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Completed Lord Jesseus vs Doorknob

Discussion in 'ASB' started by Rediamond, Dec 1, 2011.

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  1. Rediamond

    Rediamond

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    3v3 NFE Singles
    2 Day DQ
    Arena: ASB Tournament Arena
    Switch=ok
    Items=on for training items
    All abilties
    Also since you haven't specifies I'll say 0 recoveries/5 Chills

    Doorknob will send out the first Pokemon, Lord Jesseus sends out his Pokemon and orders, Doorknob will order, I will ref.

    Let's get to it.
  2. Doorknob

    Doorknob

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    "Uh-oh, these are all some pretty strong Pokemon! Don't worry, Laggers!"
    [​IMG]
    Laggers stares blankly and lazily at his trainer.

    "Oh well, let's get this moving."
  3. Lord Jesseus

    Lord Jesseus

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    This seems a little unfair...
    Go Seadra! With an Amulet Coin! To make things interesting, we won't be using Dive, Bounce, or substitute!

    Seadra, start off with Scald, then Surf, then Scald again! If he's already burnt by Action 3, use Hydro Pump instead!

    edit: Locked Moves
    Seadra: Dive, Bounce, Substitute
    Pupitar: Crunch, Dig, Taunt
    Lairon: Heavy Slam, Endeavour, Protect
  4. Doorknob

    Doorknob

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    "Thanks for making this more fair, Jesseus! Laggers, try not to fall asleep, just make him fall asleep!"

    Body Slam+Body Slam Combination~Truant~Yawn
  5. Rediamond

    Rediamond

    Joined:
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    [​IMG](F)
    HP: 90
    Energy: 100
    Other: None

    [​IMG](M)
    HP: 90
    Energy: 100
    Other: None

    Round One:

    Good evening ASB, and welcome to the umpteenth weekly edition of KILL THE N00B!!! That's right, a new player's fully untrained team will be taking on the full power of three fairly well trained middle stage Pokemon in the hands of a long-time vet because they were stupid enough to not specify beginner battle! Aw, but such is life and the battle moves faster and I get counters sooner. So, now let's get this slugfest underway.

    Doorknob starts off by praying to Mew/Ho-oh/Arceus depending on when he started playing the games, and sends out his LVL 999 CATERPIE LOL...

    Sorry, technical difficulties. I meant he sends out a normal type. At this point, my dex starts to buzz since this is the first time I've seen this particularl Pokemon, so I open it for the following description:

    "Slakoth: the American Pokemon. It's dream in life is to subjugate some poor female to make him a sammitch while he sits around the house all day and watches football. He trains constantly for his goal, and will never move both figuratively and literally until he becomes attracted and evolves."

    By this point, LJ has unleashed his Pokemon into the pool surrounding the arena and my Dex goes off again with the new Pokemon: "Seadra: the feminism Pokemon. Female Seadra are frequently seen leading protests against the abominations males have committed to try and restrain the truly superior gender for centuries. They often turn violent after evolution, and will try to kill the wirst offenders via drowning them in a death symbolic of their excessive gluttony."


    ...I'm liking the sound of this battle already. Seadra begins by channeling her rage at being forced to confront the worst of the sexist pigs into literal heat, causing her blood to boil and heat up the water around it. When it becomes so hot that her body systems can no longer stand it, she blasts it forwards in a wave of intensely hot electricity and shoots it at Slakoth. The Pokemon makes no attempt to dodge, and barely feels the burn that emerges from the intensely hot liquid colliding with his skin. Instead, he just gets up, walks a few feet to the edge of the pool be Seadra, and falls on her.

    The force of gravity boosts the attack, causing them to fall quite quickly towards the bottom while Seadra struggles to get the sexist pig off of her. Eventually, she comes up with the idea of manipulating the currents and causes them to life Slaktoh up and hurl him onto the land, causing him to take fairly substantial damage due to him being unable to catch himself due to sheer tiredness and the lack of desire to do anything.

    Seadra follows her Women's Rights (rofl) rampage, inhaling deeply before shooting a powerful jet of water towards Slakoth, who is flipped back several times before he finally hits the ground. Unimpressed by the show of feminine weakness, he yawns loudly to demonstrate his manliness. Actually, it's because he's tired and lazy, but let's keep that out of our transcript, shall we?


    Scald: 13 damage, Burn, 5 energy
    Super Body Slam: 18 damage, 35 energy
    Surf: 15 damage, 6 energy
    Recharge
    Hydro Pump: 16 damage, 7 energy
    Yawn: 6 energy, Seadra is drowsy

    [​IMG](F)
    Seadra
    HP: 72
    Energy: 82
    Other: Drowsy (falls asleep one action)
    [​IMG](M)
    Slakoth
    HP: 40
    Energy: 58
    Other: Burned

    Doorknob, LJ
  6. Doorknob

    Doorknob

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    "Keep hitting hard Laggers! I know you're tired, but..yeah..you're always tired."

    Crush Claw + Hammer Arm Combination ~ Truant ~ Slack Off

    IF Kappa uses Agility to try and dodge the combination, then use Rock Slide.

    (Excellent flavor, Rediamond!)
  7. Lord Jesseus

    Lord Jesseus

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    Brine~Sleep Talk: Surf, Brine, Hydro Pump, Bubblebeam~Brine
    If you are still asleep in action 3, repeat action 2.
  8. Rediamond

    Rediamond

    Joined:
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    [​IMG](F)
    Seadra
    HP: 72
    Energy: 82
    Other: Drowsy (falls asleep one action)
    [​IMG](M)
    Slakoth
    HP: 40
    Energy: 58
    Other: Burned

    Round Two: Rubbing Salt in an open wound... LITERALLY!!!

    Seadra decides that she has properly demonstrated the superiority of her sex, and may now rub it in... LITERALLY!!! She begins to release chemicals that make the water around her into a salty substance, creating a small area of ocean around her that she blasts up at the lazy empitome of the American male, who grimaces as the pain burns in his wounds but doesn't particularly do anything as he watches the game conclude in a TV way up in the main lobby. His vision is just that amazing. By this point, Seadra has realized that her opponent isn't even putting up a fight, and is bored to sleep by the sheer failure of the sexist pig before her.

    However, something nags at the back of Slakoth's mind. Yes, it's a pop culture reference.

    Show Hide
    [​IMG]


    That's right, Slakoth slams his fist into the ground, creating a huge wave of energy and awesome shout as epic music begins to play, objecting to his mistreatment by the feminist bitch before her by pointing out flaws in her argument. He points out that she couldn't possibly convince the world to change to her views- the world didn't live in the kitchen. Furthermore, women were enslaved because they let themselves become enslaved, and men had done far more throughout history. Therefore,

    *slams fist into desk and points as music begins to play*

    '"MS. SEADRA. YOU ARE THE REAL KILLER!"

    The audience begins to go wild as the ref slams his gavel down upon his bench (sweet upgrade) calling for order so the battle may continue. Amidst the choas, Seadra wakes back up very confused and very angry for being occused of murder, and preparing to show the annoying lawyer how real women argue.

    She blasts up another batch of salty water, changing the bitter taste of truth into the salty taste of defeat as Slakoth goes down.

    [​IMG](F)
    Seadra
    HP: 55
    Energy: 66
    Other: Killstreak 1

    [​IMG](M)
    Slakoth
    KO

    Brine: 18 damage, 7 energy
    Slakoth loafs around! (+3 energy)
    Seadra is fast asleep!
    Crushing Blow: 17 damage, 20 energy, critical hit, Seadra wakes up
    Brine: KO, 7 energy


    Doorknob, send out Pokemon and orders.
  9. Doorknob

    Doorknob

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    "Good work, Laggers! You'll be more useful, eventually."

    "Let's go Cairo! Take him out with some ghostly tricks!"
    [​IMG]

    Toxic ~ Hex ~ Night Shade
    If he uses Agility to dodge the attacks, then Trick Room the first time, Nasty Plot any other times.
  10. Lord Jesseus

    Lord Jesseus

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    Hydro Pump~Surf~Chill
  11. Rediamond

    Rediamond

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    I apologise, but between bible study, ASM, reffing, studying for finals, and driver's ed my free time is really constrained, and I try to at least get calcs up every three days.

    Hydro Pump: 17 damage, 7 energy
    Toxic: Badly poisoned, 7 energy
    Surf: 15 damage, 6 energy
    Hex: 15 damge, 6 energy
    Chill: +12 energy
    Night Shade: 10 damage, 4 energy

    [​IMG](F)
    Seadra
    HP: 27
    Energy: 65
    Other: Killstreak 1, Badly Poisoned (2DPA)

    [​IMG](M)
    Yamask
    HP: 58
    Energy: 83
    Other: None

    LJ~Doorknob~Inactivity~Reffing
  12. Lord Jesseus

    Lord Jesseus

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    Surf¬Brine¬Surf
    If he disables Surf, replace following Surfs with Hydro Pump.

    Also, I'm going away on holiday for a week and I may or may not have access to the internet. So if I go inactive, that's why. If it gets out of control feel free to DQ me, but I'll be posting again for certain on the 18th.
  13. Doorknob

    Doorknob

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    Uh-oh, Cairo, this is a tough opponent!

    Cairo: Hex ~ Protect ~ Hex
  14. Rediamond

    Rediamond

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    [​IMG](F)
    Seadra
    HP: 27
    Energy: 65
    Other: Killstreak 1, Badly Poisoned (2DPA)

    [​IMG](M)
    Yamask
    HP: 58
    Energy: 83
    Other: None

    Round Four: They're here

    Who's here?

    The tv people.

    What tv people?

    The ones that can possess your house and make for an epic movie that will ruin the average viewer's future experiences with clowns that it didn't already mess up.

    Oh, the Poltergeist ones.

    Yup, the Poltergeist ones. As our little Egyptian ghost continues to battle, he fairs poorly as Seadra roars, summoning a massive wave of feminists to flood into the arena and mob him, doing severe damage as he tries to float out of the crowd after giving them horrible illusions as punishment. In retaliation, he stares into Seadra's eyes, causing her to shudder as she begins to rip her own skin off in an attempt to purge herself of the poison inside of her body, both real and imagined. And then she stops, and realises that she doesn't actually have a way to tear her skin off. However, the psychological and physical damage is already done.

    Sensing an attempt to purge him from the world, Cairo creates a huge mass of flying objects and telekentic bites around him that prevents anything from reaching him, including the blast of saline water she throws in an attempt to break through. The attack does nothing, and for now the light remains hidden and the children locked away by the phantoms. Not willing to give up her third wave feminist roles and play the role of the protagonist in a largely female-centric movie that somewhat implies that women's best (only) role is in the home, it doesn't look like Seadra will be the one to win this round.

    Going in for one last round before the kill, Seadra calls up a huge wave of water while simultaneously bending over from a mindfuck (take that women) from Cairo, that ends in a moment of tense suspense before they both float to the water's surface... but only the Yamask goes willingly.

    [​IMG](F)
    Seadra
    KO
    Killstreak: 1
    [​IMG](M)
    Yamask
    HP: 28
    Energy: 58
    Other: Hauntingly good
    Killstreak: 1

    Show Hide
    Surf: 15 damage, 6 energy
    Hex: 15 damage, 6 energy
    Protect: blocks Brine, 13 energy
    Brine: Blocked, 7 energy
    Surf: 15 damage, 6 energy
    Hex: Critical Hit, KO, 18 damage, 6 energy


    Doorknob~LJ
  15. Rediamond

    Rediamond

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    Doorknob, you have 12 hours.
  16. Doorknob

    Doorknob

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    I have to wait for Jesseus to send out his pokemon, right?
  17. Rediamond

    Rediamond

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    /me face palms.

    SOMEONE HAS 12 HOURS!!!
  18. Lord Jesseus

    Lord Jesseus

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    Oh right I'm dead lolz go Lairon!
  19. Doorknob

    Doorknob

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    Will-o-wisp->Night Shade->Night Shade

    IF Willowisp misses, then do it again.
  20. Lord Jesseus

    Lord Jesseus

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    Head Smash¬Dig¬Metal Claw
    edit: I did too, fixed
  21. Rediamond

    Rediamond

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    You agreed not to use Heavy Slam
  22. Rediamond

    Rediamond

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    [​IMG](M)
    Larion
    HP: 90
    Energy: 100
    Killstreak: 0
    Other: I BE HEAD SMASHIN
    [​IMG](M)
    Yamask
    HP: 28
    Energy: 58
    Other: ...help?
    Killstreak: 1

    Round Five: How to fail at life

    Step one you say we need to talk
    Larion comes out and you start to gawk
    He just glares back at you
    You begin to shudder through and through

    You see him to your left or right
    LJ says left, but you say right
    Between the spectators and shame
    You begin to wonder why you came

    Where did you go wrong? Your couldn't hit
    Somewhere alone in battle's bitterness
    And he fires back all right
    But you know never to aim right

    You let him know who knows best
    By digging down and leaving him to the rest
    Try to evade his defense
    While he keeps firing in innocence
    In a list of what is wrong
    It's what I've told you all along
    I pray to God he hears you
    And you pray to God as he pierces you

    'Cause where did you go wrong? You missed a wisp
    Somewhere along in the terror's grip
    If I worked with you all of the night
    I might teach you how to aim right

    As he begins to raise his claws
    You stay down without a moments pause
    Wait until the scars do show
    And burn him in what follows

    [​IMG](M)
    Larion
    HP: 88
    Energy: 76
    Other: Burned, Mummy Four Actions
    Killstreak: 0
    [​IMG](M)
    Yamask
    HP: 8
    Energy: 25
    Other: Failing at life
    Killstreak: 1


    Head Smash: Miss, 11 energy
    Will-o-wisp: Miss, 7 energy
    Larion dug underground!
    Will-o-wisp: Miss, 11 energy
    Dig: 10 damage, 10 energy, mummy activates
    Metal Claw: 10 damage, 3 energy
    Will-o-wisp: Hit, burn inflicted
  23. Lord Jesseus

    Lord Jesseus

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    Bite¬Payback¬Bite
    If he uses Endure, Bite¬Hone Claws¬Chill
  24. Doorknob

    Doorknob

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    Let's see how much Bruce can clean up...

    Endure ~ Night Shade ~ Night Shade
  25. Lord Jesseus

    Lord Jesseus

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    It irritates me that I actually have no response to Endure. :/
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