The Power of Grayskull
...vs...
An ornate wooden bookcase, decorated with carvings of cherubs, that will rotate to reveal a secret passage when you press a button concealed among the carvings.
A quiet but lonely evening, Prince Adam was bored. In order to get some quality entertainment, he decided to indulge himself with fine pornography. He typically hid his pole polishing material in a secret room, accessed through a secret passage behind his ornate wooden bookcase, which only contained works of fine poetry and illustrious literature - all much more disposable than what lies beneath. As he pressed the left cherub's slinky winky, a mechanism rotated the bookcase. Adam's animate carbon rod sprung in anticipation of opening the box of new chefs d'oeuvre imported straight from Japan, Earth, but he tapped it gently in order to calm it.
But... what is this? Prince Adam backed two steps, shocked to see the evil Skeletor in his secret room, rubbing his Everest to May 1987's Playboy's centerfold - a classic that should never be touched by profane hands. Listening to his noblest instincts, Adam let the anger subjugate him and in a swift motion, he took out his sword and yelled: BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL... I HAVE THE POWER! As Skeletor suddenly realized what had happened and hastily covered his candy cane, Adam transformed into He-Man in an explosion of lightning.
YOU PROFANATOR!, He-Man yelled. He was going to make him pay for this crime de lèse majesté. But he quickly realized that something was wrong. Skeletor was staring at something behind him, sporting a terrified look on his face. Flames started to run down the stairs of the passage and towards the precious merchandise! He-Man looked behind him and saw that the lightning had put the bookcase on fire. The poor cherubs were already consumed by fierce fire, but that was the least of his concerns. Rushing towards the commercial nude art, he yelled at Skeletor to get the fire extinguisher under the bench. Together they managed to prevent the fire from destroying these inarguably invaluable goods, and then worked their way up to the bookcase. Although they managed to put out the fire, the bookcase was irremediably damaged. Feeling generous, Skeletor proposed to give He-Man one of his numerous ornate bookcases and gave him the number of an excellent repairman to put the secret mechanism back in working order.
Skeletor left with an apology and the Playboy he was studying earlier, which He-Man gave to thank him. After all, he was certainly a connaisseur. Transforming back, Prince Adam then proceeded to devote a geyser to a particularly inspiring tentacle rape panel from a fine work of Hentai.
Winner: The Power of Grayskull