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Serious LGBTQ
- Thread starter Chinchou
- Start date
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I get you.
IDK if this should be here but I'm kinda upset so I will post it anyway. Yesterday I was talking about the difference between gender and sex with my step dad and he is adamant on believing they are the same. He even looked it up on his phone and is going witht the answer that they are both interchangable. He also said some extremely transphobic shit about my brother in law (who's trans male) saying things like "oh we refer to him as a guy but he still has a vagina therefore hes still a girl" I live with my parents still but honestly I really don't want to live with someone who is stubborn and bigoted like this. In this situation how do I deal with people so close to me that are like this?? I feel like I cant even educate him on the movement because he will still resort to his bullshit traditional ways :(
Hi, everyone
Arguing with someone like that is like trying to pull a donkey anywhere, he's going to dig his heels in ever more deeper the harder you fight him on it. The best way is to continue being the person you are and referring to trans/etc people the way they want to be referred to as. You're never going to pull him in your direction, but you can slowly show him the way and hope he follows.
As to how to deal with living with him, i'm not going to be able to give you any advice due to my own lack of experience and not knowing the guy, except to try and remember that he's family and believe that he'll come around and/or pretend he has until he does.
I had a panic attack while thinking about my sexuality in class and I had to go.
I think that one of the first things that made me realize my sexuality was when I read an article about two lesbians falling in love. I thought I was into it because "lol lzbnz are hot" but...I didn't feel turned on by it. I felt liberated reading about two people brave enough to feel that way about one another.
I just wish I could come out with our political climate like this... :(
I think that one of the first things that made me realize my sexuality was when I read an article about two lesbians falling in love. I thought I was into it because "lol lzbnz are hot" but...I didn't feel turned on by it. I felt liberated reading about two people brave enough to feel that way about one another.
I just wish I could come out with our political climate like this... :(
I'm starting to experience confusion over my gender big-time now. I want to start therapy to get things all sorted out, but I'm afraid to ask my parents because I feel like I'did just be wasting their money, which I feel like with everything. It's why I rarely ask for stuff.
If it turns out I am trans, then I wouldn't come out anywhere but here until I move because being out in Texas is a really bad idea, considering their borderline theocratic lawmakers, even if I do live in pretty much the only blue part of the state
If it turns out I am trans, then I wouldn't come out anywhere but here until I move because being out in Texas is a really bad idea, considering their borderline theocratic lawmakers, even if I do live in pretty much the only blue part of the state
Hey, buddy, I understand what that's like -- being a queer kid (I presume you're a kid) in a conservative place, feeling that I would burden by family by asking for help. It's scary, I get it. But if you do conclude that you are, in fact, trans, you deserve help, and not from a stranger on a Pokemon forum. Provided your parents are the supportive type (and I know that's a big if), you have no reason not to reach out to them. It's their job to support you, and you can't be expected to handle this alone. If they aren't -- and this is a very key thing to discern, for your own safety -- there are still lots of resources available for you. Here's one! Best of luck, and let me know if you'd like any more advice.
My parents are definitely the supportive types, they're pretty pro-LGBT. Not wanting to go to therapy as a result of feeling like I'd just be wasting their money is the result of self-esteem issues that I've had for a little while now. It was before this identity crisis started though, which started manifesting at the beginning of the month.
I understand completely. I've struggled with that, too. But I can tell you personally that the longer you keep these issues under wraps, both your identity and your self-esteem, the more difficult they will be to handle. If anything, chances are your parents would be more troubled by the thought of you going through this alone than taking you to therapy (Although your financial situation is a separate issue, God bless America). Coming out, even about simply questioning your identity, is always a tough decision, since it's one of those things you're never completely ready for. And it's for that reason that I'm not going to suggest you to do one thing over another, since whether or not you feel ready is 100% your call, but don't be discouraged by fear of burdening someone else. Trust me, I know how hard that is, but talking about your problems only gets easier after taking that first plunge.
I don't have a financial issue either. I'll try to get them to start taking me to therapy soon, if I don't forget.
I have a question: do queer girls have the same difficulties coming out that guys do? I mean, with guys it's viewed as unmanly because being gay is apparently the opposite of being manly. Are there analogous cultural mechanisms for girls?
Coming out for men and women is different, but the same. Don't believe anyone that tells you that men have it worse or women have it better or whatever. The stigma against trans people is a whole other can of worms that I won't open, partly because I'm not trans, and partly because "the trans experience" is so drastically different, and arguably more difficult, from that of anyone else. That said, lots of the stigma that exists against being gay / bisexual, aside from the stigma that exists against anyone different, comes from the fact that we, just by existing, defy society's expectations of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. Everyone in our family and everyone at school and everyone on TV and everyone in church told us that man are supposed to like women, and women men, and there is a whole set of expectations as to who plays what role in the dynamic between the two, and if you're intersex well I guess you're SOL, but I digress. The difference in the experience of gay / bisexual men and gay / bisexual women coming out lies in the norms we go against. As a gay man, I fly in the face of society's expectation that men pursue women, act as the initiator, and play the dominant role in the relationship. Thus, people give me shit on those grounds, because I challenge the dynamic with which people are familiar. Even with all of the progress our society has made, this dynamic of the dominant man and the submissive woman has been so thoroughly drummed into our heads that the some people cannot possibly comprehend a relationship that even slightly deviates from it. Even if I were to play a dominant role in my relationship (which I wouldn't but w/e), people still interpret me pursuing men as forfeiting my privileged status as a man myself. This is why we commonly hear "who is the woman in your relationship?" In essence, a lot of the stigma that comes with coming out as a gay / bisexual man lies in us challenging preconceived notions of masculinity, and society threatening in return to strip of us of our title as men. So, to finally answer your question, how is it different for women? Again, that is based on the norms she is violating by donning a lesbian or bisexual identity. Society expects that women be less ambitious and more passive than men, and receptive to men's advances. This is why lesbians are often accused of of being "bitchy," "tomboyish," or "man-hating." This is where people argue that lesbians have it easier, since their status as women isn't called into question. Society's response plays more to the tune of "look at her trying to be a man, how cute." In other words, instead of forfeiting privilege, as is the case with gay men, queer women are mocked for trying to "emulate" the "better" sex, and abandon their duty as women to serve men.
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Okay, I'm going to be honest with my feelings here: I have an overwhelming feeling that I am indeed trans. I've had some minor feelings of dysphoria before in the past, and I was able to just tell myself they weren't real. I can't seem to be able to this time. In fact, either when I'm alone or under my breath, I refer to myself as Marissa (before you ask no it has nothing to do with the Touhou character. I liked the name before I even knew what Touhou was.). The feelings are overwhelming, and I mostly just haven't come out anywhere but here at all because I live in one of the most conservative states in the country, even if El Paso is mostly liberal in comparison to the rest of the state. I came out here before anywhere else because it's probably the place on the internet I feel the most comfortable with myself nowadays.
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That's great...be careful who you come out to, though. In my experience if you do it wrong the consequences can be really bad.
in some parts of the world (like where i live in, warsaw) every girl wants a gay best friend, so if you match the stereotype of a gay man they desire life is even easier than for a hetero man. i have a couple lesbian friends, none of them have came out, they would only get silent hate from both genders. at this time in the enviroment i live in (rather wealthy people) everyone is 'open' and 'gay-friendly' so no one would openly attack you for beeing lesbian or transgender, but you will be treated very diffrently.
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I've experienced this before, and it can be really confusing. And though I unfortunately don't have advice, I can tell you you don't need to necessarily be attracted to someone to find them attractive, per se. Furthermore -- and this took me a long time to figure out -- you can be attracted to different people in different ways, and you can appreciate bodies in ways that aren't necessarily sexual. I've looked at some women and genuinely thought "Damn, she's hot," but that doesn't make me straight. Instead of thinking, say, "I want to sleep with her," I've thought things like "She'd look amazing in blue," or "A cuddle sesh with her would be top notch." The thought of having sex with a woman still makes me want to vomit, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a beautiful person for what they are, regardless of sex.
I hope this helped! :]
Edit: The guy I responded to deleted his comment. Oh well.
I hope this helped! :]
Edit: The guy I responded to deleted his comment. Oh well.
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ok, i dunno where to post this so i'll post it here.
So lots of you probably have/had role models growing up queer. Ellen, Neil Patrick Harris, even fictional characters like that Santana girl from Glee. For me, that person was Shinji Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion.
It wasn't just that he liked dudes. Shinji is a very relatable character to me in many respects. I've struggled with neuroses like he has in the past, and tend to blot out my problems through escapism. His bisexuality is also portrayed as a part of his neuroses rather than being separate from it, with him being willing to bend over backwards for anyone who shows him a speck of affection. (IMO this is fine because the straight characters have their sexualities as a big part of their neuroses too)
And I just...don't know where I'd be without a guy like him.
So lots of you probably have/had role models growing up queer. Ellen, Neil Patrick Harris, even fictional characters like that Santana girl from Glee. For me, that person was Shinji Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion.
It wasn't just that he liked dudes. Shinji is a very relatable character to me in many respects. I've struggled with neuroses like he has in the past, and tend to blot out my problems through escapism. His bisexuality is also portrayed as a part of his neuroses rather than being separate from it, with him being willing to bend over backwards for anyone who shows him a speck of affection. (IMO this is fine because the straight characters have their sexualities as a big part of their neuroses too)
And I just...don't know where I'd be without a guy like him.
so yeah, been thinking.
I think this article summarizes how I feel about Shinji Ikari, and why he was such an important person to me growing up.
In Marvel Comics, at some point, Wolverine and Hercules totally boned. While that's all well and goodand I might have jerked off to it it still feels...over-the-top. Like in trying to represent LGBT folks in a way that wasn't homophobic, they swung too hard in the opposite end and made them all unrealistic model minorities. Which is still harmful, because instead of creating negative stereotypes it creates unrealistic expectations about us. Shinji, on the other hand, felt like...a normal person, who reacted in understandable ways given the circumstances he was in.
I wonder if this is how girls felt with Ellen Ripley? They finally had a hero that wasn't a pin-up model or Schwarzenegger with tits bolted on, but a real-life person they could relate to. Someone who wasn't a commentary on gender roles or whatever. Someone who just was, without any responsibilities to be representative of her entire demographic.
I think this article summarizes how I feel about Shinji Ikari, and why he was such an important person to me growing up.
In Marvel Comics, at some point, Wolverine and Hercules totally boned. While that's all well and good
I wonder if this is how girls felt with Ellen Ripley? They finally had a hero that wasn't a pin-up model or Schwarzenegger with tits bolted on, but a real-life person they could relate to. Someone who wasn't a commentary on gender roles or whatever. Someone who just was, without any responsibilities to be representative of her entire demographic.
your post made me think about my own experiences. personally I never really had any gay role models, probably because I never knew that I was gay until the age of 14/15 (so that would've been in 2006). Actually, even back then, I knew I was different, but I never really identified as gay just because I didn't really know what being gay meant, and I still didn't really understand myself until I spoke to a few users on smogon actually. The lack of guidance and role models was probably the reason why I was so depressed, self-destructive, and awkward. ah what terrible times they were.
lol, my idol is a depressed, awkward and self-destructive gay 14-year old kid. So it's...not really all that different.
thanks. I will.
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