fuck her in the ass
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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread
- Thread starter Gabe
- Start date
At the start of the post: "Huh I thought you were gay"
At the end of the post: "Nope, just a (BAN ME PLEASE)"
At the end of the post: "Nope, just a (BAN ME PLEASE)"
a sex thread on smogon
oh boy.
oh boy.
VKCA
(Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)
Relationship threads on the internet:
50% people bitching about the friendzone
50% people circlejerking about how the friendzone doesn't exist
add ice and serve
(but yeah honey you and the rest of the world who isn't under the age of five is well aware that the friendzone doesn't exist, get in line and start tugging)
chaos beat you to this joke by like, ten years
edit: okay so it was actually just a little under nine fuck you nobody's perfect
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WELL NOW that we're back on this infamous topic, please help me for i have never understood this: if the friendzone refers to a particular phenomenon that people experience, specifically (the perception of) being disqualified as a romantic and/or sexual option by the subject of one's desires, how can it not "exist"? i can recognize the snottiness of complaining that you prostrated yourself before a woman and she didnt repay you in sexual favors, and so i can see how so many complaints about being friendzoned are not to be taken seriously, but they still refer to a situation with common elements, and the concept of the friendzone itself seems a useful shorthand for that situation. what am i misunderstanding?
Let the poor horse rest in peace. Please.
VKCA
(Virtual Circus Kareoky Act)
wait that was a joke about my virginity right
'non-existent' is just being used as a synonym for 'something you shouldn't be mad about'
Also there's a variety of things that get labeled as the friend zone. I'm friends with a girl and I've never expressed any desire in her at all if only I wasn't in the friend zone then we could totally bang. The scenario you describe, I asked a girl out and she just said I want to be friends. That guy and girl are really close but he's not getting any LOL he's in the friendzone!!!!
uhh
I don't know, there's other scenarios that get pitched as friend zoning, i'm not going to bother thinking of more
am I in the friend zone with my friends? if a girl is my friend and I want her to be but also wouldn't mind banging her would I still be in the friendzone because I'm not (banging her) and never mentioned to her that I'd like to?
(sorry it might take a couple tries to read that sentence I'm pretty sick right now)
The point is it's a retarded thing to complain about, you don't need a 'shorthand for that situation' because it's not a 'situation'
is it so hard to just be happy someone wants to be your friend?
I mean I want to fuck Netanyahu but that's never going to happen, am I upset about it? no, I just masturbate to his facebook pictures like a normal person
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semantics whatever
'non-existent' is just being used as a synonym for 'something you shouldn't be mad about'
Also there's a variety of things that get labeled as the friend zone. I'm friends with a girl and I've never expressed any desire in her at all if only I wasn't in the friend zone then we could totally bang. The scenario you describe, I asked a girl out and she just said I want to be friends. That guy and girl are really close but he's not getting any LOL he's in the friendzone!!!!
uhh
I don't know, there's other scenarios that get pitched as friend zoning, i'm not going to bother thinking of more
am I in the friend zone with my friends? if a girl is my friend and I want her to be but also wouldn't mind banging her would I still be in the friendzone because I'm not (banging her) and never mentioned to her that I'd like to?
(sorry it might take a couple tries to read that sentence I'm pretty sick right now)
The point is it's a retarded thing to complain about, you don't need a 'shorthand for that situation' because it's not a 'situation'
is it so hard to just be happy someone wants to be your friend?
I mean I want to fuck Netanyahu but that's never going to happen, am I upset about it? no, I just masturbate to his facebook pictures like a normal person
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OK, I have some relationship issues and I am not sure how to begin. Well, this may be lengthy, but bare with me. I'll appreciate any well-thought advice given to me.
I've been together with a girl for about 8 months now in a semi-long distance relationship. I say semi, because it's not exactly long distance literally, we live in the same country, however due to certain circumstances we cannot meet. We met once on our first date, but the rest is mostly voice chat/online chatting.
A little back story, I had a crush on her early 2013, but due to me being Agnostic and her being Muslim, I was afraid she'd reject me for my religious stance (especially in my region, where there are more religious people, and religion is a very serious matter). My stance btw, I haven't told my family and some of my friends because of the same reason (fearing they'd have a big fight with me, which is likely especially from family).
ANYWAY, when I told her about it, she was shocked at first, but later told me she was fine with it. I told her I wanted to migrate to another country, so that might pose a threat, but she said "let's give it a try". So, we started chatting and phoning and I started falling for her and vice versa. She told me she wanted to go to a different country than the ones I listed as possibility that I wanted to go to, after time because I was falling for her fast I accepted that we'd go together to this country.
This country isn't as open minded as countries I wished to go to, where my primary concern was that law and society would accept me being an open agnostic (not that I'd shove my opinions, but at least I'd not have to hide it), never the less I accepted this and later on also accepted to not let my secret out to my family, as that would probably allow an obstacle for her and her family and same for me and my family. My initial plan before I met her was vague, but it was basically to "escape" to a more open minded country and just be open about my stance without the burden of having to keep the secret, but like I said because of my growing love for her, I let my migration to such countries go.
Another obstacle is kids. While I'm not that enthusiastic about kids, I still wouldn't mind a possibility where in the future we'd have a few if we decided, however, because of her religious stance this would result in a conflict between us as to how to raise our child. For me I'd let them choose what they want, but her most likely would like to indoctrinate her religion on him/her from the start. While, I'd not mind if my kid CHOSE to be religious, I mind the idea of having a religion shoved up his brain while still young. As a result, I suggested that we don't have kids at all and she agreed as she already wasn't too fund of kids in the first place. Now, you might be thinking why am I making all these major decisions relatively early on? it's because if I didn't make them, our relationship would be moot or end at some point. So, I wanted to make things clear if we wanted things to proceed forward.
To sum it up, to be her I made three major life choices:
Migrate to a different country than ones I wanted (less open minded).
Keep my stance a secret.
Not have kids.
Thing is, she isn't perfect obviously, but she should be in my eyes. I do love her a lot, however I keep seeing her flaws and get annoyed by them, to the point I go like will it last? is she worth it? I even thought about her looks and I felt really bad about thinking those things, because why can't I bypass her flaws even though I love her deeply? why don't I see her as most beautiful in my eyes? am I shallow? she is by no means ugly and she goes look good, but why did that concern me? do I feel like I want a better looking woman? all these thoughts and more have DEEPLY hurt me, and kept my head spinning and feel as if I have two people arguing inside my head. Am I too blinded by love? am I a coward? am I selfish? do I have high standards? are those standards high partially because I had to make three major life decisions just to be with her? Also other thoughts.
Lately, I've been feeling more sad than happy and I feel tension in the relationship, however I don't feel that all the time,
Now the real issue is, I can't decide or even think that there is a possibility of me breaking up with her (which we did for 2 days because of religious reasons, apparently she didn't know her religion doesn't allow her to marry someone like me, but later she said she can't live without me, and I said the same so we got back together). Question is, how do I know if what I am thinking has truth in it or not? how do I know I am not overthinking/analyzing? how do I know I am not blinded by love? What should I do to determine what should be done and hopefully not have these painful thoughts again?
I hope I made things as clear as possible and like I said any well-thought advice is appreciated. Thank you.
P.S. not sure if it matters or not, but she is my first girlfriend. Some extra info to weigh in your advice I guess.
I've been together with a girl for about 8 months now in a semi-long distance relationship. I say semi, because it's not exactly long distance literally, we live in the same country, however due to certain circumstances we cannot meet. We met once on our first date, but the rest is mostly voice chat/online chatting.
A little back story, I had a crush on her early 2013, but due to me being Agnostic and her being Muslim, I was afraid she'd reject me for my religious stance (especially in my region, where there are more religious people, and religion is a very serious matter). My stance btw, I haven't told my family and some of my friends because of the same reason (fearing they'd have a big fight with me, which is likely especially from family).
ANYWAY, when I told her about it, she was shocked at first, but later told me she was fine with it. I told her I wanted to migrate to another country, so that might pose a threat, but she said "let's give it a try". So, we started chatting and phoning and I started falling for her and vice versa. She told me she wanted to go to a different country than the ones I listed as possibility that I wanted to go to, after time because I was falling for her fast I accepted that we'd go together to this country.
This country isn't as open minded as countries I wished to go to, where my primary concern was that law and society would accept me being an open agnostic (not that I'd shove my opinions, but at least I'd not have to hide it), never the less I accepted this and later on also accepted to not let my secret out to my family, as that would probably allow an obstacle for her and her family and same for me and my family. My initial plan before I met her was vague, but it was basically to "escape" to a more open minded country and just be open about my stance without the burden of having to keep the secret, but like I said because of my growing love for her, I let my migration to such countries go.
Another obstacle is kids. While I'm not that enthusiastic about kids, I still wouldn't mind a possibility where in the future we'd have a few if we decided, however, because of her religious stance this would result in a conflict between us as to how to raise our child. For me I'd let them choose what they want, but her most likely would like to indoctrinate her religion on him/her from the start. While, I'd not mind if my kid CHOSE to be religious, I mind the idea of having a religion shoved up his brain while still young. As a result, I suggested that we don't have kids at all and she agreed as she already wasn't too fund of kids in the first place. Now, you might be thinking why am I making all these major decisions relatively early on? it's because if I didn't make them, our relationship would be moot or end at some point. So, I wanted to make things clear if we wanted things to proceed forward.
To sum it up, to be her I made three major life choices:
Migrate to a different country than ones I wanted (less open minded).
Keep my stance a secret.
Not have kids.
Thing is, she isn't perfect obviously, but she should be in my eyes. I do love her a lot, however I keep seeing her flaws and get annoyed by them, to the point I go like will it last? is she worth it? I even thought about her looks and I felt really bad about thinking those things, because why can't I bypass her flaws even though I love her deeply? why don't I see her as most beautiful in my eyes? am I shallow? she is by no means ugly and she goes look good, but why did that concern me? do I feel like I want a better looking woman? all these thoughts and more have DEEPLY hurt me, and kept my head spinning and feel as if I have two people arguing inside my head. Am I too blinded by love? am I a coward? am I selfish? do I have high standards? are those standards high partially because I had to make three major life decisions just to be with her? Also other thoughts.
Lately, I've been feeling more sad than happy and I feel tension in the relationship, however I don't feel that all the time,
Now the real issue is, I can't decide or even think that there is a possibility of me breaking up with her (which we did for 2 days because of religious reasons, apparently she didn't know her religion doesn't allow her to marry someone like me, but later she said she can't live without me, and I said the same so we got back together). Question is, how do I know if what I am thinking has truth in it or not? how do I know I am not overthinking/analyzing? how do I know I am not blinded by love? What should I do to determine what should be done and hopefully not have these painful thoughts again?
I hope I made things as clear as possible and like I said any well-thought advice is appreciated. Thank you.
P.S. not sure if it matters or not, but she is my first girlfriend. Some extra info to weigh in your advice I guess.
Hi all! I haven't posted in this thread before but have been reading the content, looking at problems and people's responses to them. On the whole I everyone on this topics speaks well and decently, so I'd like to share a problem too. This may be a bit marginal to Relationships and Sex Ed, but it does fall into a similar category. Some background first.
I go to an all-boys school, but there is an all-girls school next door on the same site (different building network obviously). For all intents and purposes it is a mixed school in everything except the classes. On Valentine's Day boys and girls have the options of sending roses anonymously to one another, and I received one. I was later told who it was by, and although I appreciate the sentiment, this girl is not someone I see myself with. The problem is that she seems to be increasingly smitten with me, goes out of her way to talk to me excessively, and apparently she talks about me often to her friends. It is beginning to impact on my life as well on hers, at least far more than it should do, and I feel I need a resolution to the situation.
What is making matters especially difficult, and I have to be careful here and apologise in advance for any offence caused, is that it is pretty clear the girl has some sort of mental illness. I'm no expert but it appears to be some form of autism. I have several obviously autistic friends whom I have no trouble talking to and who get on with life fine, but this is not the case for this girl. She does not get sarcasm, stands far too close to people (which can be very uncomfortable as I'm not sure whether to ask her to move or not), she'll take offence at obvious jokes which are not harmful to her at all, and she's incredibly loud all the time. I find her very difficult to get on with, and attempts at subtly telling her I am not interested have all failed as she just_doesn't_get_it. The news has to be broken explicitly and from myself. We're not sure why she likes me, either. I know love is fickle but I rarely talk to her and am not very attractive and she has a lot of wrong ideas about me.
Essentially, I feel I have a few options:
a) Tell her face to face I don't like her. This has drawbacks as I can't meet with her in private and I imagine she'll react very badly when she hears. As well as very loudly.
b) Tell her over facebook. I like this idea more as I can write a response and think about it to break it to her easily, but there will still be fallout and I would feel bad doing it over social media.
c) Get a friend to put it to her. Again, she may not believe them and it could come back round to me in the end.
d) Not do anything, but this doesn't satisfy me.
Any insight at all would be very helpful, and anything I may be missing would be useful too. I'm not used to relationship-esque things, and am especially alien to people liking me, but I feel it has to stop and I want to cause the minimum suffering and backlash possible.
I go to an all-boys school, but there is an all-girls school next door on the same site (different building network obviously). For all intents and purposes it is a mixed school in everything except the classes. On Valentine's Day boys and girls have the options of sending roses anonymously to one another, and I received one. I was later told who it was by, and although I appreciate the sentiment, this girl is not someone I see myself with. The problem is that she seems to be increasingly smitten with me, goes out of her way to talk to me excessively, and apparently she talks about me often to her friends. It is beginning to impact on my life as well on hers, at least far more than it should do, and I feel I need a resolution to the situation.
What is making matters especially difficult, and I have to be careful here and apologise in advance for any offence caused, is that it is pretty clear the girl has some sort of mental illness. I'm no expert but it appears to be some form of autism. I have several obviously autistic friends whom I have no trouble talking to and who get on with life fine, but this is not the case for this girl. She does not get sarcasm, stands far too close to people (which can be very uncomfortable as I'm not sure whether to ask her to move or not), she'll take offence at obvious jokes which are not harmful to her at all, and she's incredibly loud all the time. I find her very difficult to get on with, and attempts at subtly telling her I am not interested have all failed as she just_doesn't_get_it. The news has to be broken explicitly and from myself. We're not sure why she likes me, either. I know love is fickle but I rarely talk to her and am not very attractive and she has a lot of wrong ideas about me.
Essentially, I feel I have a few options:
a) Tell her face to face I don't like her. This has drawbacks as I can't meet with her in private and I imagine she'll react very badly when she hears. As well as very loudly.
b) Tell her over facebook. I like this idea more as I can write a response and think about it to break it to her easily, but there will still be fallout and I would feel bad doing it over social media.
c) Get a friend to put it to her. Again, she may not believe them and it could come back round to me in the end.
d) Not do anything, but this doesn't satisfy me.
Any insight at all would be very helpful, and anything I may be missing would be useful too. I'm not used to relationship-esque things, and am especially alien to people liking me, but I feel it has to stop and I want to cause the minimum suffering and backlash possible.
*I don't have very much experience and thus any advice/opinion I give may not be helpful
Well, let's scale the options.
Option D, like you said, doesn't help anyone at all, so that's pretty much out the window.
Option C and B both have the issue of her perhaps not picking it up. I mean, if she can't tell the difference between joke/serious in real-life, imagine how confused she might be if she got a single line of text from the internet. Plus, while this may not be relevant at all, it's also kinda gutless to do it over media/friend.
Option A, while unfortunately the one that might do the most damage, is probably the lesser of the two(four?) evils. While you should be firm in saying that you don't have any interest in her, obviously don't be brutal over it.
In all truth and honesty, there's no way to really avoid fallout damage with this, and I only really suggest option A because that's probably what I would do in that situation.
Hope this helps out, but regardless, good luck.
Well, let's scale the options.
Option D, like you said, doesn't help anyone at all, so that's pretty much out the window.
Option C and B both have the issue of her perhaps not picking it up. I mean, if she can't tell the difference between joke/serious in real-life, imagine how confused she might be if she got a single line of text from the internet. Plus, while this may not be relevant at all, it's also kinda gutless to do it over media/friend.
Option A, while unfortunately the one that might do the most damage, is probably the lesser of the two(four?) evils. While you should be firm in saying that you don't have any interest in her, obviously don't be brutal over it.
In all truth and honesty, there's no way to really avoid fallout damage with this, and I only really suggest option A because that's probably what I would do in that situation.
Hope this helps out, but regardless, good luck.
Naturally, I will try to be as gentle as I possibly can. If I do do it over social media, I'll write more than just a line of text; I would make it very clear that I am not interested but I'll present it in the best way possible. If an Option A opportunity arises I shall take it, but the difficulty is catching her in a non-crowded place. Since that would be random, I may not be fully prepared to say something, but as you say, I feel face-to-face is the most decent thing to do, but it is sadly, logistically, the hardest.
SMZ: If your life plans aren't working out, break up, especially since you disagree on some fundamental things like where to live and kids. "There are other fish in the sea", as the saying goes, especially since this is your first girlfriend. Having different lifestyles is a perfectly valid reason to break up, break ups don't always have to mean that you hate each other or something. If you're unhappy and you don't see yourself living that lifestyle where you have to hide your beliefs, why torture yourself? If you fear being alone, it's perfectly normal to feel that way, but in the grand scheme of things, you'd probably find someone else more compatible in the more liberal country. And you'd be happier!
frogoholic101: Facebook should be an absolute last resort.
I would suggest a combination of options C and A - speaking to a friend and working out the best way to tell her, confronting her together. If she doesn't believe you, you have someone to back you up and explain again in terms she understands. You may not like the idea of "ganging up" on someone and others might think it stinks of cowardice but since you're unsure if telling her has the effect desired, having support might be best. I was actually on the receiving end of this one time; my ex's friend told me first so I came to expect it when my ex came up to me and gave me the reasons for breaking up. Since it seems you're in high school, I can guarantee any fallout will likely not be as bad as you think. Even if she loudly proclaims her displeasure and it'll be embarrassing for a short period, it's worth both of you being better off.
frogoholic101: Facebook should be an absolute last resort.
I would suggest a combination of options C and A - speaking to a friend and working out the best way to tell her, confronting her together. If she doesn't believe you, you have someone to back you up and explain again in terms she understands. You may not like the idea of "ganging up" on someone and others might think it stinks of cowardice but since you're unsure if telling her has the effect desired, having support might be best. I was actually on the receiving end of this one time; my ex's friend told me first so I came to expect it when my ex came up to me and gave me the reasons for breaking up. Since it seems you're in high school, I can guarantee any fallout will likely not be as bad as you think. Even if she loudly proclaims her displeasure and it'll be embarrassing for a short period, it's worth both of you being better off.
Sounds pretty familiar to me, yeah. I actually went through that with a couple of my close friends. Both times, I had reason to believe that interest and opportunity existed years later. The first time, I reevaluated my assessment that the relationship wouldn't work out, asked her out again, and there was more drama and no dice. The second time I stuck to my earlier decision and it was probably for the best. I see reminders that she's interested in me every now and again, but these occur just as often as the reminders that we're different people to the extent that a relationship wouldn't work.
Your statement brings up a few memories which in turn bring out a question I've had. Basically, I'm a senior in college who only had one fleeting experience in high school, tried to get my foot in the door on this whole relationship thing, and been cripplingly unlucky throughout the whole process. I've asked out 12 or so girls from a lot of different walks of life, who had different personalities, and were people I knew with different levels of intimacy. I've learned a lot about myself and other people in the process even though none of the experiences lasted longer than a couple of weeks and I've still only had sex once. The real thing that still gets me is timing.
I've found that the characteristics that make up a better relationship partner for me are the same ones that embody a good best friend. The way I see it, often when I'm really good friends with someone I'm sexually attracted to, sometime after both conditions are filled I become interested in them. My most interesting experiences have certainly come from friendship, and the one sort of natural and fast developing thing I've had happened because we quickly became friends. Maybe this sounds stupid or obvious, but with people, I never know what to expect in terms of values.
Anyway, I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way, and maybe a few of you got dealt a better hand than I did. I found that earlier on, my awkwardness and fear of ruining a friendship kept me from asking someone out until things had more of a chance (sometimes years) to develop. I then got hit with your classic "just want to be friends" scenarios with a bit of crazy drama mixed in just for fun. At this point, I've gotten the hammer enough times to realize A) Rejection doesn't suck as much as I thought it did and I can still maintain these friendships quite well, and B) Maybe I can ask girls out sooner and save myself a lot of time and not let things build up so far as to create drama when the tectonic plate slips. Only this never really panned out for me either. I'd ask girls out who ended up not being right for me and wasting my time, jumping the gun too quickly and not letting a friendship or attraction develop, and creating more awkwardness in my life than I wanted. Plus the confines of a date type structure tended to stop a friendship bond from developing as organically even when it does work out because there's attraction and fear of judgement on both sides confusing everything.
So I guess my question is: going forward, when is the best time in a friendship to think about a relationship or ask someone out? I know how tailored to the person and situation this can be, but a few stories and experiences or some idea of a mean would still be helpful. The question behind the question is if you have a girl who is your friend and she perceives there to be mutual interest, when would they want/expect you to ask them out? I honestly just want to be in a decent place going forward. Right now, there's no one I'm interested in so it's basically waiting for grad school. I'm happy now having constructed a nice independent existence for myself with my close friends, but I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I screw up all of my potential opportunities at grad school and get landed in a drought like this again. It's starting to get to be a bit of pressure, where people expect a certain amount of anecdotal knowledge that could only come from past relationships, and I want to give myself the best chance I can. I want to adopt a strategy that will let me pursue the most opportunities in the most effective way possible. I don't care about getting hurt, and I don't care about getting married either, it's just gotten to the point where I want a worthwhile and enjoyable experience.
Your statement brings up a few memories which in turn bring out a question I've had. Basically, I'm a senior in college who only had one fleeting experience in high school, tried to get my foot in the door on this whole relationship thing, and been cripplingly unlucky throughout the whole process. I've asked out 12 or so girls from a lot of different walks of life, who had different personalities, and were people I knew with different levels of intimacy. I've learned a lot about myself and other people in the process even though none of the experiences lasted longer than a couple of weeks and I've still only had sex once. The real thing that still gets me is timing.
I've found that the characteristics that make up a better relationship partner for me are the same ones that embody a good best friend. The way I see it, often when I'm really good friends with someone I'm sexually attracted to, sometime after both conditions are filled I become interested in them. My most interesting experiences have certainly come from friendship, and the one sort of natural and fast developing thing I've had happened because we quickly became friends. Maybe this sounds stupid or obvious, but with people, I never know what to expect in terms of values.
Anyway, I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way, and maybe a few of you got dealt a better hand than I did. I found that earlier on, my awkwardness and fear of ruining a friendship kept me from asking someone out until things had more of a chance (sometimes years) to develop. I then got hit with your classic "just want to be friends" scenarios with a bit of crazy drama mixed in just for fun. At this point, I've gotten the hammer enough times to realize A) Rejection doesn't suck as much as I thought it did and I can still maintain these friendships quite well, and B) Maybe I can ask girls out sooner and save myself a lot of time and not let things build up so far as to create drama when the tectonic plate slips. Only this never really panned out for me either. I'd ask girls out who ended up not being right for me and wasting my time, jumping the gun too quickly and not letting a friendship or attraction develop, and creating more awkwardness in my life than I wanted. Plus the confines of a date type structure tended to stop a friendship bond from developing as organically even when it does work out because there's attraction and fear of judgement on both sides confusing everything.
So I guess my question is: going forward, when is the best time in a friendship to think about a relationship or ask someone out? I know how tailored to the person and situation this can be, but a few stories and experiences or some idea of a mean would still be helpful. The question behind the question is if you have a girl who is your friend and she perceives there to be mutual interest, when would they want/expect you to ask them out? I honestly just want to be in a decent place going forward. Right now, there's no one I'm interested in so it's basically waiting for grad school. I'm happy now having constructed a nice independent existence for myself with my close friends, but I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I screw up all of my potential opportunities at grad school and get landed in a drought like this again. It's starting to get to be a bit of pressure, where people expect a certain amount of anecdotal knowledge that could only come from past relationships, and I want to give myself the best chance I can. I want to adopt a strategy that will let me pursue the most opportunities in the most effective way possible. I don't care about getting hurt, and I don't care about getting married either, it's just gotten to the point where I want a worthwhile and enjoyable experience.
The moment she texts you nudes, that's when you ask her out!
Okay, all jokes aside. Bro, listen to me. The BEST time doesn't just happen, and you can't just make it happen, simple. If she's showing you mutual interest, MY DUDE!. That's your first big step right there. That goes to show, she's into you, she appreciates the fact that she has a person like you in her life, and if she's talking to you consistently, and you guys just feel that bond. That's saying a lot. But that doesn't mean that, you just ask her out. Bro, you need to make the moment nearly perfect. You start with Baby steps, ask her out on a Date, take her out to eat, talk to her personally, don't ever feel like rushing it. Don't feel like it'll be "To Late". If she fucking cares what you guys have going on, that's YOUR GIRL. Except you guys aren't labeled as BF/GF yet. You get the point ?
Just don't rush it man. Always be confident about it, regardless of the outcome. Don't ever do TO MUCH!. Like i said, Baby steps. Explore, get to really know each other. There's so much to learn and experience, that you guys aren't gonna do it all on a talking process. Even after you get into the Relationship you're still getting to know a person, so it's not something that just works out quick. It's a process all the way. Show her you care! just don't over do it.
Damn bro. I'm sorry to hear that, that's one of the worst things. Falling for a Female friend, believing there was a chance of hope between ya, to then not only get rejected, but she moves on with somebody else. Man, there's somebody out-there for you. Don't ever stop showing you fucking care. Maybe she didn't appreciate you enough to see you cared for her. You were doing the little things for her, she had somebody right in-front of her who was probably willing to move earth and sky just to be with her.
And i understand completely just how hard it was to fall back and just let her be with her life. You did the right thing by respecting her decision and not making anything bad between you guys. It's gonna be hard to maintain a friendship after this, things won't be the same since she has a Boyfriend now, and you're left out. But just make the best out of it, be the bigger person. It's not the end of the world, i personally know what it feels like going through this, i went through this 1 time before and it was the worse. But life goes on, people move on eventually. Goodluck Bro!
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I'm gonna add to this and say I had this experience as well. It sucks, believe me, it really does. But as Navy said, you do move on, even if takes some time. You just gotta look for someone else.
I've experienced both-- the chick friend who turned me down and moved on (which sucked); and the chick friend who said: "FINALLY you're asking me out after going out with/hitting on practically EVERY other girl we know?"
Then I said, "In my defense, you did have a girlfriend of your own for like 8 years, ie. the ENTIRE TIME."
"...just get some condoms, and pick me up at 8."
(which was an unforgettable romance)
ok, it was a lot more sweet in real life, but funnier told this way
Didn't end up with either of them in the end though. lol We were
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here, but there’s something I want to get off my chest.
I went to Laos on a school trip on the 8th for a week earlier this month. During this trip, I fell for someone. She actually used to be a good friend of mine, though we drifted off in the last year or so. During the trip, we became really close friends again and talked a lot about all kinds of things. I started having feelings for her and the way she acted towards me, I had a feeling the feelings were mutual. We got back a week later and hung out over the weekend before school started again. It was great, and my feelings for her continued to develop.
After we got back, she also sent me this long text message, where she sorta explained her feelings to me…she said things like “I want you to know that I am really sorry if I ever led you on. The truth was, I think I liked you” and then saying how she was really confused and it seemed unrealistic. She also said she feels “really strongly about [me], but they are friendly feelings, not romantic”, and then goes on and tells me I’m a really sweet guy and any girl would be lucky to have me, etc. etc. The message consisted of pretty much all compliments and I was pretty flattered when I read it.
We have been back for around two weeks now, and we’ve hung out a couple more times, sometimes with a few others who were also on our trip, sometimes with just the two of us. I was surprised that half the time, she was the one to initiate these hang outs, making me inclined to believe that she at least was sort of interested in me. The problem is, it really hasn’t been that long since we’ve come back, and I feel like we’ve already drifted apart to such an extent that we barely talk. When we first came back, we texted a lot throughout the day, and half the time both of us would get so little sleep at night because we texted hours before we slept. A few days later, we started texting a bit less, because she told me one day that she was getting really sleepy at school, and should save our conversations for the weekends. It sucked, but I agreed to it.
So there are two things I want to clarify…
Judging by what she said in her text message, does that mean she doesn’t like me that way? I find it really strange that she has “strong feelings” for me that are friendly??? I know that’s probably what she means, but I just want to confirm this. Also what is with complimenting me and telling me how sweet I am, and telling me any girl would be lucky to have me when that girl could have been her???
Also, is there any way to stop us from drifting apart/should I even try to make things work? I feel like the last time we hung out, our conversations started to become generic and boring. I don’t know why but I just can’t seem to think of things to talk to her about anymore. We don’t share any classes and I don’t see her at school often at all either. We used to leave class to go to the bathroom, and then come find each other and talk, but that no longer happens. And now our texting is almost nonexistent. I feel like she isn’t making an effort in maintaining our “friendship” or whatever it is, and maybe it would just be better to leave everything we had behind.
I think this is pretty much everything I wanted to say. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, though I really just wanted somewhere to talk about this. Thank you for your time.
I went to Laos on a school trip on the 8th for a week earlier this month. During this trip, I fell for someone. She actually used to be a good friend of mine, though we drifted off in the last year or so. During the trip, we became really close friends again and talked a lot about all kinds of things. I started having feelings for her and the way she acted towards me, I had a feeling the feelings were mutual. We got back a week later and hung out over the weekend before school started again. It was great, and my feelings for her continued to develop.
After we got back, she also sent me this long text message, where she sorta explained her feelings to me…she said things like “I want you to know that I am really sorry if I ever led you on. The truth was, I think I liked you” and then saying how she was really confused and it seemed unrealistic. She also said she feels “really strongly about [me], but they are friendly feelings, not romantic”, and then goes on and tells me I’m a really sweet guy and any girl would be lucky to have me, etc. etc. The message consisted of pretty much all compliments and I was pretty flattered when I read it.
We have been back for around two weeks now, and we’ve hung out a couple more times, sometimes with a few others who were also on our trip, sometimes with just the two of us. I was surprised that half the time, she was the one to initiate these hang outs, making me inclined to believe that she at least was sort of interested in me. The problem is, it really hasn’t been that long since we’ve come back, and I feel like we’ve already drifted apart to such an extent that we barely talk. When we first came back, we texted a lot throughout the day, and half the time both of us would get so little sleep at night because we texted hours before we slept. A few days later, we started texting a bit less, because she told me one day that she was getting really sleepy at school, and should save our conversations for the weekends. It sucked, but I agreed to it.
So there are two things I want to clarify…
Judging by what she said in her text message, does that mean she doesn’t like me that way? I find it really strange that she has “strong feelings” for me that are friendly??? I know that’s probably what she means, but I just want to confirm this. Also what is with complimenting me and telling me how sweet I am, and telling me any girl would be lucky to have me when that girl could have been her???
Also, is there any way to stop us from drifting apart/should I even try to make things work? I feel like the last time we hung out, our conversations started to become generic and boring. I don’t know why but I just can’t seem to think of things to talk to her about anymore. We don’t share any classes and I don’t see her at school often at all either. We used to leave class to go to the bathroom, and then come find each other and talk, but that no longer happens. And now our texting is almost nonexistent. I feel like she isn’t making an effort in maintaining our “friendship” or whatever it is, and maybe it would just be better to leave everything we had behind.
I think this is pretty much everything I wanted to say. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, though I really just wanted somewhere to talk about this. Thank you for your time.
It's totally possible to have strong friendly feelings. I've had the same guy friends for over 8 years, and I absolutely understand what it's like to have strong feelings caused by friendship. Sometimes a person just causes a lot of happiness in you because you know you can do so much together, or you've had a lot of good times in the past. Long term friends tend to care about you more, and have an interest in your well being.
I think it is important to distinguish between when someone makes us feel happy and when we are attracted to them. Being happy with someone and being attracted to them are different things that should be separately considered in our heads, which is especially difficult for males since we seem to have a greater need for physical intimacy. (just litteral closeness, nevermind sex.) In fact, liking a person and being attracted to them at the same time is generally not a very good reason for starting a relationship anyway. Measuring long term compatibility is more important, though some would argue that's what dating is for anyway.
I think it is important to distinguish between when someone makes us feel happy and when we are attracted to them. Being happy with someone and being attracted to them are different things that should be separately considered in our heads, which is especially difficult for males since we seem to have a greater need for physical intimacy. (just litteral closeness, nevermind sex.) In fact, liking a person and being attracted to them at the same time is generally not a very good reason for starting a relationship anyway. Measuring long term compatibility is more important, though some would argue that's what dating is for anyway.
Hi Shiny-- long time no see.
BTW dude, aren't you in College now? Or like a senior/junior in Highschool or something right? Can't remember; but this story reminds me a lot of those you had from years back. From this and the last story you told me I can tell you've grown up a lot, but still very cute. heh
Maybe still a bit too cute?
I mean, "started having feelings for"? "feeling that those feelings were mutual"?
Come on man-- I'd expect that you learn by now that when you "start" something with a girl, it's almost never "feelings" that are on the table first (or even should be on the table). "Feelings" are almost always preceded by "attraction", and that's what you should be trying to establish early on. What you should be trying to read for is not "feelings", and the word "mutual" probably should be nowhere in your mind (that and "reciprocate")-- but outward expressions of "interest". You can't expect her to commit any "feelings" to you; until she's "interested" first.
This sentence is more grown-up, and shows the right attitude for instance. INTEREST-- looking for those cues of potential attraction, and man... Both you and her talking like your 7th graders. Though I might just think this because I grew up in the US; maybe in Hong Kong you guys develop slower on the sex/relationship stuff. Living abroad has taught me that the Japanese and Chinese definitely do!
No girl communicates THIS much with a straight guy without SOMETHING going on there-- unless she's a relative or has a different, strongly established relationship (like you'd buddy's girlfriend for instance). IE. There's DEFINITELY something on the table-- it's all a matter of playing it out the right way (which is the really tricky part). BUT you'll have a much better chance if you man up and act rather than wonder about "feelings."
You don't like being hurt by girls-- they don't like being hurt by guys. No one wants to be pressured into "feeling" anything, it has to come organically.
You should definitely go after her-- but avoid any "emotional" talk. You need to know each other as people before you can as lovers... and also texting obsessively is just bad. If you ever feel like you're dying to get her next text message, you're doing it wrong. If she's dying to get YOUR next text message-- you're doing it right. lol
Less talk, less words, more action my friend. Ask her to get a burger. Go somewhere with context where you can talk about something ELSE.
For instance, if she likes nature, I'd take her to the Hong Kong wetlands park-- lots of scenery, beautiful nature, and I can show off my knowledge of plants and wetland animals. Feelings of "admiration" and "being impressed" are only a hop skip and a jump away from "attraction." This is why Aquarium dates are so popular in Korea/Japan.
practical examples of banter: If she freaks about a big fish, bug, or frog, you can be the "strong man" beside her-- or tease her about it to get her annoyed and slapping you (pumping up the adrenaline, physical contact-- heck, you're stealing for 2nd base already). Inversely, if she's totally unphazed by things like that, you can complement her on it-- "so bad ass that you're cool with things like that", or tease her for being a tom-boy and like-wise get her annoyed and slapping you for that. You can even pretend to be scared shitless yourself, being like "PROTECT ME! LOL" and jump behind her, grabbing her shoulders-- this'll get her laughing and tease you (at the same time making physical contact-- "wow, I never knew he had such man-hands"); either way, she'll be laughing her ass off in SOME shape, which is good. Also spend extra time comically reading descriptions of animal mating rituals or courtship behavior-- get her mind thinking about *stuff* subconsciously.
Point is that a date like that can help you push the right buttons. When you go to a place that has cues for mutual experience like this, there's a lot you can do.
Point is invite her out (not necessarily calling it a date... in fact, don't...), and go DO something that you experience together. Movies are not particularly great initially since you can't talk-- better date for a developed couple.
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