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itt post inappropriate pick-up lines
- Thread starter Alan
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I work at a condom factory. Want to help me test my product?
Pick up that stick
And do as I say.
I've heard that one before.
And do as I say.
I've heard that one before.
Boy : Hey (fiddle with expensive looking watch)
Girl : Hi. That's an expensive looking watch.
Boy : This is a very special watch. It tells me all kinds of secret things.
Girl : What's it telling you right now?
Boy : Well...its telling me you're not wearing any knickers.
Girl : *giggle* I am wearing knickers !
Boy :(Look annoyed and tap watch) Damn thing must be an hour fast.
Girl : Hi. That's an expensive looking watch.
Boy : This is a very special watch. It tells me all kinds of secret things.
Girl : What's it telling you right now?
Boy : Well...its telling me you're not wearing any knickers.
Girl : *giggle* I am wearing knickers !
Boy :(Look annoyed and tap watch) Damn thing must be an hour fast.
The sad thing is you're probably too young to realise that joke you pulled of some fb like bs site is a James Bond reference.
Can I hide my basilisk in your Chamber of Secrets?
Guess what I'm doing tonight?
you.
you.
A gurl was walkin2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode.
she sed "bbz will u luv me 4evr"
he said "NO..""
da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine.
boy was cryin and went to pic up her body.
she was ded.
he whispered 2 her corpse "I ment 2 sey i will luv u FIVE-ever..." (dat mean he luv her moar den 4evr)
she sed "bbz will u luv me 4evr"
he said "NO..""
da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine.
boy was cryin and went to pic up her body.
she was ded.
he whispered 2 her corpse "I ment 2 sey i will luv u FIVE-ever..." (dat mean he luv her moar den 4evr)
ok so this one has 100% success for me in picking up chicks, but it requires some preparation.
First off its going to require a certain situation, but if the situation is any good it works just as well for picking up random strangers as it does for chicks you already know or are just mildly acquainted with:
The idea here is to walk somewhere or be walking somewhere. And it will seem more natural if the weather is cold.
So, you need to walk really, really fast. As fast as you can trying to outpace her just slightly.
Now hopefully you aren't a slow fuck, in which case she'll be getting breathless trying to keep up (youre just trying to barely set a pace that is uncomfortable for her, but still comfortable for you).
Now 2 things will happen next. Either A) She will begin to get out of breath and/or B) She'll ask why youre walking so fast.
Look her in the eyes and say, "This isn't the only way I can get you breathless."
And then you kiss her.
This has worked 3 times for me. Twice with girls i knew but was not dating, and once with a random stranger (the kiss was really awkward, but I spent the night with her).
Just remember, picking up a girl is exactly like playing poker.
Both of you have thoughts about the other from talking or hanging out or whatever, thats your hand. Your actual opportunity to pick her up, with a line or with a kiss or whatever, thats the flop. You need to sort of get her off balance, your advance needs to be surprising enough that she doesn't have enough time to overanalyze it. She will only know whether shes is interested or disinterested and shell react that way.
YOURE POT COMMITTED ONCE YOU MAKE YOUR ADVANCE. But if she responds favorably, shes pot committed, and as long as you dont fuck up on the turn (which basically amounts to not forgetting her name in front of her friends and successfully getting her to a reasonably private spot) you can sleep together (thats the river).
The analogy gets shitty for the part that comes after you hit on her, but before that its so accurate. If you cant figure this out, youll be relying on girls to throw themselves at you "Oh my god youre fantastic for coming on to me, otherwise I would still be a virgin." <-dont be that guy (or do, whatever youre comfortable with).
First off its going to require a certain situation, but if the situation is any good it works just as well for picking up random strangers as it does for chicks you already know or are just mildly acquainted with:
The idea here is to walk somewhere or be walking somewhere. And it will seem more natural if the weather is cold.
So, you need to walk really, really fast. As fast as you can trying to outpace her just slightly.
Now hopefully you aren't a slow fuck, in which case she'll be getting breathless trying to keep up (youre just trying to barely set a pace that is uncomfortable for her, but still comfortable for you).
Now 2 things will happen next. Either A) She will begin to get out of breath and/or B) She'll ask why youre walking so fast.
Look her in the eyes and say, "This isn't the only way I can get you breathless."
And then you kiss her.
This has worked 3 times for me. Twice with girls i knew but was not dating, and once with a random stranger (the kiss was really awkward, but I spent the night with her).
Just remember, picking up a girl is exactly like playing poker.
Both of you have thoughts about the other from talking or hanging out or whatever, thats your hand. Your actual opportunity to pick her up, with a line or with a kiss or whatever, thats the flop. You need to sort of get her off balance, your advance needs to be surprising enough that she doesn't have enough time to overanalyze it. She will only know whether shes is interested or disinterested and shell react that way.
YOURE POT COMMITTED ONCE YOU MAKE YOUR ADVANCE. But if she responds favorably, shes pot committed, and as long as you dont fuck up on the turn (which basically amounts to not forgetting her name in front of her friends and successfully getting her to a reasonably private spot) you can sleep together (thats the river).
The analogy gets shitty for the part that comes after you hit on her, but before that its so accurate. If you cant figure this out, youll be relying on girls to throw themselves at you "Oh my god youre fantastic for coming on to me, otherwise I would still be a virgin." <-dont be that guy (or do, whatever youre comfortable with).
totes tried that bro, just got laid courtesy of myzozoa, 100% satisfaction guaranteed
not really, but still might try this anyway.
A few good (bad) pick-up lines:
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause your face looks really bruised up, you should probably go see a doctor."
"Hey, you know how much a polar bear weighs? Quite a lot actually, they need their bulk to survive the cold."
"Hey, want some gum?"
not really, but still might try this anyway.
A few good (bad) pick-up lines:
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause your face looks really bruised up, you should probably go see a doctor."
"Hey, you know how much a polar bear weighs? Quite a lot actually, they need their bulk to survive the cold."
"Hey, want some gum?"
cos your breath STANKY
May I have practice sex with you so I can fuck my waifu better?
I hope you don't like Screamo, because I like a dead lay.
Help me clean my helmet and empty out my gun magazines, Private.
Make a breast sandwich for my penis.
I hope you don't like Screamo, because I like a dead lay.
Help me clean my helmet and empty out my gun magazines, Private.
Make a breast sandwich for my penis.
I lean in and kiss them, if they turn away, thats a pretty clear rejection. But its more awkward for them tbh, they feel a need to explain why they wont kiss me so thats on them. Then im just like "ok no worries, im sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable."
What the fuck. Have you ever even SEEN a girl?
Also, Myzozoa, I'm not sure that will work on most strangers.
Some women will turn away no matter how they feel, but at least youve made an advance, so even if you kiss their cheek they still have a chance to respond favorably. Its all about confidence.
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