I just spent a week in jail: AMA

[THE_IRON_...KENYAN?]

did you manage to escape because a tornado destroyed half the jail?

 

[reyscarface]

did u lift like in the movies

did u make gainz

 

[LonelyNess]

What gang did u join to survive?

I joined the KKK as it is the prevailing society in my town.

Sorry Jumpman16 I had no choice.

Is your employability somewhat fucked?

lol, my Girlfriend called me in sick for the entire week within an hour of me getting arrested so nope, my employer is none the wiser. I'm all good.

Are you getting laid more with the Jail rep? What, it had to be asked..

I was absent from my girlfriend for a week and she was an emotional wreck when she finally saw me last night.

yes... so much yes.

Did you find the shiv for Bourkal the Beast or just outright fist-fight him?

lol they wouldn't even let us keep our spoons from breakfast for fear that we would carve them into shivs. it was the most ridiculous precaution I have ever seen.

so obviously I fist fought him.

do you think you've taken anything good out of the experience whatsoever?

I LEARNED THAT YOU SHOULD PAY YOUR FINES AS SOON AS YOU ARE ISSUED THEM

PLEASE GOD EVERYONE TAKE THIS ADVICE.

who was the craziest dude in there?

There was a guy who was high off his ass on MDMA and was bouncing off the walls and shit. He was telling us all to look at his "sweet kung-fu moves". He was a rather hefty guy so we all started calling him the Kung-Fu Panda. For the rest of the day (he was high for over 12 hours) we mocked him relentlessly as he just kept repeating "hey, shut up... you don't wanna make the panda mad". I added him on Facebook when I got home. I hope to hang with him in the future.

 

[Malekith]

Have you done anything smart in your life?

 

[makiri]

I was absent from my girlfriend for a week and she was an emotional wreck when she finally saw me last night.

yes... so much yes.

How much more weight did she gain from eating ice cream to soothe her hurt feelings?

 

[yond]

why would you ever tell us this?

 

[jeb4]

did they relise u or did u escape? like with a spoon or smthg

 

[LonelyNess]

alone from all of your friends, did lonelyness consume you?

The worst part was being incredibly fucking bored all day. All I had was paper and pencil... I ended up turning a stack of paper into checker / chess pieces (I turned them into paper footballs and then made a checkerboard on the table that was provided in the cell). Then I challenged various inmates to the games. The guards eventually took my makeshift pieces away though because we were having actual fun and that isn't allowed in jail...

did u lift like in the movies

did u make gainz

I did do some pushups out of boredom.

I'm fuckin ripped now.

Have you done anything smart in your life?

I graduated college once, so that's something.

why would you ever tell us this?

cause in hindsight it's pretty funny

 

[SergantGold]

1.Did anyone try to beat you up?

Follow up:
If yes, how badly did you lose?

2. Were there showers with no curtains

Follow up:
If no, were you slapped by a another man in the ass?

 

[Celever]

Does your employer go on smogon?

 

[jdarden]

lol, my Girlfriend called me in sick for the entire week within an hour of me getting arrested so nope, my employer is none the wiser. I'm all good.

This seems like a terrible idea

 

[zorbees]

what is your employer's phone number?

 

[Shiruba]

what is your employer's phone number?

1-985-655-2500

 

[a fairy]

would you do it again if given the choice

 

[Fatecrashers]

did you get an interesting nickname in jail

 

[darkie]

what kind of jelly did they use? if they used grape then yes, it was literally nazi germany

 

[bobbyvaporeon]

Was your guard a really masculine woman named Beth?

 

[Theorymon]

Did anyone threaten to shag you with a sharpened toothbrush? Also:

~I'll never tell~

I honestly thought I had (hence why I let it go for 10 months). I can't recall why I didn't. I must have not had money at the time and needed to do more important things like eat, or pay rent....

or buy Pokemon X/Y.

Man. I've thought of myself as one of the craziest mothafuckas on this forum, and even I wouldn't go to jail over a Pokémon or Mario game!

Maybe I'd go to jail for 10 days if that got every single Mario game ever made in mint condition and every future game for me though... juuust maybe...

 

[Mike Legend]

How many hours a day were you locked down? like shut in your cell.

Bars or metal doors?

in my my county jail, we had a juice thing where we could refill our cups with juice all day. the juice was good. did you have something like this?

were there books available to you? cards?

did you shower? I personally avoid it as long as possible. hell, half the time all the towels are gone before i got out of bed anyway

were you trying to think of ways you could escape if you wanted to?

isn't the feeling of being locked up and powerless just fucking awful? imagine what the people with no family and friends on the outside feel like

 

[Kromlech]

Did you have any interesting convos (besides small talk like what they were in for) with the other inmates or did you keep to yourself besides the paper games? Any especially interesting ones to share?

 

[eriados]

are you going to go back and rescue the other inmates?

 

[Cresselia~~]

What happens if your employer asks you for the medical prove from your doctor?
Have you got your fake medical prove ready?

 

[Stallion]

Have you been institutionalized now? Is it scary being back on the outside?

 

[shade]

have you considered taking a leaf out of brooks from shawshank redemptions book?

if not please consider

 

[Audiosurfer]

would any of your new prison friends care to take part in the next smogcast?