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Jason's Courageous Tanning Quest (Last updated August 26th)

Discussion in 'Smogon's Greatest Hits' started by Articuno64, May 21, 2008.

  1. Articuno64

    Articuno64 1 to 63 were taken
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    This August, I will be attending Smocon08: Las Vegas! As some of you may know, Las Vegas is scorching hot in August, and the sun's radiation takes no prisoners on light-skinned folks such as myself. In order to defend myself against this foreign concept of "sunlight", I've decided to boldly go where I have never gone before:

    Outdoors.

    Yes, you read that correctly. Read it a few more times if you must, but I assure you there lies no trickery in the wording. I will be attempting to acquire some sort of "tan" over the next few months in preparation for the task ahead. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little afraid, but with Smogon's help, I know there is nothing I cannot do.

    First, I need to lay out the ground rules. I'll be posting an update every Wednesday until the trip (at least this week, we'll see how likely this is next week). Each update will comprise of a picture, a tan rating, and any additional noteworthy trivia.

    BEFORE:

    [​IMG]

    HOPEFULLY AFTER:

    [​IMG]

    Now, I know you're all thinking "how can I help?". Well, I need advice. Tanning tips, if you will. Like, do you guys set up your computers on the beach with a long extension cord or what?

    Week 1

    [​IMG]

    Progress: Well, this is the first entry.
    Notes: Ignore the weird bluish artifacts on my face, that isn't really part of my tan.
    Tan Score: 1/10 (Ghostly)

    Week 2

    [​IMG]

    Progress: Not a whole heck of a lot.
    Notes: See the thumbs-down that I am giving? That represents my attitude towards the inconsistent weather around these parts. Too many fuckin clouds.
    Tan Score: 1.1/10 (Creamy)

    Week 3 & 4

    The sun has been on an extended vacation.

    Week 5

    [​IMG]

    Progress: Check out MY hint of a sunburn!
    Notes: Oops.
    Tan Score: 2/10 (Lobster Hopeful)

    The Aftermath

    Well, I haven't updated in two months, and Smocon 08 has come and gone now. The Las Vegas sun definitely helped along my tan, so I will display the final results!

    [​IMG]
  2. Thunda

    Thunda

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    just wear this [​IMG]

    don't apply too much or you'll just turn orange
  3. Synre

    Synre
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    I was kind of worried until i saw that note, i've seen pale people before but the blue had me just a trifle concerned.


    just dont use this arti - its for girls. only a newbie would forget that...

    [​IMG]


    But uh good luck or something, not sure what advice to give other than 'you should PROBABLY go outside but NOT for too long,' i tan easy and work partially outside so i don't have much advice here since i kind of get mine for free.

    Perhaps you could try using butter as sun tan lotion? I tried to find an image better than the one above and that was about the most ridiculous thing i found ~_~

    [​IMG]

    Don't use that though, its NOT actually butter
  4. Thunda

    Thunda

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    i don't know anyone who puts real butter on a blueberry muffin let alone fake butter
  5. cloud

    cloud groove, slam, work it back, filter that baby, bump
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    [​IMG]

    too much of that tanning shit will make you an oompa loompa dude don't do it.

    take it from a bronze god like myself: just one day at a time on the beach.

    im noob xD
  6. Minwu

    Minwu

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    It's obviously his camera. And sorry, Arti, you'll have to spend some time away from your computer to go to the beach.
  7. Articuno64

    Articuno64 1 to 63 were taken
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    dude don't fuck with me man
  8. Synre

    Synre
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    gee is it really? thanks i had no idea




    why do you post in this forum
  9. cookie

    cookie Administrator
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    i suggest bringing a fire extinguisher

    white people burn rather than tan

    you'll go from zero to jumpman in about 60 seconds
  10. keloggsequent

    keloggsequent

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    just go guido3000 and visit a tanning salon. make sure to pick up a pair of rainbows and some bombin ass aviators as well.
  11. Kier

    Kier

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    did i ever mention that jumpman is probably one of my favorite internet users because it makes absolutely no sense to me why he is on the internet and for pokemon no less

    i mean he is a 26 year old black dude with huge arms and yet he spends the majority of his free time in battle frontier

    does anyone else appreciate that as much as i do ?____?


    ps minwu just stop
  12. kd24

    kd24 lemme just whip my dick out and slam it on the table
    is a Pokemon Researcheris a Site Staff Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Smogon IRC SOp Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

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    I always wondered that as well. But be glad we have him. I appreciate Jumpman as well. Arti just hang out at the pool and go to the beach.

    also im a noob i didnt get why his phone was in the picture until I realized it was a mirror.

    minwu dont be as stupid as me.
  13. Shiv

    Shiv mostly harmless
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    don't worry, he's way ahead of you!

    here jason, this should do the trick!

    [​IMG]
  14. DM

    DM Ce soir, on va danser.
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    Yeah, his posts were a lot more tolerable when he had niglethump.gif as his avatar.

    Arti, take it from me: when lying on a beach, in a chair by a pool, on a car hood, or out in the sun anywhere for that matter, you need to rotate evenly between lying on your back on stomach. Of course, a man with your complexion needs to begin slowly. My recommendation is to go to that neighborhood hill where all the kids go sledding in the winter - you know the one, gently sloping, about 20 feet from top to bottom? Stand at the top, strip down to your boxers, and just roll down the hill! But for god's sake, find some shade once you hit the bottom, you don't want to overdo it.

    Do this 3 times a week for the next, oh, 2 months or so and I'd say you'll have a good starting base to work with!
  15. Atlas

    Atlas I'm the Mary!
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    im sure they have tanning salons with wifi access nowadays. if not just jump in the tube with a gameboy.also take a piece of cardboard and cut out a koffing and lie that on your chest when you do it.
  16. Hipmonlee

    Hipmonlee Have a rice day
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    Oh please do this..

    Have a nice day.
  17. Kumar

    Kumar
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    use bulbasaur's solarbeam
  18. Wishy

    Wishy

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    !_!

    [​IMG]

    Use them wisely (they smell like coconut, yum), white boy.

    REMEMBER, SLIP SLOP SLAP! :O
  19. Calciphoce

    Calciphoce

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    i concur and if he doesn't then i might have to because it's just too cool of an idea to waste
  20. QuickDraw

    QuickDraw

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    the only reason to go to a tanning salon is to sit outside and laugh at all the tards that come out looking like overcooked muffins.
  21. Toothache

    Toothache Let the music play!
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    So you want to go from pasty white to 'I can't believe its not Jumpman'?

    Also in a rare moment of sanity I support atlas :-)
  22. TAY

    TAY You and I Know
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    What you gotta do is have someone draw a picture on your back with suntan lotion, of like a real badass pokemon or something. Then you lie on your stomach and let the tan kick in and then in a few hours you stand up and all the hot chicks at the beach are all like, "OMG is that a Croconaw??????" and you're like, "Nah, bitches, this is a Feraligatr!" and then they're all speechless but they get all dreamy eyed and start to swoon.
  23. Mr. Hadwick

    Mr. Hadwick

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    I know I would swoon for less.
  24. Articuno64

    Articuno64 1 to 63 were taken
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    well guys i went running shirtless today to start on this tan shit and i'm pretty sure i reflected light into drivers' eyes and caused a few car crashes
  25. Wishy

    Wishy

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    WOW well aren't you just supercool

    It's for the greater good. :(

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