1. Welcome to Smogon! Check out the Smogon Starters Hangout for everything you need to know about starting out in the community. Don't forget to introduce yourself in the Introduction and Hangout Thread, too!
  2. Welcome to Smogon Forums! Please take a minute to read the rules.

Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread

Discussion in 'Congregation of the Masses' started by Gabe, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. tape

    tape i woke up in a new bugatti
    is a Pre-Contributor

    Joined:
    May 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,729
    for some actual relationship shit

    my boyfriend is traveling abroad for 3 weeks and im not really into the whole "talk every day or so thing"; im more of a face-to-face (no not skype) person and it makes me feel really bad cuz i go all "im the worst boyfriend ever"

    i want him back and see the pictures and all but while he's gone i'd rather there be some actual space or something.

    maybe i should just tell him instead of telling all of you

    also 6 months next week yay

    edit: i think after those two long-distance "relationships" i had i really dont wanna deal talking with someone i love very often over the internet or IMs or whatever, its just like no.
    mattj likes this.
  2. DM

    DM Ce soir, on va danser.
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a Smogon IRC SOp Alumnus

    Joined:
    May 24, 2005
    Messages:
    12,836
    Don't feel any guilt over that, I'm the same way. If I don't have physical contact with a person, I begin to lose interest. To me, there is nothing worse than talking on the phone every single day, because in my experiences, every relationship I had where that happened has failed, because we inevitably run out of new shit to talk about way too quickly. But, if you talk too little, then you lose interest in each other, so there is a balance to strike there if you want the long distance to work.

    But really, 3 weeks of travel is not as bad as circumstances could be. For me, I tried to hold a relationship with a girl in San Jose, CA (from Buffalo). After that, I tried Boston, and still didn't work. I just don't work long distance, and I've accepted it.
    mattj likes this.
  3. Minwu

    Minwu

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2006
    Messages:
    2,382
    you were just saying your attention was divided, i am going to guess secretly
    tape and mattj like this.
  4. HSA ♥

    HSA ♥ I am the God of the new world.

    Joined:
    May 24, 2009
    Messages:
    973
    My girlfriend is really afraid of sex. I'm 17 and she's almost 14, so there is a small age gap, but she is really afraid of sex. She's a late bloomer and actually just got her first period three or four months ago, so maybe her vagina is weirding out her hormones or something. Anyone have any ideas of how I can warm her up to the idea?
    Bad Ass, Ginku, whistle and 1 other person like this.
  5. tape

    tape i woke up in a new bugatti
    is a Pre-Contributor

    Joined:
    May 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,729
    maybe you shouldnt have sex cuz she doesnt want to have sex.

    DM: thanks for the reply. ive actually given myself a lot of shit for this.
    Houndoomsday likes this.
  6. Shiruba

    Shiruba

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2013
    Messages:
    1,932
    i wouldn't recommend it. you're at about adult size and you describe her as a late bloomer, presumably in other areas of her development as well - and she's thirteen. it sounds like you could hurt her if she did allow you to have sex with her.
    [that said, around 14 for a first period isn't that late, honestly]

    do you know her current boundaries? you need to start from there. doing too much will probably freak her out a little bit. warming up to that idea naturally takes time, especially since women tend not to be as sexually driven as men - not always, of course. if you know your current boundaries, work slowly from there - like, if she'll let you make out with her, feel her up a bit or something [probably around the upper half, since lower would probably feel more invasive to her]. i won't give a step-by-step analysis for it, as it's largely personal, but just use your head. you don't seem like an idiot. time also helps, too. if she's known you for a long time and trusts you, she's likely to be more willing to open up to you - in more ways than one.

    but, please, for the love of god, don't be one of those people who expect sex from someone and if they don't get it bitch about how nice guys finish last. in the end it should be that you actually care about them - not just because you want a good fuck - in a romantic relationship. while "friends with benefits" and such do exist, if that's what you want it should be admitted up-front. don't sneak around or whatever. there are other people who want nothing aside from sex from a person, and that's fine, but let it be known. no need to lead anyone on or break any hearts if she's expecting something you're not gonna give her.

    edit i omitted this part because it seemed obvious to me but maybe it's because i've been in my mother's custody since i was eight, and have thus had to deal with a lot of female!problems.

    i really hope that you understand something; she's likely a virgin, right? giving it away is something that a lot of girls take very seriously and it means a lot to them - and if she'd consider it with you, it's not exactly a trifling matter. that's probably another reason why they're more cautious and conservative about the people they screw; it's more important to them [and they are stuck with the baby if you fuck up/don't abort]. for a lot of chicks it's about the emotional aspect of sex, rather than the physical, and they really need to trust you in order to really enjoy it. pressuring them will not help, which is what i've been trying to say. you can't just get your virginity back, and if you pressure her into it, she'll resent you for it and probably feel like shit. wait, though, and with her trust and love comes her willingness [and possibly eagerness] to please you. it's not like women are [necessarily] selfish bitches, it's just that they operate differently and have different needs.

    so, yeah, consider everything.
    Pocket likes this.
  7. Houndoomsday

    Houndoomsday

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2013
    Messages:
    1,027
    a three year age gap is pretty significant at that age anyways

    i wouldnt suggest pressuring her, fourteen is pretty young and i would imagine that shes not too keen to hop on a dick right away- just let your relationship develop emotionally first
  8. Shiruba

    Shiruba

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2013
    Messages:
    1,932
    ^ also a good general truth. there are some exceptions where the younger party is very mature for their age or whatever but your case doesn't seem to be one of those exceptions.
  9. jumpluff

    jumpluff princess
    is a Forum Moderatoris a Site Staff Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a Smogon IRC SOp Alumnusis a Researcher Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2008
    Messages:
    6,169
    Wanting to have sex does not mean you are or aren't mature for your age.

    I agree with Phantasia. She's (almost) 14, dunno if it's just because I'm five years older than that but that sounds so young to me, especially since you are an older boy; at 13 I barely knew anything about sex, at most it was just something I'd giggle about. If she's afraid of sex and not ready to think about it then let her have that rather than pushing her into moving forward. Just enjoy what you have now, get closer, let your relationship unfold.

    ETA: Also there are plenty of reasons for 14-year-olds not to want to have sex. I don't see what her hormones have to do with it.

    ETA2: That is a perfectly normal age to have your first period. She just hit puberty.
    blitzlefan and Nastyjungle like this.
  10. Porii Sames

    Porii Sames

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2011
    Messages:
    553
    I could sig most of the posts on this thread, but this one is probably the best.
    Honus likes this.
  11. elcheeso

    elcheeso
    is an Artistis a Forum Moderator
    Moderator

    Joined:
    May 3, 2011
    Messages:
    857
    Don't pressure kids into sex.
    -Flygon-, Enguarde, Woodchuck and 4 others like this.
  12. Shiruba

    Shiruba

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2013
    Messages:
    1,932

    didn't mean that at all. i meant physically/emotionally. my best friend was fully-grown when he was like 12, for example.
    [he's 6'1]
  13. Nastyjungle

    Nastyjungle fat and sassy
    is an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2010
    Messages:
    1,932
    i could point out about a million things wrong with that post but to name a few,

    • the vagina does not produce hormones, the ovaries do (and other glands and organs but i assume you mean sexual hormones)
    • not feeling comfortable with sex is 100% valid at that age (and any age), and she does not need to be warmed up to anything
    • you should probably break up if all you want from her is sex (i have to assume that's all you want, since you clearly don't care about her being uncomfortable with being physically intimate, and people generally want their significant others to feel comfortable)
    • manipulating people into sex is not ok
    • stop
    Enguarde, Crux, Coronis and 7 others like this.
  14. HSA ♥

    HSA ♥ I am the God of the new world.

    Joined:
    May 24, 2009
    Messages:
    973
    Naw, chill guys. She has expressed the interest in sex to me, and not a reluctant "going along with me because I am in a position of power" kind of agreeal, because a) our relationship is not like that (I'm not a douchebag, etc) and b) I could tell if it was. I do care about her beyond the sex, which may seem sketchy due to the age gap but to use the cliche, she really isn't a normal 14 year old girl maturity wise. The problem that I'm having is that she'll tell me she wants to and then leave me hanging.

    The vagina hormones thing was a joke. Sorry if I came off like a dick guys!
  15. Soul Fly

    Soul Fly IMMA TEACH YOU WHAT SPLASHIN' MEANS
    is a Contributor to Smogon

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2013
    Messages:
    1,923


    Your signature probably aided the misconception.

    Back on topic though, you 2 should probably wait it out if you can, because if you end up doing it while either of you (read: her) are still unsure about it then you have huge guilt trips later. 14 is a VERY impressionable age, so tread with caution.
  16. Pwnemon

    Pwnemon is a more intuitive player
    is a Tutoris a Forum Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a Tiering Contributoris a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributor
    Doubles Co-Lead

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2010
    Messages:
    4,075
    also don't forget to check age of consent laws if you do decide to follow through with it; i don't know about where you live but i know in maryland that sex with anyone under the age of 14, unless you are also under the age of 14, is statutory rape.
  17. jumpluff

    jumpluff princess
    is a Forum Moderatoris a Site Staff Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a Smogon IRC SOp Alumnusis a Researcher Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2008
    Messages:
    6,169
    Sounds like she is experiencing natural curiosity about sex but isn't actually committed to the idea? Since she's 13 and all and having sex for the first time is a big deal to a lot of people. It physically hurts for some girls and it's a fairly serious emotional decision for many. With something like this, especially considering her age, you should really, really not put ANY pressure on her or get impatient. She should make these decisions by herself and feel free to explore her own sexuality at her own pace without being concerned about your reaction or feeling like she is being hurried into anything she may not feel fully ready for. She literally just hit puberty, which is about when people start seriously considering sex and she is not remotely a late bloomer. 13 is a very typical age for menarche.

    And if she is interested in sex hopefully she has some adults in her life who will provide her with educational resources and/or give her the talk (but its not a very easy discussion to have, my mother just shoved a book at me and let me figure it out myself).
    Pocket likes this.
  18. Soul Fly

    Soul Fly IMMA TEACH YOU WHAT SPLASHIN' MEANS
    is a Contributor to Smogon

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2013
    Messages:
    1,923
    So nice of your people. At least they were concerned enough to point you in the right way. I got my education from porn and Wikipedia.
    Pwnemon likes this.
  19. Houndoomsday

    Houndoomsday

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2013
    Messages:
    1,027
    yeah i still wouldnt push it, still seems VERY young to be having sex

    but in the end its up to you, we dont know the situation etc etc
  20. VKCA

    VKCA (Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    3,668
    so your girlfriend is afraid of sex
    don't have sex with her until she's not afraid of sex
    boom done

    also 13-going-on-14 isn't that young to be banging. There's a catholic school in the west end that's jk-8 and rumor has it that not a girl graduates with her virginity in tact (hyperbole obviously, but you get the point, kids fuck (and are generally starting to fuck at a younger age (at least if you believe the cbc documentary sext up kids)))
    Not that it's helped me get any! Where are the thirteenyearolds that want to fuck me?


    Oh also watched some gay porn for the first time. Or I guess it wasn't the first time watching gay porn, first time watching guy-guy gay porn.
    was pretty legit
    Houndoomsday likes this.
  21. THE_IRON_KENYAN

    THE_IRON_KENYAN 0 vv 0
    is a Forum Moderator
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2007
    Messages:
    3,365
    how do I fuck a girl
  22. HSA ♥

    HSA ♥ I am the God of the new world.

    Joined:
    May 24, 2009
    Messages:
    973
    Beyond my last post, confession time: I have done this a couple times to see what it was like. 5/10, got the post-fap regret
    Houndoomsday likes this.
  23. sora13

    sora13

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2008
    Messages:
    526
    Hey guys, just swinging by because I have a couple of questions that I hope I can get some help with. I don't know if this is the best place to turn for this, but hey why not give it a shot.

    Now just for reference I just graduated high school. I'm a virgin and have never been in a relationship. Having said that, please don't misinterpret that for desperation of any sort.

    So this is the story: A few months ago, concurrent with when I started masturbating, I started watching porn while doing it pretty much every time. Nothing special here as most guys whether they say it or not masturbate like this. Because of this I really never saw a problem with doing it regularly to porn(mind you I'm not talking more than once or twice a day, on RARE occasion it was three times a day).

    Everything was going well, until I spontaneously asked myself the most crucial question that led to my change in attitude regarding porn: "Have you tried masturbating WITHOUT porn?" I waited a day just for good measure and tried masturbating without porn, but it was a no go. I knew this wasn't normal, so I went ahead and did some research about what porn does to you and stumbled on yourbrainonporn.com. After reading the site pretty extensively and being able to relate to a lot of what was written there, I made my resolve to abstain from porn. Do note that I definitely do not have the level of addiction that the site describes, and I'm pretty damn lucky that I was able to realize this problem before it escalated.

    I made that decision around a day ago. However, I'm not stupid enough to think that my willpower alone will carry me through the whole ordeal, because willpower peaks and dips and no matter how good our intentions are when we resolve to break an addiction, and I am especially prone to spontaneous dips in willpower courtesy of my ADHD. All I have to endure is the initial period of around 3 weeks. Any creative ideas for what I should do to safeguard myself? just need is something that can just pop a red flag in my brain, not an ironwall filter never allowing me to watch porn again. It can be a notification or just something I notice really.
    Minwu likes this.
  24. the dead mans oddysey

    the dead mans oddysey

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    310
    put your dick in a girls vagina and THRUST!

    @elcheeso and especially Soul Fly thanks for all the help :)
  25. Coronis

    Coronis NORM!
    is a Battle Server Moderator

    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Messages:
    1,617

    Just ask one.

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)