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CAP 14 CAP 3 - Miscellaneous Flavor (Height, Weight, Pokedex Entry)

Discussion in 'CAP Process Archive' started by Deck Knight, Jun 16, 2012.

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  1. Birkal

    Birkal We have the technology.
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    Alright, I'm posting a 24 hour warning on this thread. We already have quite a few final submissions in already. Get those posts finalized before the deadline tomorrow at 7PM Central time!
  2. Quanyails

    Quanyails
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    I might be gone for the next few days, so I'll have to do this now. Thank you, Asylum, for that comment.

    Final Submission

    Mollux, the Lamp Shell Pokémon

    Black: The bioluminescent lamp on its back is remarkably light, allowing this Pokémon to move quickly in and out of water.
    White: Mollux shells have different patterns depending on their habitat; rare varieties are highly prized among collectors.

    Comments:
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    • Kaprikorn: The Black entry is fine, though it leans on the scientific side. Not that that's bad, of course, but it's just noticeable As for the White entry: I don't see how it connects to snails other than that they're slimy to start with. How would a glue work?
    • Jirachi6: I'm unsure of using 'fire pokemon' in the White entry, as it sounds technical and non-natural, though I'm not sure how to replace that. Otherwise, the entries are good.
    • fryfrey: A comma after 'maneuver' in the Black entry would be proper. The overall in that entry could also be trimmed, as mentioned before.
    • Drifblim: The Slugma thing amuses me, and I don't really care how logical or illogical it is, seeing it's quirky and fitting. But yay entries! :D
    • capefeather: I do like that dichotomy between the liquids in Mollux's shell. :) The Black entry is realistic, but of course, that's not bad. It gives an alternative choice to some of the more odd options available. (I changed my entry about swallowing food whole, lol.) Rocket carrot Mollux makes a return, though the entry for that is a tad long for my tastes. The actual content is fine, though.
    • Bull of Heaven: Black's entry reminds me of capefeather's. I have to admit, capefeather's is more strongly worded. The White entry, on the other hand, provides a very feasible explanation for Dry Skin while not being too obvious. I like that one very much!
    • Project_Mars: "Despite this" should have a comma. Otherwise, good.
    • CiteAndPrune: "When heated into a gas" and "Combined with water" should have commas after them. Otherwise, good.
    • Eszett: Oh, that part of Mollux. Well, it'll be good for implications and those who enjoy those sort of pokedex entries. The White entry seems a bit contrived to explain their lighting, though the 'light show' sounds fascinating.
    • Eagle4: You can lowercase the Shuckle name now. :) 'Territorially' has two Ls. I'm not sure on Shuckle and Mollux playing together and then suddenly fighting each other on territory. White's entry is curious and otherwise fine, though Black's is still a bit weak.
    • GRs Cousin: I don't think extra entries are allowed, but otherwise, the Black/White entries are fine and good. I do think slightly more variety could be better, but hey, it's fine to me! Mood lamp snail. :D
    • kickmeimirish: Generically good.
    • Darklatias92: Well, sorry for changing my White entry, but the comment I got on my White entry coerced me to change it. Is it still fine with you? Respond quickly if you want me to react. XD
    • CiteAndPrune: The Black entry is... well, I don't really like it. It combusts from the presence of oxygen? That might clarify the wording. The latter sentence just has a bit of a roundabout wording to it.
    • heatran1919: Sounds adequate to me! White's entry is especially adequate.
    • Skore: No, I don't like the role reversal in the entries. Maaaaybe if it was for Ruby/Sapphire (ahaha...), but it's just repetitive. 'Its' has no comma for a possessive. I do like the internal oven/cooking thing--I wish I had thought of that. I'm okay with the scalding brine part, though I'm just as confused by it. Erupt from its mouth, lamp, or ground?
    • SubwayJ: Black's is suitable, while White's is still unsatisfactory to me. I do think you should change the mystery of Mollux's lamp's insides... though, hey, Shedinja does something similar and gets away with it.
  3. Darklatias92

    Darklatias92

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    Mh… I'm fine with the new entry, to be honest. I think I suggested something like that in another post…
    Well, I can see this Pokémon with different colors and patterns, like real lava lamps. Sounds fitting! :)
  4. Drifblim

    Drifblim

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    Final Submission:

    Species:
    Lamp Snail Pokemon

    Black
    : The glow from a Mollux's shell expresses its health. It will be remarkably bright when a Mollux is healthy, and dim when close to fainting.

    White:The liquid inside Mollux's shell is extremely acidic, yet it also houses its life energy. The shell is the only material capable of holding it.
  5. capefeather

    capefeather no shit
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    Final Submission

    Species: Lava Lamp Pokémon

    Black: It attracts prey with its glowing shell. It stings its victims with a powerful poison, then swallows them whole.

    White: It burns the two liquids in its shell to attack enemies with a scorching flame, even underwater. These liquids are sometimes extracted and used as rocket fuel.

    I can't really find a good way to shorten my White entry, but it's not *that* long so it should be fine. Black is, I suppose, more of a "generic anchor" while White kind of goes further with how the shell functions.
  6. CiteAndPrune

    CiteAndPrune

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    Thanks for all the comments. Since the 24 hour warning is in effect this'll be my final entry, as I'll be gone until tomorrow. I combined the Fire and Poison hints into the White entry so I could make more room for Dry Skin in Black... I've revised that several times until I settled for this, and it'll have to do. >.>

    Final Submission

    Mollux, the Mantle Pokemon

    Black: On sunny days its liquid toxin evaporates over time. Mollux must find water to refuel before the shell empties or suffer dehydration.

    White: Its toxin is cooler than the lava bubbles. By adding water Mollux turn it into acid, while oxygen and heat produce an explosive gas.
  7. Level 51

    Level 51 [17:37:18] boTTT: (Private to @Level 51) ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ
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    I thought I'd better repost my final submission.

    Final Submission

    Mollux, the Mantle Pokemon.

    Height: 1.2m / 3' 11.2"
    Weight: 41 kg (90.2) lbs [GK/LK: 60 BP]
    Gender Ratio: 50% Male / 50% Female
    *end submission*

    Thanks to all those who commented, but unfortunately I couldn't find a way to make my entry less scientific without diluting the meaning. Thanks again though!
  8. bugmaniacbob

    bugmaniacbob Floats like a Butterfree, stings like a Metapod
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    Zzz fine

    Final Submission

    Mollux, the Gastro Lamp Pokemon

    Black: In some cultures, drinking the fluid from its shell is said to be the mark of a true man. In others, it is said to be the mark of a true imbecile.
    White: Its harpoon-like tooth is renowned for its effectiveness. Some island communities like to use them to slice their fried Magikarp.

    -----

    NB. Species name is a pun on "Astro Lamp" and "Gastropod" in case anyone was wondering.

    I don't have a hope in hell of being slated but I hope we have all learned something from this. This was certainly one of the better Dex entry threads in recent memory, if only because there was an actual argument. To be quite honest none of the submissions stand out to me, but that's probably a good thing as it means none of them are too outlandish or objectionable (though I do think that Dex entries ought to be one of those things we can have more fun with, it appears some others take them very seriously indeed...)
  9. blastoiseboy19

    blastoiseboy19

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    Mollux, the Lava Lamp Pokemon
    B: It is still unknown exactly what is inside its lamp, but it produces a bright glow that attracts wild Pokemon.
    W: Despite its weight, the sticky substance it excretes from its tentacles allows it to stick to walls.
  10. Kaprikorn

    Kaprikorn

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    Final Submission:


    The Mantle Pokemon

    Black: Its tongue can move faster than a human can blink. Hydraulic systems such as pumps were based on its mouth.

    White: It vents shell fluid about once a month. The fluid can be turned into a super-powerful glue.
  11. Jirachi6

    Jirachi6

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    Final Submission

    Mollux, the Acid Snail Pokemon.

    Black Entry: It lives in colonies in murky lakes. Because of its tendency to leak poison, very few other Pokemon can tolerate its habitat.

    White Entry: Unlike most Fire Pokemon, it lives in shallow water. It can squirt acid to repel attackers.
  12. Red Riddler

    Red Riddler

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    Final Submission

    Species: Lava Cone Pokémon

    Black: Its shell contains molten wax. Skilled Trainers learn to ignore the hypnotizing, changing colors.

    White: The glass in its shell is very sturdy, able to handle the extreme cold and pressures of the seafloor.
  13. AOPSUser

    AOPSUser

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    Final Submission

    Species: Cone Snail Pokemon

    Black: It lives near active volcanoes and sustains itself on lava. It has been known to eat plants though.

    White: Mollux live near active volcanoes. They have been known to eat farmers' crops, which is why no one farms near active volcanoes anymore.
  14. Birkal

    Birkal We have the technology.
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    Locking this due to deadline. We will wait for Deck to make the slate!
  15. Deck Knight

    Deck Knight Photorealistic Seagull (PSG)
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    Slatedy Slatedy Slate:

    Asylum_Rhapsody
    Midnight Show
    SubwayJ
    Bull of Heaven
    Project_Mars
    Drifblim
    GRs Cousin

    I think these hit the right balance of humor, seriousness, and language taken together. They're descriptive without being trolly or edgy" about it.
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