it from the heat, not the shell (the lava is inside it, after all). For the same reason it might be cool to the touch: the heat warms the toxins little by little, and this must be balanced by absorbing water.

    However, that's a lot of information to pack into a dense Pokedex entry. I'm thinking of mentioning this situation in more detail in one entry while leaving the dual combustion/add water for acid relationship for the other. Would that work better?
  18. capefeather

    capefeather YOU CAN'T STOP THE FORDS
    is a Forum Moderatoris a CAP Contributoris a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus
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    I just don't think it's fair to try to dictate what constitutes creativity, and then to turn around and accuse me of stifling creativity. I am not saying this just for the sake of argument, but rather, I'm establishing a distinction between your criticisms and mine. My issues have nothing to do with sweeping criticisms or trying to dictate an opinion. I think that sweeping criticisms are a legitimate way to cut down on the unnecessary work of saying the same thing to multiple people, and both of us declared an "it's my opinion" line from the start. My issue comes when I'm just trying to explain my position (in this case, concerning why entries might not make the slate or not get voted based on flavour precedent), and the counter I read can be summed up as, "I reject your argument's validity on no grounds whatsoever." I find it counterproductive and a big reason for much of the controversy that has plagued this project.

    People can interpret Pokémon flavour however they want, and things aren't set in stone (hell, we disallow "looks like a Pokémon" from art entirely). Nonetheless, I think that there is still something to be said about precedent, and people will, like it or not, slate/vote based on precedent to some degree. And this is by no means a bad thing, since a lot of people want to make sure that we're actually making a somewhat realistic Pokémon. We've come a long way from giving Krilowatt Draco Meteor.

    As it stands, incenses are always used to make pre-evos in later generations, and not one of the "former basic stage" Pokémon here have entries discussing birth. Like I said before, this doesn't have to mean anything, and I'm not trying to force my opinions on people, merely explaining them in a hopefully convincing manner.

    ---

    As for my own entry, one of my original ideas was similar to Charmander, in that the amount of liquid in the shell would be an indicator of its health. However, it never really panned out, so I went with the dual-liquid description for White. I guess what I had for White still didn't pan out, though, so I'll try again.

    OUTDATED DRAFT

    Species: Lava Lamp Pokémon

    Black: It attracts prey with its glowing shell. It stings its victims with a powerful poison, then swallows them whole.

    White: It burns the two liquids in its shell to attack enemies with scorching heat, even underwater. These liquids are sometimes extracted and used as rocket fuel.

    (White has 156 characters, sweet)
  19. Kaprikorn

    Kaprikorn

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    Mantle Pokemon

    Black: Its tongue can move faster than a human can blink. Hydraulic systems such as pumps were based on its mouth.

    White: It vents shell fluid about once a month. The product is used as a super-powerful glue.

    As usual, feedback is much appreciated.

    For others:

    Meganium Sulfate: yes, you should. In addition, consider separating out your White entry into two sentences.

    Eszett: Your first sentence is a bit awkward due to length. Consider shifitng around a bit.

    CiteandPrune: Your second White sentence should be something like "It becomes a potent acid when combined with water."

    capefeather: I feel like your White entry should be "flame that burns even underwater" but that may be my own entry kicking in. I like that one about rocket fuel.
  20. heatran1919

    heatran1919

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    Final Submission

    The Fire Snail Pokemon

    Black:
    Unlike many fire types, Mollux lives most of it's life in water. It's luminescent shell houses excess nutrients, which are toxic to other forms of life.

    White: Due to it's high body temperature, large groups of Mollux are infamous for inadvertently boiling away entire lakes they choose to live in.
  21. Skore

    Skore

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    Final Submission

    Mollux

    The Glow Shell Pokémon

    Black: It can live on land and in water. When in water it can cause scalding brine to erupt and catch prey.

    White: It can live in water and on land. When on land it cooks it's prey with the heat from it's shell.


    I chose to play up the dry skin element to our little mollusk and had visions of them gathering to boil the sea around them until it shoots up geyser style hitting Wingulls overhead to bring them down and feed.

    And while on land, they carry their own oven with them, some food just tastes better crispy!
  22. Eszett

    Eszett

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    Final Submission

    For my entries, I really wanted to play up the concept of danger in exchange for a reward, which I feel will fit Mollux's style of combat perfectly.

    Mollux, the Mantle Depth Pokémon
    Black: Enthusiasts crave the toxins brewed in its shell. Imbibing small amounts of them induces ease and rapture, but larger doses are fatal. Extraction is difficult, ensuring that prices stay very high.
    White: Mollux thrive on deep-ocean steam vents. When agitated by competitors for territory, the whole colony glows brighter. Many people risk their lives to witness these spectacular light shows.
  23. SubwayJ

    SubwayJ

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    Thanks for all your help guys!
    I think I'm going to make this my...
    Final Submission

    Mollux the Volcano Snail Pokemon

    Black
    The shell of a Mollux is so hard, one with a broken shell has never been found. It's hardness is comparable to that of a diamond.

    White
    No one has ever seen the part of a Mollux that is normally covered by its shell. Scientists argue about what could be hidden there.
    -------------------------------------------------

    I know some people don't like my White entry, but I do, and you can't please everybody!

    Anyways, I tried to focus on the shell in entry 1 and Mollux itself in entry 2.

    Good Luck to all other entries!
  24. Project_Mars

    Project_Mars

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2008
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    131
    Thanks for the feedback, i'll change the black one a bit then and make this

    Final Submission:

    Mollux
    The Mantle Pokemon
    Height: 1.2m / 3' 11.2"
    Weight: 41 kg (90.2) lbs [GK/LK: 60 BP]

    Black: The glowing fluid in its shell gives off as much light as a lamp. It can still breath fire while underwater, surprising many divers who find one.

    White: It stores its poison in its shell along with a denser, glowing fluid that reaches temperatures of 1200 °C. Despite this, it is cool to the touch.
  25. Eagle4

    Eagle4

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    Since everybody's doing it...


    Final Submission


    Mollux, The Lava Lamp Pokemon

    Black: It often ventures onto land, to play with groups of Shuckle. However, it becomes violent when territorially threatened.

    White: It hatches its eggs in deep-underwater volcanoes. The magma seeps into the egg before hatching.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    O.K, I'm pretty happy with these entries. The White entry in my eyes is pretty unique and hasn't been touched on before. The Black shows the interaction between Mollux and other pokemon.

    As it not being the "Mantle" Pokemon, I thought it was a bit gimmicky and wanted to say what Mollux really was, and what makes it unique. Therefore, lava lamp.
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