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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread

Discussion in 'Congregation of the Masses' started by Gabe, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. JirachiWishMKR

    JirachiWishMKR

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    My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year, we're both 19 years old. I recently took her virginity and have some questions.

    Her hymen has been broken for a couple years but she lost her virginity to me in the beginning of August. Since then we've had sex about 6 or 7 times. The first time we had sex it hurt her a lot but she was wet enough that we could do it for a while before she told me to stop. She described the feeling as a stinging feeling with some cramps. It was pretty much the same the second time as well. By the third time the stinging feeling was gone, but she says that she still experiences occasional "cramps" as well as a consistent feeling of soreness(for lack of a better word to describe it, she says). I don't know if it's because we have been having sex too much. There has been at least one day separating each time we've done it.

    I never have a problem fitting inside her, I'm of average size and there is always a lot of foreplay so that she's usually very wet once we start. Is this normal? Are there any ways to make it more pleasurable and less painful for her, or is it just a matter of her getting used to it? I guess this isn't the best place to ask since there are certainly more guys than girls on this site, but I figure maybe some of you have had similar experiences with your partners and could share some insight.
  2. cgilbert

    cgilbert

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    Uh yeah that means you stop having sex until she heals and feels better.
  3. cookie

    cookie Adominnustrata
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    stop taking advice from strangers online about what is obviously a medical issue and tell her to see a doctor
    Chaoswalker and cim like this.
  4. WaterBomb

    WaterBomb because exploding camels wasn't enough
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    quoted for truth. If you don't have the money to see a doctor I'd suggest taking some time off until she "heals" like the poster above cookie said.
  5. Chinchou

    Chinchou Banned deucer.

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    Ok, today was the eighth day of our relationship and I told him I wasn't really ready to kiss yet and now I am ^-^ So after rejecting him, do you think I should just go to talk to him and tell him that I am ready to kiss? It seems awkward to me.

    Btw, I am 17 .___. not 13.
  6. atomicllamas

    atomicllamas NIPPLE BLADES OF FURY
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    You could do this, or since you know he wants to kiss you, you could just kiss him. I'm pretty sure he'd get the picture from that as well :p.
  7. DM

    DM Ce soir, on va danser.
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    Just kiss him. That'll make the moment even more memorable.
    Artikyuno and Ninahaza like this.
  8. cim

    cim happiness is such hard work
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    you could do it either two ways

    first, you could just do it. i assume he's been wanting to kiss a lot so he's very likely to want it, so just doing it sometime would probably make it pretty cool awesome

    you could also be like "hey... i think i'm ready, would you like to kiss?" or some simple form of communication. spontaniety and surprise are overrated and this allows you to get on the same page which might be more comfortable. anything awkward about it melts away once you kiss anyhow.

    have fun
  9. VKCA

    VKCA (Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)

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    posting to say that smoking cigarettes at parties is a dangerously good way of meeting/talking to new people

    eiii
    I was kidding darl
    gays just tend to sound cute/immature on the internet
    for whatever reason

    but wouldn't consulting a medical professional be now taking advice from strangers on the internet??
  10. gookie

    gookie Administrator
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    everyone from smogon is a friend on the internet
  11. Lavos Spawn

    Lavos Spawn
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  12. Chaoswalker

    Chaoswalker

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    Kinda depends on the kind of guy he his. A passive person like me might be kinda shocked by having it sprung on me. I know some of my more outgoing friends would be perfectly fine with having a kiss out of nowhere. If you want to meet in between just saying you will and doing it suddenly, try an indicating action like looking into his eyes for a long moment and moving in slowly. Most people should be ready after that, lol.
  13. Unitas

    Unitas

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    Alright big dump of my story.

    So my girlfriend and I are both juniors in highschool. This was my first relationship ever, and this was probabl her 5th or 6th. We got together at the very end of July so it's been around 4-5 months of us being together. The first 3 were really great. We'd see each other every weekend, we'd text and call throughout the week after school, and we were generally just happy together. Due to this being my irat relationship, we were slow to go physically which I think helped. We didn't kiss until our 4th date I think (my first kiss!!!). At around the beginning of the 4th month, November, things started getting kinda bad. We were just talking one night and I mentioned to her how it felt like we weren't as close. My girlfriend agreed and said it was just because she was busy with schoolwork and stuff so I understood and just left it at that. The weekend after we had this discussion, my girlfriend made plans with other friends for Friday night and Saturday even though I asked her earlier if she was free. This upset me but I did not say anything.

    Then this happened. It seems unrelated but comes back later in the story. I'll just call my girlfriend "Susie" for clarification and stuff. Well I heard one day from another friend (a girl) that some guys (pat, mike, bill) thought Susie was very attractive. She was just telling me this since this girl knew Susie and I were dating.

    Susie is also known to have had many self confidence issues in the past. Most issues lead back to her body. I've helped her with them as best I could and she's said it's gotten better this past year.

    Anyways, I told Susie about the three guys thinking she was attractive and she then told me that she thinks Pat is one of the hottest guys in the grade. I didn't really care that she said that at point. I should also mention that unless I mention that we are texting, all the talking is at lunch at our school.

    So I try to text Susie that week after school and I either kept getting no response or "sorry I'm busy!!" This is when I started thinking more about how "busy" she could be. Yes I doubted her, and maybe I was wrong to but who knows. So we hangout this upcoming weekend for the first time in two weeks. It seems fine in peraon, like she's interested in me and stuff which seems to contradict when we aren't together. Earlier that day I was at a wrestling tournament, and texted Susie with no response. When I found out she was going to this mutual friends house I texted her and she did confirm she was going. I said I would meet her there. Once there it's nice just being with her but towards the end Susie does something terrible. She holds up her phone into my face showing my her text messages with Pat saying "look who I was texting???" At te same times I texted her with no response. I felt shitty but didn't say anything.

    Things continued this way for the next week, barely texting at all and only talking during lunch.

    I confronted Susie asking her if she still wanted to be in a relationship (over text) because it seemed like she didn't anymore. She got angry at me for "making her feel bad" even though she has been making me feel bad for a while. It was a long fight and at the end she promises to make time to text me. She did not text me at all after that fight.

    That Friday night Susie came over to my house to hang out. It was good up until the very end when she once again help up her phone saying "guess who I was texting???" At this point I just shutdown. I didn't talk to her for the last 10 minutes and just watched tv. She said sorry but overall didn't seem to care that much about her hurting me.

    Saturday morning I asked for advice from a good friend of mine who is a girl. Her name will be "Jane". I told Jane this whole story and she said that she thinks Susie wants to end the relationship, based off of her past experiences. Jane told me to break up with Susie but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so instead I just confronted Susie with everything I've told you and told her that she has to show me she cares about our relationship my talking to me, trying to make plans with me over her friends sometimes and blah blah blah. It was a big fight and she suggested taking a break from our relationship. She then quickly took the idea back saying it would "suck". We were both hurt a lot after this. She once again promised she'd text me to show me she cares. She did not text me that well at all.

    Now it's yesterday, and she doesn't text me again. I'm only texting her to try and plan something to hang out. Friday night she had plans with other friends and she also planned with friends for Saturday night as well. She said she'd only hang out with me if our group of friends did something. Luckily we did. So the nights going good like it always is to start. And at the end it goes bad again. She has her snapchat up and on her best friends list is Pat again. She hasn't snap chatted me once in a month.

    Throughout this her whole argument is that she doesn't have to text me to show me she cares. Maybe I'm overreacting but it hurts when she texts other guys over me when she's not busy.

    So last night I text her after we lar and then it got serious. Susie got very upset and was very angry at me for making her feel bad over and over. Susie broke up with me. Then almost instantly she took it back. She said it's too early to break up and she doesn't want to leave what we have.

    That's mostly the end of the story. I've condensed a lot and there's a lot of little things I'm missing or haven't said. For example there was one time when we were hanging out and one of her EXs asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm with marie". She wouldn't say she was with me. I asked her about that and she didn't give me any clear answer only "idk. I'm sorry. Idk why. I'm sorry". She also texts other people a lot (guys and girls) when we are together but when she hangs out with her friends she never texts me.

    Thank you for reading this I need help with what I should do! Ask any questions you need to!!
  14. DM

    DM Ce soir, on va danser.
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    Don't make a priority out of people who don't make you one of theirs. Simple as that.
    Lanturn314, Cshadow, Harlot and 2 others like this.
  15. Perfect Cell

    Perfect Cell

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    At the risk of looking like a fool when I ask this, here I go.

    Is it a bad idea to ask someone out again if they turned you down, albeit gently? I've always had the thought of "Ask her once and no more after", but sometimes I wonder if that's really the way to go with this sort of thing.

    For some context, I asked someone out on Monday, they said "Maybe". Come Tuesday, they tell me that they appreciated me asking, but they like someone else. Being the canadian gentleman I was, I said "Well, I hope that works out for you, see you later I guess." Admittedly, it wasn't easy to do that without flipping out or having some sort of reaction, but I'm proud to say I didn't flip out.

    Obviously I don't plan to ask her again for awhile(Perhaps in Jan/Feb). This is also assuming she isn't with someone by then. But uh, I still like her regardless of being turned down.

    Sorry if it seems like a trivial question, but I'd appreciate an answer.

    Thanks.
  16. Shiruba

    Shiruba

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    I do know how it feels to be seemingly ignored by the person you cared about. However, in my case, it was more or less because mine was quite busy with family, work, school, etc, and that was removed when he stopped having to work. Your girl, on the other hand, just seems like she's either a) wanting you to make a scene so you can show that you're a "man" and you care about her, or b) is cheating on you and just doesn't want to tell you. She does seem to be making herself a bit obvious, though - "guess who I was texting"? Come on, she's either got the immaturity of a four-year-old or wants your attention. You can tell, too; she had those issues with her body image, correct? That's not uncommon for teenage girls {and boys, too!}, but that combined with her breaking up with you and then taking it back more than once, to me at least, makes her look like she's more or less "taking advantage of you" for making her feel good.

    Making someone feel good isn't insane or a bad thing, but the thing is, she's not giving back, is she? You're trying really hard and she's making you feel like shit. My bro was under a similar circumstance as you - though she was a bit worse in the sense that she also regularly made him late for classes because he always picked her up and she dilly-dallied, and then growled at him when her hour-long showers meant that they couldn't have breakfast. Doing that, playing with your emotions and then not following up on them, seemingly intentionally making you feel like shit... She might not be degrading you by name-calling or yelling at you for doing nice things for her, like my friend's {unfortunately, current} girlfriend did {does?}, a relationship should not have to be a chore. It's supposed to be fun, to go there for love and guidance and to make your life better. While there are inevitably rough patches, when you really have to "work" on a relationship, and it pains you greatly to do it... You seem like a really nice guy who greatly cares about her, but she has to realize that she has to contribute, also. It's not a one-way street. You have needs, too, and she needs to see that. While you don't have to break up with her per se, I would definitely recommend "taking a break" and letting her mature and take a step back and realize that she has to help you, too. It's not all about her, and she needs to realize that.
    Minwu likes this.
  17. Unitas

    Unitas

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    Shiruba

    You are completely correct, she does not give it back in any circumstance. Part of her excuse too is, "I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship. Maybe thats why all of mine fail." She says that she wants to be with me, but that I make her feel like she doesn't care. Which quite frankly, I don't think she does. She even admits to not being mature enough, yet she expects me to almost go down to her level of maturity. She wants me to not care as much as she doesn't care.

    As to taking a break, we've mentioned it before but right after she always says "No actually i don't want to, i think it'll suck." Does she say stuff and then take it back for attention? Could that also be the reason why she texts other people over me? That she knows I'll give her attention no matter what, so she gets it from other people as well?

    EDIT: Now, about an hour ago, Susie said that she wanted to talk me tomorrow morning before classes started. She wouldn't tell me about what so i guessed that she wanted to break up with me, and she said i was correct. I said bye and that i would see her at school then. About 15 minutes later she texted back saying she was crying and sad and wanted me to promise to "not get too emotional" anymore. She seems to be on the edge of having a bipolar disorder. This is getting out of hand.
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2013
  18. Chaoswalker

    Chaoswalker

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    I think a good way to look at is: How does it look from her perspective? Why did she turn you down the way she did? If a person starts saying no in multiple different ways, it's often because they aren't interested and want to be nice about it. One of the most important things to remember is that turning people down is hard, and she might not be being as firm as she feels about the matter. Still, based on my experience I'd say a little more investigating can't hurt. There was a girl I was interested in and while she seemed somewhat interested, but I just couldn't be sure. After a while one of her friends calls me and talks to me about it, saying that we do like each other and that she thinks we should go for it. The moral of the story? If you are unsure, ask her friends. They probably know enough about the situation to give good information, but would be less likely to sugar coat things or hold back something that would cause you to drop the matter altogether. If that's awkward, see if you can find a way to text them about it, or message them though social networking like facebook. That way you can easily explain the whole situation and they can properly think through their answer (or even get back to that friend.)
  19. Lanturn314

    Lanturn314

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    It depends, really. If, in a few months, you two become closer and she seems to be flirting with you more, go for it! The worst that can happen is that she'll say no.

    If nothing changes, or if she keeps telling you about other guys she likes, or otherwise drops hints that she's not into you, then give it up. It'll only make things MORE awkward if you try asking her out in this case. AND even if she does appear to be flirting with you, if she turns you down a *second* time, that's it. Just stop. At that point, if she actually has feelings for you, she'll come around eventually, and if not, welll..... yeah....
  20. Perfect Cell

    Perfect Cell

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    Hmm, the idea of trying to figure out more information doesn't seem like horrible.... but I'm not exactly sure how I'd go about with asking them, much less with what to actually ask.

    Yeah, I agree. If I asked again and she turned me down a second time, that would be the end of that.
  21. Pwnemon

    Pwnemon Switching is a metagame trend
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    kill it now. she's obviously not ready for a relationship and you're not doing yourself a favor by staying in this one.
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  22. Shiruba

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    Sorry for taking forever, I was at work.

    The bipolar thing... It's a tricky one. I can tell that you care about her and want her to feel better, but staying with her and condoning this behaviour fans the flames and makes her ever more dependent on you. I know you don't want her to depend on you; you want her to want to be with you, absolutely, but having someone depend on you is so much pressure, particularly as a teen, and it's clear that you respect her enough to want to give her some of her own autonomy. She does, however, have to get her own help; she has to go and talk to someone who can really help her, not just place the weight of all of her burdens on you. You have no obligation and she has no right to expect you to be her psychiatrist and her father and to supply everything for her. It's clear that she's got some problems, but that's no excuse to ignore your needs and instead put only hers on the table. She's not an adult, but the time is coming where she has to learn to not place all of her problems on other people. Part of growing up is that you "grow a pair" and learn that your family can't provide everything for you. While that doesn't mean she has to go through this alone, you have to put your foot down in some way. She has to be willing to seek help from someone who can truly help her. She needs the cure, not a band-aid, and she needs to put forth effort in that, too.

    Her relationships mostly fail, but there's a reason for that. The other guys seem to have abandoned her or not told her, and I think that you're better than that. I think you should have a good, long, detailed conversation, face-to-face if possible. There will probably be tears and apologies. Try not to let her leave before it's done, though you obviously shouldn't beat her into submission or anything. This is a topic that she needs to understand, or she'll just keep making the same mistakes over and over. I honestly think that she already knows deep inside of her, but she needs someone to tell it to her straight up. I think that if you tell her, you'll save each other a lot of heartache and her a lot of confusion; and you might even save the relationship, if that's what you want.
  23. kalphiteman4

    kalphiteman4

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    idk maybe i'm just tired and jaded but this is high school, 99% of relationships they have will fail. I've had friends bitch to me about how every single relationship they've been in has failed... including the one that lasted three years. Any relationship that ends will look like a "failure", no need to look into this that much.

    She seems to be dragging you down, I'd cut all contact with her and let her get her shit sorted out. To me it seems like she obviously wants Pat and is just using you as a safety net. You don't need a toxic relationship like that in your life.
    Shiruba likes this.
  24. TrueSoprano

    TrueSoprano

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    Yeah, high school relationships usually don't last. Everyone's too immature... plus, people grow up and change.

    While I'm posting in this thread, I might as well talk about myself. I got to first and second base when I was 10, and third and fourth when I was 20. I haven't been in any relationship for just over 2 years, though, and I guess I'm OK with it since focusing on school is my #1 priority right now.
  25. Chaoswalker

    Chaoswalker

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    My beef with high school relationships is that nobody really knows what they are even going in for. One day we suddenly realise we have a bunch of impulses and we have the vague inkling that boys and girls get together and enjoy each other's company, mostly based on media where 90% of portrayals glorify the idea of the romantic getting together but few go beyond into the actual meat of a relationship. So if we ask ourselves what we intend to do, we might say "Uh... treat her nice and be close?" Meanwhile our brain is yelling "TOUCH HER BOOB, TOUCH HER BOOB!"
    DestinyUnknown and Shiruba like this.

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