Hello faithful and patient Smogoners! It's time to start the warstory you've all been waiting for. In this excellent adventure our two heroes do battle with the evil foes at McDonalds, the Chicago interstate system, the Marriott Chicago O'Hare staff, and of course competitors at the JAA event in downtown Chicago. Before we continue, however, I'll simply note that I am currently charging up the batteries to my digital camera. I have no idea how long this will take, but I will add pictures later. With that said, let me introduce the key players: Our Heroes... Mike "skarm" Papagianis Age: 20 Description: Awesome What can I say? Nothing really. He kicks a lot of ass. Anthony "Aeolus" Speno Age: 19 Description: Loser because he forgot the video camera. He forgot the video camera. I'll mention it again. HE FORGOT THE VIDEO CAMERA. Also he hums along with Harry Potter music. Raj "cookkirby" Chittal Age: 14? Description: Brown like cloud REALLY is. Cooler than he is online. May 26th, 2006. 8:00 pm CST Dinner at McDonalds After driving to the hotel from St. Louis, Anthony and I realized that we needed something to eat because we were dying of hunger. We weren't really thinking straight since we had just listened some creepy lady read a Dean Koontz novel for the past 6+ hours so we were like "lol let's go eat at McDonalds!". We knew there was one in the direction of O'Hare airport, so we took a left out of the parking lot, which by the way we never paid parking for since we found a lot like half a block away that was free, and headed towards... the evil intersection of death. Now, why this intersection has like 5 different sets of lights that fired in random order we'll never know. Also of note after driving 5 minutes to the west we passed a sign saying "welcome to Rosement. Mayor Donald Stephens." Yeah I dunno. This was slightly past the amazing "Ukranian Catholic Church Cemetary" and some other cathedral. We eventually turned left on the intersection and made it to McDonalds. http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/007.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/008.jpg Here the floor was so damn sticky it put any movie theatre to shame. I bought a Big Mac meal while Anthony was a pansy and got a 10 piece chicken McNuggets combo. I took some pictures of the place before we left. They'll be up soon! http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/004.jpg So we head to dump the remains and wrappers of our trays into the garbage can, but are confronted with an interesting problem. You see, the garbage bin there has only a small circle cut in it to dump food. This causes half of the stuff on your tray to fall around the edges. We get a picture of Aeolus demonstrating this, but the amusing thing is he actually picked stuff out of the garbage can for the picture. Way to take one for the warstory, buddy! http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/005.jpg So we head back out to the McDonalds' parking lot where this random drunk old guy asks us if we were going "that way". Luckily we were not. It actually wouldn't have mattered what way he asked us to give him a ride to, obviously. http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/006.jpg So then we turn back into that intersection, but there's a surprise! Anthony fails to get into the far right lane in time, which is the only turn right lane. Thus we go straight through the intersection to the north and have to pull a u-turn farther down the road. In order to make sure we get into the left turn lane, we cut across a section of road marked with thick yellow lines (thus meaning don't cross here, yet). At least we head back to the east and the hotel. Now if you thought our driving troubles were over this evening you were sadly mistaken. Just as we were approaching the hotel, Aeolus gets a call on his cell phone from his parents. This distracts him sufficiently so that we pull into the wrong turn off for our free parking garage. We have to turn around like three times at least before finding the right turn off. Hot-tub party at the Marriott! So when we got back from our fine dining experience we went straight for the hottub. Here we witnessed kids running around and whatever else that happened. Here we simply just talked about tomorrow's tournament and what not. We realized that it was getting late and got a "the pool area is closing in 5 minutes" warning from like four different people. We headed back to the hotel. -insert aeospoolarea.jpg- Getting the proper attire So here we decided we'd best make our shirts for the contest. You see, each of us had packed an extra white t-shirt and brought a collection of black Sharpie markers. Here we drew our own Smogon t-shirts. While we have lots of pictures of the comments, I'll run down some of the ones on my shirt: Front: "skarm rox" around the collar "I'M THE BEST" in large text over the chest "Eric, Leah's AIM plz!" over the right shoulder "Special thanks! - chaos/Kongler/Roy/Obi2Kenobi/Carl" over the left shoulder "chaos is fat" bottom right corner "Roy is NOT the best" bottom left corner "Required Sir Chris mention goes here" mid left "Calm Mind Suicune has no weak" mid right "Jynx @Leftovers LK/IB/CM/Sub = Love" bottom mid "darck charley's empire" above jynx comment "I AM BARILIAN!" beside left armpit "QUE BATALHAR?" beside right armpit "Ban Fly Rayquaza... please..." under "I'M THE BEST" "OotP FTW" filler on right side "XD LOL PWNED" or something, filler on left side Back: "BOAH BOAH BOAH" over the back of the sleeves and shoulders. "Got Megalomania? www.smogon.com" over most of the back "Proud Member - Clan PUMPERSTAR!" under the smogon ad. "How's the ankle, cook?" on the seams at the bottom in small text. http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/009.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/010.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/011.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/012.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/013.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/014.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/015.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/016.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/018.jpg Also, Aeolus has great artistic skills... http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/017.jpg With this we checked over our teams one final time and decided to get some sleep as we had a big day tomorrow. I decided to switch Focus Band on Persian to Starf Berry for some fun. Actually, before we went to sleep we had to continue a tradition my friend and I started in Seattle the previous year - watch bad informercials before sleeping. We couldn't find one on so we watched some shitty CourtTV show about the most obvious case ever. I don't see how the prosecution could have lost it. Anyway, we figured that counted enough and went to sleep. The Journey to Westfield Northbridge Mall - May 27th, 9:00 am - 10:00 am So we wake up at about 9:00 am or so and proceed down to the restaurant. Here we encounter this ditzy, out of it, rough around the edges waitress. Anyways we argue about pulpy orange juice for a while and during the meal I somehow spill water on myself a grand total of three times. The ice kept blocking the water... well whatever. It was good to get my failure out of the way quickly, I suppose. http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/019.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/021.jpg Before heading to the JAA event we both showered, separately I might add you (BAN ME PLEASE), but were forced to use "Orange Ginger" smelling shampoo. What the hell is that? Either way we headed down to the Concierge desk (which for those of you who don't know is someone there to give directions, get restaurant reservations, etc) to get accurate directions to the mall. At first she'd never heard of the mall and had to google it to get the address. Then she was like "Oh, on Michigan avenue. Just take Ohio there." So Aeolus was a little lippy and instantly asked "Soooo... is that left or right out of the parking lot?". You see, if we actually lived in Chicago we might have known what the fuck she was talking about, but given the fact we're staying in a hotel it might be safe to assume we're tourists to the area. So we get directions and head to the car. After popping in our crusing music - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban's soundtrack, which Aeolus hums to, we eventually find ourselves on some interstate, 90 I think, and heading to downtown Chicago. We pass some memorable exits such as "Korea Town" and "Harlem Avenue" (HA becomes key later on. Remember it). Ironically Harlem avenue heads south, too. South Chicago is supposed to be pretty rough. We joke about how we're never ever going to go down there if we want to survive. As we head further down the "Kennedy Expressway", we see signs such as "Left lane ends" and then like a few yards ahead these huge steel barricades blocking out the left lane. Thanks, Chicago. Glad to see you give people time to react. Anyway we arrive at the Westfield Northbridge with about 10 minutes to spare before the 12 and Under tournament is supposed to begin. JAA Chicago - 12 and Under Tournament We quickly put on our Smogon t-shirts overtop of our other t-shirts, and quickly realize today is going to be absolutely hell. The JAA tournament area of the mall is incredibly small and tightly packed with people. It's around 80 degrees outside and somewhat humid. The tournament area is under bright, hot spotlights too. http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/023.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/024.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/025.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/026.jpg Sigh. http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/022.jpg So we get to work. We place out two signs, of which I'm not going to ruin until the pictures are ready. http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/027.jpg http://media.smogon.com/jaa/jaa_chicago_pics/028.jpg Then we head over to watch the opening rounds of the 12 and Under tournament. We watch this one battle, in particular, of which a little blonde girl (shut the fuck UP Chris (sir chris)) of about 9 or so playing this other little kid. The only reason I'm reporting this in particular is because somewhere during the battle the kid the girl was playing switches out stupidly, Aeo and I both go "oh great idea" sarcastically, but then at like the same time the girl is also like "Good switch!!!". We figure she's already started on her elitism and will be joining Smogon soon. She lost round 1 because her Venusaur's Frenzy Plant missed a 50% Kyogre, and the Kyogre paralyzed her with Thunder. Then it CH'd her venusaur while it was FP'd. Tough luck. On the station beside this, which was the only other station we could clearly see, some little kid literally jumped up and down shouting "MUDDY WATER! MUDDY WATER! YEAH!" when he used it. We spotted lots and lots of Charizard, Blastoise, Blaziken and other starters. There was a Flygon and Aggron too, but that's about all we saw. The finals of the 12 and Under tournament were between Wesley Morioka and some little girl of about 6 or so (lol). Basically all these parents were like "OH THAT'S AMAZING THERE'S A GIRL IN THE FINALS! I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S A GIRL". Ok let me say this straight out to all you parents out there: Shut the fuck up. This is Pokemon, not a sport. Both genders have equal chances in this game. By what you're doing you're basically saying girls are stupider than boys. Thanks! Wesley was the little brother of someone who went to Seattle last year, who was also present and participating in the 13 and older tournament. Wesley was actually intelligent and won easily with alternating protects with Aerodactyl, Kyogre, Tauros, and Mewtwo. He literally didn't have a single challenge all tournament. Sometime shortly after this, or perhaps before, the NOA guys came up to Aeo and I with the signs we stuck around and were like "If you guys did this, you can't do it. Thanks." :( JAA Chicago Showdown - 13 and Over Tournament My team: Rayquaza (Draco) Mewtwo (Voldemort) Kyogre (Lucius) Smeargle (Greyback) Snorlax (Umbridge) Persian (Bellatrix) You should seriously download Disney's The Lion King - Be Prepared.mp3 right now! Aeolus and I quickly got in line. After our reprimanding by the NOAs we decided to take off our elitist Smogon shirts since we were fucking dying of dehydration anyways. While we were standing in line cook came up to us, easily recognizing us due to our amazing shirts. We registered, then talked to him a bit. In this time (actually before) we also met MARIOMAN2.0 from the Nintendo NSider forums who was a pretty cool guy. I'm pretty sure some shit must have happened here, but I really can't think of anything. The first group of 32 were put into a tournament tree and paired while the second group of 32 were sitting out. Cookkirby, since he arrived later, was put into the second group which had no one good in it as far as I recall. Originally only cook could see the tournament tree since there was a huge swarm and he reported I was playing someone named "jessica". This was a relief since apparently brackets were decided on registration order back in April. Aeolus and I had registered very close to each other. According to cook, Aeolus wasn't playing. Luckily Aeo checked himself because he was, in fact, playing. He played one of these black gangster wannabe guys that I don't think made it past round 1. Anyway... BATTLE ONE - JESSICA THE GOTHIC JESTER HAT GIRL She used: Jynx (!), Zapdos, Sableye, Blaziken I used: Mewtwo, Kyogre, Rayquaza, Snorlax Yeah, looks fair, but no point in giving myself a chance to lose, right? Turn 1: My Kyogre protected while Jynx was swapped for Sableye! Oh shit! Mewtwo Ice Beamed Zapdos to leave it at like 46 HP. Zapdos targetted Kyogre with Thunder, which was obviously warded off with Protect. Turn 2: Mewtwo Ice Beams Zapdos again, but Zapdos holds on with Focus Band! This is the only reason why I take any damage this fight. Kyogre Hydro Pumps Sableye and it dies, leaving Jynx to come on out. Zapdos Thunders my Kyogre leaving it with about 100 HP left. Turn 3: Zapdos is switched out for Blaziken, which takes a Mewtwo Ice Beam for like 25% damage or so. Kyogre Hydro Pumps Jynx for the KO. Zapdos re-emerges. Turn 4: I switch Kyogre for Snorlax because I'm an elitist and want to make sure I get a 4-0 win. Mewtwo Psychics Blaziken for the KO. Zapdos Thunders Snorlax for like no damage. Turn 5: Mewtwo Ice Beams Zapdos for the KO. Result: 4-0 skarm I felt kinda bad about that, and she made a comment to her mother when leaving about how I used Mewtwo and thus was unfair. Well whatever, no one told her to use a level 96 Sableye in a 2v2 Ubers tournament. I wanted to win! Aeolus' battle was hilarious. Apparently if you don't pick your moves by the 30 second turn limit it picks a random attack and aims it at a random Pokemon. He ran out of time and Spored his own Snorlax. He still won. I'll let him write up that battle. MARIOMAN2.0's battle was disheartening. He had a 1 HP Mewtwo left against an extremespeedless Rayquaza, but the 8 minute match limit expired when he was one turn away from winning. Thus he lost. :( Cook's group was up next and he played some fat greasy guy he was standing in front of the in registration line that mentioned he wanted to dragon dance 4 times and use Outrage. Apparently this guys Electrode kept coming up invalid, but the problem, somehow, was cook's pink GBA. He got one loaned to him and cleaned up the battle with 2 key CHs. Round 2 was when the horrible pairings began. With the two winner groups integrated, cook and Aeolus had to play each other, while their winner had to play me. Seriously, damnit. In the mean time my round 2 was "lol". BATTLE TWO - SILENT KID THAT LITERALLY SAID NOTHING ALL MATCH He used: Metagross, Sceptile, Swampert, Latios I used: Smeargle, Snorlax, Persian, Mewtwo I saw his team, laughed, and used Obi mode. Turn 1: I Endure with Smeargle. Both Metagross and Sceptile target Smeargle. Snorlax explodes, KOing Sceptile and leaving Metagross with around 80 HP. Silent Kid brings in Swampert while I bring in Persian. Turn 2: Persian Fake Out's Swampert while Smeargle Spores Metagross. Turn 3: Smeargle Endeavors Swampert and I finish it off with a Persian Aerial Ace. Latios is brought in for Swampert. Metagross has a 1 turn sleep and hits Smeargle with Meteor Mash for the KO. I bring in Mewtwo. Turn 4: Mewtwo Thunderbolts Metagross for the KO. Persian Shadow Ball's Latios for like 20%. Latios Ice Beams Mewtwo for a good 35% or more. Turn 5: Mewtwo Ice Beams Latios and leaves it with around 15 HP, which Persian's next Shadow Ball KOs. Yes, I killed something with Persian. Result: 2-0 skarm Aeolus and cook take for fucking ever to finish their battle. cook wins with a CH Shadow Ball. Meanwhile just as I'm killing Latios one pimply faced chubby NOA wannabe tournament director (the random people they get to help out) comes over and goes "skarm's Voldemort used ICE BEAM" as it says that on screen in a sarcastic manner. I try to explain to him I won, but he's stupid and it takes 3 attempts. Meanwhile since cook and Aeolus took so fucking long cook and I are the last round 3 battle to start. The tournament is kinda slack now since there's few people so they let Aeolus stick around and watch up close. The guy who the winner of cook and I would be playing in round 4 comes over to team scout. BATTLE THREE - COOKKIRBY, CH MASTER He uses: Mewtwo, Kyogre, Snorlax, Shedinja I use: Mewtwo, Snorlax, Rayquaza, Kyogre I couldn't use Obi mode since he had both a Kabutops to outspeed Salac'd Smeargle as well as a Shedinja. He had an E-speed Rayquaza as well on his roster and he'd be expecting Obi mode since that's what Aeolus did against him. It's back to sweeper mode for the rest of the tournament for me. Turn 1: My Mewtwo protects while his does Endure. Kyogre does something to my Mewtwo which doesn't matter. My Snorlax uses Selfdestruct. Rayquaza and Snorlax are sent out, respectively, as Snorlax and Kyogre faint. cook's Mewtwo gets a boost from Petaya Berry. Here cook mentions he should have double endured, but I'll just explain how it wouldn't have mattered at all. cook's Mewtwo is +special attack, where as mine is +speed. My Mewtwo would have outsped his and KO'd it next turn. If he endured with Kyogre I would have simply E-speeded it with Rayquaza, rather than what I did against his Mewtwo. Turn 2: Rayquaza Espeeds cook's Mewtwo causing it to faint and he brings out Shedinja while hoping I'm Choice Banded. Mewtwo does Psychic on his Snorlax which does like nothing. cook admits its stacked with special defense EVs. Uh oh. I really don't have any physical attackers... Snorlax Shadow Balls my Mewtwo, which is a goddamn running theme for me this tournament. Turn 3-end This battle is very boring. Shedinja's Protect works twice in a row as Rayquaza tries to Aerial Ace it. Snorlax ends up killing Mewtwo, which makes me bring in Kyogre. Rayquaza's Aerial Ace helps out A LOT killing his Snorlax with Kyogre Hydro Pumps also doing some damage despite Rain Dance being nullified by Air Lock. Result: 2-0 skarm Somewhere during the last few moves some freckly kid that looked a fucking lot like a young ET came up to me and started insulting my nicknames/battling skills. Yeah I don't know, it was just weird. cook here makes a bold prediction to the actual NOA officials that the winner of this battle (it was still in its closing stages at that point) would win the tournament. Anyways, there's this middle aged man behind me named Bill and apparently he was watching the entire battle. Great. :/ BATTLE FOUR - MR BILL While our teams load up Aeolus or cook, I can't remember which, ask him if he goes on NetBattle. He says he does rarely under the name "Mr. Bill". I mention that I'm an Admin on Smogon, and he says something like "Ah crap, this is over." :) Anyway... He uses: Groudon, Lugia, Exeggutor, Moltres I use: Mewtwo, Rayquaza, Snorlax, Kyogre I lead with Rayquaza hoping to catch his Exeggutor without sunlight, but he leads with Groudon and Lugia. At this point my Semi finals' opponent, Alex Priebe(?)/Nightmare13, is already done his quarter finals battle so I remark "Hey come team scout or something!" sarcastically. He does so and manages to watch the entire battle. Damnit, cook/Aeolus. Why did your battle have to take so long to finish? Turn 1: Remember what happens when you don't select a move in time? I'll restate: It picks a random move for you. I forgot about the move limit and was thinking about what to make Rayquaza do when the 30 seconds are up and it picks a random move... Rayquaza uses Protect. Mewtwo Ice Beam's his Groudon for just over 50%. Holy crap, I tell you, NB makes us predict damages too much. You can give it lots of special EVs... Groudon uses Swords Dance, but since I've done over 50% everything is fine. Lugia... uses Ice Beam on Rayquaza, but it protected! Huzzah! :) Turn 2: Rayquaza switches out for Snorlax. Mewtwo Ice Beams Groudon again for the KO. Exeggutor is sent out in its place. I groan, since I just made Rayquaza retreat. Lugia taps Snorlax for around no damage with Ice Beam. Turn 3: I should probably mention that I was really tense when playing cook, but for this battle I was utterly relaxed. At this point in time Bill's son of about 3 or 4 walks up to watch while Bill's wife yells "DON'T DISTRACT DADDY NOW, HE NEEDS TO CONCENTRATE!". Sorry, lady, it doesn't matter cause... Mewtwo uses Protect. Exeggutor uses Light Screen??? Lol what. Lugia uses Aeroblast on Snorlax for about 40%. Snorlax uses Selfdestruct. Bill sends out Moltres while I bring out Kyogre. Turn 4: Mewtwo uses Thunderbolt and Kyogre uses Thunder, but it survives due to Light Screen. Moltres uses Sunny Day for little to no reason. Turn 4: Mewtwo Thunderbolts Moltres for the win. Result: 3-0 skarm So right away I start to battle with Alex Priebe, or "Nightmare13" from Smogon. Or rather "Nightmare" from the PokeGym forums. He seemed ok there, but I hadn't know about all this "I'll beat Smogon without Ubers!" thing on PokeGym. Its kinda ironic, then, that he lost while actually using a standard team. Anyways... SEMI FINALS - ALEX "NIGHTMARE" PRIEBE He uses: Mewtwo, Snorlax, Groudon, Lugia I use: Mewtwo, Rayquaza, Snorlax, Kyogre To be honest I wasn't exactly sure what to use against his team. His roster seemed to be a dangerous vomit of Ubers, but it had sunny day weather manipulation and a rayquaza so I had to use my sweeping side. I lead with Mewtwo and Rayquaza due to the weather manipulation and the fact I hadn't seen this guy battle at all. He led with Mewtwo and Snorlax. Turn 1: I double Protect with Mewtwo and Rayquaza assuming his Snorlax is going to Selfdestruct. Mewtwo uses Ice Beam on Rayquaza, but it Protected. Snorlax used CURSE. Oh FUCK. I have very few options now and I'm really panicking. I honestly think things are over now. cook never had Selfdestruct, but he wasn't packing Curse. Thing is, my team is notorious for not being able to kill Snorlax already and Rayquaza's AA won't do shit all against a Cursing Snorlax. Great. Just Great. Turn 2: I swap Rayquaza for Snorlax. My Mewtwo goes into cook mode with Ice Beam and CHs his Mewtwo! His Mewtwo hits Snorlax with Ice Beam for little to nothing. His Snorlax hits my Mewtwo with a Cursed Shadow Ball for around 70+% Now this is honestly where memory fails me. I'm not entirely sure what happened, so this is my assumed outcome of the battle... I know my Selfdestruct killed his Snorlax and I believe his Lugia... but unless he switched his Mewtwo out.... yeah see I don't get it. I believe my Mewtwo KOs his with Ice Beam, then gets KO'd by Snorlax. I bring out Rayquaza... and he brings out Lugia. I protect with Rayquaza and self destruct.... which wipes the field. I bring out Kyogre and he brings out Groudon. Rain is in effect and I KO Groudon with Ice Beam from both Ray and Kyogre... That's my assumption, folks. I can't remember it too well. Regardless of what happens someone finally gets it through my head I'm playing in the finals now! The NOA Inquisition Honestly people, one of the NOA guys came straight up to me and basically accused me of sharking. That's entirely bullshit since he didn't ask the other finalist, an asian guy of about 20 named Calvin Chan, whether his team was sharked or not. If you're going to be a jackass and accuse me, at least threaten the other guy too instead of waving it off because "he has an honest face." Honestly I don't know what this one NOA guys' problem with us was, but he entirely tried to get under our skin. Perhaps we were acting too arrogant. Well either way the announcer NOA guy comes up to us and explains how he's going to introduce us and when we're going to shake hands and what not. We have a few minutes to kill so Calvin and I end up talking when he remarks that I look familiar, but he cannot place me. I explain that I was the runner up in Seattle last year and he goes "Ohhh yeah, you're the guy who lost to Fly Rayquaza. Everyone knows about that!" Now don't get me wrong, Calvin was a nice, cool guy, so he wasn't saying it to be an ass. We talked a bit more and headed up on stage. Aeolus and cook manage to snag front row seats. As we're waiting on the edge of the stage the NOA announcer and I talk about Kiku's 'Sorry Jodi' incident and he showed with examples where everyone was standing, lol. I guess all our comments about his commentary got to him so we should probably knock it off. He's forced to make comments about every move by higher up NOA people. Anyway... FINALS - CALVIN CHAN He uses: Lugia, Snorlax, Kyogre, Ludicolo I use: Mewtwo, Snorlax, Kyogre, Rayquaza Ugh. Another Snorlax. These things are like weeds and my team doesn't have an easy time handling them at all. Amazingly enough he has a Lugia. Question. Why is everyone using Lugia? The thing is about as worthless as Roy when not used as a screener/reflecter, or what Carl is planning on using it for. Seriously. Lugia is a lot more worthless than Rayquaza, which by the way is not worthless at all. Still, I remember that this is a very good opponent and I want to get this out of the way early. All I had in the ways of intel on this was cook happened to catch the last few moves of Calvin's semi final against some idiot with, apparently, Hyper Beam Tyranitar. I had learned his Kyogre had Protect and his Ludicolo had Fake Out and Giga Drain. Just by Fake Out it meant that Obi mode would have been useless. If I had used the Smeargle strategy this battle would have been over in about three turns. Still, apparently I did the best to handicap myself right off the get go. Roy's text on IRC/AIM ran true in my head! Explode turn 1, no one protects! Turn 1: Mewtwo uses Protect. Lugia uses Protect. Snorlax uses Protect. My Snorlax uses Selfdestruct. Well... uhh... fuck? At this point I'm just feeling like like total shit because I'm sure he's about to explode next turn. I'm sure I've already lost this battle, but whatever... I send out Kyogre to replace Snorlax. Before the battle started we had equal sections cheering for us. After turn 1 they all bandwagoned onto Calvin and I was left with only Aeolus and cook cheering for me. Apparently in the row sitting behind Aeolus and cook there were people saying I was stupid for not using Explosion instead of Selfdestruct. I figure since he's undoubtably going to Selfdestruct himself I'd best save at least one Pokemon. Turn 2: Kyogre uses Protect just to keep it alive. Mewtwo uses Ice Beam. The announcer 'knows where this is going ;)' and it hits Lugia for around 45-50%. Lugia attacks Kyogre, which is warded off via Protect. Snorlax Shadow Ball's my Mewtwo for around 40%. This will be a good time to mention that my Mewtwo has, in fact, Leftovers. You need to know this otherwise some parts coming up will make no sense. Calvin's Lugia has leftovers too. Turn 3: Mewtwo uses Ice Beam, and the NOA Announcer knows where it's going! It hits and freezes Lugia... but that's useless because... Kyogre uses Thunder to kill the remaining 70 or so HP on Lugia causing it to faint. A Kyogre named MJLORNIR is sent out in Lugia's place. Snorlax uses Earthquake, which drops my Mewtwo to about 35% or so before Leftovers. It drops his Kyogre only around 20-25% HP, where as my Kyogre takes about 30-35%. Calvin is shrewd, however, and notices how my team takes a lot of damage from Earthquake and how I've been double targetting his Pokemon. Turn 4: MJLORNIR uses Protect. Mewtwo and Kyogre both target MJLORNIR with electric moves. Ugh. Snorlax uses Earthquake. Mewtwo is dropped to about 8 HP and only survived due to Leftovers recovery from previous turns. Kyogre is dropped to around 120~ HP. His Kyogre, of course, has Protected and thus takes no damage from this. Apparently around here Aeolus said there was the same kids sitting behind him there were convinced I was a complete idiot because I wasn't killing the Snorlax, which was owning me. Turn 5: I'm not sure what happened here, but since neither my Mewtwo or Kyogre died, the only obvious answer is that his Snorlax used Protect. If it had attacked I would have lost a Pokemon. Mewtwo and Kyogre both double target MJLORNIR the Kyogre with Thunderbolt and Thunder respectively causing the thing to faint. Ludicolo is sent out in its place. Turn 6: I have both Mewtwo and Kyogre use Protect since I want his Ludicolo's Fake Out turn to be useless. Ludicolo tried to Fake Out Kyogre. Snorlax tried to Shadow Ball Mewtwo. I say "No Fake Out for you!" but I don't think Calvin or the Announcer heard me. Its time for a Key switch. Turn 7: I swap Mewtwo for Rayquaza assuming a Giga Drain or something would be coming my way, but I'm stupid. This swap is received with a lot of boos from the peanut gallery. Idiots. Ludicolo uses Giga Drain on Kyogre... why I thought he'd target Mewtwo, and thus hit Rayquaza, I don't know, but it leaves Kyogre with 2 HP. This isn't really significant as I would have easily won anyways. Mewtwo surviving with 8 HP is the one that mattered. Snorlax hits Rayquaza with Shadow Ball for around 30%. Turn 8: Kyogre uses Protect. Rayquaza scores a useless CH with Aerial Ace on Ludicolo causing it to faint. For the record Rayquaza was holding Scope Lens anyways. Snorlax uses Shadow Ball on Kyogre, but that's warded off via Protect. Turn 9: Rayquaza uses Aerial Ace on Snorlax. Kyogre uses Hydro Pump despite rain being sapped by Air Lock on Snorlax. Snorlax uses Shadow Ball and KOs Kyogre finally. I send out Mewtwo again which now has about 71 HP. Here the match time limit of 8 minutes expires which means this will be the final move of the match. Turn 10: For a great deal of closure on the matter, Mewtwo's Psychic and Rayquaza's Aerial Ace KO Snorlax for the win with 00:00 on the clock. Great game, Calvin. Result: 2-0 skarm How did I win that exactly? Anyway, the rest will be up later. This was just an update to add the other two matches. So... what exactly IS the rest? Well, there was this interview I got with the owner of "PIRN: Pokemon Radio". I've decided not to even mention this until the guy emails me our taped interview. I'm sure you'll all be impressed by my interview skills. Too bad Aeolus and cook were so stunned that they couldn't participate in the trolling. It's a shame we don't really have videos of all my matches or more of it, but oh well. The finals were found by another person and while the camera work is shotty, it still shows what happened. Good luck in NYC, Calvin, as at the time of writing this last paragraph I've been DQ'd for being Canadian.