Rejected TV shows I have pitched

Fatecrashers

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#1
It's fall in America, which means a whole new line-up of TV shows is on offer. As none of you may know, I myself have pitched many ideas to the major networks this past year, but sadly all of them have been rejected so far. I present them to you here.


Pants on Fire
Celebrity contestants are divided into two teams of three, and win points by guessing if the story a member of the opposing team is telling is true or false, all the while their lower half has been soaked in gasoline and set alight.


Sleeper
Ryan Meadow, a counter-terrorism operative with a severe case of narcolepsy, is the only man who can stop a hidden cell of terrorists that is about to be activated on US soil.


Asshats
A reality show that follows the travails of a family of multimillionaires with an unfortunate last name, the Asshats, led by their patriach, Vernon Asshat.


Fiddle
Jonathan Fiddle, a brilliant doctor who is also a compulsive masturbator, must find a way to juggle his work life and personal habits.


Circle Jerks
A contestant can win big, but only if he can defeat the ten other contestants surrounding him in a series of quickfire quiz questions.


Pyramid Scheme
Young college graduate Elizabeth Gale finds herself hired by one of the largest financial firms on Wall Street, little does she know all of her bosses are secretly Egyptian deities.


Fad Men
Set during the mid-late 90s, a fledgling design firm strikes it rich by designing websites for people's pets.


Snark
An ensemble of disparate characters trade witty barbs at a series of locations.


Flurry
Rachael Cameron, who has recently moved to the Yukons, is drawn into the lives of the Wallams, an ancient family of were-sasquatches, people who transform into big hairy ape creatures when they come into contact with a snowstorm.


Shovel
Detective Doug Digg's amazing powers of deduction can only be activated when he is hit on the head with a shovel.


Blitzkrieg Bop
Set in Great Britain during the Second World War, a dance school full of young hopefuls must find a way to survive war-torn England.


Homoland
Father Tom McCormack suspects that parishioner Andrew O'Neil, who has returned home after studying in San Francisco, has been turned gay.
 

zorbees

Chwa for no reason!
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#4
KRAMER: ...And you're the manager of the circus.

JERRY: A circus?

KRAMER: Come on, this is a great idea. Look at the characters. You've
got all these freaks on the show. A woman with a moustache? I mean, who
wouldn't tune in to see a women with a moustache? You've for the
tallest man in the world; a guy who's just a head.

JERRY: I don't think so.

KRAMER: Look Jerry, the show isn't about the circus, it's about watching
freaks.

JERRY: I don't think the network will go for it.

KRAMER: Why not?

JERRY: Look, I'm not pitching a show about freaks.

KRAMER: Oh come on Jerry, you're wrong. People they want to watch freaks.
This is a "can't miss."
 
#7
A Bird in the Hand
a group of men with clinical giantism wander the streets of london picking up small, attractive females

Ace in the Hole
quickdraw gunslinger/magician Kurt Reynolds takes public restroom stalls by storm

I'm All Ears
set in a Lost-esque abandoned island, twenty-six individuals are scattered around armed only with a swiss army knife and a basic necklace-making DIY kit

Chink in My Armor
this revolutionary sitcom features enormous medieval knight Palantine Hallon and his dwarf sidekick Chang Lingdao as they grapple with both the forces of evil and the difficulty of finding a good wife in feudal europe

Don't Have A Cow
twelve farmers living in a circle each own a cow - however, every night, one cow will be surgically implanted with a bomb wide enough to blow up whatever farm said cow is living in at the time

Takes the Cake
an ornate wedding cake is placed in the cave of a hibernating bear while seven clueless individuals are given the task to retrieve it. little do they know that their pants are magnetized and the floor is covered in sleigh bells
 

Oglemi

oh my gosh you found me
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#8
Chink in My Armor
this revolutionary sitcom features enormous medieval knight Palantine Hallon and his dwarf sidekick Chang Lingdao as they grapple with both the forces of evil and the difficulty of finding a good wife in feudal europe
hahahahahaha
 
#10
Graveyard Shift
A TV documentary series a la Ice Road Truckers that focuses on a crew of men in their attempts to move local cemeteries away from residential areas while fending off zombies
 
#11
Pyramid Scheme
Young college graduate Elizabeth Gale finds herself hired by one of the largest financial firms on Wall Street, little does she know all of her bosses are secretly Egyptian deities.
I want this
Why isn't this a thing
 
#12
Shovel
Detective Doug Digg's amazing powers of deduction can only be activated when he is hit on the head with a shovel.


Dunno why, I laughed at this pretty hard.
 
#18
Eat This!
A young man with an unfortunate name is attacked by a bunch of middle-aged women trying to lose weight.

Fate Crashers
A group of friends decide to embark on a long quest to find and kill Fatecrashers.

Directionless
Blindfolded contestants race for the finish line, which may be behind them.

Fecal Matters
Dr. Oz explains your pooping problems.
 

Mafeking

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#21
Flurry
Rachael Cameron, who has recently moved to the Yukons, is drawn into the lives of the Wallams, an ancient family of were-sasquatches, people who transform into big hairy ape creatures when they come into contact with a snowstorm.
Isn't this what Twilight was about?

Also I'd definitely watch Blitzkrieg Bop. And probably Pyramid Scheme.
 
#23
Sam I Am

Sam D. falls into a coma when he is 12 years old. He wakes up 20-some years later. To find that his father had abandoned him, his mother, and his 7-year-old sister. Unfortunately, two-days later his mother dies in a car accident. Leaving Sam to raise his young sister despite his lack of education and general understanding of the world.
 

Alice

The worst taste in music
#24
Pants on Fire
Celebrity contestants are divided into two teams of three, and win points by guessing if the story a member of the opposing team is telling is true or false, all the while their lower half has been soaked in gasoline and set alight.


Sleeper
Ryan Meadow, a counter-terrorism operative with a severe case of narcolepsy, is the only man who can stop a hidden cell of terrorists that is about to be activated on US soil.

These two have potential.

Seriously
 
#25
Hairy Potter

Can Eric Baptiste, a third-year sculpture major at the New Hampshire Institute of Art, make it big in the real world while also desperately seeking a remedy for his early-onset male-pattern baldness?

EDIT

Four Ways to Norway

Four people in four different corners of the world are all given the task to get to Norway as fast as possible with only their country's national bird for advice.

Kilos to Pounds

This British fitness show features the morbidly obese being paid to lose weight.