It's fall in America, which means a whole new line-up of TV shows is on offer. As none of you may know, I myself have pitched many ideas to the major networks this past year, but sadly all of them have been rejected so far. I present them to you here. Pants on Fire Celebrity contestants are divided into two teams of three, and win points by guessing if the story a member of the opposing team is telling is true or false, all the while their lower half has been soaked in gasoline and set alight. Sleeper Ryan Meadow, a counter-terrorism operative with a severe case of narcolepsy, is the only man who can stop a hidden cell of terrorists that is about to be activated on US soil. Asshats A reality show that follows the travails of a family of multimillionaires with an unfortunate last name, the Asshats, led by their patriach, Vernon Asshat. Fiddle Jonathan Fiddle, a brilliant doctor who is also a compulsive masturbator, must find a way to juggle his work life and personal habits. Circle Jerks A contestant can win big, but only if he can defeat the ten other contestants surrounding him in a series of quickfire quiz questions. Pyramid Scheme Young college graduate Elizabeth Gale finds herself hired by one of the largest financial firms on Wall Street, little does she know all of her bosses are secretly Egyptian deities. Fad Men Set during the mid-late 90s, a fledgling design firm strikes it rich by designing websites for people's pets. Snark An ensemble of disparate characters trade witty barbs at a series of locations. Flurry Rachael Cameron, who has recently moved to the Yukons, is drawn into the lives of the Wallams, an ancient family of were-sasquatches, people who transform into big hairy ape creatures when they come into contact with a snowstorm. Shovel Detective Doug Digg's amazing powers of deduction can only be activated when he is hit on the head with a shovel. Blitzkrieg Bop Set in Great Britain during the Second World War, a dance school full of young hopefuls must find a way to survive war-torn England. Homoland Father Tom McCormack suspects that parishioner Andrew O'Neil, who has returned home after studying in San Francisco, has been turned gay.