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Girlfriend Help.

Discussion in 'Smogon's Greatest Hits' started by Shelcario, Oct 31, 2008.

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  1. da gold sun

    da gold sun

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    As others have stated, AIM and the like sound like an excellent first step to me for a guy like you, Shelcario. You get to know the girl in a low pressure situation, and then if you enjoy talking to her and are comfortable enough you can get closer to having free and open conversations with her in person.

    Now I'm warning you, if she catches on and starts ignoring you, she's not worth your time if you want a long term relationship. If she's the type that has a lot of guy friends, I'd also reconsider, as they're much, much harder to get close as "that special guy."
  2. Shelcario

    Shelcario

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    I don't think that she has many guy friends, if at all, and I'm going to try to talk to her on Monday, start a little small talk:) Hopefully it won't be as bad as I'm making it out to be:(
  3. Kier

    Kier

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    oh dear
  4. Shelcario

    Shelcario

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    What Foreys?
  5. wildfire393

    wildfire393

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    It sounds like you are in a somewhat similar situation to the one I used to be in. All through Elementary and Middle school, I was an enormous geek. And I mean like, the awkward friendless kind. Forget girlfriends, I was hard pressed to find people who liked being around me enough to be friends with for several years. Even after making some friends and having a solid group of them (around 8th grade), I still wasn't excatly great with girls. The only female friends I had were girls that friends of mine were dating, or people that there was a mutual complete lack of relationship interest.
    When high school started, I basically decided to be less awkward. I changed my image from gigantic glasses and a goofy buzzcut to contacts and hair that looked a lot better on me. I started wearing clothes that actually looked good, etc. But confidence did not come with this automatically. Even if someone showed interest, I'd have a hard time working myself up to ask them out, frequently getting people I was interested in "sniped" from me by someone who could just walk up and ask them. I tried asking someone out via note... it went over about as well as can be imagined.
    Things finally changed when stars aligned and there were a couple of people who I was SERIOUSLY interested in who were just as interested in return, making asking them out easy (like, I basically got asked to ask them out). Suddenly, my confidence rose greatly. I was able to talk to d befriend girls that I potentially would want to pursue a relationship with without feeling awkward about it. And now, I'm even engaged, go figure (also something I would very much not recommend, especially at my age (20), but I almost died recently which changes things).

    So here is the benefit of my experience:
    1) Talking to girls should not be awkward. Make an effort to talk to girls, be they girls you are interested in or otherwise. Start simple: say hello to your locker neighbor or the girl sitting in the desk next to you in class. Talking to someone who is in a class you share is easy; Come up with a feasible reason to talk to someone who is in that class, and use it to strike up a conversation with the girl you want to talk to. "Hey, that test today was really difficult, wasn't it?" "Hey, you're in Mr. Blahdeblah's class, right? Did you write down what tonight's homework is?"
    2) Don't ask people out without knowing them. It's a lot easier to ask out a friend than it is to ask out a stranger, and a lot more likely it will be accepted. If you are friends with someone, it is easy to find out if they are dating someone else. You can find common interests, which are then reasons that you should be dating that person.
    3) Don't get over-invested in someone before asking them out. It's far too easy to idealize someone as "perfect" and "your love" from a distance. But this makes it way too difficult to ask them out. What if they say no? Then your "ideal" girlfriend is permanently off-limits, and you are devastated. What if they say yes? Are they really going to be "perfect" for your entire life? It's too much pressure, and it's kind of creepy. It can also prevent you from seeing people who are actually good potential girlfriends that are right in front of your nose.
    4) Be direct. Notes and asking friends to ask someone if they like you are not good ways to go about things. Girls like it that you are willing to risk rejection in order to show interest in them. Sometimes, you just need to man up and say "Hey do you want to go out with me?" The worst that can happen is that they will say no. What do you lose? It's a high school relationship; odds are it would not last for the rest of your life. And it means you can then devote your attention to trying to find someone else to date.
    5) Don't "wait" for someone. If there is someone you like, but they are in a relationship or just got out of a relationship, don't put your relationship-seeking on hold while you wait for them to be available. Sure, if that time comes and you are still single, go for it. But don't make that "you are still single" thing a guarantee. High school relationships can last months, even years, and getting over a serious relationship can also take months. It's not worth throwing away other potential because of it. I've made this mistake, and I almost made it again with the person I am now engaged to. If I had, it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.
  6. Shelcario

    Shelcario

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    Wow, thanks for your amazing help wildfire, you've been really helpful in telling me advice on how to ask a girl out and stuff seriously thank you:) I was thinking of talking about volleyball to her because I noticed that she is involved in volleyball, I guess that could start something?
  7. Bran

    Bran

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    I don't have room, but somebody should Sig that, lol!!
  8. mintyfresh7

    mintyfresh7

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    lol there are so many quotable lines in that amazing post
  9. morning storm

    morning storm

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    haha thanks. ive been biding my time until a relationship post came up!
  10. ViVi

    ViVi

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    I might just be echoing what someone else said but..if you cant talk to her now...what are you going to do when you go out? Seriously? You cant sit there and stare at her across the table..gl.
  11. Shelcario

    Shelcario

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    Thanks to all and here's hoping to all things going well tomorrow:)
  12. Legacy Raider

    Legacy Raider
    is a Team Rater Alumnusis a Smogon IRC AOp Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

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    sigged =). Ta Bran.
  13. highstakespkmn

    highstakespkmn

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    is she into shiny drifblims by any chance? cause that would be something to talk about.
  14. Shelcario

    Shelcario

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    lol:)

    Edit: Last night I was calling all the Amsley people within the area and I finally know what her phone number is, if that's not serious stalking, I don't know what is:)
  15. Wes

    Wes

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    When you have your date, don't say" Not now, I'm busy breeding"(talking about Rotom:p), evrything else has been said I think. gl
  16. Shelcario

    Shelcario

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    Thanks, and yeah, I won't do something stupid like that:(
  17. misdreavus79

    misdreavus79

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    Very good advice has been given to you I see (especially Storm), but there are a few fundamental things you should know about life in general, and about asking a girl out:

    1) Girls are PEOPLE, just like you. There is no reason why you should sit here and wonder what you should say to this girl, because, more often than not, they're human just like you (there are some psychowhores out there that may be from another planet, but those don't count). So when you are interested in a girl, as someone said, the most effective way is to be direct in talking to her, just as if you were trying to make a new friend, but further.

    2) Remember, you can only gain something. Either a friend, or a girlfriend. Right now, you're alone. If she says no, you'll stay alone, and if she says yes, you'll gain something, so why over think something that can only work in your favor?

    3) Be realistic, yet optimistic about things. Don't over-analyze something that could have easily gone your way. Don't give too much value to something that isn't yours in the first place.

    4) With all due respect, AIM is NOT the right outlet to talk to this girl, if you want something to come out of it. Talk to her in person. Prove your worth with her as she sees you. All AIM proves is that you need that barrier between the two of you to protect you from this monster that is her.

    5) Use the one-two step "program." Every time you go one step forward, go two steps back. Show that you like her, but show her that you won't die if she doesn't return the sentiment. When you do something nice for her, don't cling. Just do the deed, and move on with your life. Make her realize how worthy you are, while showing her how worthy she is.

    6) As has been told before, don't stare. When you talk to her, give her enough attention for the conversation at hand, and when that's over, that's over. This goes back to the whole "don't give too much value to something that isn't yours in the first place."

    7) Lastly, have fun. If nothing, it'll be a good learning experience. Here's something I'd like for you to do if you want: Stand in some corner, whatever corner you choose to, and say hi, just hi, to at least 10 girls every day for a week. Tell me how you feel about talking to girls after that.

    I did too, it sucked. It really never works. My worst break-up came out of a relationship like that.
  18. Shelcario

    Shelcario

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    Thanks for the helpful tips Misdreavus79!
  19. misdreavus79

    misdreavus79

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  20. RBG

    RBG It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters
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